A/N : Scarlet…I have a homepage! After checking out my profile, nope, I don't have a homepage. I left that field blank in my account. I really should work on one at some point.

For the suggestions that Jack become pregnant, I will admit that you're out of luck. While I have nothing against the stories where he and Sam become parents (or go through the "hatching" stage of little O'Neill's), I'm just not in a swollen-feet-food-cravings-seriously-moody frame of mind. Well, okay, the seriously moody I'm always in…

I do apologize for the delay in this chapter. It's been…difficult to say the least. A story about Teal'c from his point of view just wasn't in my plans until a reviewer suggested it (thank you for keeping me up at night!...just kidding). I hope the wait was worth it!

Day ? (The Strange Adventures of Teal'c aka Teal'c's Debriefing)

FLASHBACK

The MALP proceeded through the Stargate ahead of me.

As if it could protect me. I am Teal'c, I am invincible and I am wearing Darth Vadar underwear…hmmm…did I pack extra underwear? No matter…I shall go commando, as Colonel O'Neill says. I believe he once was a commando and I guess that those warriors did not wear underwear as part of their uniform. Fascinating human custom.

I could see the pathway leading towards the cavern, however upon closer inspection, I noticed that there had been much recent activity in the area since SG-1's departure. My senses were alert to any sound or movement.

We can see the predatory Jaffa carefully observing the ground around him. No being stands a chance at sneaking up on him. If any were foolish to try, he would defend himself at all costs…I must stop watching the National Geographic channel…

Upon our approach, I noticed that things had changed. Plants were different. The birds sounded different.

One of these things does not belong…hummhumm…

We were just outside of the cavern entrance, when a rustle in the bushes caught my attention. I turned, ready to fight. A small creature in brown robes emerged from the foliage. I could not see its face for the robes completely enshrouded it.

It looks like a Jawa!

The creature turned and ran. I pursued it through the trees. After a long pursuit, I noticed that I was finally beginning to catch up to the creature.

Suddenly, the creature darted off to the side. I attempted to turn, but was too late. I found myself standing knee-deep in a muddy swamp.

Oooh…that smells…actually, it smells similar to that casserole the commissary served the day after the rat infestation…?...oh… I had second helpings of that casserole… suddenly I don't feel too well…

I tried to walk out, but my movements only caused me to sink deeper into the substance. It was now up to my thighs.

Where is Colonel O'Neill with a Plan B when I need him?

Shrugging out of my back pack, I located my rope and proceeded to throw it in such a manner to snag a tree branch. Success upon my third attempt.

Losing my touch…

Unfortunately, my attempts to pull myself out of the swamp resulted in further sinking…

Darn…there goes my underwear…ewww..that's some cold swamp water…my little jaffa is not happy…indeed…

…and the branch fell into the swamp. The resulting splash was most displeasing as I was hit in the face with a large piece of slime.

It is not unlike that at-home spa treatment Doctor Frasier gave me recently…although, this definitely does not smell like lavender.

END FLASHBACK

"You had a spa treatment?" Jack gawked at Teal'c.

"Indeed. It was almost as relaxing as kelnoreem." The larger man acknowledged.

"Please continue, Teal'c." The General's voice was strained.

When did Teal'c become a storyteller?

The only sound was that made as bodies moved in their chairs to find more comfortable positions. Even Thor's eyes were looking slightly glazed over.

FLASHBACK

I heard noises, bushes moving and what sounded like voices. Squinting through the slime on my face, I saw about a dozen creatures like my Jawa friend. They were all covered head-to-toe in brown robes so that I could not see their faces.

Probably to avoid having to come in contact with the swamp water.

They were pointing at me and chattering in their squawking voices.

I'm sure DanielJackson would find this fascinating. Odds are he would say "Their dialect is similar to insert language here Why does he find every language fascinating! Point, bow, scratch, raise eyebrow…what other forms of communication are necessary?

Using a large branch, they signaled that they wanted my weapon which was currently held above my head.

Numb arms or defenseless! What can they do me?

I surrendered my weapon.

Bah…it was last year's model anyways and the warranty's just expired on it…and I did forget to bring it in for its 3000th shot servicing.

Using another rope, they tossed out a looped end and signaled that I was to tie my hands to it. To give up my weapon was one thing, but to truss myself up like a sacrifice to our false gods was something else. I glared. They squawked. I glared more. They squawked louder.

Facing the impending threat of a headache, I looped the rope around my hands.

