A/N : Reworked this chapter and the next several times, before taking a break for grocery shopping. Purchased a box of fruit loops for inspiration! On a side note…I'm thinking of bringing in Jacob, Bratak and Thor later on…what do you guys think?

Day 2 - morning

Sleep had been nonexistent for Colonel Jack O'Neill. He'd lie on his back and two new body parts would flop to the sides. He had tried lying on side, but his arms didn't know where to go with his chest blocking the way and cupping the lower one with a hand didn't help. And he was still trying to forget what had happened when he had attempted to lie on his stomach.

Jack picked at his bowl of fruit loops in disgust. He hoped and prayed to every god he knew that this would be resolved and soon. In fact, he was even considering paying homage to fake gods.

Note to self, don't tell Teal'c that.

Sam approached and tossed a clip board on the table before sitting down.

Jack frowned.

"Eww, Carter…is that the clip board? I'm trying to eat breakfast here."

"Grow up, sir." Sam snapped.

"What's wrong, Carter? Hairy palms? Going blind? Those were all urban myths told to keep us curious little boys from satisfying our…umm…curiosity."

"Sir…we need to talk."

Jack didn't like Sam's tone.

"Is this the place to have said talk, Carter?" He looked around.

"We're alone, sir. Everyone else is working…at not being where we are."

"Okay…so talk."

"Look, I know that you're going through the beginning stages of menopause and stuff, but your body doesn't always know what's what."

"I don't know what's what, Carter. What are you saying?"

Sam took a deep breath.

"I'm having a difficult time controlling my own body and my reactions to things…and, well, sir, it doesn't help knowing that you're not wearing a bra."

Jack dropped his spoon.

"A what?"

"Bra, sir."

"Yeah, yeah…I heard you. Why should I wear a bra?"

"Other than the benefits to your posture, sir, it will conceal things."

"Such as?" Jack leaned forward, resting his chin on a bent hand. Hey, this concept of feigning interest came more easily to the female gender.

"Sir…your chest. When the air conditioning is on, it becomes cooler in here…"

"That's how air conditioning works, Carter. Very good." Jack fluttered his eyelashes at his 2IC.

"And, well, sir…cool air has a certain effect on a woman's chest."

"No kidding." Jack grinned knowingly. "I remember there was this one time…oh…."

Jack looked down and saw the two offending objects of conversation at high alert.

"Can't I just tape them down?"

"Trust me, sir…a bra."

"Do we have military-issue bras? Do I have a choice of drab brown, icky olive, or BDU blue?"

"We do have military ones, sir, but I think you'll want something more comfortable for your first one."

"And how do you suggest we resolve that then?"

"Already taken care of, sir. General Hammond has given you permission to go shopping."

"Shopping?" Jack's eyes narrowed. "Me? I know nothing about shopping for bras. I need help."

"The clerks at the store could help." Sam's voice was a whisper now…a painful whisper. She had a feeling that Jack had something else in mind.

"Nope. Your idea, Carter…your assistance. What about Daniel?"

"He's still in the infirmary…says he's not coming out into public in case his cycle starts and he's unprepared for it."

Jack blinked.

"Janet and I gave him some recommendations for temporary fixes until he could locate the proper supplies, but…"

"Eww! Enough, Carter!"

"Is it always so difficult to choose?" Jack asked staring at the various styles, shapes, colours, enhancements, water-filled, air-filled, demi-bra, full support, strapless…

Sam nodded.

"Hello, may I help you?" A chirpy brunette appeared before the two SG-1 members.

"We're looking for a bra." Sam proclaimed.

"Then you've come to the right place!" Another chirpy response. "My name is Susie and I'm a bra fitter."

"A what?" Jack asked. "Did you have to go to school to become that? I don't remember my guidance counselor giving me that as an option when I was in school."

Susie giggled.

"Too funny! Is this bra for a special occasion?"

"Ummm…" Jack paused.

"My aunt, " Sam began, "Is visiting and her luggage was lost by the airline. You know how it goes. She's the same size as my Mom, so clothing isn't an issue…but obviously, they're not going to share bras."

Susie nodded seriously. "Of course. But not just bras. Panties, too, right? Sleep-wear?"

Jack gulped loudly. Panties? He didn't wear panties…he didn't wear lace…and holy crap, how could a body tolerate such a thin piece of cloth wedged up one's…

Susie held up the mystifying article.

"This is part of our newest collection…'La Femme Fatale'. All lace and sheer sensuality." Susie waved her hand along the wall. "As you can see, various styles and colours, but all with the art of seduction in mind."

Jack stared at the wall in confusion.

"There's so much." He muttered.

"True." Susie conceded. She moved in closer to Sam. "But we're here to help. Tell me, sir, what do you like."

Sam took a step back.

"Can't say…I mean, it's for my aunt…I don't really want to go there."

"But maybe you could pick something up for your…girlfriend?"

"He's gay." Jack said sharply.

"Oh." Susie stepped away, disappointed.

"Look, if we need help, we'll holler, okay." Jack said. "Go help someone else."

The officers watched as Susie sauntered towards a young couple near the front of the store.

"Sir, did you have to say I was gay?"

"Why? You interested in her, Carter? Care to…how did you put it…see how the other half lives?"

"Sir…no…but still…"

"Look, let's just find something."

"She was right about panties, sir."

"Okay…we'll get some for Daniel, too. How do I pick a bra?"

"We need to determine your size, sir."

"Can't I just try some on?"

