This chapter is based on a movie on youtube that I watched. Sorry it took so long for me to update. I.E. I edited a mistake a reviewer pointed out. Thanks for the notification!
Chapter 5: Hawt Girls and Predators
The sun rose over the green hills, marking the start of a new day for everyone in the real world. Paul, the new graduate was on his computer on a certain website, one that's for all ages, seeing how his friends were doing.
"Whatcha doin?"
"KIYAA!" Paul nearly jumped out of his seat and looked over his shoulder at the questioning thief.
"Jesus, Matthew! You scared the nuts out of me!" sighed Paul.
"Yeah! Literally! Peacock, Pea-wee, and Peanuts are hiding under the table!" Matthew pointed at three growling peanuts under the computer table and started taunting them.
"Damnit Matthew! I demand you stop taunting my nuts!"
"Ew, that came out wrongly…… hehehe…"
"DAMN IT MATTHEW!" Paul said as his eyes turned into an X.
"Anyways, whatcha doin?"
"I'm just seeing how my friends are doing on myspace. Well, I'm not actually into this thing, I just made an empty account so I can spy on my friends and see how they're doing," Paul looked at the readers and pointed up, "As said in the first paragraph."
Matthew looked up, "Oh, DUH!" Matthew smacked his forehead, "Why didn't I look up there!"
"Because I'm the author and I control what you do and think!" Paul said with putting his hands on his hips. "NOW PLAY THE PART OF THE PERSONALITY I GIVE YOU!"
"Anyways…," interrupted the questionable thief, "What is this site?" Matthew asked pointing at the computer screen.
"It's called Myspace. You make an account and you have a profile. Then you put in stuff about yourself, and decorate the background, and lot's of other stuff to make your profile look cool. You can also leave comments on other people's myspaces."
"Cooooooooooooool. I betcha you can meet a LOT of HAWT women on this!"
"Suuuuuuuuure… You can also meet kidnappers, predators, pedophiles, transsexuals, people who pretend to be the opposite sex…" answered Paul sarcastically.
"Can I make one?" Matthew interrupted jumping up and down frantically.
"What for?" asked Paul.
"For meeting HAWT WOMEN!" Matthew said with glee.
"Didn't you listen to me a few paragraphs ago?" Paul paused briefly and pointed at a sentence a while back, "I said some people on myspace are pedophiles and kidnappers and a lot of other gross-"
"Aw, skip the weird stuff. I don't care! Just lemme make one of these myspace thingies!"
"Fine…" Paul started typing on the computer and soon, Matthew was on the computer typing stuff about himself. Soon, the whole house had a myspace, due to Matthew telling everyone about the website. ALMOST everyone (almost meaning Erk) in the house was having fun with the site. One day, Matthew…
"HEY ERK!" yelled Matthew.
"…Why are you yelling when I'm only five feet away from you watching TV…"
"Just come over here!" Matthew pleaded.
Erk sighed and took a seat next to Matthew.
"Check out this really, really, really, really HAWT girl on myspace!" Matthew clicked on a profile and another window opened up.
"Okay." Erk replied.
"Her name is Moo-mee."
"Okay."
"She's a European chick."
"Okay."
"I've been talking to her online AND on the phone. And dude, she is SO BEAUTIFUL!"
"Okay."
"Are you going to say more words then "Okay?"
"No."
"Are you going to say more than one word?"
"No."
"Good thing you're not getting paid by the word. Anyways, check out these pictures of her!"
"Wow, this lady is trying really hard to look like a slut." Erk said raising his eyebrows.
"But you gotta admit, they're really HAWT!" said Matthew cheerfully.
Erk's eyebrows furrowed and then he went into the "Joshua thinking pose." He looked at Matthew with something to say.
"Hey….. Moo-mee's got "the angles..."
"The wha?" Matthew asked squinting his eyes to see what Erk was talking about in the pictures.
"The angles," Erk said, making quotes with his hands as the words "the angles" showed up in front of your screen, "The "myspace angles." All of the REALLY, REALLY ugly girls on myspace have them, Matthew."
"Dude, Erk, what the eff are you talking about! Moo-mee is THE HAWTTEST GIRL and YOU know it!" Matthew said with a frustrated tone.
"……That doesn't say Moo-mee, that says MUMMY."
"WHA! MUMMY!" Matthew looked closely at the letters on the computer screen, reading "MUMMY IS HAWT!"
"YES! And she's GOT "THE angles! Look! It's only pictures of her separate body parts! NO FULL PICTURES!" Erk said pointing at pictures only of her arm, half of her face, and her thigh.
"NO!" Matthew screamed and started pulling his hair, "MOO-MEE IS HAWT!"
