Watching

A Short Piece Written By Genjo-Fujimiya-Houshi

Disclaimer: The usual. Gensoumaden Saiyuki is not mine. The Sanzo-ikkou are not mine, neither is Kanna. Just borrowing them it is called fanfiction after all.

Author's Note: Not my longest, but I rather like it. 38 hintings (Sanzo/Hakkai) and mention of Kanna. Hakkai's POV. 383 words. I find that amusing because I have no life and I'm a dork that way.

Kanna. Didn't I promise that I'd live on for myself from that moment on? I thought I was undeserving of another chance, because I wasn't able to save you. I could never really forgive myself. In my eyes, I was the one who killed you. With that thought, I cannot move on. No matter how much you've told me to let go. The memory of you won't let me. You don't mean to imprison me. It's my own fault.

I refuse to let go, Kanna. I don't want to lose you again.

And yet, I watch him from a far. He doesn't tell me much, Actually - he doesn't tell anyone much. Though I do know that there's more to him than he lets on. I can feel that we're somehow kindred. He as well, has been through so much pain. Pain that he claims as his own, that he lives with and hides. I know that feeling all too well.

I look at him and smile, wondering if he'd ever decide to look at my direction and just decide to talk. But I know him better than that. I won't force anything out of him either. The more I do that, the more it irritates him and the more irritated he gets, the more he closes up. I've seen this happen before, Since I have known him for three years. I've picked up a bit on the type of character that he is.

He's strong, I know that for sure.

I think I might be able to see something in him. There might be a little bit of hope, this could be the chance I have. To forgive myself, to let go of the haunting thought of you. Let me see what happens from here on, Kanna. Maybe a few months, years will pass on. Maybe then I'll learn how to love him the way I did you.

But for now, as I haven't forgiven myself. Let me just stay here in your embrace. Perhaps I'll watch him from a far.

OWARI

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