Forgiveness

The words cut through Dean's heart. He felt Sam's finger tap him on the shoulder before taking his arm and leading him outside.

"Hey Lauren, I'll be out back if you need anything," Sam called when they neared the door.

"Thanks Sam!" she called back.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked, irritated as he shook Sam's hand from his arm.

"We need to talk," Sam said, then motioned to a bench on the back patio.

Dean remained standing, "I don't really feel like talking."

"Well, at least listen to what I have to say. You don't have to talk at all, ok?"

One look at his brother's face and Dean knew that he wasn't getting out of it. He dropped onto the bench. "Angel didn't mean what she said," Sam began. "She doesn't know you. All she knows is she sees you treating her mom badly. It's got to stop Dean! The past is the past, what matters is now."

"Sam, there's a lot more going on here than you know," Dean replied.

"No there's not. I see you come over here every day. You hang out with me, you try to talk to Angel or make some kind of connection, but you're ice cold to Lauren. And every day after you leave, once Angel is in bed, Lauren locks herself up in her room and won't come out. I finally forced her to talk to me Dean. I know you're Angel's father."

Dean was only semi-surprised. "I can't be a dad to her; I'll ruin everything. I don't have the first clue about raising kids."

"Are you kidding me?" Sam said. "Come on Dean, think about it. You raised me, and I didn't turn out so bad."

"That's debatable," Dean smiled, albeit a forced smile.

"Look, I know what you did for me growing up. You tried to shelter me as much as you could, keep me innocent to all the things you and Dad did until I was too old for you to be able to hide it anymore. It took me a long time to understand why you didn't want normal. But you never knew normal. I knew a little bit of normal, because of you. You were more of a father to me than Dad ever was Dean. I know that now. I guess it took being here and seeing all this to really realize it. I know I should have said this a long time ago, but thank you Dean, for everything," Sam said finally.

"Oh God, do we have to hug again?" Dean moaned.

"Hey, you'd better get used to hugs, because that little girl in there LOVES to hug," Sam replied.

"She does?" Dean asked, his eyes lighting up briefly for a moment.

"Yeah, but I'm sure you can break her of it," Sam joked. "Listen, about Lauren,"

"Sammy don't."

"Hear me out. She's amazing Dean. I mean, you knew that all along, but you just can't see it now. I remember when we all used to hang out together almost every weekend. How many arguments did you and I get into, and I would just storm off and take a walk?"

"And she always followed you," Dean reminded him. "I think you did that crap on purpose to get her attention."

"She hates it when people fight Dean. She'd track me down, force me to talk, I'd plead my case on why you were such a jerk, and she would just listen. Sometimes she would defend you or try to explain your side, but most of all, she just listened. And in the end, she always reminded me that family is the most important thing. We can be mad all we want, but to make sure that we didn't sleep on it, because tomorrow's never promised."

"Yeah, she always was a softy like that," Dean remembered.

"But she's right Dean. In our work, we see people die before their time, families left behind to pick up the pieces with things left unsaid, anger and resentment. We've seen what that can do to people first hand. You've got to let this go Dean. You've got to find a way to forgive her for this or it's just going to consume you."

"Why should I Sam? She walked out on me without a word; she kept my kid from me! Do you know the demon came for Angel when she was six months old? Dad saved them. It should have been me!" Dean said, the anger raw again now.

"Dean, you were what, 22 years old at that point? What would you have done? Do you really think you could have handled that? All three of you probably would have died that night! I know you don't agree with what Lauren did, or Dad. But look at that little girl in there Dean. She's had all the love she can handle because Lauren loved her enough for both of you. She loved her enough to keep her safe and try to make sure she wasn't a target. She loved you enough to protect you. It cost her everything she cared about, but she did it anyway, for her family, and ours. She's done nothing but be good to you since you got back. She hasn't tried to plead her case, she's taken every last piece of crap you've handed her, and said nothing. I'm not saying you have to love her Dean. Just try to find a way to forgive her, for Angel's sake," Sam concluded.

Dean sighed; he knew Sam was right. The brothers stayed there quietly for a few minutes, and then Angel came bounding out the door. "Push me on the swing Sam? Oh, hi Dean," she said.

