Day 5 PM
Daniel hunched over the tome that Teal'c had acquired. As near as he could gather from a very brief discussion with the former Jaffa, the creatures formed a primitive society with some cultural leanings and yet maintained a strong sense of "tribe". Daniel had mentioned to Teal'c that these creatures sounded fascinating, to which the muscular man had replied "Indeed."
Now alone in his office, Daniel quickly finished his first perusal of the book and was about to start his second when a knock at the door interrupted his studies. He looked up to see Janet in the doorway.
"Hey" He said, smiling a greeting.
"Hey, yourself." Janet replied as she entered the office, carefully stepping around artifacts. "I was debating on how I should be right now…the Napoleonic power monger in me wants to know if you've found the cure, yet the kind and demure woman in me wants to rub your lower back and make sure the cramps are gone."
"Demure?" Daniel snorted.
"Okay…power monger it is." Janet retorted, stepping behind Daniel's chair.
"Noooo!" Daniel playfully batted away Janet's hands from around his neck. "Have pity on me…I'm but a weak female!"
"Weak?" Janet's hands stilled. "Do you really think that we're the weaker gender?"
"Uhh…no?" Daniel replied slowly.
"Daniel!" Janet spun the archaeologist's chair around to face her. "With all that you've experienced in the past few days, do you still maintain that old belief?"
"Well…uh…muscularity speaking…yes, women are for the most part the weaker sex."
"We have to deal with patronizing men, we have to tolerate archaic beliefs, we're better at multi-tasking and we contribute a lot more than two minutes of participation towards the creation and development of offspring." Janet's voice was rising.
"Hey, I contribute more than two minutes!" Daniel protested.
"Just get back to work, Daniel…find the damn cure and return to normal." Janet marched towards the doorway, spinning around when she reached it, to fire a parting shot. "You know, Daniel, I think I like you more as woman…as a man, you remind of why I got a divorce."
Daniel watched her leave.
"Well, that didn't go well." He whispered as he returned his focus back to the book.
"You know, I think I'd be able to focusbetter if I was in your lap." Jack said as he and Sam studied the scanned copy of the book in her lab.
"But I wouldn't, sir…and let's face it, odds are I'll see something before you do."
Jack frowned.
"Are you saying your eyesight is better than mine, Carter?"
"No, sir."
"Are you saying you're smarter than me, Carter?"
"I would never say that, sir."
"Then what are you saying, Carter?"
"I'm just saying, sir, that if you're in my lap, you'll distract me…albeit, you're a very pleasant distraction." Jack preened. "But my brain works differently than yours and I do tend to recognize patterns before you."
"Maybe I let you." Jack pouted.
"Sir?"
"Well, women do tend to sulk and I knew if I let you beat me at somethings, you wouldn't get all upset."
"Sir!"
"See…you're upset now." Jack pointed out calmly.
Sam took a deep breath.
"I am not upset, sir." She looked at Jack. "Do you really let me win?"
"Sometimes." Jack admitted.
"Why?"
Jack hesitated.
"Sir…Jack…why?"
"Just to see you smile, Carter."
"Oh."
They both returned their focus to the book.
A/N : I think I just heard a collective "Awwwww!" from you, my gentle readers.
Thor walked around his science centre, mulling over the copy of the tome that Major Carter had uploaded to his ship. To all outward appearances, he was quiet and serene. Internally, however, he was humming a little ditty from one of his favourite Earth movies.
I could while away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain…
And my head, I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
The Asgard re-read a page…interesting. Time of day played into how the cavern operated…assuming that the placement of the sun in the diagram was correct.
I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry
Life would a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain – Whoa!
The sun passed over the cavern 6 times….
Five had passed already…
Whoa, indeed.
Thor pressed a button or two or three….
If I only had a brain…
Daniel sat on the toilet staring at the package.
A few minutes earlier he had contemplated trying to use a tampon, but while reading the instructions…
Thank god for pictures!
…the phrase "toxic shock syndrome" popped out at him and he had dropped the box to the ground in horror.
So, here he was…sitting on the toilet…staring at an item wrapped in pastel plastic.
He tried to remember what Janet had told him about positioning and folding wings. Frankly, he had nearly thrown up while removing the used pad. Every month! Women went through this every month! As if the cramps weren't bad enough! He knew that not a lot of blood was actually shed, but it certainly looked like it!
I owe Janet an apology.
Daniel positioned the product and secured it in place. The idea of wings stilled made him want to giggle. Standing, Daniel started to pull up his pants when a bright light surrounded him.
Oh no!
"Have I caught you at a bad time, Doctor Jackson?" Thor asked.
"Uh…" Daniel quickly hiked up his pants, wincing at the moment of pain. "No more so than usual, Thor."
"Yes, I do believe that I have an ability which rivals your own for bad time."
Daniel grimaced.
"Crap…I didn't have the chance to wash my hands…or flush." Daniel looked at Thor. "I don't suppose the Asgards have invented wetnaps yet…or water-less antibacterial soap?"
Thor's eyes narrowed.
