Viva Forever
Chapter 10 – Paige
"Come on Paige" Marco pleads, "Mr. Simpson needs the help, he really, really does." I'm not convinced. I've been beyond busy this whole school year, I just managed to free myself of that wretched grounding. He seems to forget I've joined and volunteered for more than a handful of committees and clubs this year. Not to mention I've been keeping up with my school work load and working a late night job. I just can't go volunteering for everything someone needs help with. I can't, I just don't have the time, energy or sanity for it.
"I would love to hon, I really would, but-"
"The Drama festival is in one week, it won't be that much extra work. It will be another great add on to you're profile for Banting...Just imagine it" He puts his arm around my shoulder and gestures with his had as if pointing at a marquee, "Paige! Actress extraordinare!"
He said the magic word. I need all the help I can get with Banting. Ms. Myers still won't give my mother any kind of guarantee. I really messed things up and I have to redeem myself. Every little thing helps, he's right. "Okay, okay... okay." I can't believe how easily manipulated I am. At least I know when I'm being manipulated. I have to take it with a smile, this is my future we're talking about here. It's nothing that serious anyway. It's only a little acting, how hard could that be?
"Thank you!" Marco exclaims and hugs me. I hug him back, of course. It's good to know I could make him this happy at least, and in a way that kind of makes the trouble worth it. I pride myself on being a good friend. He tells me that Simpson wants all the volunteers right away. I hardly have a chance to respond, he is dragging me down the hall to Simpson's room.
We walk into Mr. Simpson's class room. He greets us with a warm smile right away. "Paige has decided to help us out too" Marco announces with a grin.
Simpson's face lights up all the more, he is really excited about this drama festival. He starts telling me all about it, and how he's really think Degrassi can blow the other schools out of the water. Now I'm smiling too, caught up in the moment. "We're going to be doing a short from Hamlet, we needed an female volunteer. Thanks to you no guys will have to cross-dress like they did when Shakesphere wrote the play."
"You aren't serious are you?" I ask. I know that he's telling the truth about Shakesphere's times, Mrs. Kwan told us that three years ago, back when we read Romeo and Juliet. But to imagine a Degrassi boy dressed up as a Victorian dame? That's just too cruel to imagine. Though a little funny, you have to admit.
Before I know it I'm walking away with a small script booklet in my hand and a huge grin plastered on my face. In class I'm leafing through it. These words aren't even real words, and what kind a loser name is Hamlet anyway? At least the name "Ophelia" doesn't sound like something you would call your pet pig. I smirk, I bet Alex would have a field day making fun of this play.
She's sitting next to me, which isn't uncommon at all anymore. She's become something of a second best friend to me. Hazel and her play switch as to which one I am hanging out with at the time. I don't see why they can't get along, I like both of them. Alex has been picking fights with Marco lately too, she keeps saying weird derogatory gay things. I know she doesn't have anything against gay people, so I guess she just doesn't get it. I totally get it, but I had an inside source. Dylan has educated me more about homosexuality than most people will ever know. Most importantly though, love is love. Some guys just like guys. My big brother is just awesome, I wish Marco would let up on him some. They were so cute together.
I pass the booklet over to Alex. She raises an eyebrow at me and gives me a silly half smile. She's making fun of my note passing. She looks through the booklet, and then passes it back to me with a shrug. She doesn't know why I showed it to her, of course she has no jokes yet. I'll talk to her about it later, and then I know I won't be able to live it down. Wait, am I wanting to be teased?
I look back over at Alex. She's not looking at me now. I've noticed that she's wearing her make-up differently these days, she looks a lot less harsh. She looks better. You can really see how pretty, maybe even beautiful, she really is. In a way I'm jealous, she has that striking dark hair with the deep brown eyes to match. I'm sure if the guys weren't afraid she would break their nose, they'd all be trying to get her number. She's lucky, her beauty comes so naturally. For me it's always seemed like I have to work for it. I have to make people like me. I remember how the guys all wanted Ashley when we first started here at Degrassi. People hardly ever noticed me, I had to make them look at me. It's not a bad skill to have, manipulation, but I'm still jealous of how some people pull off getting seen without having to work for it at all.