Lauren looked on through the screen. "I need to talk to your Mom," Sam said. "Maybe Dean could push you."

Angel took Dean's hand, trying to pull him off the bench. "Please!" she said. Dean found an unexpected chuckle escape his lips as he got up to follow Angel to the swing set, realizing that she had taken a lesson to heart and already let go of what he'd done to her mother.

Lauren stepped out onto the porch, eyes glistening. "Thanks Sam," she said. "You didn't have to do that. I appreciate it."

Sam just smiled at her. "Every word of it was true Lauren. You've done an amazing job with her. It can't have been easy. I don't know where you get your strength."

"I get it from her," she smiled as she looked at Angel. "And people like you." She hugged him then.

Dean looked back from Angel toward the back door of the house and saw Sam and Lauren in an embrace and, for just a moment, he was jealous.

Later on, he told Lauren he was ready to tell Angel the truth. He told her first that Sam was his uncle.

Angel gave Sam a huge hug at that news. Then she said, "If you're my uncle and that other man is my grandfather…." she turned and looked at Dean, "Does that mean you're my father?"

Dean gulped in surprise, "Yes Angel, I am your dad."

Angel looked at Lauren, "This is the lie you told Dean that made him mad at you?"

"Yes Angel," Lauren answered. "I'm sorry. I really did think he was dead. But when I found out he was alive, I wanted to make sure he was ready before I told you the truth. I'm sorry I've kept it from you."

Angel reflected a moment, then looked at Dean. "You can be my dad if you promise to be nice to my mom."

Dean swallowed hard, then said, "I can promise to try harder, ok?"

"Ok," Angel said.

For the next couple of weeks, Dean came by every day; spending time with Angel, forcing himself to kiss every scrape and hug every hurt, and covering how foreign it felt to him and how much it scared him. Sam stayed around, mostly because Dean refused to let him leave, but happy for a break from the hunt. Dean tried hard to be civil to Lauren, but he still couldn't sit down and have a normal conversation with her. He thought a lot about what Sam had said to him, trying hard to understand WHY Lauren and his father had made the decisions they had. He couldn't have imagined carrying that kind of weight, trying to decide between staying with someone you love or protecting them by leaving. He realized that his father had made the same decision several times, leaving the boys when he felt things were getting too dangerous.

One night he asked Lauren if he could be the one to tuck Angel in. He was about to walk into her room when he heard her finishing her prayers. "Thank you for my family and for keeping them safe. Bless Mom and Dad, Uncle Sam, and Papa John. Amen."

Dean smiled at this and waited outside her door another half second so as not to let on that he'd heard her. He poked his head in the room and asked if he could come in. She said ok, climbing in to bed and perfecting the row of stuffed friends along the top of her headboard, plucking down a unicorn for tonight's cuddle fest.

"Your mom said that I could tuck you in tonight if that's ok."

"Sure."

He snuggled the bed sheets around her, making sure she was cozy and warm. "That ok sweetheart?" he asked.

"Perfect," she said. She looked up at him thoughtfully for a moment before sitting up again. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Dean's chest, squeezing him tight before giving him a kiss. "Goodnight Daddy," she smiled before laying her head down on the pillow and closing her eyes. It was the first time she had called him that. He let the tears come as she drifted off to sleep. He sat in her room for a long time, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest as she slept peacefully. Eventually, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight Angel," he said.

He walked into the main house, realizing how late it was when he saw the door to the room Sam slept in shut. He must have already gone to bed. It struck him that Sam hadn't had any nightmares since they'd gotten to Tampa. He walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water before heading back to the hotel. Lauren was leaning up against the counter, finishing a beer.

"Angel alright?" she asked.

"Amazing," he answered. "She called me daddy!"

Lauren smiled sadly, discarding the empty bottle before walking toward the kitchen door to leave the room. She started to walk past Dean, then hesitated, looking up at him for a moment. Cautiously, she let her head lay on his shoulder, placing one of her hands in his, expecting him to pull away but he didn't. He felt the tears on his shirt as she whispered, "I'm sorry Dean." He breathed deeply, caught up in everything that had happened. He finally understood that she'd had no other choice. He wrapped his free arm around her shoulders, leaning his chin on her head. "No, I'm sorry. You made the right decision," he said softly.

