Sorry for the long delay. Busy with schoolwork and finals and all. Or I'm just too lazy to update. One or the other.
Chapter 4: Run Away!
"What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO!" Paul said as he started to panic.
Lucius suggested, "I say we run away screaming like little babies!"
"I go with Lucius's plan!" said Erk agreeing with Lucius.
Guard no.1 spotted them and yelled, "THERE THEY ARE! GET THEM!"
"RUN AWAAAAY!" Matthew said running away like a little babt. The other three followed after screaming and running away like little babies. Shortly after, they ran into a music store. The instant they walked in they were pushed back by the blaring music Natasha and Rebecca were blasting. Profane music that needs censoring if I might add.
Matthew grabbed a nearby shelf so he wouldn't be pushed back. Lucius, Erk, and Paul did the same.
"There they are!" said the guard that spotted them. "Get them!" They pushed against the blasting music.
Erk stopped screaming like a little baby and said, "We gotta get Natasha and Rebecca and get outta here!"
Matthew stopped screaming like a little baby and said, "I go with Erk's plan!" Matthew looked at Lucius. "Lucius, your plan sucked."
"Hey! No it didn't!" cried Lucius.
"It didn't support us in anyway possible so it SUCKED! Now SHUTUP PEON!" Matthew took a whip out of nowhere and whipped Lucius.
Lucius recoiled. "OUCH! Why do you have a whip!"
Matthew whipped Lucius a second time. "For whipping you weak, feeble-minded, PEASANT!"
Erk, Paul, and Lucius pushed against the music to reach Rebecca and Natasha, oblivious to all the chaos. Matthew also tried, but the weight of all of his shoplifted stuff kept him from making any movement at all.
Paul screamed at Matthew, "You have to drop the load!"
"No way! I NEED all of this STUFF!" Matthew yelled back.
Erk looked at the approaching guards. "It's either being beaten to death OR living a life without totally cool but useless stuff! Come on already!"
Matthew took out the whip out of his shoplifted cache of totally cool, but useless stuff. "They wouldn't try to take on an ARMED person!" Matthew turned around to look at the guards and waved the whip threateningly. The guards responded by looking at each other and then taking out their beating sticks.
"What if they're better armed?" Lucius asked.
"Then we run away screaming!" Matthew looked at Lucius. "Lucius, we're going back to your sucky plan!"
"YAY!" yelled Lucius as he punched the air. "My plan is the best!"
The cops started getting closer. Erk faced the others. "LESS TALKING! MORE UNLOADING!"
Matthew started unloading all of his shoplifted stuff. The junk flew right back and hit the approaching cops.
"OW MY HEAD!" screeched guard no.1 in pain as his head was hit by a toaster.
"How could he fit all of this stuff in his pocket-ACK!" guard no.2 couldn't finish his sentence as he was hit in the shin by flying mugs. "OW MY SHIN!"
The remains of the mug started hitting guard no.3. "OUCHIES! SO SHARP!" Guard no.3 flew back and crashed into guard no.1, 2, 4, and 5, causing them to crash into a display case, which toppled right on them.
Guard no.6 walked triumphantly, ducking and stepping aside to avoid the objects. "Man! You guys are wimps! You can't even dodge simple objects like these- GAH!" The cop was silenced as a ceramic rabbit hit him in the weak spot of all men. He held his lower region as he fell and was blown into the display case, which toppled over him, next to guard no.1-5.
Guard no.7 shook his head. "Stupid new recruits…" He walked, letting the objects hit him and break against him as they hit his body. He reached for Matthew with his beating stick.
"I got you now! Time to face justice!" The guard raised his beating stick above his head.
Matthew covered his face in fear like a little baby. Suddenly, an idea popped in his head.
"True… You got me…" said the thief nonchalantly, "But you forgot one thing."
The impatient cop raised his eyebrow. "What would that be?"
Matthew pointed behind the guard. "LOOK! BEHIND YOU!"
The thief's attempt made the cop chuckle. "Oh come on. You think I would fall for something as simple as THAT? Puh-LEASE!"
"Darn… and I was so SURE that would work…" said Matthew in dismay.
Suddenly, a the flurry of broken mugs flew around the guard, giving him paper cuts everywhere.
Guard no.7 waved his hands, trying to swat the broken shards. "NOES! NOT THE PAPER CUTS!" The guard flew back into a bigger display case next to the other guards, which toppled over all the toppled display cases. Guard no.7 lay on the top of the cases, with many paper cuts on him.
"Woah! Didn't see that coming!" said the surprised Matthew.
Erk tore off Rebecca's headphones and threw them in a random direction.
An innocent bystander passed by and the headphones flew at him, poking his eyes out. "GAAK!"
Rebecca looked at Erk wondering why he just took away the headphones. "Hey! What was that for!"
"Less talking! More running!" Erk hoisted Rebecca over his shoulders and ran out of the store, stepping over guard no.7.