"Moo-mee--- MUMMY is not HAWT!" yelled back Erk.
Matthew glared at Erk and yelled, "YOUR JUST JEALOUS OF THE BEAUTIFUL, HAWT WOMAN I FOUND!"
"Jealous of what? The mummy? Yeah, RIGHT. I don't think so!" scoffed Erk.
Suddenly, the house phone started ringing.
Matthew pointed at the phone and said, "I betcha that's her right now!"
"Then pick it up and see what she has to say-"
Erk was interrupted as Matthew answered the phone.
Matthew cleared his voice and paused for a moment. Then he said, "Hello-"
"Raaaaaaaaaagh gaaaaaaaaaaaah," interrupted a deep voice.
Matthew and Erk jumped out of their seats and looked at each other wide-eyed.
"Uhhh, hey Moo-mee! What's up? Uh, what happened to your voice? You sound a tad different…"
"A tad?" Erk raised his eyebrow at Matthew.
"Ragaah daaae," replied the deep voice.
"A date?" Matthew said smiling and looking at Erk, who was mouthing the word no and shaking his head.
"Reegageeaaaah reeeeeeeh."
"At 7:30 tonight? Okay! I'll see you there!" Matthew hung up the phone wrongly, so the deep voice continued speaking into the phone saying strange strange "un-hawt" sounds. They both looked at the phone like it was a live monster that was going to kill them. Matthew panicked and quickly silenced the phone by ripping it from it's cord and out the window."
Outside where the innocent bystanders roam…
"La, la, la, la, la, dum-de-dum-de-dum, doo-dee-doo-dee-doo- OUCH! OH MY GOD! I HAVE A PHONE EMBEDDED IN MY NERVOUS SYSTEM! I HAVE A FREAKING PHONE EMBEDDED IN MY FREAKING NERVOUS SYSTEM! Now I'm going to have to spend my life as the guy with the FREAKING PHONE EMBEDDED IN MY NEVEROUS SYSTEM! Oh, GOD! It's like having screwdrivers JAMMED INTO THE SIDE OF MY HEAD! My head feels like it's going to explode into a MAELSTROM of BLOOD AND BRAIN GUTS! Uuugh! I'm in ETERNAL AGONY!"
Back inside…
Matthew looked triumphantly at Erk and said, "Well, Erk, It looks like I have a DATE with Moo-mee….. At 7:30!"
"And I'm going to come with you and PROTECT you from MUMMY….. At 7:30!"
"Fine then. Come with me. I'll prove to you how BEAUTIFUL and HAWT Moo-mee is." The two got up and went to their rooms to freshen up and change into bar clothing.
Later that night…
Matthew and Erk came through the doors of a local bar, Matthew wearing an Aeropostle shirt and blue baggy jeans and Erk wearing an American Eagle shirt with fitting jeans.
Matthew looked around excitedly. "So, Erk! Are YOU ready to find Moo-mee!"
"Yeah, if we're in an underground Egyption tomb..." Erk said sarcastically.
"DUDE! I've already told you THOUSANDS OF TIMES! She's NOT a MUMMY man! Her name is MOO-MEE! Her name is EUROPEAN!"
"Yeah, European for MUMMY."
"Hi guys!" Said a familiar voice from behind.
The two turned around to see Rebecca in a silver dress with a hand on her hip. She also had her hair down. And she didn't have her eyebrow, ear, or tongue piercings on.
Erk raised his eyebrows, "Rebecca? What are you doing here?"
"Uh… I work here!" said Rebecca cheerfully.
"Riiight... isn't it illegal or something for someone younger than twenty to work at a bar," Matthew said nodding his head.
Rebecca was about to open her mouth to answer but Erk intervened and stated, "You know what, I really don't want to know how you got this job..."
Matthew remembered his date and asked, "Hey, uh, Rebecca… do you by any chance know a girl named Moo-mee?"
"Oh yeah. She's over there at the bar!" Rebecca said pointing in the bar's direction.
The two whipped around and saw a horrible monstrosity at the bar. At the bar was a hideous, skin decayed mummy with long brown hair. The mummy had a tank top and a mini skirt on and was very skinny. Even though the mummy was a female, she had the appearance AND voice of a male. She was even a little taller then Erk and Matthew!
The mummy spotted Matthew and pointed at him and started shaking violently.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" screamed the mummy as if she/it was running into a battle.
Matthew and Erk looked at the mummy wide eyed and put their hands over their mouths as if they were about to throw up.
"Oh my GOD!" Matthew managed to say.
The mummy started limping over to Matthew.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEAAAAAH!" screamed the mummy.
