Smashville High School!
Chapter 2: The pains of 2-D…ism…
Disclaimer: I don't own your virginity… but I plan on stealing it and replacing it with milk!
Reviews: (this wonderful tradition has been killed by the bigots at fan fiction… WHY WON'T THEY LET US PRACTICE OUR HERITAGE?)
Gold stars:
If you reviewed: 13
If you liked it: 666
If you hated it and yet bothered to look up the next chapter: 101
Well… thanks… I guess…
I hate computers… I still like programming computers… and I prefer typing to handwritten stuff… and it is a part of my everyday life… but I still hate it all at the same time…
Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to4 classes each day)
1 period Geometry
2 period Biology
3 period English
4 period Gym
5 period World Civ.
6 period Comp. Tech.
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors
8 Teacher's Assistant
(oh… and my very own SSBM forums are spammed with people who hate me… if you go there you'll notice how bad it is… I CANT GO TO MY OWN FORUMS FOR FEAR OF BEING ATTACKED! So if you're reading this… please go to my forums and carry on the battle to stop people from annoying me!)
REEL BIG FISH!
Mr. G&W walked down the hallway to his first period… he was crying… sadly his tears were invisible due to their 2-Dness… he cried more because of this… he had no friends… he cried even harder… he couldn't see because his 2-D head didn't have room for eyes… all he could do was beep because he didn't have a mouth… he lived in constant danger due to the fact that he would fall down any cracks in the floor… he didn't have the ability to write because he couldn't hold normal pencils… his whole life was filled with crying invisible 2-D tears… (if you aren't laughing now then you are a mean person)
As he walked down the hall he saw some kid looking at him… he went to talk to the kid… but tripped and ended up slicing the poor kid into two even halves… this caused the hall to fill up with laughter… especially because this kid was the Principals child and was coming to the school in an attempt to escape a group of rapists… this caused Master Hand to cry… then realize it was HIS son… so he laughed with the rest of the crowd…
This was what Mr. G&W had to bear as he walked into his first period Geometry class…
"HELLO CLASS!… and that 2-D thing that is going to be lurking around for the next school year…" Crazy Hand yelled as he tried to stare at Mr. G&W… the lack of eyes ruined this moment entirely…
Mr. G&W cried even harder… but it sounded like normal beeps and no one could see any tears… for they were invisible…
After Crazy Hand gave sufficient time to let everyone look at Mr. G&W with disgust he went on…
"OK THEN! TODAY WE WILL LEARN EACH OTHER'S NAMES! And you could learn the name of that 2-D thing if you want too… but I don't care…" Crazy Hand said enthusiastically. "YOU WILL BE QUIZED AND YOUR WHOLE GRADE WILL DEPEND ON YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF EVERYONE ELSE'S NAME IN CLASS! Except that 2-D thing of course…"
The rest of Geometry was everyone ignoring our poor 2-D thing… I MEAN FRIEND… and had absolutely nothing to do with math…
As the school bell rang and everyone left class Mr. G&W went to leave. He would have stood up to leave if it wasn't for the fact that 2-D people can't sit down.
"2-D thing!… I want you to stay after class for just a second…" Crazy Hand said.
Mr. G&W attempted to gulp, but in his 2-Dness he ended up causing the front of his neck to burst open and saliva to pop out dissolving what would have been his desk… as he rolled around on the floor (or at least tried, seeing as how 2-D people don't have what it takes to roll) Crazy Hand started bashing himself against the wall laughing…
"Ok then… Mr. G&W… you have been very depressed and sad lately… I don't want that kind of an attitude dragging my class down… the next time I see you, you should be serving everyone with a SMILE on your face!"
Mr. G&W tried to tell Crazy Hand that it was impossible to smile without a mouth… but Crazy Hand would not listen (perhaps because Mr. G&W can only beep?)… So Crazy Hand did what any logical hand with no brain would do… he fell over and started twitching. Mr. G&W slowly stepped back until he was at a safe distance… then broke into a full run towards his next class, Biology.
When Mr. G&W entered the Biology room, Female Wire Frame was busy trying to put her fingers through her hair… but seeing as how her hair was like one long thick strand of wires she couldn't do it and ended up fainting on the spot.
The bell rang and everyone entered the classroom exactly four seconds after… although no one knows how they crowded through the doors all at once… they still did it…
"Hello class! I'll be your teacher in Biology! I'm also a coach! I'm not all that physically fit… but I AM a science teacher… and all science teachers have to end up as coaches too!"