"Carter! We need to search the base! Quick!" Jack yelled, running towards Sam who was at the sink splashing water on her face.
They had decided to take a break from staring at the book.
"Sir?"
"Something…or someone…is wounded and judging by the amount of blood, horribly so!"
"Sir?"
"Look in the toilet!"
Sam peeked into the stall.
"Actually, sir, I think someone just forgot to flush and considering that this SG-1's bathroom for the time being and the box of tampons on the floor, that someone is probably Daniel."
"Ewwww! That is so gross!"
Teal'c entered the bathroom.
"Is everything okay, Colonel O'Neill? I could hear your expression of displeasure out in the corridor."
"No, it's not!" Jack put his arm around Teal'c. "Come here…I wanna show you something."
Walter found himself slammed against the wall, his reports and paperwork for the General scattered across the floor.
Wondering what weapon had hit him, he looked dazedly up and down the corridor. His last sight as he slumped to the ground was Teal'c running away with a hand over his mouth.
General Hammond and Jacob sat silently in the General's office. Each was lost in their own thoughts over the recent events that had changed SG-1.
Jacob's thoughts, however, were more on the paternal side of things.
My god…Sam…Mark has a brother…what will we tell him if we don't find a cure? I mean, Sam's job has to remain hidden…
Selmak's thoughts popped in.
We could always tell him that Sam wanted a gender change and that the military agreed to it as, according to her cover story, she's not usually in a position to go off and fight.
Jacob glared inwardly.
Mark will never believe that Sam was a man trapped in a woman's body!
Amusement.
It would be interesting to see his reaction…and his children's to "Uncle Sam."
Jacob winced.
Uncle Sam! That's horrible!
A/N : A little bit of humour for my American readers.
Selmak "giggled."
You named her.
Her mother had a say, too, you know!
She'll make an amazing solider now.
She is an amazing solider now…no matter what her sex is.
I know…just testing you.
Shouldn'tyou be finding a way to cure them instead of testing me?
I can not.
Why not?
You're not reading the book.
Oh.
George mulled less-than-paternal thoughts and inwardly gave thanks that symbiots did not give their host telepathic abilities, as well.
I can't believe that I'm attracted to Jack O'Neill! Sure, as a man, I can admit that he's in much better than shape than me…thus making him a more physically attractive man…but as a woman…crap, I can't work with him…her…this…us…this is going to make things damnably awkward.
The General shifted in his chair to find a more comfortable position with his pants.
We have to find a way to get them back to normal…well, back to the way they were. Normal is such a subjective term. I can't deal with this…telling the President, dealing with Jack, remembering the regs…not to mention Daniel's mood swings…
I need to see what I can do.
"I'm going to see if they need help." George and Jacob announced at the same time.
They grinned at each other.
"You know, Thor, you should really give a signal to the person before you beam them up."
"Why is that, Doctor Jackson?"
"Well, you literally caught me with my pants down…and that can make things pretty awkward."
"I do not feel awkward."
"I did…do…I mean, what if you had company when you did that? And this was going to be my first time meeting them? First impressions are lasting impressions…and me with my pants around my ankles isn't exactly the impression I would want to leave."
Thor's eyes narrowed a bit.
These humans are so self-centred! How does he think I feel! I don't even have pants! I have walk around exposing myself to the Universe. For an advanced race, you think we'd be able to invent clothing. But no…I have to flaunt the fact that I have no reproductive organs for the whole galaxy to see. I have to display my so-called higher evolution by proclaiming that I do not need to have sex in order to procreate…
Yup…evolution…the higher up you go, the less fun life becomes. We should print up some business cards for ourselves…The Asgards : When you want to throw a damper on your party, just call us!
"Your pants aside, Doctor Jackson, I believe that I havedetermined the method for you to return to normal."
His embarrassment forgotten, Daniel stepped closer to the console as Thor pressed some buttons.
I wonder if he presses the buttons slower or incorrectly when he knows that someone is standing behind him…
"Hey, you notice how the brown-robed ones go in and come out in black robes?" Jack pointed out.
"Robed?" Sam asked. "Is that even a word?"
"Well, it didn't get a red squiggly line underneath it when I typed it."
"Why were you typing 'robed', sir?"
Jack shrugged way too innocently for Sam's liking.
"Anyway, Carter, my point is how the black robes become brown and brown becomes black."
"You think the robes represent colour? Gender in, gender out?" Sam queried.
"So that's what GIGO stands for…" Jack mused.
"How's it going?" George asked, entered the lab with Jacob.
Must…fight…urge…to…ogle…Jack…
The General's fingers twitched.
"The Colonel might be on to something, sir." Sam stated and quickly explained her C.O.'s theory.
"Doctor Frasier, I have come to ask you a question." Teal'c announced.
Janet looked up from her computer, where she studied the most recent blood samples from SG-1. Time was running out.
"Of course. Fire away."
"Why would I wish to harm you in that manner?"
"It's just an expression, Teal'c. What is your question?"
"This monthly cycle of women…is it usually so…uncomfortable for humans?"
"Human men or human women, Teal'c?" Janet bit back a smile. "Surely your wife experienced something similar."