"What IS IT! What is this... this... horrible... monstrous... abomination! Has it come from the bowels of a graveyard! No, from the deeper bowels of HELL! ERK! WHAT IS IT!" Matthew asked Erk with his eyes still on the mummy in pure fear.
"……...It's a MUMMY!" exclaimed Erk after a short pause, just as frightened and sickened as Matthew.
"AAAAAH!" screamed Matthew and Erk, still standing in place.
The mummy continued limping over towards the two, and even pushed a few innocent bystanders along the way.
"AAAAEEEH!" screamed the first bystander from the mall as he was pushed into broken glass shards on the floor that a barmaid was cleaning up, impaling his flesh.
"RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES!" yelled the second bystander as he was trampled over by the mummy after being pushed down by she/it.
"NOT THIS AGAIN!" exclaimed the horrified third bystander as the mummy slammed him into a wall, crushing his spine. Then, a circular tray was thrown out of nowhere very fast at the bystander, hitting him square in the neck and decapitating him, causing blood to spray out and cover other innocent bystanders, scaring them so much because of their fear of blood and horrible sites, that they suffered a long agonizing nightmare-ish death. Other than that, the mojitos were quite tasty. Even though it is a gay drink.
Matthew and Erk, like little babies watching a scary movie, clung tightly to each other.
The mummy approached Matthew and started making circles with her finger on his shoulder. She started speaking in a male voice and said, "You must be MATTHEW. I recognize you from the PICTUUREZ," The mummy looked at Erk and gave him a sexy look, "Is this your FRIEND? Oh GAWD you guyz are so HAWT."
Erk threw up behind Matthew while the mummy continued it's sickening torture.
"Do you want to see my beaVERS?" the mummy said in an attempted sexy voice, "Do you wanna SEE?" The mummy started whipping her hair around, going everywhere and hitting Matthew in the face, who was whimpering and crying like a little baby.
"Do you like the way I DANCE? Do you like IT?" the mummy continued whipping her hair around and dancing closer to Matthew, who tried looking away with his eyes closed.
"Gah! Heeelp!" Matthew managed to say.
"DO you WANT to SEE something I've NEVER showed anyone BEFORE!" The mummy pulled the two towards the bar.
Rebecca blinked and then stared after the three. "Was it me, or did a mummy just dance with Matthew?… I gotta lay off those talking peanuts of Paul's…" She said before following them.
A few minutes later…
"So… How's Matthew's "date" going?" Rebecca asked giving Erk a mooojitooooo.
Erk looked over at the two a few seats next to him and said, "If you call Matthew crying like a little baby while a mummy tries hooking up with Matthew a good time, then yeah."
Matthew took a long swig from his drink while the mummy watched him.
"You shouldz SLOWZ down MattheEEW," said the mummy in her weird voice. "You might end up with TEEErrible pains in THE moorniiiing."
"Ugh……" Matthew glanced over at Erk. "What are ya doing Erk?"
"Moo-mee" looked over at Erk and then back at Matthew and said, "Who carez what he'z doing. Just keep drinkinGZ."
"Oh my GOD HEeeELP ME!" Matthew cried.
Erk got up from his seat and intervened saying, "OKAY! I think it's about time Matthew and I leave…"
Matthew quickly stood up, "Yeah, we have a… a... a... CURFEW…... THING….. yeah…"
"Oh CURFEW SHMURFEW! I know MatthEW would RATHer stay here with ME," replied the mummy.
Erk pointed in a random direction. "LOOK! AN OBVIOUS DISTRACTION!"
The mummy whipped around. "WHEREZ?"
"CHEESE IT!" yelled Matthew as he, Erk, and Rebecca ran away.
"I didn'tz see ANYthing…….huh?" The mummy looked around and screeched like the Ringwraiths in Lord of the Rings. "GATHER MY BREATHEREAN! WE HAVE A HAWT BOY TO HUNTZ!" The mummy donned a black cloak and 8 other mummies in black cloaks arrived. They got on their evil black horses and chased after the three.
It was nighttime now and the three were running away. They soon arrived at a forest. They looked around and took a breather.
"Okay," Rebecca panted, "I'll split up with you guys and meet you at Paul's."
"Wait… Why are you splitting up with us?" questioned Erk.
"Well, the mummy is OBVIOUSLY after you guys, so they won't come after me! Just stay off the road!"
Matthew paused for a moment then said, "Hey wait we don't even know where Paul's house is-"
Rebecca was already running away though by the time Matthew was finished with his question.
"Damnit!" cursed Matthew, "She runs fast! And so quietly!"
CLIFFHANGER! Sorry it took so long for me to update. I'm addicted to Gunz Online. I just fixed the blank server list problem on it. Well, leave a review on you way out!