Disclaimer: I do not own CSI :(

AN: Thousand thanks to Rhee for being such an amazing beta reader! Last chapter, only the Epilogue left after this one. I hope you'll enjoy reading it.

Chapter 30

Waking up she missed the warm feeling of his body being snuggled against hers. Reaching out with her eyes still closed she ran her hand over the sheets, sighing when she realized that he really wasn't in bed anymore. Damn, she had been looking forward to a nice breakfast in bed together with him.

Then a terrible thought crossed her mind, had the hospital called with bad news about Jim? Grissom usually always waited in bed until she woke up or - when he was in a hurry - woke her up with such tenderness that she couldn't be mad at him.

She sat up and glanced around the room, no he wasn't sitting on the armchair either. She swallowed hard and left the bed with knees like jelly. Slowly she made her way through the hallway, feeling the coolness of the flagstones under the soles of her feet. Usually it always was something she was looking forward to after the often high temperatures in their bedroom, but today it made her shiver.

Eventually she spotted him sitting on a stool with his eyes focused on some papers that were lying on the counter. He was supporting his weight on his one arm while he was scribbling something down on the bottom of one of the pages.

"Hey." She spoke softly so not to startle him.

He winced nevertheless and flipped around the papers so that the blank sides were facing up before he turned to her. "Hey." He replied and forced a smile.

"Everything okay?" She asked, wondering what exactly was on these papers. She was not used to him keeping secrets from her anymore.

"Yeah, everything is fine." He left his seat and stuffed the papers into a folder.

She gave up; she knew he didn't like it when she was too nosy. She gave him a soft smile and walked over to him. Wrapping her arms around him she brushed her lips over his. "Then I am going to believe you." She whispered and then let her forehead lean against his.

His hands slowly traced over her sides and then rested on her shoulder blades. "No you don't."

She shrugged. "I'm going to pretend that I do. It's okay Babe, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I was just changing some things in my files." He told her with such nonchalance that it usually would have made her freak out in such a situation, but today she wouldn't, she knew how stressed out he still was because of what had happened in the last days.

"Oh, okay." She tilted her head to the side and smiled at him.

He rubbed his palms over her back, pressing her closer to his chest. "Do you want some coffee?"

She nodded and brushed some strands of hair back behind her ears. She let her eyes follow him while he made his way into the kitchen and dropped the folder back on the kitchen counter. He took a cup out of the cupboard and filled it with fresh coffee.

She leaned against the kitchen counter with her stomach, her arms supporting her weight. He put the cup down in front of her hands and gave her a soft smile. "I know this is killing you." He said with a soft grin on his lips.

"What?" She raised an eyebrow and took a sip from her coffee.

"To not know what is in this folder." His grin widened.

"Not at all." She shrugged.

"You are a bad liar." He teased and chuckled.

She faked a pouting expression but failed to keep it up because she just couldn't bear down the urge to laugh.

After a moment he became serious again, then reached for the folder and handed it to her. "Here, I need you to sign some of these anyways."

Okay, now she definitely didn't know what to think. What was in there? She could simply open the folder and read the papers, but on the other hand...

"Don't worry, it's okay." He gave her an encouraging smile and circled the counter so that it did not separate them any longer.

She hesitated for a moment, but then slowly opened it. The first three pages were handwritten and each was entitled with the words 'Testament of Gil A. Grissom; 5/20/06'. She swallowed hard and looked up to meet his gaze.

"Nothing to be worried about, I just didn't want to leave you behind with any unfinished business if I should die all of a sudden." He shrugged.

"The mere thought of that makes me cry." She felt how her hands started to shake and she closed her eyes for a second to swallow the tears.

She could hear him sigh and then he leaned closer against her. "Honey this is just… I don't plan to leave this world yet." He ran his hand over her upper arm and then pulled her into his embrace.

She leaned her head down on his shoulder, even though the position was a bit uncomfortable, this simply was the most comfort to her. "Just the thought of loosing you makes me… I…"

"Don't think about it Honey." He kissed her gently on the top of her head. "I just wanted to make sure that you would be the recipient in case of my death."

She sighed softly; she didn't want to imagine a life without him. She wouldn't know how to live on if he wouldn't be there anymore.

"I need you to sign these." He loosened his hold around her body and reached for the folder.

"What's that?" She wiped the back of her hands over her eyes to dry them.

"I want you to be the one who's holding the power of attorney in case I shouldn't be able to make my own decisions anymore." He told her softly while he framed her face with his one hand and caressed her cheek with his thumb.

She gasped. She didn't know if she could do that. She couldn't make such a decision, she couldn't decide over his life. "I…"

"I don't plan to get injured anytime soon either, Honey." He gave her a soft smile.

"That's not it." She swallowed hard. "I just don't think that I could do that." She confessed hoping to not disappoint him. He was trusting her so much that he wanted her to decide over his life in an emergency and she simply told him that she didn't think that she could do it.

"I know you would make the right decision." He told her with loving voice. "I trust you and I wouldn't ask you to do it if I wasn't sure that you could handle it."

She sighed and snuggled against his chest. "I don't think I could ever stand it to…" She began to shake again.

He tightened his grasp around her and kissed her cheek. "I love you and… Honey I never trusted anyone as much as I trust you. We are living together and we love each other, no one knows me the way that you do. I don't want someone who almost doesn't know me to make decisions about my life. You know me better than I know myself and since we're not married my mother would be asked to make the decisions. But she wouldn't be able to come here and communicating with her over the phone is impossible. So she would need an interpreter and she probably would not really understand everything; and in fact she doesn't know anything about my thoughts about life and death."

"I don't know them either." She confessed, even though confessing that she did not know him as well as he thought she would kind of hurt.

"Of course you do." He whispered softly into her ear.

"I only know that you would want to have enough time to say goodbye." She replied with shaking voice.

"And that is all you need to know Honey." He caressed her back and brushed his lips over her cheek. "Listen to your heart."

She closed her eyes and leaned into his embrace. "I love you so much." She whispered. "I…"

"It's okay Honey." He held her tight to him while he put the folder back on the counter. "If you really feel that you could not handle it then it's okay."

"If it would have been you instead of Jim, would you have wanted me to decide to go ahead with the surgery?" She asked still unsure.

"What do you think?"

"I would have done everything to save your life, so I think I would have decided to go ahead with the surgery." She tried to meet his gaze.

"You would have done the right thing." He gave her a gentle smile and kissed her. "See, you know what I want."

"Yeah but…" She wanted to protest but was cut off by another kiss.

When he pulled away from her he slightly shook his head. "No buts this time Honey." He brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "I trust you."

She nodded softly, then pulled away from him and reached for the pen. "So show me where I need to sign these."

He let is hand rest on the small of her back while he showed her where to sign the papers. When she had done so she handed him the pen and returned his smile.

"Who has your power of attorney?" He asked after a moment.

"Oh, I don't have a power of attorney." She replied a bit too confident for his taste.

He threw an asking and at the same time shocked look at her. "But you should, you…"

She gave him a gentle smile and caressed his cheek. "I have an advance directive. No life prolonging actions for me. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with tubes in my throat and needles in my arms. End it when it's obviously supposed to be over."

He really seemed to be shocked, or at very least surprised by her answer. "But why would you have decided to go for the surgery then?"

"Because that is what you would have wanted." She shrugged.

For a while they just looked at each other, then he slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her affectionately. When he pulled away from her he became serious again. "Let's change the subject Honey, I really don't think I can stand imagining my life without you any longer."

"That's a good idea." Her mood lightened up. "So, since you just mentioned her, when am I going to meet your mother?"

TBC