A/N : Wow…so many reviews, so quickly. I am honoured! I'm thrilled that you liked the "human elevator" line…I've thought of another way to work it in again, but perhaps that would be overkill? Desert Blossom – love the idea of the first shower. Hadn't even thought of that! Proud Athena (ah, memories of wearing a toga for a day and portraying Athena, goddess of calculus), you're jumping ahead of me. Already worked into the plot…but perhaps not for a chapter or two. That's a hint for all of you to keep reading!
Day 1 (continued)
The all important "which bathroom to use" question had been answered. A bathroom on each floor had been reserved for SG-1's usage only. Co-ed, but only to them. This included the all important shower option.
Shampooing was going to be easy, Jack realized. His hair hadn't changed much. It just felt…softer. He had, however, quickly noted that whatever technology had changed him, didn't quite change him properly and had headed down to his locker for a razor.
Sam, running a hand along her face, also realized that a razor was needed. In the end, they had swapped and Jack was now holding a pink razor. Pink razor. ? Who used a pink razor? Weren't there any military-issued razors? Ones that came in olive or khaki or air force blue? Even gao'uld gold would be more appealing than pink.
He glared at the offending instrument of hair removal as Sam continued on with her shower. He had opted to let her go first.
Sam washed her hair quickly. No real change there. But it was time to later up her body. Her soapy hands rubbed up and down her toned arms and over her muscular chest. A soft patch of dark blonde hair covered her upper body and, if it hadn't been on her, she would have found it rather sexy. A soft masculine purr escaped.
Moving lower over her six pack of abs, she lost herself in the simple sensation of exploring her new body. It was rather erotic, actually.
Woah…new body…new body part…hello there…someone wants to be friends...
Well, that felt good.
Sam looked down and realized what part of her anatomy her hand brushed up against.
It's gotta be cleaned, too.
Wrapping her still soapy hand around it, Sam proceeded to clean herself…very…very...very thoroughly. No inch was left unsoaped...and that mean cover quite a few inches...
"Hey, you using up all the hot water, Carter?" Jack bellowed from the room outside of the shower area.
"Uh…" Sam continued 'cleaning' herself and shakingly replied,"No?"
"Was that no with a question mark at the end?"
"No?"
"Are you almost done?"
"Yes…yes…yes!" Sam braced herself along the wall for support as feelings of pleasure coursed through her.
"Okay don't have to yell at me. I can wait."
Jack stared at his reflection in the mirror above the sink. Short, greying hair…dark eyes filled with life's experiences…he didn't like himself as a woman. A man, he looked distinguished…even mature (albeit he didn't act that way). As a woman, he felt helooked old. Gently, he pulled the skin around his eyes a little tighter. There…he looked younger now. A little nip here, tuck there…duct tape and crazy glue should suffice. He wondered where Siler had moved his stash to.
The Colonel frowned. Where did this obsession with his looks come from? And why was it suddenly getting very warm in the bathroom?
Worried that there was something wrong with him…well, more wrong than the fact that he was a woman, Jack rushed down to the infirmary.
Sam stepped out of the shower area, a towel wrapped only around her lower torso. Her face, flushed from more than just the shower, showed surprise that she was alone.
"Janet…help!" Jack gasped as he raced into the doctor's office.
"I'm trying, Colonel, but there is still much that we don't know…"
"No, no…not that. I'm warm. Very warm. Seriously hot, in fact. Look, I'm sweating." He grabbed one of Janet's hand and held it up to his forehead.
Janet frowned questioningly.
"Perhaps this is just the tension from the experience…" She offered gently.
Jack narrowed his eyes.
"Look…I'm hot. I'm cranky. And I have a sudden craving for something seriously chocolately."
"Oh my…" Janet chuckled softly. "We need to have a talk, Colonel."
"Is it serious?" Jack asked, worried.
"It's menopause, Colonel."
"What?" Jack's mouth gaped. "I need a drink."
"I'll get you a glass of water in a moment. But right now, I need to do some bloodwork. Your hormones are probably putting your body through extreme stress right now. It's tough enough on women who know this is going to happen…but you…well, I didn't think about this."
"Menopause." Jack mused. "I will never make fun of women's biological clock again. So, what's the cure?"
"There is no cure, Colonel."
"What?"