I force my attention back to my script book and off of Alex. I read a few of the lines in my head. It sounds horrific. If I'm mis-pronouncing this stuff in my head how am I suppose to say this stuff out loud? I'm glad my part is a small part. Marco offered to take the lead role. I never knew Marco to be so passionate about acting. In a way it reminds me of how he was suddenly a huge Hockey fan over-night. Hmmm.
Class ends and I'm walking down the hall with Hazel. I see a cute new guy who also happens to be reading one of these little play booklets. He has a very distinct gay feel to the way he carries himself. I'd bet my favorite pair of shoes that he is gay. I wonder what grade he is in? I wonder if Marco has seen him yet. They'll both be in the play together. Well, that would explain his ulterior motivation for volunteering. Continuing down the hall I run into Craig, and he's also got one of these booklets.
"Marco ask you to join too?" I stop to ask him. He turns to me and looks at his booklet then back up at me.
"Oh no, I've always been a huge fan of reciting old English" Craig says with a straight face. I know he's being sarcastic, and I can't help laughing. I know right! What friends do for each other. My laughter cracks his straight face and he gives me an ironic smile as he explains "Marco practically begged me to sign up, how do you say no to that?"
"Tell me about it." I shake my head, still giggling a little. At least I'm not alone in this volunteer work, having Craig in the same position as me makes me feel a lot better about it. I guess it could be kind of fun too. Simpson and Marco were certainly excited enough about it. Craig is fun too.
I see Manny coming down the hall, heading for her boyfriend. What a mood ruiner. I'm still a little irked about her idiocy, she has made my life more than a little difficult with the Spirit Squad. I make my escape before I end up in a glare down with her. Craig would have been far better off with Ellie, in my opinion. I don't see what he sees in that little slut. I mean hello, everyone in the school has seen your girlfriend's breasts. Doesn't that bother you at all? Reputation is one of the only things we girls have to uphold.
Not that Ellie has a clean reputation either. Everyone knows she's a little off. They know that she is, or was a cutter. It doesn't matter who you are talking to, self-mutilation is not cool. I personally think she's stopped with all that none-sense. My reputation has a few mares on it too. I threw away a lot of my reputation for Matt. Mr. O. He was only a student teacher, it wasn't like he was really old... People will see what they want to see though, I'm the girl who dated a teacher. He broke my heart and ruined my almost flawless reputation. I should hate him. Why do I still miss him so much?
Thoughts of him always make me down. I'm not as depressed as I was, but I am still not happy. I don't know how many people know that I'm unhappy. On the outside I seem cool and composed, but I feel like I'm dying inside. I so desperately want into Banting, and I don't know whether I will get in or not. And sometimes I feel just so alone. This being single phase is the worst, I've never liked being single. I would totally say "rebound" time, but I don't even have anyone worth crushing on here at Degrassi. I feel like I'm above most of these immature guys. They just aren't on the same level I am, does that make sense?
The end of the school day passes. I end it with SS practice. The Squad is doing okay, we've had a couple of good games. The routine works okay, but it's not anything I'm extremely proud of. The next routine I put together will have much more thought put into it. I'm already coming up with new ideas. After practice I am so glad that I am allowed to have Hazel give me a ride. That entire time my mother was picking me up I just dreaded getting out of school. Life is getting better again, slowly but surely.
I talk to Hazel about the drama Festival, though she isn't very interested. She says that she thinks it's a good idea for me, but of course she'd never do it. She's been little down too, her whole situation with Jimmy has been hard on her. They're growing apart, loosing touch with each other. She loves him, I know she does. People just go separate ways sometimes though, even if they do love each other. All she can hope to do is meet him halfway I suppose. I wish Matt would have met me halfway.
She drops me off at home. I do some homework before I have to go to work. Why do I still work? I've finished paying my debt off to Spinner, I could quit. I'd have more time to do my homework, to sleep, or maybe I could even do something fun. Sometimes I forget what fun even is. I like having extra money though, and I'm trying to save up some extra spending cash for University. Once I get there I'll have plenty of spare time to do fun things, right? Plus you need money to go do fun things.
