Chapter eleven.
The door silently swung shut but I could barely move, considering all the emotional turmoil I'd gone through in the past three weeks I was bound to enter a cationic state sooner or later.
"Relax I don't think they saw us" whispered Maggie, I slowly blinked.
"Hey wait a second am I still hallucinating or are you two girls really in my bathroom?" another voice, male and wheezy asked and slowly I managed to turn my head.
Duck's room mate was sitting in the bathtub and oddly enough it was filled with ice.
There were several things you should know about Ducky's roommate, he's name was Ernest but everyone called him Ernie. He tended to wear big Hawaiian shirts which looked terrible against his ginger hair and he was morbidly obese.
I'd only ever met him once before and he'd insisted that he needed his build for his future career as a professional opera singer.
"Oh wait a second you're that girl who helped Ducky move in after break right? He's little sister?" Ernie asked and Maggie shot me a curious look.
"She's not his little sister" Maggie corrected him.
"I assumed she was, he's always talking about her but she's not his girlfriend or anything," Ernie said.
"Why are you sitting in a bathtub filled with ice?" I finally choked my voice sounding strangled.
"I've got my eastern philosophy exam coming up," he said as if that explained it all.
"And?" Maggie prompted him.
"I'm trying to give myself pneumonia," he added stretching his gigantic flabby arms.
"I think I need to sit down" I choked my feet collapsing underneath me.
"Whoa easy now, try not to break anything" Maggie cried catching me by my arms and easing me onto the floor.
"Is she on drugs? Because I cant have unhealthy substances polluting my atmosphere and ruining my voice" Ernie grumbled.
"She's not on drugs, she's upset because she just saw the boy she's in love with frenching some skanky whore," Maggie hissed.
"Dude she shouldn't be having feelings like that for her brother, I mean that's just gross" he grimaced.
"She's not his sister for the last time! And don't you think your being a little bit retarded? Giving yourself pneumonia will do far more damage to your vocal chords then a bit of pot," Maggie snorted.
"Oh what would you know?" he asked flippantly.
"I happen to be a professional singer, if you're going to try and get out of an exam by faking an illness you should try a suicide attempt" Maggie cried.
"Oh yeah like I'm really going to cut up my wrists"
"You can just stand on top of a bridge just as easily and it's not like you actually have to jump" Maggie informed him and suddenly I remembered what Maggie had done a week before last years English final.
"Maggie!" I hissed with horror.
"What? I needed extra time! That book of poetry was over eight hundred pages," she pointed out.
"A suicide attempt, it would add a certain amount of flair to my autobiography" Ernie said shooting Maggie an approving look.
"I thought that myself, I'm Maggie by the way so are you really a singer?" Maggie asked.
"An Opera tenor" he corrected her.
"Gosh" said Maggie looking faintly impressed.
"So are you Ducky's sister?" he asked.
" Ducky doesn't have any sisters! We're friends from Palo City.. how long do you think he'll be in there with the Goth girl?" she asked.
"With Christina? Hard to say, he only ever hooks up with her when he's stressed over finals"
"I guess we'll go through the fire escape then" I sighed feeling rather Goth myself.
"Cant, some guys set fire to the fire escape a month ago" Ernie said shifting slightly causing a dozen half melted ice cubes to slosh onto the floor.
"Why on earth would any one set fire to the fire escape?" Maggie asked.
"They're post modern art students, it was apart of their exam" Ernie grinned and I groaned.
"We have to figure out a way to get Ducky out of there so we can leave" I finally said.
"Maybe if we're lucky he'll only last two minutes, I mean it is Ducky" Maggie said carefully.
"How well do you guys actually know Ducky?" Ernie asked shooting us both a bemused look.
"What are you implying exactly?" I asked coldly.
"Well he's a smart reasonably good looking guy who knows how to spin the nice sensitive dude act, on average lets say he has enough experience to go way longer then two minutes" Ernie chuckled to himself.
"This is so disturbing, if I wasn't apposed to guns I'd shoot myself in the head" I cried clamping my hands over my ears.
