A/n: I uploaded this fic on gurabite a few months ago, and I never shared it here. So I figured I'd do the same here. Enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of the characters. They are all property of Murakami-sensei, and believe me, if I owned Eiri-san I'd do dirty things to him in the closet. Okay. Finished.
Rating: T for language
Koi wa shian no hoka. (Love is without reason.)
I found myself staring down at the still body of the young man whom I share my life with. I cannot move, I cannot speak. There is no euphemism for this. He is dead; and it was I who killed him. No, not physically killed, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I have killed his spirits; I have shattered his heart, and shattered his ambitions. I have smashed everything he once was.
He is now replaced by shell of a person. He no longer calls out my name in greeting. He no longer embraces me when he returns home. He no longer gives me soft smiles. All I get now are cold glares and the door slamming. Did I do this to him? Am I the reason he is vacant?
But I must hold up my cold façade. He loves me because of that. But what if I falter for the merest moment and ask him to hold me for once? Would he no longer be interested if I was kind to him? If I were to be gentle, would he run away?
It is night. It is night and it is cold. So very, very cold. I no longer want to move. I can feel my body shivering from the sudden drop in temperature. I jump and gasp as I feel an arm encircle my shaking form.
It's him.
His expression hasn't changed. The dark eyes are still there; his cheeks are flushed from the cold. But his eyes are showing a light that I thought I would never be witness to again. I stare at him, not moving, not breathing, and not blinking.
I open my mouth to say something, but I am stopped. He places a cold finger gently over my lips and utters one word.
"Don't."
I look at him, trying to hold back the angry surge of emotion welling in my throat. I reach out, brushing the very tips of my fingers against his skin. He tightens his arm, reaching around with the other to pull me tightly against him. I start to shake again, whether it was from fear or cold, I don't recall.
I was scared to be in his embrace, for fear of him pushing me aside again. He did no such thing. He pulled me as tight against him as he could. I relaxed, though my mind was still racing. I buried my head lightly in his neck, wrapping both arms around his waist—I found myself shaking harder this time.
I whispered ever so slowly, terrified I would scare him away, "Aishiteru yo, Shu-chan…"
He stood up, pushing me back.
"Why are you telling me this now? To make me your littlefucktoyagain? Don't tell me something that isn't true. You've lied to me enough! You made me think that in some little way, there was the tiniest chance that you cared. Made me think I was important to you. I believed you, you know. I believed every word you said. You tell me you love me, it's a lie. I don't care about you anymore. So just walk away. Get out of my life!"
He yelled. Each phrase pierced my icy heart again and again.
I turned to leave. I managed to get a few steps ahead before I turned around, pulling him quickly into a tight embrace. "I can't. I can't do that." I said.
"I tried, Shuichi. I tried. But I can't." I repeated, my arms tightening around his stiff body. I could feel the tension in his muscles. He was twitching, twitching as if my touch disgusted him.
He finally began to loosen up a little. "Yuki…" he repeated, and I heard the emotion return to his voice.
"YUKI!" he cried again, suddenly being snapped out of his emotion-induced coma. He launched himself on me, burying his head in my neck. He knocked me to the ground, shaking with pent up sobs.
"Yukiiiiii…" he wailed, hiccupping every now and then. I allowed a small smile of amusement to grace my lips before returning to normalcy as I gently stroked his back to calm him.
I made to push him off slightly, "Stop crying, idiot. You're getting my shirt wet, and I don't want it ruined because of your tears." I said nothing but affection in my voice.
"I'm sorry…" he murmured, still sniffling lightly. I grinned again.
"Brat. If you have to apologize for something that you didn't do, it makes you look even more stupid than you already do."
He looked up at me, his amethyst eyes shining with unshed tears. There were no words to describe those eyes of his except pure beauty. He blinked slightly, and then his lips curled into an indignant smile.
"Yukiii! You're such a bastard!" he stuck his tongue out at me, and then let go of me, bounding across the room towards the door.
"Where are you going, brat?" I asked, following him.
"Yukiiii! I'm trying to storm out angrily! It doesn't work if you follow me!" He glared at me with those eyes of his. All I could do was laugh. He really was naïve.
"Maybe you should try being angry before you storm out, moron." I smirked, leaning against the wall as I reached into my pocket, pulling out a cigarette and my lighter.
I took a long drag of my cigarette and then turned around, "Well, if you're done being an emotionless little brat for a month, I'm going to work." I turned again, and wandered off to my study.
A few seconds later, what I had said sunk into the kid's head. "YUKIIIIIIIIIII! Don't leave me out here all by myself!"
"Idiot." I shook my head, and sighed.
Neither of us will be getting much sleep tonight.
A/n: Mhmm. Constructive criticism is welcome. Please do not flame, or I will cry. nn Kidding.