"You won't find them comfortable. It'll take time to get used to them."

"Guess then. Guess my size."

"36B." A new voice…Janet's voice.

"Hey, Doc." Jack smiled at the woman standing beside her. "Is that a good size? Whatcha doin' here?"

"It's a good size…I've been told that anything more than a handful is a waste. Thought Daniel could use some stuff and found out the General gave you permission to go shopping." The doctor smiled softly at Sam. "And then we'll go do some for you, Sam."

Sam nodded, realizing that her current collection of lingerie, while meager at best, really wasn't suited towards this new body.

"That's a pretty colour." Janet pointed out a lovely lilac matching set. "No itchy lace, but breathable material. Thick straps for support and comfort. And a high-cut leg in the panties for ease of movement and flexibility."

"Oh yeah…perfect for fighting the Gao'uld. You should have gone into marketing, doctor." Jack replied dryly.

Sam held up a black silk set of lounge wear.

"It'll be comfortable, sir." She said quietly. "Why don't you try it on and while you're doing that, we'll find some other things for you."

Jack nodded silently.

Janet watched the interplay between the two officers. All in all, they were handling the whole situation quite well. Daniel was a basket case, but at least she could drug him with something to calm his nerves. These two…with their walls of control…scared her. She wondered if they and when they would snap.

"Hey, Sam, how about these? Air force blue, but still feminine. And here's some slippers. And some cotton tanks and matching briefs."

Sam nodded.

"You better bring them in…I might get arrested if I entered the change room area."

Janet grinned and brought their selection in to the women only area.

"Hey, looking good, Jack." Janet admired the older yet still athletic woman wearing the black silk lounge wear. "It makes your eyes look so dark and sexy."

"Janet…" Jack warned.

Janet laughed and placed the extra clothing in the change room.

"Holler if you need anything."

Jack tried on the blue push-up bra and matching French-cut panties. There was lace above the thighs, joining the little scraps of cloth in the front and back. The bra, working its magic, pushed his breasts up making him look utterly female. Still, though, it was a tad tight.

"Janet?"

Silence.

"Janet?" A little louder.

Silence.

"Oh for the…"

Jack marched out of his change room and stood in the doorway looking for Janet.

"Ummm…Jack?" Sam looked up from the cotton tshirts on display by the door.

"Sam!"

"Nice colour."

"Matches your eyes, Carter."

Susie, standing nearby, frowned in disgust.

"It's not supposed to match my eyes, sir." Sam replied, shaking her head.

"Look, do they have this…but in a size larger? It's digging into my back."

Sam stepped closer.

"Actually, it fits quite well in the front. A size up won't flatter you as much. Turn around, sir."

Susie watched the exchange with a curling lip.

"Just as I thought. You didn't loosen the straps."

"You can do that?" Jack asked in amazement.

"Yes. Here, let me."

Deftly, Sam ran her fingers along the straps and played with the clasps. Gently, the straps were loosened so that the material was no longer digging into Jack's back.

"All done." Sam ran her fingers down Jack's shoulder blades.

Jack shivered at the sensations.

"Th…thanks." He all but dashed back into the changeroom.

Having had enough, Susie marched up to Sam.

"Gay? Hah! Look, I don't know what kind of relationship you and your 'aunt' have, but keep it out of this store. Get what you want, buy it and get out!"

"They come from a close family, miss." Janet offered, having completed some of her own purchases for Daniel and few extras that she told no one about.

"I don't care. That's just disgusting…with your aunt!"

Jack reappeared.

"Is there a problem?" He asked.

"Look, are you buying anything?"

"Yes…this." He held out an armful of clothing.

"Great." Susie snatched it up. "Let's ring this up and get you out of here. You're scaring away my other customers."

Jack looked around the empty store.

"Did I miss something?"

Entering a chain-variety of department store, the threesome headed over to the mens section. Sam was more comfortable here despite the foreigness of the clothing. Really, boxers or briefs…not nearly as complicated as women's lingerie, right?

"Happy faces? Elmo? Plaid? Little red hearts?" Jack tossed a bunch of boxers at Sam one-by-one.

"Sir!"

"Can I help you?" A man, about Jack's age, approached.

"Yes, my nephew is visiting and the airline lost his luggage. We're looking for basics to tide him over until the airline finds his bags." Jack recycled Sam's excuse.

"So, underwear, socks, shirts, jeans…nothing fancy, I presume?"

"You presume right." Jack replied.

Janet rolled her eyes.

The clerk took a step back and ran his eyes up and down Sam's frame.

"Lovely build, sir. Six feet and I'd guess a waist of 36"…you're very well toned."

"He's straight." Jack said.

Sam glared at her CO.

"Look, everything I need is in that corner. Let's just grab some things and leave." She begged.

"Ah, yes, the Tommy line…wonderful selection. If you need any assistance, please feel free to ask."

"Yes, yes…we will…" Jack pushed Sam down towards the corner selction with one hand and grabbed Janet with the other.

"Sir! Was that necessary?"

"Why? You interested Carter?"

"No, sir, but…"

"Just pick out what you need."

"Which is better? Boxers or briefs?" Sam asked.

"Are you asking from an appearance stand point, comfort or practicality?" Jack replied.

"Yes." Sam retorted.

"You two are spending way too much time together." Janet commented. "Why not go boxer briefs while you're on base and on duty…and simple boxers for off duty."

"Yeah. Tightie whities are so last year." Jack remarked.