Viva Forever
Yes, it is named after a Spice Girls song
Chapter 3 – Alex
I'm sitting in the computer lab for lunch. I'd rather spend my penniless hours of stomach rumbling away from food. I click on my in box again. Lunch is almost over. Sure I'm hungry, but it's not like I've never been hungry before. I know I can eat at work tonight. That's one of the best things about that job, they never notice the loss of a little food. I'll enjoy that junk food as much as anybody can enjoy junk food. The hungrier you are, the better the food, right? I am going to ration my next pay check better. Then I'll be able to afford all the crappy cafeteria food I could possibly want. How exciting. What a joke. I bet I'm the only senior not eating lunch right now. I try to ignore my stomach pain. I have a new message in my in box, it's titled "Degrassi Girls Gone Wild". I hear the door open, and a new set of voices. I look up to see people who have class in the computer lab are coming in. Class is goin to start in just a few minutes, I need to go. I wanna see what this Degrassi Girls Gone Wild thing is first.
I click on the message, and a video clip pops up. It's Manny Santos in a red spaghetti strap dress. I know of her but I don't really know her. Paige has had more than enough to say about Manny though, so in a way I guess I kind of know her. I've talked to her before, briefly. She didn't look like this then though, here she looks drunk, and she sounds drunk. Believe me, I know when people are drunk. She's talking about how she's going to be an award winning actress, about how she's going to be-. Woah. Manny's tits are in my inbox. This is something I so didn't need to see. I can't help but laugh though. It's just too ironic. She wanted to be famous, and now she is definitely going to be famous here at Degrassi. She's going to be a famous slut queen.
I'm still laughing at it. I need to get to class, seriously. I close out the clip, but I can still here the phrase "You can sell this for a million dollars because I'm going to be famous!". It's in surround sound. The clip is being played by most everyone in this class. Most people's reaction isn't any different than mine. They're laughing, because it's funny. Fame she wanted, and fame she gets. You really should be careful what you wish for.
The news didn't actually spread to everyone till around my last class. With the final bell ringing, and the shuffle of people heading into the halls - Manny Santos' breasts are the talk of the school. Gossip is pathetic in a way. It isn't that exciting. So, some stupid teen girl got drunk and had an encounter with a camera. We all already knew Manny was a slut, it's not a big change. Just shut up about it already, you know?
I've got my hands in my pockets and I'm taking my time on leaving. I'm not looking forward to getting home. My mom promised she would go down town and get a restraining order on Dave today. I just know she didn't do it, he'll probably be at the apartment when I get home. And even though it's early in the day they are probably both drunk. Maybe they're even already trying to rip each other's eyes out. Maybe they'll just wait until I'm there to witness it again. Yeah, great fun that's gonna be. I think I'll take the scenic route.
Degrassi's star herself is sitting on a bench just outside of the gym, right in front of me. She's in her little spirit squad outfit. I'm not joking, cheer leader is just another word for slut, I swear it. No one could ever convince me to wear a stupid get-up like that. Ever. It's degrading. It's just asking men to see you as an object. To use you. Fuck that.
"Can I have an autograph from Degrassi's very first B-porno star?" I tease her with an impression of a fan. She wanted to be famous, right? The sarcasm of my sincerity is truly beautiful, and it has the desired effect. She glares up at me through glistening eyes. Poor porn star is gonna cry, now, awww. I smirk.
"I-" She starts to say something in her defense, but her voice cracks. It dawns on me that she looks like a puppy who can't find her owner. She looks lost, dazed, and confused. I can't say I feel sorry for her, because I really don't. She made the choice to put her boobs on tape. She made the wrong choice, now she's going to have to deal. It happens to all of us. Well, maybe not the boobs on tape, but shitty stuff. She's just lucky she had the choice to begin with, most of the shit that rains on me is other people's choices. Like my mom's choices.
I don't wait for her to give me her sob story. I don't need it. She's young, she was drunk, blah-di-blah-blah. It sucks that it got aired all over her school, yeah true. That's a real downer, it is, but I've got my own shit to deal with. I've got more sob stories than she'll ever have, and I'm not sharing them with anybody. I walk down the steps of degrassi, and a side conversation catches my attention. A couple of jack-asses are making lude remarks about her. The phrase 'Tap that ass' is in there. I can't help it, this just ticks me off. The burst of anger is almost unexplainable, after all I don't really care about her. Seriously though, the girl is in there crying and they're out here talking about wanting to hump her. Fuck that. She's not some object meant for their amusement. They need someone to teach them a lesson.
