Ron woke, bolt upright. "Harry!"
"Huh? What…did…you…wake me for?" Harry muttered into his pillow, half awake. Some of his hair was stuck to the side of his face. Drool no doubt.
"Snape's essay!"
"Dammit."
Harry groggily managed to crawl out of bed and put on his glasses. Ron already had his dressing gown on. "What time is it?"
"Five."
"Which means we've still got four hours to complete this stinking essay. Do you know what to do?"
"Nope, better go to Hermione's favourite place in the world."
Harry and Ron stumbled out of the fat lady's portrait, much to her annoyance. Ron stopped. "Harry you prat, you forgot your invisibility cloak!"
"Oh damn yeah, hold on." Harry turned to go back into the common room but the fat lady was gone. Harry swore. "Looks like we're gonna have to go without being seen."
"That'll work out well," Ron scornfully.
Despite the odds, they managed to find their way into the library without being seen. They rested their lantern on a table. "Antidotes, antidotes," muttered Ron, "Lucky it's an easy topic!"
"Don't count your chickens," Harry said absent-mindedly. He picked up several books, a few which had obvious titles like "Antidotes: A beginners guide" and "Poison's got you down?" Ron came back with a handful of books.
"You know," said Harry, "If you stand a little more to the left, from the lighting you look just like Hermione!" Ron punched Harry.
"Right let's get to work then." Ron opened up a book. The pages were blank. "Huh?"
"Let me try," said Harry impatiently, opening "Simple counter-acting potions." The pages were completely blank. The pair of them opened all the books they had borrowed; all of which contained zilch. Nada. Nil. Zero.
"Curse you Snape!" howled Ron loudly.
"Shhhh!" shushed Harry.
Without bothering to pack away the books they made it back to their common room. "Harry what time is it?"
"Five thirty."
"We better ask Hermione. I knew she was probably doing something important, when we were playing that game of wizard snap…" The fat lady had returned, thankfully and the portrait swung open.
Harry glanced up at the staircase of the girl dorm. The duo looked at each other bravely, nodded once and proceeded to climb the steps. Nonetheless, the steps changed being steps to…slides. At once the boys found themselves on their tushes. They looked at each other in dismay.
"What now?" asked Harry. "The only choice we have is to yell from here."
Ron cleared his throat. Harry grabbed his arm. "Are you kidding!"
"Harry it's this or…facing Snape every day next week!" Harry weighed the options. He cleared his throat.
"Ready?" Ron nodded.
"One, two three…" Harry counted. "HERMIONE!" Harry conveniently 'forgot' to bellow Hermione's name, leaving Ron to look very, very stupid. Ron hit him hard. Harry laughed.
"Harry you prat!"
"Well it's not like anyone heard you. No one's come out yet." Harry was wrong. He and Ron heard some whispering, then some giggling.
"Quick hide!" The two of them hid under a table, looking completely unintelligent indeed. Hermione's footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. She was wearing her dressing gown. "Ron?"
Harry and Ron emerged from the table. "Oh err- hi Hermione. We thought you might be someone else," said Ron confidently.
"Uh-huh. And was it you who yelled my name for the world to hear?"
Ron's grin evaporated. "The world?"
"Listen Hermione," cut in Harry. "We need your help for Snape's essay."
"And you're doing it now?" asked Hermione, half-exasperated, half smiling.
"Um, yeah, that's the general point. You see we went to the library and-"
"All the books on antidotes blank. I know, I went there too." Hermione exhaled noisily and sat at a table. She pulled up some sheets of parchment left out. "So do you know anything at all about antidotes, or do you expect me to start from scratch?"
"Hermione we owe you." Ron collapsed on the table. "A lot."
Three hours later, they had finished. Harry stood up grimly. "Snape better like this, slimy git."
"At least we've got Defence Against the Dark Arts this afternoon." Hermione put her scrolls away.
The trio grabbed a quick breakfast of toast and made their way to the dungeons. Snape wasn't in the classroom; Professor McGonagall was.
"Sit down class!" she commanded, much to everyone's confusion. They muttered to themselves.
"Maybe she killed him," Ron said hopefully.
"Mr. Weasley!" barked McGonagall, hearing, but there was a distinctive lightness in her voice. "Professor Snape is ill today. He won't be joining us." The class buzzed.
"What's wrong with him?" asked Harry, suppressing a grin.
"I called for him in his office, but he didn't answer," McGonagall replied, putting her notes on the desk. A large pile of dust flew out from underneath. She wrinkled her nose. Doesn't he ever clean? she thought irritably.
"Maybe he is dead," hinted Harry.
"No," McGonagall snapped, hearing. "I could hear his breathing. Now class, although he isn't here I would like your essays." The class groaned.
Severus had fallen asleep when he had drunk the potion. He had been rudely awoken early in the morning by McGonagall. She had knocked loudly on his door.
