Chapter Seven

Better Out Than In

It had been a week since Harry and Draco had moved into their new dorms. The rooms were lovely. The common room was done in ivory and emerald with a fireplace, couch, chairs, coffee table, and desks. There was also a tiny kitchen and then a bedroom. The bedroom was burgundy and black with amber accents. It had a closet and two sets of draws. The bed was directly across from the door and was up against the back wall. Off the bedroom was a spacious bath that was in gold and silver and ivory and gleamed and sparkled with the many candles that lit up every time someone walked into it.

Right now Draco was laying on the couch reading a book and Harry was sitting on the floor, his back propped up on the couch, finishing the last of his summer homework… the last little bit he hadn't already done.

The week had been very relaxed, with many evenings spent just like this one, relaxing and reading or sitting in quiet. Both boys were slowly getting used to one another's presence on a regular basis.

Harry was fighting the bond constantly now because he and Draco were sharing a bed. Sometimes it was interesting to wake up to the positions they found themselves in. This morning Draco had woken up on his stomach with his entire left side thrown over Harry and Harry was on his stomach. They always seemed to get closer during the night. In the morning Draco would just murmur or smirk and Harry would blush while trying not to lose control and ravish Draco on the spot.

Besides sleeping they had not been overly intimate since the night in the library; they kissed a lot, but nothing more. Harry didn't want to pressure Draco into something he wasn't ready for.

But, what Harry didn't know was that Draco was almost sure that he would be ready soon. He didn't know how he knew or why, but the Gryffindor had wound around Draco's heart and he was almost ready to take it all the way… to jump and never look back. He loved when Harry took blood from him, it was almost natural now. Harry would always whisper in Draco ear, "I'm hungry."

Draco would obediently offer his wrist or his neck and Harry would feed. Draco felt good that Harry needed him for that, for life. Draco was starting to realize that he needed Harry also. He hadn't had a single nightmare while sleeping with Harry and a full night's sleep was such a blessing.

Draco looked down at Harry from his position on the couch. How did he fall so hard so fast for Harry Potter? He didn't know, but he knew he cared for Harry. Draco just needed to answer one question… did he love Harry? Draco put down the book he was reading on Carpathians. He and Harry had been reading the material that Dumbledore had given them. The books were extremely helpful and they told them a lot about what they could expect.

Harry was only a little Carpathian, yet he had exact vision. He needed blood, but really only every other day. He hadn't experienced a great power increase except for the fact that his wandless magic had gotten better. Draco might see an increase in himself after the bond. They could communicate in their head and they found the others touch to be soothing, though not always in a sexual way; one of the books said that if Harry and Draco were to rub each others abdomen or lower back it would calm the other one down.

The bond is an actual ritual in the laws of the Carpathian people. Draco and Harry had to have sex and exchange blood so that Draco could share Harry's longevity and have an ever-lasting blood supply… as it was he had to take blood replenishing potions. Harry had been worried about the whole bond thing until he had found the passage he had been looking for:

A Carpathian is a very sensual and powerful being, yet they depend heavily on the existence of a mate. The Carpathian mating ritual is a very ingrained ceremony in the race. A Carpathian has birth knowledge and reflexes on how to tempt and please their mate. The bond can be nothing other than wonderful because the Carpathian instinct will kick in. The Carpathian must also speak ritual words that they will know to make the bond complete. The words have never been written down but that is because they are different for each set of mates.

Draco had been relived that Harry had relaxed about the whole thing after that, now their bonding could be special instead of tense. Draco was still a little bothered over what the book had said about all Carpathians being dominate to their mate. Would the completing of the ritual give Harry power over him? His title?

Draco realized that he was still staring at Harry's hair and he reached out to run his fingers through it. Harry strained up into his touch and gave a light purr. He had been doing that lately; Draco was sure it had something to do with the fact that Carpathians were very feline in nature.

Yes, Draco was sure that he was almost ready. He and Harry could be so good together. But Draco had to answer a few questions first… how did he know if he loved Harry or not, if he had never felt love, and could he be a submissive in a relationship?

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Harry had been enjoying the feeling of Draco's fingers in his hair when there was a knock on the portrait hole. Harry growled low at the interruption and he could hear Draco laughing as he stood up to go answer whoever was at the door.