I approach their conversation without pause. I'm not really thinking about what I'm doing, I'm just acting on a whim. I swing on the closest guy and my fist makes contact with his jaw. I hurt my knuckles, but not nearly as bad as I hurt his shit-talking face. He was caught completely off guard and falls over. He goes rolling down the last couple steps. I swing on the other guy too, but he deflects my fist with his forearm. Before I have another chance to swing on him, he's running up the the steps and away from me. Pussy. He's running from a girl. The one on the ground is getting up, cradling his jaw in his hand. I shouldn't have done that. I guess I'm more upset with Dave than I thought I was.
"What the fuck did you do that for, eh?" He asks me, he sounds confused. He's not aggressive at all, like I expected him to be. Oh well. Fight is over already. I've got an adrenaline rush out of it at least.
I ignore him, he's not worth answering. I head home, enjoying the natural high all the way there. I get like this when times get tough. It's more than obvious that I have way too much stress in my life right now. It's moments like this, where I'm lonely and turning to trouble, that I start to think I might miss Jay. Me and him had some good times in our darkest hours. But then again my life is far better off STD free. Jay is no better than Dave. He's a womanizer too. I thought he was my friend. I thought he actually understood me, just because we both had hard-knock lives. He wasn't my friend, and he never got me. He never really cared about me either. All he cared about was numero-uno. Jay, Jay and more Jay. Truth be told, some people learn from other people's mistakes, and other people just copy the mistakes. He's a copier, he's going to be scum just like his parents are. Did I say going to be? I meant he already is scum just like his criminal dead-beat child-abusing dad.
I'm dreading it more than ever as I walk up to our pale paint chipped door. My adrenaline rush from the fight has passed. My fist is throbbing. I unlock the door and walk in, I'm expecting glass to be thrown at my head this time. Silence greets me, the apartment is empty. Mom's not even home. I guess in this case, no news is good news. At least Dave isn't here. I change out of my school clothes and put on my ugly brown work uniform. I hate this thing. It's ugly, and uncomfortable. Whoever decided on these uniforms needs to get their ass kicked. Speaking of ass kicking, I hope those punks at school don't report me. A suspension would be another lovely add on to my wonderful life. Chances are they won't though. Guys are too proud. Like they'll actually go tell Ms Hatzilakos that a girl decked them, hah.
Another night at work. Another night with Paige. Tomorrow night she has the lone shift with the manager. I get a night off, and what am I going to do with it? I'll get to sit at home, trying to do some homework. Trying, not succeeding, because I'm sure the drama of my household will find a way to stop me. I don't think my mother was out grocery shopping. If she really ditched Dave, like I begged her to, then she's probably out man-shopping. Just great.
I made it well on time this time. Paige doesn't look chipper today, she's wearing a pouty little scowl. I guess no one is having a very good day. She doesn't start talking about it right away, it's actually one of our longer periods of not speaking here at work. Over half way through the shift the silence is getting to me. I munch on a candy bar, and decide I'm gonna start the conversation tonight.
"That e-mail was a something." I say. This is ambiguous, you see. I didn't say it was funny. I didn't say it was appalling. Hell, it just makes an assumption she knows what e-mail I'm talking about. If she doesn't I'm not gonna tell her.
"You could say that." Paige says under her breath. She looks at me seriously, the e-mail is a big part of whatever is troubling her. I can tell it's not going to be a night of talkative gossip, period. She's an angry Paige tonight. I should be ecstatic I don't have to listen to her ramble on and on, right? Why is her dragged down mood making me so damned uncomfortable? A not friendly Paige kind of sucks, "It's one less cheer leader on the Spirit Squad."
"You kicked her off the team?" I gawk. Do I care? I shouldn't, but I do think that's a little unfair. Cheerleader's are known for being slutty anyway. What's a little flashing business got to do with Manny's ability to jump up and down and yell? She's going to have a hard enough time with jerks like those guys at school, she didn't need the popular bitch raining down on her too. How would Paige feel if Manny hangs herself tonight? Slits her wrists? ODs on some prescriptive drugs? I know I'd feel shitty about my little remark I made earlier. But I didn't kick her out of my special little popular bitch club, that is far fucking worse.
"Well, yeah." Paige says with a nod of her head. This version of Paige that is standing in front of me, right now, is that Paige that everyone loves to hate. She just doesn't think sometimes. She can be so cold and heartless. I know it's just because she's such a spoiled little brat. She's got the good life, and almost everything is just plain expendable to her. Of course it's no problem for her to just boot one of her friends out the door. What a great place I put myself in, trying to be friends with her. Is it all that different than what my mother does with these asshole men? Picking bad people to associate with. Good job Alex, good job. I shudder at the thought. I'm not really in the mood to talk to her anymore. I busy myself with the next customer and avoid looking in her direction there after. I don't know why I thought she was better than that. I'm such a dupe.