"What team are you the coach of?" Ness asked raising his hand.
"I don't really know…" the Female Wire Frame replied.
Mr. G&W watched the social interaction between the teacher and her student with awe… he wished he could talk… and have other people act as if you exist… but it would obviously never happen…
For class in Biology, Female Wire Frame tried to bounce on a pogo stick but failed miserably and ended up killing all the fish in her fish tank.
"Oops… ok then… I'll pass a seating chart around and you'll tell me where you're sitting! ISNT IT FUN?" Female Wire Frame said and passed a piece of paper around where which people wrote their names down randomly… when the paper got to Mr. G&W he held it with awe… it was so… so… thin…
Then the bell rang… as Mr. G&W left he realized he was already half way done with his first day in school… he felt like a million toilets…
Mr. G&W then walked into the English classroom. There were thousands upon thousands of Shakespeare posters all hung in this regular sized classroom. The desks were painted with portraits of Shakespeare. Quotes filled the room, all of which were from Shakespeare. Mr. G&W was confused… as none of these quotes applied to his 2-D kind.
"GOOD MORNING CLASS!" Sonic said getting up from his den of Shakespearean magazines. "I'LL BE YOUR TEACHER FOR THE YEAR!" Sonic said again.
"Why are you yelling?" Ness asked in confusion.
"BECAUSE I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO SHAKESPEARE FULL BLAST ON MY RADIO FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS!" Sonic said screaming at the top of his lungs.
"Then why do you understand me?" Ness asked.
"Oh dang… you figured me out… ok fine…" and with this Sonic started teaching the Smashers all about why Shakespeare is better than anything else.
As Sonic spoke Mr. G&W started to cry. He would have been able to match Shakespeare in greatness… if he had the ability to talk… or write… or read… he beeped in agony.
"SHUT UP! YOU GET A U FOR THIS TERM!" Sonic yelled pointing at Mr. G&W… Mr. G&W then fell over for the remainder of the class.
When the bell rang Mr. G&W got up and ran out to the hall. He was almost done with his first day. He was excited about getting home to other 2-D people like him.
As he walked into the gym he noticed strange instruments of torture and pain. Piles of body parts were lying in the corner where flies were busy doing whatever flies do.
"HELLO CLASS! IT'S MY JOB TO TORTURE YOU FOR THE NEXT YEAR!" Giga Bowser screamed and then laughed a diabolical laugh.
Mr. G&W whimpered in fear. He had no muscles, being the 2-D person that he was. He had no chance of passing this class.
"OK THEN! RUN A MILE!" Giga Bowser yelled and pulled out a whip. For the next hour and a half he assaulted the Smashers…
Mr. G&W managed to slip under a piece of paper and use it for cover… therefore no one noticed he wasn't there to do any of the work… being unloved sure had it's positive sides!
As he sat there gloating he was stepped on by Giga Bowser and ripped in half… Mr. G&W died… the end… how sad… no one sued because no one loves him… oh well…
At the end of Gym… everyone left somehow… and Master Hand did a belly dance with some random girl's belly… and ended up tearing her organs out of her body… so the Smashville High School had to hide her where they hide the other bodies that die when they mess up with belly dances… the janitors closet…
YAY!
If it looks like I'm building up a plot… well… MAYBE I AM!
But it is much more likely this will be ignored… but I still suggest reading this over when I finish just to see how it all fits together… I like to do that with completed stories from time to time…
YAY AGAIN!
This is in no way related to any experiences I've had with school… (or maybe it is subconsciously)…
And I'd like you to think… ok that will be all…
GRADES:
4.0... Simple enough…
LIFE:
I know I know… my friends have forced me to get a life for this school year… and I may enter something for my schools film festival… If I had actors that would bow to my every whim!
But that's ok… Claymation is a possibility… I just need to get a job first… and I need to turn 16 and get a drivers license first… so that's going to be a while…
GAMING:
Well… I found this game called Champions for the PS2... It's awesome… actually my friend found it and I've just played it for two days… but I'm a level 25 in two days and have PWNAGE armor for my level… ok maybe I have less of a life than I stated earlier… oh whatever…
R&EEEEE… Read and Eat Ever Evil Enchiladas… Eww! (TADA!)