"ACK! MY ARM!" screamed the injured guard.
Lucius ripped off Natasha's headphones in the same matter and threw them in the same random direction as Erk did.
Another innocent bystander came out of nowhere and looked down at the first innocent bystander.
"Hey! You guys poked out this innocent bystander's eyes! You guys should stop throwing random objects- AIIEEE!" The second innocent bystander couldn't end his sentence as the headphones Lucius tossed poked his eyes out also.
Natasha blinked and looked at Lucius blankly. "Can I help you?"
"You can help us run away from the COPS THAT WANT TO BEAT US TO DEATH! Like screaming little babies if I might add," panicked the monk.
Natasha thought in the Joshua thinking pose. "Well… the "cops beating us to death" thing sounds really bad… I go with your plan!" Natasha and Lucius ran screaming like little babies.
Matthew and Paul looked around at the empty chaotic store.
Matthew looked at Paul and pouted, "Man! Why don't WE have anyone to rip headphones off of!"
"Yeah! This is SO unfair," agreed Paul, who nodded his head continuously, "Just one more thing."
"What would that be?" asked Matthew.
"You for got to throw away one more object…"
"What are you talking about…"
"Matthew, I know you have some rings and watches from the Jewelry store," stated Paul.
The thief pouted as he threw a hidden bag of jewelry in the random direction Lucius and Erk threw the headphones in. The two ran after the others.
An innocent bystander walked by and looked at the two other innocent bystanders lying on the ground.
"Hey, why are there two guys lying in the middle of the- ARGH!" the innocent bystander fell to the ground as the jewels flew out of the bag and poked the third innocent bystander's eyes out.
Meanwhile…
"Wait a second," paused Matthew, "Why are you saying "meanwhile" if we're only like 10 feet away to the scene that was currently happening a few seconds ago?"
"Never mind that," said Paul, "Just keep running!"
Rebecca pounded Erk's back with her fists. "Hey! Put me down!"
"So that you can fall behind as we run away from the angry guards? No way!" replied Erk.
Matthew pointed at Farina and Joshua walking out of the Cinnabon store. "There they are!"
The group ran up to Farina and Joshua, who were eating tasty cinnabons.
Joshua waved at them. "Hey guys! Lookie what we got!"
Paul looked wide-eyed at Joshua. "CINNABONS!"
"YEAH!"
"OH HELL YES!" said the excited Paul.
"Ahem!" interrupted Lucius, "We're trying to run away from the cops remember!"
"Cops?" exclaimed Farina, "What'd you guys do!"
"More like what HE did," said Erk, pointing at Matthew.
Matthew gave a surprised look and said, "Hey! I'm just an innocent bystander!" Suddenly a random object flew at Matthew and almost poked his eyes out. "I take that back! I hate being an innocent bystander!"
"Hello! I'm still here being manipulated against my own will!" stated Rebecca, still hoisted over Erk's shoulder.
Farina thought for a moment. "Wait a second, so when all of this happened, me and Joshua were in the Cinnabon store debating about words that exist and that don't?"
"I suppose so," answered Paul.
Farina slapped her forehead. "God, just a few seconds. Just a FEW seconds and you get in THAT much trouble."
Paul slapped his forehead. "Let's just get out of here." The gang ran off towards the exit as quickly as possible.
Back at the music store…
The guards had managed to move the display cases off of themselves and mend their wounds. They walked over to Guard no.7, who was still in pain.
"Ow…my body has cuts all over it…… I'm in eternal AGONY……………. And I think they stole my spleen!" cried out no.7.
Guard no.2 laughed and said, "HA! Sucks to be you!"
Guard no.3 sighed, "Man, this sucks. I don't want to drag his bloody body all the way back to the station. What if he gets blood all over me?"
"Suck it up. That excuse is as stupid as no.5," said guard no.4.
"Your stupider," said no.5.
"Well, your stupider," said no.4.
"Your stupider!"
"No, your stupider!"
"YOUR STUPIDER!"
"No, YOUR STUPIDER!"
Guard no.4 and 5 engaged in a slap fight as the other guards just couldn't believe how dumb they are. And guard no.7 is pissed that his spleen has been stolen.
Back at the van…
Paul drove the car steadily back home. "Well, guys we managed to live another day!"
"And I managed to take one of the guard's spleen!" yelled out Matthew.
Joshua looked at the bottled spleen Matthew held. "Really? What are you gonna do with it?"
"I dunno… sell it on the internet or something…"
"Ebay?"
"Ebay."
"COOL!" cried out Joshua.
Erk's eye twitched. "You guys are morons…"
"Says the guy who carried me over his shoulder to the car," Grumbled Rebecca.
"What?"
"I said the rye on boulders goes roar," lied Rebecca.
Okay, sorry it took me so long to update. I've been really busy. Or lazy. One or the other. Well, I'll try and update soon!