DD: This idea just popped on my mind while I watched my uncle trying to explain to my four-years-old cousin, who had asked him the most feared question. "Where do babies come from?"
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, all right?
Explain Me!
By Dancing Doll
"Guys, we have something to tell you." Yusuke announced, bringing everyone's attention to him. The Reikai Tantei along with everyone else had gone to Keiko's parent's restaurant because Yusuke and his wife wanted to tell them something important.
"What is it, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked, looking at his friend. "Say it quickly so I can keep courting my dear Yukina-chan."
"Shut up, oaf." Yusuke said. Keiko rose from her seat and smiled at everyone.
"What Yusuke and I wanted to tell you guys is..."
"...That we're expecting a baby!" Yusuke shouted, punching the air.
"OMG! Keiko-chan, that's great!" Botan exclaimed while the rest of them cheered and applauded.
"I hope your baby is healthy, Keiko-san." Yukina bowed, smiling happily.
"You don't waste time, do you Yusuke?" Kurama asked his friend, grinning.
"I have trust on Little Yusuke." The black haired boy smiled smugly. "He does his job amazingly well. Just ask Keiko."
"Yusuke!" Keiko scolded, slapping him upside the head.
"Hn. Just as long as the brat doesn't annoy me like you do." Hiei said, crossing his arms but giving a small grin.
"Don't worry, Hiei. I'll tell the baby to call you Hiei-nii-chan." Yusuke said.
"Go ahead unless you want to have only one child." The short fire demon said menacingly "I'm quick enough to abstain you from a very important part of your body."
Yusuke laughed, but paled a little. He sure didn't want to lose that part of his anatomy.
"Heh. Congratulations Urameshi! You two sure were quick! Only one week married and you already make Keiko get pregnant!"
Yukina, who was close by, looked in confusion at Kuwabara, "What did you say, Kazuma-san?"
"Huh? That he already made Keiko get pregnant." The taller boy said. "Why do you ask?" Yukina frowned a little but shook her head.
"Nothing." She smiled and walked away, "How odd."
A week later
Yukina sighed in frustration. She had tried figuring out what Kuwabara had said alone, but couldn't.
Now, you must be asking yourself 'What do you mean? It's so obvious!'. Well, let me remind you, fellow reader, that Yukina is a koorime. And koorimes reproduce asexually. That's the reason dear Yukina- chan can't understand how Yusuke could actually manage to get Keiko pregnant. The brunette could have done that all by herself! Besides, she didn't have a lot of interaction with males before she knew the gang.
"There must be something different on the way humans reproduce." She mused. Maybe if she asked someone she would be able to solve this...Now, she only had to decided who.
Genkai and Yusuke were out. They were always so busy with training that Yukina didn't want to interrupt them. Keiko didn't have time because she was taking care of the baby's shower. Shizuru was traveling. Botan and Koenma were having a lot of work because of the entire killing that happened on Iraq. She didn't feel comfortable asking questions to Kuwabara, because he always made such a big deal about everything.
The only persons that were left were Hiei and Kurama. Yukina, then, made a logic conclusion. If she felt so comfortable around Hiei, then she should ask him. He was almost like her brother, anyway. Or at least like she imagined her brother would be. But we know better, don't we?
"I'll ask Hiei-san!" She put her shoes on and went to look for the short demon. After wandering around a few parks looking at the top of trees (and almost getting cramps on her neck because of it.), She finally found him.
"Hiei-san!" Yukina called. He didn't move. Maybe he was asleep. Yukina sighed and started climbing the tree with some difficulty.
"Hiei-san." She whispered, shaking him gently. Again, the fire demon showed no sign of awaking up. Yukina decided to go for another strategy.
"Look! Sweet Snow!" She shouted. Hiei instantly bolted awake.
"WHERE?! WHERE IS IT?!" He asked, frantically looking around.
Yukina giggled and Hiei realized he had been fooled. Slightly grumpy, he sat back on the tree branch.
"Hello, Hiei-san." Yukina said, bowing and adjusting herself on another branch.
"Hn."
"Hiei-san, I have something to ask you."
"Hn."
"It has to do with a man and a woman."