The creatures, despite their size, were quite strong and managed to pull me forward. The suction of air and mud around my feet yielded and I fell face first into the swamp. Working as a team, the creatures pulled me towards land. It was all I could to lift my head out of the water as I moved forward.

No…nothing like the spa treatment. I will need another one after this. What is that smell! Oh…it is me…

The creatures walked me to their village. I realized that their village was relatively close to the cavern but these creatures appeared to have the ability to blend in and out of the surrounding forest with ease. At times it seemed as if the only creature with me was the one holding my ropes.

And yet, I was puzzled. This ability of theirs explained why we did not see them during our visit and yet the bushes were trampled by the Stargate upon my arrival. It was like an animal instinct or fear had consumed them and they had temporarily forgotten their ability to blend with their surroundings.

As we entered the village, some creatures in grey robes approached. They were shorter than those in the brown robes and judging at the higher pitch of their language, they were younger creatures…the children. Unfortunately, they too were covered.

They must be extremely ugly or extremely afraid of getting a tan.

A creature in blue robes approached slowly, shuffling and coughing. The other creatures all bowed and made a pathway for what I assumed to be the village elder.

I bowed. After some weak squawking, the creature in blue also bowed.

I knelt to the ground and drew a picture of the Stargate in the earth. I pointed at my self and the Stargate. Blue – that is what I named him – pointed at the sky, the gate and myself and squawked at the others. There was much chattering.

I then drew a picture of the cavern and a figure of myself and the rest of SG-1 entering the cavern. I then erased my comrades and drew them differently.

There was much more chattering.

END FLASHBACK

"How did you draw us differently?" Sam asked.

Teal'c looked at the floor.

"Teal'c?" Sam prompted.

The former First Prime actually looked embarrassed.

Jack laughed.

"He drew you with a chest on the way in, Major." He chuckled.

"And presumably you with one on the way out, Jack." Jacob fired back.

"Teal'c?" Jack looked at his friend, horror on his face.

"May I continue?" Teal'c asked.

Nods from around the table answered.

FLASHBACK

There was much nodding from the creatures. They appeared to understand my explanation. Brownie – the creature holding my ropes – stepped forward and removed them. Blue signaled that I was to follow.

We entered his small tent.

Reminds me of that joke…A Jaffa walks into a bar…OUCH. I knew I should have gone into comedy, but noooOOOooo…I had to set my sights on First Prime…

Blue retrieved a book from a table and offered it me it. After scanning its contents, I realized that it would provide a solution to our dilemma, but before returning, I wished to re-visit the cave to determine if there was anything else for me to learn.

I signaled my wishes.

Blue nodded and a group, including the elder creature, led me to the cavern.

Towards the entrance, Brownie #1, #2 and #3 held me back. I frowned. Within our group was a very pregnant creature in black robes…she stepped forward.

Black is not always so slimming.

She entered the cavern alone. I paused. What if the cavern had the same effects on their people?

There was a flash of light.

A moment later, a slender creature in brown robes emerged. Brownie #3 raced forward and felt the stomach. Chirping and nodding, Brownie #3 led the other creature away. If that was indeed the creature that had entered the cavern, the gender had presumably been altered and the pregnancy terminated.

An interesting form of birth…and population…control.

I indicated that I wished to return to the Stargate. Blue agreed.

After I had dialed the coordinates for home, I signaled that I would return with the passage of some time.

END FLASHBACK

"The book that you were given, Teal'c…is this it?" Thor asked, gently pointing to a dusty tome on the table.

"Indeed." Teal'c replied. "Unfortunately, DanielJackson has left and I believe that only he will be able to interpret its contents."

"Well, it's only cramps." Jack replied. "Surely that can't take too long."

"If only you knew, sir." Sam replied.

"Really?" Jack asked, surprised. "So, menopause is a good thing?"

"We look forward to it on a regular basis, sir."

"Cool."

"Colonel. Major." Hammond piped up. "Please take this book down to the labs and have its contents scanned. Then give the book to Doctor Jackson…if he's not in too much pain to read. I'd like the rest of you to review the scanned copy and see what you can learn."

"I would appreciate a copy sent to my ship, General." Thor requested. "I will be able to work more efficiently there."

"I'm not sure how we can help, General," Jacob spoke up for himself and Selmak, "But we'll offer whatever assistance we can."

"Depending on how Daniel's doing, we might need some advanced pain killers." Jack suggested.

A/N : Okay, so the whole time line of this part doesn't quite "match" what's been happening on Earth. Perhaps, we just chalk this up to general relativity, the passage of time, the speed of light, etc.? Or perhaps, gentle readers, you will ignore this little hiccup?