She looked up at him then, her eyes searching his, trying to get a read on what he was thinking. "I missed you soooo much," she said finally. He reached down, taking her face in both of his hands then, kissing her softly before murmuring, "I'm sorry I haven't told you every day since I found you again that I still love you." He kissed her again, more deeply this time, before leading her into the bedroom. Dean gave up the fight and allowed himself to feel what he had somehow known had been there all along. This transcended sex; it was love, respect, loyalty and a freedom he had never fully known until now. This was a freedom to truly be himself, no walls, and no barriers hiding his heart. Lauren knew every inch of him, inside and out, and loved him anyway.

Dean never made it back to the motel that night, or any other. He knew where he belonged. For the first time in his life he was truly happy. Lauren would fall asleep contentedly in his arms each night. And Dean would fight the dread he felt, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because Dean Winchester knew, deep in his heart, that he wasn't meant to be happy.

Normal

Despite Dean's doubts and fears, life became rather idyllic. Angel's personality reminded him how alike he and Lauren were in so many ways. Angel was a perfect mix of both of them, seeming to get the best (and some of the worst) qualities of each of her parents. She had the same sarcastic wit as they did and took great joy in trying to leave them speechless. She and Sam were constantly thinking of new pranks to play on the "grownups", and the house was always filled with laughter. Dean and Lauren were closer than ever, almost like they had picked up where they'd left off, knowing all of each other's faults and strengths.

John even called about once a week from a pay phone somewhere, long enough to say hi to the boys and Lauren, but spending most of his short calls chatting up Angel, who went on and on about "Papa" after they'd hung up.

Neither Sam nor Angel had any visions and Sam's nightmares were a thing of the past. As the weeks passed, Sam became convinced that the demon had come after them because they were closing in on him. He felt sure BigBad would leave them alone so long as they'd stop hunting him. John agreed to give up the hunt, saying Angel was more important and not able to defend herself. Dean didn't like leaving that thing out there, but with everything going so well, he was more interested in keeping his family safe than aggravating a demon that seemed content to leave them alone.

Lauren went back to work and after the first week decided that it was ridiculous to avoid the stairwells. She still had a hard time when she'd get to the area where she'd been attacked, but felt it better to "face her demons", funny how the little things sound so different now, than to run around scared forever. She made it a point to leave the office daily via that stairwell, knowing that was the only way to get past it.

Dean became concerned about providing for his family, but Lauren insisted that the house was paid off thanks to smart planning and a few investments she'd made, so her salary more than covered her truck payment and anything else they needed.

"Besides," she kidded him, "if you're at work all day, you'll miss Oprah!"

"Sammy!" Dean yelled at his brother.

When Dean pushed the issue, she reminded him that she was saving money on daycare since Dean could be home with Angel while she worked and that there were enough bars and pubs in Tampa that he could make the rounds hustling pool now and then without anyone being the wiser. She knew how much he enjoyed it and it gave him a chance to feel like he was doing something to contribute, along with building a relationship with his daughter while Lauren and Sam were gone during the day.

Sam applied and was accepted to Stetson Law School and began to take classes there since it wasn't far from where Lauren lived. He'd thought about getting his own place, but when he'd mentioned it, Angel fainted straight away on the carpet in the living room, causing Sam and Dean both to panic until she couldn't hold in her laughter anymore and Sam promised to live with them while he was still in school. Lauren had seen Angel pull that same stunt more times than she cared to remember and the looks on Sam and Dean's faces were enough to make her nearly fall off the couch from laughing so hard.

Dean and Angel got to be so close they could sometimes finish each other's sentences. Angel brought out a more loving side of Dean. He grinned like a little kid whenever she called him Daddy and it was all Sam could do not to give him crap about it. That ended on the fateful day that Dean had just finished mowing the lawn when Lauren got in from work and the first words he said to her were, "How was your day honey?" Sam laughed until the tears came before he could speak.

"Doesn't this freak you out?" Sam asked.

"What?" asked Dean.

"Oh the manicured lawns, the how was your day honey, doesn't it make you just want to blow your brains out?" Sam mimicked one of Dean's complaints about a suburban neighborhood they had once done a job in. Lauren missed the joke and Dean hurled his sweaty, grass-stained shirt at Sam in protest.