"It's not like you'll here anything, I think he's put a Rocket Summer CD on" Maggie said and I very nearly started to cry again.
"I gave him that CD for Christmas" I whispered.
"Dudes if you really want to get rid of them you could trigger the sprinkler system, I'm pretty sure that still works" Ernie said conversationally pointing upwards towards a smoke detector.
"Maggie get out your lighter" I said grimly and Maggie shot me an innocent look.
"I know perfectly well that you smoke in nightclubs in an attempt to look hard core Maggie, the lighter now" I said extending my hand and she reluctantly handed me the lighter.
It was in the shape of a naked man that cut off just above its package.
"It was a gift from Rico" Maggie blushed. I glanced around the room warily, the toilet was too far away from the smoke detector, there were no chairs, and I wasn't going to risk my chances on the very dodgy sink. The bath tub looked like my only shot and I climbed onto the edge of it balancing myself precariously on one foot while turning on the lighter and waving it underneath the smoke detector.
"How long do you think this will take to work? It normally happens instantly in Daddy's movies" Maggie mused and I cried out with triumph as the dormitory filled with the sound of the smoke alarm going off and the sprinklers whooshed into life.
"I think I should point out that I can see up your dress" Ernie said in a reproachful tone of voice.
"What?" I cried and in that instant of shock and uncertainty my foot slipped on the bath's edge and I went crashing straight into the tub.
"Dawn is you alright?" Maggie cried running towards me and slipping over on the floor, which was rapidly turning, into a lake.
"I'm fine, just freezing! Check and see if they've left" I hissed my teeth chattering together.
"You know this is the first time I've ever shared a bath with some one" grinned Ernest and Maggie squealed as the bathroom door was flung open. Maggie ducked behind the open door and I gasped with horror as I realized Ducky had entered the room without his shirt on clutching onto an umbrella covered in yellow flowers.
I recognized it instantly, it was the umbrella I'd lent him ages ago when it rained during our trip to Disneyland.
"Ernie are you ok…" Ducky began and then he trailed off when his eyes fell on me.
"Dude I'm fine accept for the smoke alarm going off" Ernie said cheerfully.
"Um why are you sitting with Ernie in a bathtub full of ice?" he asked me and I froze, I couldn't think of a single logical explanation for my behavior.
"Dude who are you talking to?" Ernie asked and Ducky shot him a baffled look before pointing at me.
"My friend Dawn, she's sitting with you in the bathtub" he cried.
"Why would your friend Dawn share a bathtub full of ice with me?" Ernie asked gently.
"Am I seeing things?" Ducky said his voice catching in his throat.
It was the perfect plan, Ducky was far to socially polite to point out that I was sitting in the bathtub in a dress which was rapidly growing transparent.
He stared at us both his eyes lingering on me.
"What are you staring at Dude?" Ernie asked, Ducky's mouth slowly opened before snapping shut again.
I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to, and I realized that the ice was beginning to rapidly melt.
Ducky blinked again and then he shut the door, I breathed out heavily with relief as the door shut and then once the coast was clear I crawled out of the tub.
"Dude did you see the look on his face?" Ernie said.
"Look?" I asked puzzled and Maggie crept out from behind the door.
"He looked as if some one had kicked his favorite puppy" she mused.
An hour later I found myself back in my bedroom tossing my damp dress into the hamper. Maggie and I had hung around for another ten minutes until we heard Ducky leave, I tried to ignore the fact that Maggie wrote her cell phone number down on the collar of Ernie's shirt.
Those two hooking up was the last thing I needed.
I caught my reflection in the mirror and I sighed, my eyes falling on my yellow panties with the red love hearts and the stupid white lace bra that didn't even match.
Even with the microphone taped onto the left cup I still looked stupid and childish.
I put on my old free Tibet t-shirt and then collapsed onto my bed, it was barely four in the afternoon.
I still had eight hours before I'd have to leave.
There was a knock at the door and I sighed rolling my eyes.
"Come in" I snapped and Carol opened the door, Carol barely even noticed when I was being rude to her.
I guess she was used to it after three years.
"Dawn why aren't you wearing any pants?" she asked and I gestured to the wet dress in the hamper.
