A/N : If the mere thought of feminine hygiene products makes you queasy...you might want to read this chapter very very quickly. I would never suggest you skip it. ;-)

Day 5 late AM

"You know, I'm in the mood for brunch." Jack mused out-loud as he and Carter made their way to her labs.

"Hungry, sir?" Sam idly asked, her thoughts solely on finding a cure now.

"Maybe." Jack shrugged. "Although, what I've got an appetite for I don't think I'll find in the commissary."

Sam stopped walked and looked at Jack.

"Sir, don't get me wrong…last night was great…wonderful…amazing…"

"But…" Jack prompted.

"We've got the opportunity to find a cure, to go back to the way we were and time is running out."

"What if I don't want things to go back to the way they were?" Jack asked seriously.

"Sir?" Sam stared at her C.O. in disbelief. "How can you say that? Do you honestly want to remain a woman?"

"Maybe." Jack said again. "There have been some perks. I don't think I've ever had so many doors opened for me before…and I admit that women have a much wider selection of bath products."

Sam rolled her eyes.

"Besides, I wasn't talking about remaining a woman...I just don't know if I want other 'things' to return to the way they were." They continued walking. "Granted, it'll be nice to pee standing up again."

"Yeah, I'll miss that." Sam replied.

"OOOOOOO….!" Daniel clutched at his waist as he rocked back and forth on the examination table.

Janet walked towards him, compassion visible on her face.

"Daniel, don't worry…the pain will pass soon." She said comfortingly.

"Not…soon…enough…" Daniels hissed through clenched teeth. He looked at Janet with pain in eyes…and a hint of awe. "You and Sam go through this every month and never say a word! How?"

"Not every month is this bad…and for those that are, well, we're kind of used to it by now. And for those really bad months, I take a few pain killers and Sam gets to kill a few pain-in-the-butt bad guys." Janet checked her pockets, verifying their contents. "Come on, Daniel, we're going to the bathroom."

"Why?" He regarded her nervously.

"I'm not going to let you stay in here and mess up my examination table." Janet said kindly. "Trust me, Daniel, you'll feel better after a trip to the bathroom."

Daniel slowly climbed down to the floor. His posture was slightly hunched over from the pain.

"Ugh." He grunted.

"Take off your jacket, please." Janet instructed.

Frowning, he complied.

"Wrap it around your waist and tie it up in the front." She smiled.

"Oh…that bad?"

"No, not bad, Daniel…but obvious…and as a woman, men will stare at your gorgeous behind on a good day. You don't want looks of admiration turning into looks of horror." Janet grinned. "Admit it, Daniel, despite the 'doctor' title you have, the mere thought of women's biology – other than sex – was a topic you would rather not think of."

Daniel nodded.

"It's safer that way." He replied. "All we want to know is if you're feeling the need to stand up on the roof and shoot at people. I recall someone once said that if women ruled the world, there would be no war…just severe negotiations every 28 days."

Janet snorted.

"Was I cranky?" Daniel asked honestly.

"With everything that's been happening around here, I really haven't noticed." Janet replied truthfully. "Come on…stop stalling…"

"…and go find a bathroom stall." Daniel quipped as they head out of the infirmary.

Teal'c had left the boardroom to rest and meditate, leaving the General, Jacob and Thor to discuss the situation.

"Well…" George cleared his throat.

"So…" Jacob fidgeted.

"This is indeed an interesting situation." Thor commented.

Just wait until I inform the Asgard council of this! They'll pee their…oh, right…we don't wear pants…we may need to change the names of some ships, however…I wonder if SG-1 will pick up the painting costs…

"Have you informed the President, General?" Jacob asked.

George shook his head.

"I thought it best to wait until we either found a solution or realized that this was going to be permanent." He replied. "Granted, I have been thinking about what to say…"

Mr. President…remember that talk you received as a child about the birds and the bees?

Mr. President…have you ever thought of what it would be like to be called Madame President?

Mr. President…it is with extreme pride that I introduce you to SG-1…Colonel Jacqueline O'Neill, Major Samuel Carter and Doctor Danielle Jackson. Oh, the other SG-1 team?...uh…well, you see, sir, there was this planet…

Mr. President…unfortunately, due to hormonal shifting, extreme menopausal symptoms and a severe case of bloating, Colonel O'Neill will be unable to attend supper at the White House tonight.

