Chapter 1

Dark Thoughts

A cool wind blows through a grassy feild and slowly creepes up and across the dark figure silently laying there staring up into the night sky. A dark cloud is blown slowly out of the way of the pale moon. Dark eye's widen as they move from the stars to the moon. The shadow blinks and then blinks again and slowly yet gracefuly stands up. Red eye's still glued to the pale moon's glow he wipes the dirt from seat of his pants and starts his way back down the rough path to his apartment.

Watching the cars go by as he quietly walks along the side of the road not realy paying much attention to were he's walking. But then again, why should he? He walks down this same path every weekend to the feild were he sits till he loses the feeling in his legs. A horn blasts breaking the silence of the night as the shadow steps onto the street. The horn still blasting yet the figure ignores it treds on. Fastning his speed just a bit to get out of the bright light caused by the yellowing headlights of the old car.

As he steps up onto the sidewalk the old car goes zooming by. The boy slowly turns to ward the car and mutters a silent curse to the driver. The Boy keeps walking and then all of a suden thers a loud horible screeching sound, and seconds later a crash. This how ever dosn't stop the boy from his walk. No. Not the sirens sounding in the distance. No not the Screams of pain. Not even the sounds pf people crying. He just keeps on walking. He walks right by the crash not even fliching as he looks upon the mangled body of the driver who almost hit him. Why should he care? He deserved what he got. Well thats what he tells himself and he continues on walking almost nearing hie apartment building. People stare at him as if he were crazy. How could he walk by that horrible sight without even stoping in his tred to look upon the horror that has ruined the quiet december night.

"...better hurry back..." he mutters to himself. Upon reaching the tall gloomy grey apartment building he looks up to his window to see someone staring down at him. "aww, shit. he's home!" he yells as he grabs his keys from his pocket and makes his way inside. He takes the stairs instead of the old broken down elevator, besides their much quicker. Once he reaches the tenth floor door he stops, and wonders if he should go in or if he hould go back to the feild in the back of an old abandoned hospital. But ofcourse he desides to 'suck it up' and go home.

As his hand reaches out to grasp the cold copper door handle he hears a loud blast of sound as his brother turns on the stereo that dad got him for christmas.Turning the handle of the door he gasps as a flash of freezing air hits his burning body. As he regains his composure he starts his way down the long dark green hallway. One foot after the other he gets closer and closer to his destination. Once he reaches the end of the hall he notices that some one has opened his apartment door and didnt close it. Chances are it was his brother so he dosnt think of it any longer than what is needed.

Not wanting to waste anymore time he quickly took off his boots and went to his room. Quietly he closed his door and walks over too his bed, Slidding his baggy black hoodie over his head and throughs it on his bed. Turning around he makes his way over to his crouded desk and pulls out his chair and sits on it. Grabing a pen out of his drawer he starts to write.

Not Alone

Smoke curls around a burning fire

The sun sets in the distanse

Disappearing over the crown of brilliant blue ever-greens

I look up to the sky

Clouds of orange and crimson greet me

I'm out here alone

Clouds float by, as my gaze drifts to the fire

Flames engulf the charchole logs

As smoke rises and floats away

Into the uncareing dark blue sky

Some one throws another log into the fire

Blazing embers fly up into my face

And I try to sheild it from the heat

Footsteps sound beside me

The broken stump that I am sitting on shifts

And I know some one is beside me

I turn slightly to see your face

Showing gentle eyes

And a careing and understanding smile

I'm not alone

As he is reading over what he has just writin he starts to feel anger boil up with in him. Starting from his stomach and slowly moving up til it gets to his mouth. He stands up and he violently throws everything on his desk on to the floor and he shouts as the glass lamp hits the floor and breaks into a thousand peices. Eyes glazed with anger and self-loathing he slowly walks over to the glass shards and kneels down to find the sharpest peice of glass. His hand quickly darts out and grabs the shard. As he brings the shard closer to his face and for what seems like eternety he just stares at it. Wondering if he should do it or not. Should he? Do it. You must! Pay them back for all the pain that they have caused you! a voice shouts from deep within him. His eyes slide close as he brings the shard down to his wrist and as he takes a deep breath. Do it now! the voice shouts louder now then it was before. One quick movement and its done. He opens his eyes as the pain has started to sink in. But it donst hurt. He starts to laugh as crimson orange blood starts to seep through the cut on his wrist. Laughing, and laughing as he starts to slice his arm over and over again untill he runs out of room. Then he moves to his other arm tracing intrecit designs and words that no child should ever be called. Names that his father has called him ever since he was a child.

Slowly as his anger starts to go away he puts the shard down and trys to stand up. Blinking once he looks around his room and what he has just done finally starts to sink in. The poem, the anger, the hatred, and the cutting. His brother wont be very happy if he found out that he broke moms lamp. And as the worry slowly wraps around his heart the room starts to spin. The last thing he see's is his door being slamed open and the face of his brother drowned in worry and confusion as he russes toward him. Then he closes his eyes and theres nothing but darkness and the constant reminder of what he has just done.