Disclaimer:I do not own CSI :(

AN: Tousand thanks to Rhee for being the best beta reader ever! Also thanks to Myra and Lisa :)

I was not sure what to write about this episode, so I hope that this is okay. To be honest I have only seen the half of PotTR so I hope that I got everything right, usually I always watch the episodes again before I write about them, but I really can't stand LH so I did not want to torture myself.

chapter 26

That guilty expression on his face started to annoy her. He didn't want to talk about it, she could accept that; but the expression on his face revealed that he felt guilty for something. She had been thinking through all the possible scenarios of what might have happened and the more she thought about it the more it worried her. She trusted him but at some point she really couldn't think straight anymore, there was only so much she could take.

He had cooked for her, he hadn't done this in months. At first she had been surprised, now she was suspecting. They hadn't talked a lot during dinner until now, but now she just couldn't stand it anymore.

"What happened?" She asked once again, still calm and trying to not get too paranoid.

He shrugged and didn't answer, he still didn't dare to look at her, leave alone meeting her gaze.

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair, this was frustrating. "Griss, why can't you just talk with me?"

"Because it's not important." He replied softly, poking in the food with his fork.

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, she was not in the mood for an argument, this was what he wanted. Because when they argued it always ended with sex, and when it ended with sex then he wouldn't have to talk anymore. He was hoping that she would forget about it then, and she was intent on not letting him get away with that.

"Did you cheat on me?" She asked straight forward. This would be the worst case scenario, she didn't even want to think about the possibility that it might be true. But she had to ask, she needed to know it.

All facial features slipped off his face. He stared at her, unbelieving, slightly shocked and totally taken aback by her question. "No." He answered shortly but it was enough to let her heartbeat slow down to a normal pace again.

"What is it then?" She continued to ask, once again trying to meet his gaze.

He looked down on his plate and shook his head. "It's not important." He told her once again and this time it really was enough for her.

She threw her napkin on her plate and left her seat. She grabbed the plate and carried it over to the kitchen where she carelessly put it on the kitchen counter. She took a deep breath and told herself to calm down but it did not really work. It drove her insane when he didn't want to talk with her about something, because it meant that it was really something bad or something of which he thought that it might hurt her. And she did not even want to think about the possibility that he might have done something that might hurt her.

He was still sitting at the table, moving around the food on his plate with his fork without bringing it up to his mouth.

She began to wash her plate and then the pan and the pots, it took her at least thirty minutes until she had finished cleaning up the kitchen and even after all this time he was still sitting at the table.

She was willing to give him one more chance. She dried her hands with a towel and then walked over to him. She stopped behind him and softly put her hands on his shoulders. She felt how he tensed under her touch and she bit down on her bottom lip. "Did I do something wrong?" She asked with weak voice, not knowing what else she could do to finally get him to talk with her.

"You didn't do anything wrong." He replied hoarsely. He put his elbows on the table and supported the weight of his head with his hands.

"What is going on here then?" She felt tears rising up in her eyes, she was really getting desperate.

He sighed and left his seat. He turned to her and brushed a strand of hair out of her face and back behind her ear. "I'm just upset about something, but it has nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Did you do something wrong then?" Her hands were shaking, she really didn't know what to think anymore.

"Three years ago, there was this woman... her name is Heather… she…" He paused for a moment, sighed and then slipped his hand over her upper arm. "You will not like this."

"I don't care. I just want to know the truth." She replied softly.

He nodded. "Heather is working as a dominatrix."

Sara felt her chest tighten, he did not sleep with that woman, did he?

She knew that he was trying to read from the expression on her face, he was trying to find out what she was thinking. She tried to not let on her confusion about this but she knew that she failed.

"We met about four years ago while I investigated a case. A year later we met again. When I was at her house to find out more about our case we… we got closer than we should have. She was fascinating me, it was weird. I always tried to be an enigma but she could read me like an opened book and as much as I hated it, I was more and more drawn to her. Then we kissed, but afterwards I backed out. She knew why I backed out and she told me that she knew that it would be my greatest fear to be known, and she was right about that. Then… Then I found out that she has diabetes and we had suspected that our victim had been killed by an insulin overdose. She was arrested and… well later it turned out that it hadn't been her who had killed the victim. I never apologized for suspecting her."

She didn't know what to think, hearing Grissom talk about this woman and his experience with this woman had caused a stabbing pain in her heart, and the fact that this woman had fascinated him had caused cold showers to run down her spine. He paused for a moment and reached out for her hand, but she didn't want him to touch her right now. So she pulled away and sat down on the sofa; close enough to still hear him, far enough away to not be touched.

"Her daughter was one of the victims of our latest case. She offered to help us but played after her own rules. She slept with a suspect to get his DNA sample because she thought it would be faster like that… I felt sorry for her but at the same time I just… I couldn't understand her. I mean of course I would also do everything to find out who did something as perverse like this to my child, but… not on such a level, there are other options." He paused for a while, probably waiting for her to say something. But she didn't know what to say. He sighed and walked over to her. For a second their gazes met and he stopped walking, realizing that she couldn't handle being close to him at the moment.

"Then, then I found her in the desert, with Sneller." He continued. "She had tied him up to the car and was whipping him… I was screaming at her, told her to stop but she didn't. She wanted to kill him. At some point I simply grabbed her whip and tried to take it away from her. She didn't let go of it, so at some point…I pulled her into my arms to calm her down." He bit down on his bottom lip and looked at her with an even more guilty expression.

What, that was it? He had only been holding her in his arms? After that story she had at least expected a confession as horrible as a story about a 'whipping session' which he had extremely enjoyed or something just as worse. Okay, she didn't feel well with the thought of him holding his former 'whatever she had been' in his arms - but she hadn't even been a girlfriend or someone he had had an affair with, so she was just a woman he had kissed and who had also fascinated him - what was still the most bothering part of his whole story.

He now took a seat on the sofa. "Honey I'm sorry, I…" He was shaking, now she started to feel sorry for him.

She slowly slipped her arms around his body and leaned herself against his chest. "Nothing to feel sorry about." She whispered into his ear and gave him a soft smile. "You were taking care of a woman who has just lost her daughter." She continued. "I don't even want to imagine the pain that she must have felt. And well, okay the two of you have a 'past' but… we all have a past, don't we? …I mean just look at us."

He twined his arms around her waist and kissed her on her forehead. "I just…" He didn't know how to continue.

She smirked softly and framed his face with her hands. "Listen, the fact that you told me all this shows me how much I can trust you. And it shows me that you do not fear to be known by me and that proves how much I mean to you. I don't care that you kissed her back then, that doesn't worry me in connection with today's events." She softly traced his cheekbones with her thumbs. "But since you were so honest with me, I should be honest with you too. There is something that worries me and it, well it doesn't make me feel good. I just… need to know if she… Does she still fascinate you?"

"No," He shook his head. "No Honey."

"Do I fascinate you?" She asked and bit down on her bottom lips, when she was honest with herself she had to confess that she was a bit scared of his answer.

"Yes. Like no one else ever could." He gave her a soft smile.

Relieved by his answer she snuggled close against him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Thank you." He whispered softly, letting his hands slip over her back.

"For what?" She asked slightly amused.

"For listening, this really burdened me… somehow. And I was afraid that you… I was afraid of your reaction." He confessed.

She gave him an encouraging smile and then let her lips meet his in a tender kiss. "We all have a past."

He nodded in agreement.

"So as long as you plan to spend your future with me," She whispered. "Without hurting me," She added with a wink. "There is nothing you have to be afraid of."

TBC

I'd really like to know what you thought about this...