"So you're not planning on going out tonight?" Carol asked and I shrugged my shoulders before burying my face into my pillow.
"Good because you're watching Grace" Carol said promptly.
"No I'm not" I replied.
"Yes you are, I wrote it down on your calendar" Carol said.
"You did not!" I snapped and Carol picked up a magic marker before scrawling "watch Gracie" onto the rainforest themed calendar I kept on my wall.
"I have plans later on, important plans" I said seriously.
"Such as?" Carol asked curiously, but I couldn't tell her.
"Thought as much, your dad and I will be out until two for some sort of cocktail party and Jeff is staying over at a friends" Carol said placing the magic marker back on my dressing table.
I knew that there was no real point in arguing with Carol when she entered her own little dream like world, the best thing to do was to do things behind her back.
As soon as she left I picked up my cell phone and called Jill.
"Hey Jill, how do you feel about hanging out with Gracie tonight?" I asked.
It's not as if I dislike my three year old sister, in fact I love her but well when you live with her day in and day out she does tend to get a little annoying. It's even worse when she teams up with some one who is technically her soul mate, like Jill. After three hours of sitting with both of them in the den I was thinking of going against my no guns policy so I could plant a bullet into my brain.
"This is Lizabeth" said Gracie with a proud smile on her face holding up her brunette Barbie that was dressed in a long what satin ball gown.
"You mean she's named after you? How cute" squealed Jill.
"No it's named after Elizabeth Bennet, I have no idea why a three year old would be obsessed with that movie" I sighed as I packed my handbag for the night.
"How cute! She should have a ball" squealed Jill.
"With flying fairies" grinned Gracie.
"And a unicorn!"
"And pink tea!"
"No more pink tea! She was supposed to be in bed two hours ago and if you give her anymore sugar she'll be up all night" I groaned.
"Just one bit Dawnie" Gracie pleaded.
"No, honestly if I get back from meeting the terrorists and find her painting on the walls with lipstick I will kill her Jill" I snorted.
"Hey I babysat as well! I can handle her"
"Jill your idea of decent babysitting usually involved randomly bribing small children with ice-cream" I recalled.
"it always worked and I don't believe in punishing children" Jill glared at me and jumped as the door bell rang.
"Don't answer it, it'll be a serial killer!" shrieked Jill and I ignored her heading for the door.
Instantly I gasped with shock and almost shut the door in Ducky's face.
"Is it a serial killer?" shrieked Jill and Gracie began to cry.
"It's Ducky"
"Dawn you're not supposed to have boyfriends over while you're babysitting!" Jill cried.
"It's my house!" I called back and Ducky was still staring at me looking both sheepish and terrified.
"Um Dawn hi" he began.
"Ducky! Um why are you blushing?" I asked and I realized his eyes were hovering around my neither regions.
"Well you're not wearing any pants" he pointed out and I gasped with mortification.
"Oh god" I shrieked before running to my bedroom. The Schafer house hold was pretty laid back and my free Tibet shirt hovered to just below my thighs so I'd never actually gotten around to putting my jeans back on. After a few moments of frantic scrambling I tugged on my faded jeans and ran back to the hall way.
Gracie had now abducted Ducky and was carefully tying silk ribbons into his shaggy brown hair.
"I had the weirdest dream this afternoon" he began as Jill helped Gracie add a bright blue ribbon.
"And you couldn't have just called?" I asked and he slowly shook his head.
"Can we go for a drive?" he asked and Jill grinned her head off before nodding enthusiastically.
"But you don't have a car" I reminded him.
"I do now"
"Oh crap"
"Please Dawn" and I very nearly said yes but then I heard the hall clock chime ten thirty.
"I cant, I have some where I need to be" I said.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Of course not!"
"Because I know you've been working at McDonald's to pay for the car Dawn! That stoner Mechanic told me a lot" he began.
"That's where I have to be actually, call me in the morning" I said walking back into the hallway and Ducky grabbed onto my hand.
"No"
"Come on Ducky I'm going to be late" I snapped grabbing onto my purse while adjusting the recorder in my bra.