"Hn." Hiei frowned. What was she talking about?
"And their children."
Hiei kept quiet, starting to sweat. Was she talking about their parents?
"And you, being the person I can most relate to, is perfect to answering me."
"Hn." SHE KNEW IT! Oh, sweet joy! He wouldn't have to hide his affection for her! He could be the brother he always wanted to be! He would take her for walks on the park, buy her ice cream, beat the baka-ningen, Kuwabara, for flirting with her while shouting 'DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER!' and...
"Hiei-san, how can a man get a woman pregnant?"
Hiei fell from the tree.
"Hiei-san!" Yukina shouted, worry evident on her voice.
"Fuck."
"She asked you what?" Kurama laughed, choking on his drink.
"How a man could get a woman pregnant!" Hiei shouted, clearly angry with the redheaded boy.
"I'm sorry, it's just...I can't believe she would ask you something like that!"
Hiei glared at his friend, "You don't know how much I want to fry your ass right now."
"I can imagine." Kurama said, whipping away the tears forming on the corner of his eyes, "Well, what do you need my help with?"
Hiei fidgeted. Damn his ignorance about humans! He would be enrolling himself on one of those 'schools' as soon as possible to avoid having this kind of conversation with the kitsune. Then again, maybe he wouldn't.
"I don't know how humans reproduce."
Kurama chocked again on his drink, "What?!"
"I DON'T KNOW HOW HUMANS REPRODUCE!" Hiei screamed, his temper finally snapping.
"Okay, okay! Calm down!" Kurama hurriedly said. He didn't want Hiei to sick the Kokuryuuha on his house. His mother was already too suspicious because of an accident involving his fan girls and his Mimosa from the Makai.
Hiei breathed hard and calmed down. He turned to Kurama.
"Explain me how this happens."
Kurama sighed. It would be a long night.
Next day
"So, that's basically how it goes, Hiei. Hiei?" Kurama looked at his friend, who was blushing profusely.
"I CAN'T TELL THIS TO MY SISTER!" Hiei squeaked on a high-pitched voice that didn't suit him very well.
"Hiei, just tell her the truth! It's no big deal! Tell her that the man introduces his penis on the woman's vagina and how it happens the process of fertilizing!"
"Must you say it so bluntly?" He asked, covering his cheeks with his hands.
Kurama sighed in annoyance.
"Okay, I'll tell her." He paused, "Can I use the 'bees and flowers' explanations?"
"NO!"
Hiei hung his head in defeat.
Kurama sighed. What a mess he had gotten himself into!
"Hiei, listen to me! EYE CONTACT!" He commanded. Hiei looked at him.
"WHO IS THE FASTER FIRE DEMON OF THE MAKAI?!" He shouted.
"I am?"
"YES! WHO IS THE BEST SWORDMASTER OF THE MAKAI?!"
"I am." Hiei said, his moral starting to rise.
"WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE JAGAN?!"
"I am!"
"WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE DRAGON OF THE DARKNESS FLAME?!"
"I AM!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!" They screamed, spitting on their hands and shaking it.
"NOW GO AND TELL HER HOW US GUYS MAKE THEIR BELLYS GROW!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
"DISMISSED!"
Hiei jumped out of his room and Kurama sighed in relief. He heard a knock at his door before his mother opened it, a frown on her face.
"What were you screaming about?!"
"Huh..." He stuttered, "It's a macho thing?"
Back to Yukina
She sighed. Hiei had promised her he would explain it for her and she was waiting. She was about to get up to take a shower when Hiei jumped inside her bedroom.
"I know it!" He announce in triumph.
"Know what, Hiei-san?" She asked innocently.
"How humans reproduce!"
"You do? That's great!" Yukina exclaimed excitedly, "Now you can explain it to me!"
Hiei took a deep breath, "Okay, sit down so I can explain it."
After some time
(A/N: I don't have to write it, do I? I mean, everyone here knows how it goes! Some have even tried it already...)
"And that's how it goes." Hiei sighed. He had explained it rather well! He was sure his sister had understood everything. He was a great teacher! He was the best! He was...
"What's a penis, Hiei-san?"
Screwed.