"Yes. However, it was something of which we did not speak. It was a private matter, experienced by women and discussed of only by women."
"What did you do when she experience her cycle?" Janet asked, curious.
"Stayed in the barracks with the other Jaffa." Teal'c remembered. "It was much…safer."
Janet lowered her eyes in amusement.
"I see." She said slowly.
"I wish to learn more about this bodily function, Doctor Frasier."
"Why?"
"Either way, there will be at least one female on the SG-1 team. I must know my team. Therefore, I must understand how the female body operates."
"Okay." Janet pursed her lips in thought. "I think I have a book around here with some good diagrams, showing how everything links up and…operates…"
Teal'c's eyes followed the doctor as she roamed around her office.
"Ah ha!" She cried out happily. "Success!"
"Your method of storing notes and books is much more organized than Doctor Jackson's." Teal'c remarked. "Perhaps you could teach him your method?"
"Frankly, Teal'c, I don't think Daniel is capable of learning anything." Janet said sadly. "Look, here's the book…read it and if you have any more questions, please ask."
"I shall remain here to read. It should not take me much time…the female body can not be that complex."
Janet glared at the large man.
"On second thought, perhaps I will read this elsewhere. Thank you, Doctor Frasier."
There was a bright flash of light.
"Or for the love of…" Jack thought angrily.
"Why does he always do this when I'm in the middle of something?" Sam mentally cursed.
"I wonder if he could accidentally forget to reconstitute a few of these fat cells for me?" Hammond mused.
"Why can't he ask first?" Jacob tiredly thought.
"Wheee!" Selmak chirped.
"Greetings." Thor said, nodding from his console station.
"Hey, folks." Daniel waved.
"Daniel…we need to talk about bathroom etiquette." Jack said, stepping towards the younger man.
"Can it wait, Jack? Thor's on to something."
"Yeah, well so are we and I was in the process of explaining it when we were brought up here." Sam snapped out.
"Easy, Carter." Jack tried to calm her down. "Normally, I'd say ladies first, but I'm not sure what to do here. The woman's a man. The man's a woman. And we have one gender impaired."
Thor's head tilted.
"Seeing as how the Major was in the process of explaining what you found before we were beamed up here," George started, "How about she finish and then we'll hear what Thor and Doctor Jackson have to say."
Teal'c sat as the table, meal untouched. He was reading the book Doctor Frasier gave him. The female body sounded much more complex than he had originally anticipated.
"Teal'c…what're you reading?" Sergeant Harriman stood across from him.
"A book on the female reproductive system."
Eyes widened behind the glasses.
"Oh."
"Do you know much about women, Sergeant Walter Harriman?"
"Uhhh…"
"I shall take that as a no." Teal'c stood. "I shall continue to read this elsewhere."
Turning to leave the commissary, Teal'c turned a page in the open book and came face-to-face with a colourfully accurate picture of the internal female anatomy.
He fainted.
"The robes do appear to symbolize the gender of the creatures." Thor concurred as Sam finished explaining what she and Jack had discovered. "I have also realized that the location of the sun has a role. The ceremony appears to occur only when the sun is on the far side of the mountain. As it passes over, no more rituals occur. I have also discovered that after 6 passes of the sun, the change is permanent."
"Five have already passed." Sam's eyes widened in horror.
"Yes, Major Carter. You must return to the planet."
"Do we need robes?" Daniel asked, eager to blend into a new society.
"As the change worked for you before while you were in uniform, I believe that it will work for you now." Thor replied.
"Can you beam us back into the gateroom?" Jack asked.
"Yes." Thor nodded and proceeded to press more buttons.
"Thank…"
Bright flash of light.
"…you." Jack said, staring at the Stargate. "You know, his timing sucks."
"Sergeant! Dial up…umm…" George called out.
"Dialing, sir!" Walter called down though the speaker system.
"Where's Teal'c?" Sam asked loudly.
"Infirmary, ma'am…he banged his head in the commissary."
"How?" Jack called out.
Walter blushed.
"I'd rather let him explain it to you, sir….Chevron 1 encoded."
"You do not need Teal'c for this mission." Hammond stated.
"Chevron 2 encoded!"
"Sam…good luck." Jacob hugged his daughter...son...Sam.
"Chevron 3 encoded!"
George nodded as some airmen came racing in with off-world gear.
"Just in case you need it, Colonel." He said.
"Chevron 4 encoded!"
"Thank you, sir." Jack saluted.
Hammond tried not to stare at Jack's chest…unsuccessfully.
If this works, I'm going to miss those…
"Chevron 5 encoded!"
"You know, I can't say I'm going to miss cramps." Daniel mused.
"Chevron 6 encoded!"
"Jack, be careful." Jacob said.
"Chevron 7 locked!"
"SG-1…you have a go." George announced.
Together, he and Jacob watched as the team walked up the ramp and into the wormhole.
"I hope this works." Jacob said softly.
"We'll find out soon enough."
"Did Thor say how long this would take?"
"No…but if he's right about the sun…hopefully, we'll find out in a few hours."