"I'll drive you, this is important" he said and I sighed realizing I wasn't going to get rid of him.
"Fine" I admitted reluctantly.
"Jill watch Gracie and keep her out of Carol's make up bag"
Outside stood the reincarnation of Ducky's car. In the dim street light I could see that Seth had for some bizarre reason repainted Ducky's entire car in shades of bright red, orange and yellow with a massive sun on the roof.
"Oh my god" I muttered.
"I'm guessing that this wasn't your idea?"
"Of course not, I'm not color blind" I snorted.
"Well at least I'm mobile again" Ducky mused.
The inside of the car had been completely redone in orange shag carpet, including the roof and the seats.
"I can't believe he used my hard earned money to do this!" I snapped.
"Actually I kind of like it, very nineteen seventies pimp" Ducky said starting up the engine and I reluctantly fastened my seat belt.
"So where are we going?"
"The McDonalds on Bluegrass avenue" I replied my eyes falling onto my shaking hands.
"So my dream" he began.
"Hmm?"
"You've always been good at interoperating them and this one was really weird, in my dream I opened my bathroom door only to find you in a bathtub with my room mate wearing that really cute pink dress of yours" he began.
"Well that symbolizes many things" I said diplomatically.
"Only in my dream I felt physically sick, like everything that could have ever gone wrong with the universe had gone wrong and there was nothing I could do to change it" Ducky began.
"I would feel that way if I saw Ernie in the bath as well" I joked.
"It wasn't that" he half laughed.
"Then what was it?"
"We've been friends for a long time right? Almost forever?" he asked.
"Three years actually"
"And that's the longest healthy relationship I've ever had with a girl! I mean I even once went a month without talking to Sunny" he pointed out.
"After the gay bar incident" I recalled out loud.
"I still get the shivers when I see fairy wings" Ducky shuddered.
"Ducky are you going to get to a point sometime soon?" I asked.
"I'm trying to have a serious discussion with you and all you care about is whether or not I'm going to get to the point"
"I'm under a lot of stress!" I cried with frustration.
"And does this stress explain why we're driving to McDonalds in the middle of the night?"
"Maybe, keep driving" I replied.
"Remember a few years ago when we were out at that restaurant and my friend Jake was acting like he liked you?"
"That insensitive asshole! He practically force fed me those disgusting ribs" I recalled and Ducky burst out laughing.
"I knew he wasn't right for you but the weird thing was I really cared, it was like watching a cross over episode where Jack from Lost hooks up with Bree from Desperate Housewives"
"You mean totally screwed up?' I joked.
"I'm serious Dawn and it's weird because I've never really had that kind of reaction towards any one before" he continued.
"The McDonald's is just here, pull over"
"For Christ sake Dawn!" he practically screamed before pulling over.
"You can tell me every thing soon ok? This is serious" I snapped back.
"What can be more serious then this? If you don't want me to tell you how I feel then.." began.
" How you feel?" I began slightly stunned.
"Yes"
"You mean you feel well.. feelings?"
"Um" Ducky began sheepishly.
"Oh Ducky" I said quietly not quite sure how to react and he glanced up from the steering wheel a small smile on his face.
For one moment and for the very first time I thought that maybe the world of romance would finally work for me.
That I'd finally be able to get in a relationship with a guy that didn't result in him living in Kansas, cheating on me with an older woman or never bothering to answer my letters after saying farewell on a cruise.
I slowly reached forward and his hand grabbed onto mine, then suddenly we both heard the sound of a hand knocking on Ducky's window.
"Hold on it's probably a windscreen wiper wanting change" he grinned opened the door.
There was a sudden flash of metal in the dark and then a faint hissing sound followed by Ducky screeching with pain.
I watched as Ducky slumped sideways and I barely grabbed him in time as a thick dark red stain began to blossom on his favorite shirt.
"Dawn?" he questioned and I glanced up dreading what I'd see.
The woman stood before me clutching onto a butchers knife an impassive expression on her face.
"Thought you could bring a spook with you huh? Well I told you what would happen if you brought in the authorities" she informed me a small smile crossing her features.