The End.
DD: Perverted? Awful? Funny? Good? Review and let me know!
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, all right?
Explain Me!
By Dancing Doll
"Guys, we have something to tell you." Yusuke announced, bringing everyone's attention to him. The Reikai Tantei along with everyone else had gone to Keiko's parent's restaurant because Yusuke and his wife wanted to tell them something important.
"What is it, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked, looking at his friend. "Say it quickly so I can keep courting my dear Yukina-chan."
"Shut up, oaf." Yusuke said. Keiko rose from her seat and smiled at everyone.
"What Yusuke and I wanted to tell you guys is..."
"...That we're expecting a baby!" Yusuke shouted, punching the air.
"OMG! Keiko-chan, that's great!" Botan exclaimed while the rest of them cheered and applauded.
"I hope your baby is healthy, Keiko-san." Yukina bowed, smiling happily.
"You don't waste time, do you Yusuke?" Kurama asked his friend, grinning.
"I have trust on Little Yusuke." The black haired boy smiled smugly. "He does his job amazingly well. Just ask Keiko."
"Yusuke!" Keiko scolded, slapping him upside the head.
"Hn. Just as long as the brat doesn't annoy me like you do." Hiei said, crossing his arms but giving a small grin.
"Don't worry, Hiei. I'll tell the baby to call you Hiei-nii-chan." Yusuke said.
"Go ahead unless you want to have only one child." The short fire demon said menacingly "I'm quick enough to abstain you from a very important part of your body."
Yusuke laughed, but paled a little. He sure didn't want to lose that part of his anatomy.
"Heh. Congratulations Urameshi! You two sure were quick! Only one week married and you already make Keiko get pregnant!"
Yukina, who was close by, looked in confusion at Kuwabara, "What did you say, Kazuma-san?"
"Huh? That he already made Keiko get pregnant." The taller boy said. "Why do you ask?" Yukina frowned a little but shook her head.
"Nothing." She smiled and walked away, "How odd."
A week later
Yukina sighed in frustration. She had tried figuring out what Kuwabara had said alone, but couldn't.
Now, you must be asking yourself 'What do you mean? It's so obvious!'. Well, let me remind you, fellow reader, that Yukina is a koorime. And koorimes reproduce asexually. That's the reason dear Yukina- chan can't understand how Yusuke could actually manage to get Keiko pregnant. The brunette could have done that all by herself! Besides, she didn't have a lot of interaction with males before she knew the gang.
"There must be something different on the way humans reproduce." She mused. Maybe if she asked someone she would be able to solve this...Now, she only had to decided who.
Genkai and Yusuke were out. They were always so busy with training that Yukina didn't want to interrupt them. Keiko didn't have time because she was taking care of the baby's shower. Shizuru was traveling. Botan and Koenma were having a lot of work because of the entire killing that happened on Iraq. She didn't feel comfortable asking questions to Kuwabara, because he always made such a big deal about everything.
The only persons that were left were Hiei and Kurama. Yukina, then, made a logic conclusion. If she felt so comfortable around Hiei, then she should ask him. He was almost like her brother, anyway. Or at least like she imagined her brother would be. But we know better, don't we?
"I'll ask Hiei-san!" She put her shoes on and went to look for the short demon. After wandering around a few parks looking at the top of trees (and almost getting cramps on her neck because of it.), She finally found him.
"Hiei-san!" Yukina called. He didn't move. Maybe he was asleep. Yukina sighed and started climbing the tree with some difficulty.
"Hiei-san." She whispered, shaking him gently. Again, the fire demon showed no sign of awaking up. Yukina decided to go for another strategy.
"Look! Sweet Snow!" She shouted. Hiei instantly bolted awake.
"WHERE?! WHERE IS IT?!" He asked, frantically looking around.
Yukina giggled and Hiei realized he had been fooled. Slightly grumpy, he sat back on the tree branch.
"Hello, Hiei-san." Yukina said, bowing and adjusting herself on another branch.
"Hn."
"Hiei-san, I have something to ask you."
"Hn."
"It has to do with a man and a woman."
"Hn." Hiei frowned. What was she talking about?
"And their children."