"Severus!" she had said. Snape opened a bleary eye. He was thoroughly exhausted. Maybe if I keep quiet she'll go away. He put his head on the desk and fell back asleep. Hearing his heavy breathing she sighed and walked away.
He woke up a few hours later, feeling refreshed. He stretched. Ahhh, that was a good sleep. He also felt different. What happened last night? Oh that potion. Snape stopped. He remembered drinking it and collapsed in fatigue. "Oh no!" he pinched himself. Good I'm still alive.
His eyes opened fully. He surveyed his dingy office with renewed interest. He stood up and looked into his mirror. Funny, he had never done that before… He looked into it and gasped. I never knew I was so beautiful! His appearance had changed dramatically. His normally sallow face was an appealing shade of ivory, with his cheeks even more hollow. He sucked them in. Hmmm… He ran a hand through his hair and purred. It was a little longer than usual, beautifully clean and…shiny? He turned around. The candlelight reflected off of his hair. He smiled, but felt something inside his mouth. He opened his mouth. Inside there were… fangs! Four pointed fangs in the place of his canine teeth. Snape rotated his jaws. He'd have to get used to those. Suddenly his eyes gleamed red, and he felt a powerful craving for blood.
Who to drink? He mused to himself, taken aback slightly. Was he…a vampire? He had read about vampires, even taught a class a few years ago, replacing – Lupin. He stepped out of his office. There were quite a few children that looked tasty enough, but their blood was too young. He needed… an adult…
Wandering around the school, pacing, he stopped at a door to listen to the breathing. Dissatisfied he moved on. He carried on in this manner. Finally he came to a door and heard an adult breathing. Snape's eyes gleamed again. He smoothed back his hair and strode in assertively.
"Lupin." Snape swept imperiously into the office and planted himself directly in front of Lupin's desk. The candlelight caused a long shadow of Snape to stretch across the floor. He spent a minute or two to appreciate it.
Lupin coughed. "Hello Snape, thanks for the Wolfsbane potion." He looked at Snape warily who was admiring himself at the back of a spoon. "Erm… are you feeling okay?"
"Perfectly. In fact I've never felt so glorious in all my life!" Snape shook his head, allowing his raven tresses to fall ideally around his face.
Lupin regarded Snape suspiciously, waiting for some snide mark to be over with, and for Snape to be on his merry way. As Snape wasn't saying anything, and was walking around the room to see which item his reflection looked best in, Lupin sniffed. He looked at Snape properly. He looked… altered. His hair was longer and… hygienic? Lupin was shocked. His face looked different too. Less human, but more attractive. Remus mentally scolded himself. Snape caught Lupin looking at him.
"Severus you look… different."
Snape merely smirked in response. "I know, I know," he said immodestly. "I know you've had an eye on me for some time."
"What?" Lupin gasped in disbelief.
"Don't be a fool, Remus. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about." He paused, and then added significantly, "the tension between us has reached burdening levels. You know you can't resist me."
Lupin jumped up to his feet. His grabbed his wand. "LEAVE!"
Snape smiled. "I know you want to be strong, but face it. No one can resist my sex appeal. So just embrace it." Lupin glared. Did one of his potions go stale? Snape advanced him. Lupin backed away.
"Now," began Snape dramatically. He swept his robes magnificently around him. "You can't deny it – my sleek locks, my elegance, my charm-"
Lupin, positively alarmed now, grabbed a bottle and threw it at his head. "Snape, get out!"
"I'd prefer you not to call me Snape. I'd like you to call me…Count Snape." He was puffing up his chest and looking into a small hand mirror.
"Count Snape?" asked Lupin. Snape was officially out of his mind. His narrowed his eyes, then faltered. Snape put his index fingers to the sides of his mouth and pushed upwards. He slowly turned around.
"I'm hungry Remus," he said deliberately, revealing his teeth to the fullest extent. Remus, frightened at his sharpened canines pointed his wand at Snape.
"Begone!"
Snape laughed and pushed the wand away. "I need to taste you," he said, looking pointedly at Lupin. Remus didn't know Snape was a vampire yet. He just thought Snape was playing some kind of sexually deranged game and bought the fangs from a joke shop. So naturally he assumed the worst; that is, he didn't think Snape wanted to taste his blood, but a completely different meaning altogether… Lupin fell on the floor and scrambled back. Drat. Snape had now gotten him into a corner.
"Come now Remus," said Snape seductively. "My voice alone should be enough…to lure you…"
Lupin was seriously worried about Snape's mental stability. Ambivalently he stood up. "Severus," he said sharply. "Quit this game at once. I'm seriously worried about your mental stability."
"Oh?" Snape said airily. "I suppose the truth might prevail for once. May it interest you to know I am creature of the dark? Nocturnally smitten to the shadows?"
Lupin started smirking. "I suppose that's possible."
