Viva Forever

A/N: I've revised chapters 1-5. Thank you for the criticism, I did have a lot of spelling mistakes and I totally couldn't figure out how to spell Wednesday. I hope I've done an alright job making it better on my own. I do not have a beta, otherwise I would use them. So thank you! Keep pointing out my mistakes, and I'll keep trying to fix 'em.

Chapter 6 – Paige

I was dumped. Not like slightly brushed off, I was full out dumped, and hard. Everything I cared about three hours ago doesn't even matter right now. Tears are streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably, my nose is running. I'm making enough noise that it has everyone in the bus shifting awkwardly in their seats. Some people are flat out staring at me. That can stare all they want. Have a good look. See the girl who foolishly waited all summer for her boyfriend to come back. I thought we were in love. I thought he loved me. I can't even breathe , I'm gasping for air in between sobs. I'm completely hysterical right now. He's going to Vancouver. I wonder how long he's known, how long he has been planing that conversation. It was immature and stupid of him to not just tell me. He should have called.

A woman asks me if I'm going to be okay. I know she's just trying to be nice. It's hard to watch people cry like I am crying right now. She is sitting across from me, it looks like she's about to get off of the bus. I shake my head no, then yes, then no again. I don't know. Everything was suppose to be great, and then Alex made me late, and then I got dumped. I'm not alright. My dreamy perfect boyfriend turned into a freaky hippy thing and then he dumped me, and gave me drugs. I, Paige Michalchuk, have drugs on me right now. This isn't how everything is suppose to be. This isn't how I had planned it. Not at all. Every time things start to work out for me something terrible has to go and happen.

Dean ruined my life. Then I wasted all that time on Spinner when all he really wanted was Manny. Manny has sex with her boyfriends. Manny is a little slut. I didn't sleep with Spinner. I didn't sleep with Matt. Maybe that's why Matt dumped me like this. It's not like I didn't want to! I can't, I just can't do it... Dean ruined my life. Years later, I'm still suffering repercussions from him. He really screwed everything up.

The woman gets off the bus. She probably thought I was completely insane. All of these people probably think I'm out of my mind. They sure are staring at me like I am. Mayabe I am out of my mind. I try so hard to make everything work out right. I put so much planning into it. I put in so much effort and attention. I'm sick of being dumped! I'm sick of being mistreated! What's so wrong with me that I deserve all this? I was going to give up a year of school for Matt! I would have done it in a heart beat too. I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted me.

I use my shawl to wipe off some of the tears from my face. I need to pull myself together. There is a tub of my favorite flavor of ice cream in my freezer. I can concentrate on that, a date with something that won't break my heart. There is absolutely nothing I can do about the fact that the man i thought I loved scheduled a date with me just to break-up with me. Oh, and give me a joint, of course. It's all water under the bridge now, right? But I can't stop crying, no matter how hard I try.

I'm hopelessly romantic. My whole life is based around my boyfriend. He never seems to appreciate that, but it is true. I don't want flings and short term relationships. I only want one man. I want one man to last me a whole life time. I want him to want me for the long haul. If I'd do anything for him, he should be willing to do anything for me. We will share our dreams, and I want us to make all of our dreams come true, together. I thought since Matt was older and more mature he could really be that one man. I foolishly believed we were in love. I was so stupid. So, so very stupid.

I arrive at my stop, and I stumble off of the bus. My vision is blurry, and my chest hurts. I've been crying for an hour now. I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'm going to stay right at home, in bed mourning all my hopes and dreams. I'm going to Banting next year, but I'm going alone. That is just depressing, and more than a little frightening. I just can't be as excited about University now. It'll be another 4 years of being single, I'll have to make all new friends. If I get another boyfriend, he'll probably dump me too. I unlock my front door and close it as quietly as I can behind myself. I don't want to wake my family up, if they are even asleep yet. The night is still very early.

I'm not crying as hard now. The tears are still streaming out of my eyes, I doubt anything is going to stop that, short of suicide. I am so not the suicide type, so the tears can feel free to run until they run dry. Nothing is worth killing yourself over. You are the most valuable thing you will ever have. I'm the most valuable thing I will ever have. Why couldn't Matt see that value? I should have been worth more than... than... these stupid drugs. I look at the joint again. I need to hide this thing, my mom will kill me if she finds out I have it. I sneak up the stairs, anxious about every creak under my weight. I've managed to stop sobbing out loud, the idea of getting caught with drugs has me silenced. If they come out of their rooms now I'll have way too much explaining to do. I make it into my room safely. I don't want to hide it in my room, in movies people always get caught when they hide it in their room. My bag catches my eye. I can get rid of it at school tomorrow. Or the next day, or week... or whenever I go back. I slip the baggie into the outer pocket, then just as carefully I go back down the stairs.

I head straight for the refrigerator. I grab a spoon and pull out the tub of Ben and Jerry's. I scoop out a spoonful right away. My ice cream has never tasted so good. I take it and my spoon over to the couch. I flip on the television. I must say, the touch of Ben and Jerry's and a romantic comedy makes me feel a bit better. I've finally stopped the tears from streaming down my face. The phone startles me. I answer it quickly, it could be Matt. Do I want it to be Matt? Oh I so do...

"Hello?" Marco's voice is nothing like Matt's. My heart sinks again. Matt won't call me, he sounded sure of his decsion. He doesn't want to be a part of my boring and organized life.

"Marco." I say into the phone dejectedly.

"Not a good date I take it?" He assumes right. I'm not really up for talking about it right now. I'm still on the edge of tears. I need to have control over my emotions before I can talk to anybody about what happened.

"No." I sigh, "I'll call you tomorrow, okay Marco?"

"You aren't coming to school? There's the college fair, you've been pressuring everyone to sign up all week, you aren't serious are you? You have to come!" He's right. There is the college fair. I have been looking forward to it, and if I don't go what kind of an impression will I be setting? I better show up for at least that part of the day.

"You're right, I'll see you at the college fair then. Good night." I hang up the phone before he can ask any more questions, or try to convince me to show up to class. I'm crying again. I know I'll get through this. I know I will. Right now though, I feel so worthless. I feel like a piece of trash. I keep getting used. Do I have a sign on my forehead that says use me? It sure feels like it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but obviously I am. The next guy who catches my eye better actually appreciate me for me. He's going to be head over heels for me. He will do anything for me. He will truly care about me. He won't dump me. Not ever. There is not going to be anymore of this temporarily interested non-sense.

I try to concentrate on the movie again, it was helping before. I eat another big spoon full of ice-cream. Mmmm ice cream is the answer to all of the problems in the world. It's cold, it's sweet and it's ultimately soothing. The ice cream runs out before the movie ends. I'm not all that excited about the sappy happy ending anyway, so I turn off the movie. I'm depressed, but I've managed to get myself under at least some control again. It will take time to heal these wounds, but for now I am moving on.

I throw away the empty container and toss my spoon in the sink. I take a deep breath. Yes I am getting myself back together. I am. I go upstairs. My house is so quiet. It's always very quiet at night. From my bed I can hear crickets chirping in the darkness. I don't usually fixate on them, normally I have so many positive thoughts about the next day I just phase them right on out. I have no positive thoughts tonight. Well maybe one. I hope everyone goes to the college fair. I hope they all find a great University, and a great future. Every single one of them. I let the sound of crickets lull me to sleep. I'm exhausted from crying for the last three hours, so sleep is welcome when it comes at last.