I get to work and start up the new shift on the register. I'm not there for five minutes before the first person comes up asking for an over-sized coke and big bag of greasy treats. I serve them with a fake smile, as usual. I don't like this job at all. Hanging out with Alex is the best part, it really is. Maybe that's why I'm still here. Where is Alex? She is on shift tonight. I'm being impatient, I know. She'll be here.
She comes in, wearing her typical 'I'm a bad-ass who hates my job' Alex look. And that look, right there, that's why guys aren't all over her like I know they would be. She wards them off, heaven knows why. I wish I could look that good... she's in a nappy brown movie theater uniform and she still looks good. Seriously, I am mega-jealous.
"What're looking at?" Alex asks off-handedly, and I realize that I spaced out at her.
I look to the counter quickly, "Nothing." I say, and after all it's true. I was just thinking about work uniforms. "I have a lot on my mind."
"Like what? Oh, wait... I know. University?" She teases, even though she knows that's a bit of a touchy subject with me. I roll my eyes at her and put the empty soda cups up on the counter for easy access.
"I do think about other things, not just University." I tell her. "But University is something we should all be considering right now, it is our last year of high school." Hint, hint Alex. Have you even thought about it yet? You can't keep putting it off...
"Blah-blah-blah" She rolls her eyes and walks past me to check the cheese level in the nacho cheese dispenser. Of course she hasn't thought about it. This is Alex I'm talking to. Why would I even think otherwise? She may be hot, but she certainly does not think ahead. Maybe that's why she wards of guys, she just doesn't think ahead to the Important things. University, a better Career, Marriage, a family... you know, life. I'll leave it be though, I'll end up cold-shouldered again if I don't. I've already pissed her off with my hinting.
When she comes back over and leans on the counter near me I mention the Drama Festival, it should be a fun subject. "Marco talked me into taking a part in a short play for the up-coming Drama Festival"
"Wow, just a festival type-o-girl aren't you Paige?" Alex says jokingly without actually looking at me. She smiles all the same though, so I know she's being playful and not mean, "I'm not buying tickets this time. Nuh-uh, no way."
"But this time I'm actually on stage, in a riffley old Victorian costume." I tell her.
She looks over at me finally, that line got her. I don't know why I knew it would. "You're right." She says her tone still thick with sarcasm, "Everyone will buy a ticket just to see that."
"Marco has the lead, Hamlet." I say, ignoring her sarcasm. I know she's going to come, I can see it in her eyes. She may not want to admit it yet, but I know.
"Hamlet does sound like a gay name"
If I was walking right now I would have missed a step. She did it again. She keeps doing that. Why? "What's with all the anti-gay jibes?" I say seriously.
"Anti-gay?" She asks meekly. She looks stunned. Like she didn't expect me to question it.
"Yeah, the gay bashing..." I say, "You keep doing it."
"I don't know." She shrugs. She really doesn't get the gay thing, that all. Can she really be punished for ignorance?
"Alex, listen to me." I lean in to talk to her, so I don't upset any of the customers, "You know my brother Dylan? Yeah. He has been gay all his life. He's a normal person just like me and you, he just sees what we see in men. That they are hot. It's not wrong, or weird or anything like that. It just is. Don't do this hate thing just because you don't understand it."
"I'm sorry." She mumbles. I've clearly made her very uncomfortable with my speech. She looking anywhere that isn't at me. I would think having been a friend of Marco's for so long would make her less homophobic. I guess with some people it's just hard to train out of them. She looks like I slapped her or something. It was a bit of a verbal slap I guess, it was suppose to bring her to her senses.
"Hon." I say with a smile, and put my hand on her shoulder "It's okay, just think about it okay?"
She glances at my hand and then looks at me finally. I have the urge to hug her right now, she just looks so lost. Have you ever had a dog that did something bad but you just couldn't stay mad because it was so darn cute? That's what Alex does to me. I want her to smile, I don't like this sad look.
After a long moment she nods her agreement and gives me a weak smile. A weak smile is a start. She changes the topic back to what it originally was, "So how much for one of these tickets?"
I knew she would want a ticket. I let my hand fall back to my side and laugh a little, her smile grows stronger with mine. We have that effect on each other, I just can't help smiling when I'm around her.