One day, Lauren told Dean all about Angel's school and how well she had done in kindergarten the year before. She would be starting first grade in a couple of weeks and Dean was unusually quiet as Lauren recited all of the accolades of the local elementary school. "What is it?" she finally asked.

"She can't go to school, Lauren," Dean said.

"What do you mean she can't go to school?" Lauren replied.

"It's too dangerous, I can't protect her there," he said matter-of-factly.

"Dean, I didn't sacrifice everything for it to come to this. I'm not going to put her through that life," Lauren began.

"I could home-school her," Dean suggested.

"Doing any better in math these days?" she chided him.

"Laugh it up," he said. "Sam could help on the days he doesn't have class," he tried to sound convincing.

But Lauren put her foot down about this one and there was no changing her mind. There was no sign that the demon was still after them and they had been separated enough times that if he'd wanted to make his move, he would have been able to.

On a chilly day that winter, a surprised Dean woke up to find himself in an empty bed. His aching head reminded him that he might have had one too many beers the night before. That explained why he never felt Lauren get up. Usually, he knew every time she slipped out of bed to get a glass of water or get ready for work.

He walked into the kitchen and found fresh coffee, looking skyward with a quiet, "Thank you." He was surprised to find no noise in the house. It was the weekend. Angel should have pounced on me by now and where are Lauren and Sam? Probably just went out to breakfast to let me sleep this off. He was startled by a sudden vibration coming from the kitchen table and Angel's voice saying, "Daddy, pick up the phone, it's me!" What the hell? He looked over and saw his cell phone sliding across the table and realized Lauren had snuck a surprise onto it for him. He smiled broadly and picked up the phone. "Hello?" he said.

"Is this Dean Winchester?" Angel asked, trying hard to sound like an adult.

"Yes, yes, it is," he replied. "Who's this?"

"Um, this is Officer Johnson with the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Department; would you please come outside?"

Dean tried hard not to let on that he knew it was her. He stifled a chuckle and said, "Is there a problem officer?"

"Yes sir, it seems someone has crashed your car into the neighbor's house. We need to see you immediately. Please step outside," she said. He could hear Sam and Lauren feeding her lines in a hushed whisper.

"Yes sir, I'll be right out," he said.

"I'm not a sir, I'm a ma'am!" Angel half-yelled, a little offended, then recovered her voice. "Just come on out and there won't be any trouble."

Dean walked out the front door to find a huge red ribbon on the Impala.

"Happy Birthday Daddy!" Angel said, grabbing him into a hug around the waist.

"Thanks sweetheart!" he said. It had been so long since he'd celebrated a birthday that he'd pretty much forgotten when it was himself.

"Happy Birthday honey!" Lauren said as she walked up to greet him.

"Wow, a car!" Dean said sarcastically, "and it looks just like my other one!"

"Shut up smartass," Lauren chided.

"Mom!" Angel scolded.

"Sorry!" Lauren said. "Get in," she instructed Dean.

He sat in the car, not immediately noticing anything different. "I'm in," he said, a little confused.

"Look at the stereo silly!" Angel said from outside his door.

To his surprise, Dean saw a brand new stereo in his beloved Impala's dashboard. "But," he began.

"Now, don't freak out," Lauren said. "Turn on the ignition."

Dean did as he was instructed; still pretty peeved that they had pulled out his cassette deck. Now he'd have to get CDs and…

He looked on in amazement as the stereo's LCD display lit up with Welcome Dean. "What the…?" he started to say. As the stereo switched into Aux mode, he saw another message and remembered the stereo Lauren had in her truck and that the screens were customizable. This said simply, Metallicar, but she'd found a cool graphic font that looked like the Master of Puppets Metallica logo. He grinned a little bit then, casting a side glance at Lauren as she sat in the passenger seat and winked back at him. He glanced down and noticed a little wire coming from under the dashboard running to a small, black box sitting in its own holder in easy reach. "An iPod," he said, remembering. He grimaced a little.

"Before you say anything, don't worry. All your music is already on here and I'll teach you how to use it. Look, I even made a playlist with all your favorite songs on it so you can just hit a couple of buttons and have HOURS of music without having to worry about changing tapes or anything. And I replaced the speakers so you can crank it as loud as you want. Lifetime Warranty, even if you blow the speakers out."