"Of course. I spend my days brooding in the darkened dungeons of death, I glide around so gracefully in my black robes, I have alluring qualities that draw all to me in animal magnetism. There is only one conclusion – I'm a Vampire."
Lupin fell back against the wall, fear drained out of him and replaced by laughter. "Ahh ahahaha - haha hahah – hahaha-"
"What are you laughing at, pitiless human! Dare you question my unrivalled charm? Damn these dramatic monologues," he cursed to himself. He leaned against a wall casually – a pose to be envied by any candidate of the Hogwarts Sex God. "Come here," he commanded.
"Why?" asked Lupin, one eyebrow raised. He put his wand away. He wouldn't need it. Snape's ego would soon deflate.
"You know you have the fleshly desires to be with me!" Severus conjured a comb out of mid-air and started smoothing it through his hair. His stomached thundered. Loudly.
Snape opened his mouth and slid towards to Lupin. Lupin smile wavered. Snape looked as if he meant business. "Look Count Snape," he said. "I'm not enjoying your ridiculous fantasy. So please go away and find someone else to play with."
Snape's massive ego was injured. He grabbed Lupin's robes with surprising strength. He titled Lupin's head to one side "Look you irrational werewolf," he hissed manically, "I AM a Vampire and I'll prove it to you." And with that he proved his species to Lupin and sunk his teeth in.
"That was one crazy Care Of Magical Creatures lesson!" exclaimed Harry. Ron and Hermione chuckled. Their 'Professor', Hagrid, had brought in a Quintaped, a five-legged creature with a taste for human flesh.
Hermione shuddered. "Thank goodness there are no flesh-eating creatures in the building!" she joked. The trio made their way to the Professor Lupin's classroom. Mystifyingly, Professor McGonagall appeared.
"Class, I would like you all to come to my room. We will be having your Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson there."
"What!" said Harry preposterously. "What's wrong with Professor Lupin now?"
"Oh," McGonagall said, as the Gryffindor class followed her through the halls. "He's in his office resting. He was muttering some disjointed nonsense about teeth. We can't get anything more out of him."
"Don't you have any classes to teach?" asked Ron.
"Oh we've switched round, with the lack of teaching staff today…" she waved a hand dismissively.
"What do you think is up?" asked Ron to Harry, when they were seating. Hermione was musing to herself.
"I don't know. If it's affected both Lupin and Snape do you think it has something to do with Voldemort?"
Hermione shook her head. "If it had something to do with Voldemort, then the school would be in a bigger state of panic. Dumbledore would be doing something by now."
"I guess…" Ron said doubtfully.
"I'm going to the library," Hermione said at the end of class, "I need to look something up. Care to join me?" she asked.
Ron and Harry ran away from her down the hall, with looks of terror on their faces. She shook her head. Boys…
Hermione was walking past a couple of statues when she heard some scuffling noises. She stopped and put her head to a door. The scuffling stopped instantly. She stepped back slightly as the door clicked and Snape came out. He shut the door hastily behind him. "What do you want Granger?" he sneered. But his eyes were shifting to the door.
"Umm…" she began, but all words failed her. She was looking at Snape in a different light. Her hair, normally sticky and greasy was shiny, longer and definitely more enthralling. His skin was paler that usual, but less yellowy-grey. Even his stance had improved, for he was standing straighter, with an air of confidence about him. He laughed at her stuttering.
"Oh Hermione," he announced boldly. "Don't be daunted by my provocative presence. I am what you call… what is it you kids say today?…ah yes – hot."
Hermione looked affronted. "Professor!"
Snape arched his eyebrows. "Now, now-"
"Let me out!" Out came from a scream from Snape's office. Hermione cast a ginger glance at the door Snape was unsubtly blocking.
"Professor? Is their something behind your door?"
Snape laughed airily. "Professor? Oh what a diminishing title. For one as imposing as I, a name like 'Count' would suit me better."
Hermione, suspecting something from the beginning, felt it necessary to distract Snape from his own reflection. He was currently practising a series of daunting faces in a candleholder handle. Whilst watching him and puzzling over his bizarre (and disturbing) change of mood, she looked at his mouth. His lips looked fuller, instead of the two thin lines she was used to. Has Snape gone over a complete makeover? She wondered, and then blushed, thinking of her makeover at the Yule ball last year. His mouth also looked full.
"Professor?" she asked tentatively. "What's in your mouth?"
"Oh. Um… gobstoppers."
"Gobstoppers?"
"Yes, yes. Now Granger," he said steering her around a corner. You must be off now, it's getting late." He took a lurching step around the corner – robes back in full action. Hermione walked off, horrified, and heard several manly noises coming from the room. Bondage, she thought with a revolted shudder.
A/N: I had fun writing this chapter! Poor Snape, no one wants to believe he really is a vampire and they all jump to the worst conclusion.