Mr. President…we have discovered a new weapon against the Goa'uld…Doctor Jackson with PMS.

"Should the book that Teal'c located provide a cure, you should have little problem in finding the right words." Thor said kindly.

"…and using the right pronouns." Jacob added, smiling.

George sighed.

"It's a pretty book with lots of pretty pictures." Jack commented as Sam scanned the contents.

"But it's no kama sutra, sir?" Sam asked without looking up.

"Very good, Carter…humourous and sexy in the work environment." Jack patted Sam's behind. "There's hope for you, after all."

"Shouldn't I be the one doing that, sir?" Sam queried.

"Just reminding myself that I'm a man."

Sam looked up and grinned.

"Really, sir? I don't recall any part of your anatomy being manly last night."

"It's what's on the inside that counts, Carter." Jack said knowingly.

"I believe I was inside you, sir." Sam shot back.

"Yeah…" Jack dreamily replied with a silly grin. "Okay, I admit it will be nice to return the favour…"

Daniel stepped out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his body.

"Feel better?" Janet smiled.

He nodded.

"Okay…now for the tough part." Janet took a deep breath. "Supplies."

Daniel grimaced.

"Cramp?" Janet asked worried.

"No…just the mere idea that we're about to discuss feminine hygiene products and their application…for me."

"Oh, is that all?" Janet grinned. "Look, we're going to go with the simple pad. The other option will probably result in you passing out from just the idea of its application."

Daniel closed his eyes.

If I am ever changed back to a man, I promise this to whatever Supreme Being hears this…I will have the utmost respect and compassion for women during that time of the month…amen…

He opened his eyes.

Janet was explaining how to open the package, unfold it, remove said "supply" and adhere it to the crotch area of the panty.

"Why does it have wings?" Daniel asked. "Is it going on a trip?"

"No. The wings secure the pad in place and minimize leakage."

"What if I don't position it right?" Daniel asked.

What the hell kind of question was that! And why does it smell like baby powder?

"You can reposition it. However, it may take several attempts of positioning and moving around before you find just the right position."

"So, don't wear white pants?" Daniel asked.

"You're in luck, Daniel…there are no white military-issue pants. Unless you want the snow camouflage pants."

"I'll pass…various shades of grey just does nothing for my colouring."

"Contents are scanned, sir." Sam announced.

"Goodie. Why don't you go tell the big boys…I'll take the book to Daniel."

"Yes, sir…as soon as I upload a copy to Thor's ship."

"I wonder what would have happened to our little grey friend if he had entered the cavern."

Sam shrugged.

"Considering they don't really have a gender, sir, I doubt much would have happened."

"Great…Teal'c's comfortable in his masculinity and Thor's comfortable in his neutrality. The Asgard are worse than the Swiss."

Jack grabbed the book and left the lab.

"Hey, Daniel…how's it hangin'?" Jack smiled as found his friend in the infirmary. "Oops…bad choice of words…guess it's not hangin'…not much to hang…of course, at my age, things will start to sag…gravity sucks."

Daniel exhaled loudly, calling upon all his patience not to lash out.

"What would you like, Jack?"

"Not much. Teal'c found this book on our fave little planet and he thinks it contains the solution to our dilemma. We're going to work on a scanned copy, Thor's going back to his ship to work on it and we thought that maybe you could look at the book and…" Jack approached with the book and sniffed the air. "…and…are you wearing baby powder, Daniel?"

The sandy-haired woman winced.

"No." He said painfully.

Jack stepped even closer and took a not-so-delicate sniff.

"Then why do I smell baby powder on you?"

"It's not on me, Jack."

"Okay…I'm confused."

"It's…it's down there." Daniel pointed south.

"Down where?...oh!" Jack's eyes widened. "Really? They come scented?"

Wonder if they have pizza-scented ones?

"Yeah."

Dark brown eyes went from wide to narrow.

"Wait a sec…Carter never smells like baby powder."

"That's probably because she's using a tampon and there would be minimal odour with it inserted in her…"

"Woah! Enough! Stop! Cease! Desist!" Jack held up his hands. "Look…here…book…take…read…solve…just don't tell me any more about this topic of which we will no longer speak…of…any more…no speak…"

Jack frowned at his English.

Daniel took the book.

"I'll get right on it." He replied to Jack's back, as the Colonel made a hasty retreat from the room.