"It's biology, sir. Women go through this…all of us. It's perfectly natural. There are some hormonal therapies in existence and even some herbal options…"
"No cure!" Jack cried out. "Don't you have some special committee working on one? Isn't there some government-funded research being done? I'll be a test guinea pig! You women voluntarily go through this!"
Janet bit her lower lip to keep from laughing.
"It's not really voluntary, sir…it's life. We accept it."
"And Daniel? Is he going to go through this, too?"
Janet's eyes widened.
"Oh my…" The female doctor gasped. "At your age, menopause is normal…the beginning signs at least. Daniel is still young enough to bear children…which means…"
Jack's eyes widened as horrifying comprehension dawned on him.
"Get him in here, now!" He ordered.
Jack stared at his two affected team members. He still wasn't used to seeing Daniel with breasts…or Carter without them. Carter, fresh from the shower; how was being a guy going to impact her? And them? Sure, thanks to regulations there could be no them, but with the gender change, any hope Jack had of them ever working something out was completely blown to hell. He didn't want to be Mrs. Robinson to Carter.
Carter stood behind the examination bed watching Jack watching her. Was she that obvious? How did guys deal with this? She shifted slightly, feeling that new part of her anatomy brush up against the bed. Okay, that felt good…but it was wrong…bad Carter, bad!
Why was Jack staring?
Carter shifted again. Oh yeah…so good, it was bad…or was it the other way around?
Meanwhile, Daniel was staring at Janet in horror…sheer, unadulterated, absolute horror.
"Once a month?" He squeaked. "I have to go through that once a month!"
Janet nodded.
"It's not too bad, Daniel. If it happens, we'll ensure that you have the necessary supplies to take care of everything."
"You mean if it happens before you cure us, right?"
Janet nodded carefully.
"Just a sec, Doc." Jack piped up. "Before my little hot flash moment…and would someone please turn down the air conditioning? It's freezing in here! Before that, you said I was in the beginning stages? Explain, please."
"Well…umm…" Janet actually looked embarrassed.
"What she means, sir." Carter stopped shifting from foot to foot behind the bed to speak up. "In the beginning stages of menopause, it is perfectly natural for a woman to experience both her menstrual cycle and the hormonal changes signifying the end of her fertile years."
"Eww, Carter. That's gross and the details were so unnecessary." Jack wrinkled his nose.
"So, sir, while the probability of you becoming pregnant is minimal, the possibility still exists. Unfortunately, the hormones beginning to course through your system reduce the likelihood of you carrying a child to term."
Jack frowned.
"Well, it's a moot point because I have no intention of becoming pregnant. Ditto for Daniel."
Silence.
"Daniel? Right, Daniel?" Jack prodded.
Daniel sat on the exam table sniffling.
"Women." Carter muttered.
Jack shot his 2IC a dirty look.
"Don't make me bring you up on harassment charges, Carter." He warned.
"With all due respect, sir, I am…was…a woman in the military. I've had to deal with sore breasts, menstrual cycles, pregnancy probabilities, my ass smacked and innuendos thrown at me left, right and centre. This little situation we're in is probably the best thing to happen to women in the military. You're seeing how the other half lives…sir!" Carter was practically barking.
Jack blinked.
"Well, there was no need to yell, Carter." He said softly.
Carter stared. Normally, Jack would have had a snappy comeback. Normally, she wouldn't have said a word regarding the gender differences in the military. But this just wasn't a normal situation.
"I'm taking a walk." Sam said simply.
She grabbed a clipboard off of the exam table she was standing behind and held it in front of her.
"Uh…Sam?" Janet said. "I need that clip board."
"I need it more, Janet." Sam replied quietly.
"Why?" The doctor asked.
Jack's mouth twitched.
"Hey, welcome to being male. Bathroom's down the hall…make sure you clean up afterwards, will ya?"
Sam stared at her CO.
"And watch out for zippers. Nasty little things…zippers…tends to catch…stuff…you know…" Jack had a full-blown smirk going on.
Janet nodded, as she gained an understanding of what was going on.
"Sam, most men go through this during puberty. You haven't had the time to learn to control these…reactions."
"But what brings them on?" Carter all but whined.
"Live women, pictures of women, thoughts of women, apple pie…" Jack offered.
"A certain movie might help you to alleviate the symptoms…" Piped up the SF standing by the door.
Carter shot him a look.
"…ma'am…"
Jack choked on his laugh, as Carter stalked out of the infirmary.