My attempt to avoid conversation was completely lost. She's talked about the Manny incident, she's talked about some stupid college fair at the end of the month. Now I'm cleaning out the pop-corn machine, and she brings up Craig.
"Did you hear about Craig?" she asks, as if I care. I shake my head, and keep my attention on the work I'm doing. I guess I get to hear about some horrible thing Craig did now. More judgmental crap. "Ash dumped him, she's staying in London with some guy named 'Alister'. Yesterday was his birthday. That's when he found out, at his surprise birthday party. It was not cool at all."
"Sounds like you." I mutter. So it's Ashley who she's judging, instead of Craig. Whatever.
"What?" She says. I know she's just done the 'I'm completely offended' look, with the lowered eyebrows, the squinted eyes and the curled lip. I might have even got a little bit of a head shake with it this time. I can feel her staring at me. I stop what I'm doing and sit on the counter to stare her down, face to face. I want to make my view crystal clear to her. She's pissing me off, she needs to shut up.
"You Paige. You're not cool. People make mistakes. You'll make mistakes too, so quit being such a bitch about it."
"That is completely unfair, Alex." She says. She looks like she wants to say more to me, but she knows it's useless. I'm right.
"Life is unfair. Get used to it." I hop off of the counter and close up the pop-corn machine. She doesn't talk to me for the rest of our shift. I'm glad. I don't need to hear anymore of her judgmental bull-shit tonight anyway. I've got my own problems on my mind. This Dave thing has me really worked-up. I'm almost positive there's going to be a situation when I get home. What happens if she tried to get a restraining order and that just made him flip out? I wouldn't put it past him. One time, in a fit of rage, he told my mom that he was going to chop me up and staple me to her body. I'd like to see him try. But seriously, I hate this guy. He's a scary bastard.
I walk home alone. The stars are shining so brightly tonight. It must be a new moon. I give myself a moment outside of the complex, just enjoying the darkness and the night air. In a perfect world I'd be happy right now, but then again, in a perfect world everybody would be happy. My mom would have a good job, and my dad would still be with us. Maybe I'd even have a little brother or sister. In a perfect world Paige would be the friend I image her to be. I don't know why I care about her liking me, but I do. I really, really, really want to be Paige's friend. When she does that whole mean girl thing I get freaked out, I can't help it. I'm afraid she'll do that to me too, heaven knows I make mistakes all the friggin time. Sometimes I think my life is nothing but a series of mistakes.
I finally walk in my front door. My mom is laying on the couch, and she sits up at my entrance. I survey the room, there's a few new empty beer cans. I don't see Dave's jacket anywhere. She looks like she might be here alone after all. Could she have really done it?
"I did it baby." She answers mt thought. She actually got the restraining order! My heart is ready to leap out of my chest. I'm so proud of her. I so happy for us. I won't have to fear coming home to the fights anymore. It's just us again. This is too good to be true though, I know there's got to be a catch.
"You really got the restraining order?" I ask. The cut near her eye looks like it's healing well. She hadn't needed stitches after all, thank goodness.
"No, I didn't do that, but I broke it off with him. He won't be comin round here no more Lexi." She shifts herself over on the couch and pats the cushion next to her. I sit down and she hugs me. I wrap my arms around her too. I'm hugging her back so tightly, it's like I'm holding onto something I know I'm going to loose again. She really got rid of him though, so right now I'll just celebrate how proud of her I am. I know it's hard for her, not everyone has a mouth on 'em like I do. This was something huge for her. She did it!
"How'd you do it?" I whisper. There is great comfort in being held like this. I feel so alone in the world so often, but not right now. Right now It's me and my mom, the way it should be. It's a moment of weakness for me, I'm even holding back tears. I hated that man so damned much.
"When he called me up this morning I told him I threw all his stuff in the dumpster, I told him he wasn't welcome around here anymore." She pulls back from the hug to look at me. She runs her thumb gently across my cheek and then she smiles. She smells like beer, but what's new? I know she has a problem. She knows she has a problem. We're working out our problems one at a time here. "How was work?"
"It was work." I shrug. I remember how I snapped at Paige, I remember how Paige had gotten under my skin. She's good at that. It's like a little Paige talent. "It went fast, Paige was on shift with me, but really mom, I'm just so happy that Dave is gone. He's not coming back, right? You promise?"
"He's not comin' back, Lexi." She leans over and kisses my cheek, then she scruffles my hair like I'm her little girl. It's a good feeling, it really is. It's too bad I know it won't last. "I'm promise." She says.