Harry opened it to find Ron, Hermione, and Blasie standing at the door. Due to the fact that they were indeed friends and to the fact that he and Draco had been pretty much shut up in their rooms all week, he stood aside and let them come in.

Hermione went and sat on the couch after making Draco move into a sitting position. He made to protest but she just kissed him on the cheek and told him to shut up… it was so much of a shock to him that he actually didn't speak for a good five minutes. Blasie and Ron took chairs and Harry sat on the floor again between Draco's leg's, with his back to the couch.

"So, what have you guys been up to?" Hermione smiled at Draco who rolled his eyes.

"We have been having quality us time Granger. What do you think we've been do?" Hermione just gave him a reproachful look and continued talking about things. Soon everyone joined in until the conversation was very animated and the topic had morphed onto if Madam Rosmertta had something for Dumbledore or vice versa.

"I mean, really, the way she talks about him sometimes when the staff goes in there. I heard her once on a Hogsmeade weekend." Draco was stroking Harry's hair again while he talked.

"I remember that," said Blasie. "She was going on and on about how great he was and how wise and what not. I think McGonagall is jealous of her, she likes him too."

"No way," said Hermione.

"Way," said Draco. "I bet they make out in his office.

Ron started yelling about his sanity and putting his hands over his ears. After a little while the friends left and Draco and Harry were alone again. Harry had sensed a change in Draco over the past few days and he also felt a change since their friends had come over tonight.

"Are you ok Draco?" Harry was in the bedroom getting ready for bed and Draco was in the bathroom.

"Why do you ask?" Draco called from the bathroom.

"You just feel off or different. I can't explain it and I don't know if it's good or bad, but…"

"I'm fine. I have just been doing a lot of thinking lately." Draco walked out of the bedroom and joined Harry who had crawled into bed, "I just hate how we missed this all these years. We were so busy being who we were against each other that we never considered we could be ourselves with each other."

Harry slide over to wrap his arms around Draco. He felt Draco tense just a little, but he put if out of his mind because Draco then relaxed and even pushed back into him, "I know what you mean with the whole fighting thing; we were so mean to each other. But, that's not who we are now, we are starting over, ok?" Harry kissed Draco's shoulder.

"Ok." Draco sighed and fell silent.

After a while Harry felt Draco's breathing even out, but even with Draco wrapped in his arms Harry couldn't sleep. Draco was lying to him. There was something else bothering Draco and Harry couldn't figure it out. If he would just tell him what it was Harry would try to make it better, but Draco was pretending that there was nothing wrong.

Harry didn't think it was the start of the new school year or the bond. He felt that Draco was close to giving into the bond. There was something holding him back though and Harry needed to figure out what it was because it was probably the very thing that was upsetting the blue-eyed boy.

Love was such a complicated thing. Harry knew he loved Draco, but it had taken him a while to get there. He had assumed the feeling of love would be some wall that hit him square in the face one day and so he hadn't been looking for the little warm feeling that had crept into his heart as he watched Draco sleep or read or even brush his teeth. This was what love was. Harry had this knowledge that he would crawl across broken glass, face anything, to be with or help Draco and he didn't know exactly when the need, the emotion had hit. After all, five months ago Draco was the bane of his existence and a deatheater in training. How quickly things change.

But, did Draco feel the same? Had he found it in his heart of ice to love Harry? Harry knew he wanted to be with him and that Draco was attracted to him, but did Draco love him?

"Do you love me? Mi Corazon. Do you love me?" Harry said it softly in a breathy voice that sounded like the wish, the quiet hope that it represented. Harry drifted of to sleep, still deep in thought.

If Harry had been more awake or on the opposite side of Draco, he would have noticed that the blonde's breathing had stopped being so even and that silver blue eyes were wide in surprise and contemplation. Draco didn't know… did he love him?

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Did he love Harry? Draco thought about it all night as silent tears rolled down his cheek. He didn't know. Draco didn't know if he loved Harry because he didn't know what love was. He supposed he loved his mother; she had cared for him and protected him as much as she could for his entire life, but he didn't want to kiss her.

He knew that the love he was supposed to feel for Harry was supposed to be this big emotion, but he had no idea what it felt like. Draco had never been introduced to love. Being the heir to the Malfoy fortune didn't get you love, it just got you everything else.