He had the stupidest grin Sam had ever seen on his face at this point. Dean got out of the car then and Sam pulled him into a hug before he could resist, "Happy Birthday brother, you deserve it."

Dean looked up at Sam. When did he get so much taller than me? He saw the slight sadness in his brother's eyes. Sam put his hand up, "No chick flick moments."

"No, really man, I know this is…" Dean started to say.

"Look, Jess would want me to be happy. She wouldn't want me to feel like I couldn't help you celebrate your birthday because it happened to fall on the same day as hers. Let's go inside," he said. "I'm starving."

Later that evening, after Angel had gone to bed, Lauren came out of the bathroom and found Dean putting his wallet on the dresser before climbing in to bed. For a few weeks now, she had noticed he was a little antsy. She asked him about it, and he said it was nothing, but she knew him better than to believe it. "You miss the hunt, don't you?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind him as he stood in front of her.

He hesitated a moment. "I'm not doing anything to bring that demon back down on this family," he said resolutely.

"There are other hunts," she reminded him.

Dean sighed. "It scares me sometimes," he said.

"What?"

He turned to face her. "Just how well you know me," he smiled.

"Dean, you spent your whole life saving people from horrible things. Hunting is what you do best. It gave you a purpose, it made you feel needed, important. I never expected you to stay out of the life completely. Maybe we can find a healthy balance," Lauren smiled knowingly.

"What do you mean?" he asked curiously.

"Maybe you could find something you could knock out in a weekend, be back in time for me to leave for work on Monday mornings and you can take Angel to school. But not EVERY weekend," she said sternly, putting on her best 'scolding' face.

"God, I love you, you know that?" he said, smiling at her.

"Yeah, but you don't deserve me," she retorted, playfully flipping her hair as she turned her back on him to get into their bed.

He lay down next to her and said, "I can try," with a wink, kissing her gently.

"I'll let you give it a shot," she smiled back at him. "Time to prove yourself tiger!" she giggled while turning out the light.

A couple of months later, Lauren's birthday rolled around and Dean asked Sam to watch Angel so that he could take her out to a nice dinner. She got out of the shower to find him in a suit and tie and stared at him disbelieving. "Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" she asked.

"I just want tonight to be special. It's a nice restaurant and I thought you'd enjoy getting dressed up with me," he said.

"As long as I get to undress you later," she smiled, slipping her finger between buttons on his shirt to touch his bare chest underneath.

"Deal," he grinned back at her.

They drove to a little restaurant on the other side of town and as soon as she handed her coat to the gentleman at the door and looked around, she looked back at him, smiling broadly. "Dean, it's just like…"

"I know; that's why we're here," he said. "I hunted high and low for a place that would remind you of that restaurant you loved so much."

"Oh, sweetheart, thank you!" her nose wrinkled and her eyes lit up as she kissed his cheek.

"Anything to see that smile," he said.

They had a wonderful dinner and dessert, and to Lauren's surprise, Dean even ordered champagne. Afterward, they took a walk through the garden area behind the restaurant. There were flowers up and down each aisle and beautiful statues and fountains dotting the landscape that bordered a small inlet from the Bay. Lauren paused in a gazebo overlooking the water and gazed out at its shining surface.

"What do you think?" Dean asked, his eyes focused on hers, gauging her reaction as she took it all in.

"Why Dean Winchester," she said in the best southern drawl she could manage, pretending to fan herself. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a true romantic at heart!" Letting her voice go back to its normal tone she said, "It's beautiful Dean; I just love it. You know how I feel about the water."

He stared at her then; her face silhouetted by the moonlight. He took a deep breath and said, "OK, I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes."

Lauren closed her eyes and was a little startled when she heard a sharp creaking noise from where Dean was standing. "Ok, you can open them now," Dean said.

Dean took her left hand as she opened her eyes, and she found him on one knee, an open ring box in his hand and eyes wet with tears. "I wanted to do this years ago, but I never got the chance." He gulped, the words coming hard. Nothing he could say seemed like it would be good enough. He slipped the ring onto the tip of its intended finger and poised it there, waiting. He finally decided simple would be the best. "Lauren, I love you. Will you marry me?"