Hiei kept quiet, starting to sweat. Was she talking about their parents?
"And you, being the person I can most relate to, is perfect to answering me."
"Hn." SHE KNEW IT! Oh, sweet joy! He wouldn't have to hide his affection for her! He could be the brother he always wanted to be! He would take her for walks on the park, buy her ice cream, beat the baka-ningen, Kuwabara, for flirting with her while shouting 'DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER!' and...
"Hiei-san, how can a man get a woman pregnant?"
Hiei fell from the tree.
"Hiei-san!" Yukina shouted, worry evident on her voice.
"Fuck."
"She asked you what?" Kurama laughed, choking on his drink.
"How a man could get a woman pregnant!" Hiei shouted, clearly angry with the redheaded boy.
"I'm sorry, it's just...I can't believe she would ask you something like that!"
Hiei glared at his friend, "You don't know how much I want to fry your ass right now."
"I can imagine." Kurama said, whipping away the tears forming on the corner of his eyes, "Well, what do you need my help with?"
Hiei fidgeted. Damn his ignorance about humans! He would be enrolling himself on one of those 'schools' as soon as possible to avoid having this kind of conversation with the kitsune. Then again, maybe he wouldn't.
"I don't know how humans reproduce."
Kurama chocked again on his drink, "What?!"
"I DON'T KNOW HOW HUMANS REPRODUCE!" Hiei screamed, his temper finally snapping.
"Okay, okay! Calm down!" Kurama hurriedly said. He didn't want Hiei to sick the Kokuryuuha on his house. His mother was already too suspicious because of an accident involving his fan girls and his Mimosa from the Makai.
Hiei breathed hard and calmed down. He turned to Kurama.
"Explain me how this happens."
Kurama sighed. It would be a long night.
Next day
"So, that's basically how it goes, Hiei. Hiei?" Kurama looked at his friend, who was blushing profusely.
"I CAN'T TELL THIS TO MY SISTER!" Hiei squeaked on a high-pitched voice that didn't suit him very well.
"Hiei, just tell her the truth! It's no big deal! Tell her that the man introduces his penis on the woman's vagina and how it happens the process of fertilizing!"
"Must you say it so bluntly?" He asked, covering his cheeks with his hands.
Kurama sighed in annoyance.
"Okay, I'll tell her." He paused, "Can I use the 'bees and flowers' explanations?"
"NO!"
Hiei hung his head in defeat.
Kurama sighed. What a mess he had gotten himself into!
"Hiei, listen to me! EYE CONTACT!" He commanded. Hiei looked at him.
"WHO IS THE FASTER FIRE DEMON OF THE MAKAI?!" He shouted.
"I am?"
"YES! WHO IS THE BEST SWORDMASTER OF THE MAKAI?!"
"I am." Hiei said, his moral starting to rise.
"WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE JAGAN?!"
"I am!"
"WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE DRAGON OF THE DARKNESS FLAME?!"
"I AM!"
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!" They screamed, spitting on their hands and shaking it.
"NOW GO AND TELL HER HOW US GUYS MAKE THEIR BELLYS GROW!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
"DISMISSED!"
Hiei jumped out of his room and Kurama sighed in relief. He heard a knock at his door before his mother opened it, a frown on her face.
"What were you screaming about?!"
"Huh..." He stuttered, "It's a macho thing?"
Back to Yukina
She sighed. Hiei had promised her he would explain it for her and she was waiting. She was about to get up to take a shower when Hiei jumped inside her bedroom.
"I know it!" He announce in triumph.
"Know what, Hiei-san?" She asked innocently.
"How humans reproduce!"
"You do? That's great!" Yukina exclaimed excitedly, "Now you can explain it to me!"
Hiei took a deep breath, "Okay, sit down so I can explain it."
After some time
(A/N: I don't have to write it, do I? I mean, everyone here knows how it goes! Some have even tried it already...)
"And that's how it goes." Hiei sighed. He had explained it rather well! He was sure his sister had understood everything. He was a great teacher! He was the best! He was...
"What's a penis, Hiei-san?"
Screwed.
The End.
DD: Perverted? Awful? Funny? Good? Review and let me know!