Draco knew that he cared what happened to Harry and that he wanted Harry physically, was that love? Harry loved him, Draco could feel it and see it in his eyes and all Harry wanted was for Draco to love him back. Draco wanted to give him that so bad, but he just didn't know how to be sure or how to show it if he knew.

By the time morning rolled around Draco had cried himself into a deep sleep. Harry woke up in the same position that he and Draco had fallen asleep in. Harry lay in bed thinking about last night. Should he tell Draco that he loved him? Was that what Draco needed to hear to bond?

Draco rolled over into Harry and he opened his eyes to look into emerald green ones. I heard you last night.

Harry inhaled sharply. I, uh, thought you were asleep.

It's ok. Look, I know you love me. You never even had to say it, I just felt it. I know that it hasn't been long and that you are afraid that you'll scare me off, but let me reassure you, I am committed to this… to us. Draco ran his finger down the side of Harry's face and his thumb over the brunette's lips.

Draco, I do love you and I know that you care for me, but, I don't feel that emotion on your side of the bond. I don't want to force anything, but, can I do anything to help? Do you want me to do anything?

Draco made a whimpering sound and buried his face in Harry's neck. He didn't deserve the kindness and understanding that Harry was showing him. Draco tried to explain to Harry why he didn't feel love from Draco.

I am a Malfoy; Malfoy's don't show emotions. Do you understand that? The only affection I ever received or gave was in the relationship between me and my mother. She taught me manners and how to be proud, but also how to be merciful and kind… she gave me a soft side, one that I had never shown anyone until you. But, then my father took me and broke me, made me hard and unfeeling, ruthless. I locked the part of me that my mother had given me away where no one could see it because Malfoy's never show emotion. Harry, please understand that it's not that I don't want to love you, it's just that I don't know how.

By the time Draco was done he was sobbing into Harry's body, his soft and salty tears trailing over Harry's skin. Draco hadn't cried since his first punishment at the age of ten and he was ashamed that he was crying now.

Harry was starting to see that Draco was just as emotionally scared as Harry was and it hurt his heart. He started rubbing and stroking circles in Draco's lower back until he felt the blonde relax and stop crying, and then he spoke out loud, "Draco, listen to me. It is ok to show emotion, to show affection; whether you realize it or not you show that to me everyday when you play with my hair or hold my hand. You father was a horrible man and I know it was awful for you when you realized that, and when your mother, the one person who showed you affection, died. But, now I'm here to help you pick up the pieces. I know that you care for me and that you are attracted to me and this is a good start, it is just going to take a little more time for you to find the love that you have for me and that is ok." Harry was still rubbing Draco back when he got done with his speech and he could fill Draco breathing in and out.

"Thank you Harry." Draco sounded far away; he was drifting back of to sleep. Crying had made him tired again.

Harry lay in bed all morning with Draco just watching him sleep. Harry had nightmares still about the fight with the Dark Lord, all the death and dark magic. Harry had also assumed that the reason Draco had gone to the lake every night was because he too had nightmares, whether they were of the war, his father, or his mother's death, Harry didn't know, but it seemed that they had both stopped having nightmares in one another's presence during the night.

Harry felt ok about the last battle. Yes, he had nightmares and he missed the ones he had lost and the ones others had lost, but he knew that it was over. He could live his life now for the ones who died; he could carry their memory and be happy with the life he was blessed with. A life with Draco; but Draco seemed to be having trouble coping with what had happened to him throughout his life.

As Harry felt Draco snuggle closer to him in sleep, he vowed to help him find the love that Harry knew was locked away in his hardened heart. He would help the Malfoy heir rebuild his life and his soul because Harry loved him so much and his lifemate deserved all that and more.

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I really thought that I needed an informational, heavy, thoughtful chapter with just a little bit of fun.

I know that Harry is going between shy and sexual, but you have to understand that Carpathians are very proud, sexual creatures, and Harry is only half of that and still knew in the ways of love… so he has kinda sexual knowledge mood swings so to speak… does that make sense?

I know that Draco is acting a little pathetic and OOC, but he is emotionally screwed up by life and don't worry, he will have his moments in the other chapters. Harry is still the dominate one, but like I said, I might mix it up… haha.