Unconventional Hero
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, the characters, or their plot lines. I also do not own the band Nickelback or their song "Hero."
A/N: This was just a little something I had floating around in my head and decided to try to put down on paper. See what you think. The lyrics are in italics.
I am so high I can hear heaven
I am so high I can hear heaven
Dean sighed. Today hadn't exactly been his day. Come to think of it, the last decade or more was full of days that were less than mediocre. But, hey, he was a good liar. By now, he could even fool himself into believing he wasn't miserable.
Saving people was rewarding, even when they thought you were a psychopath. Sure, he and Sam ran across the occasional client who actually believed the supernatural facts they spewed, but on average, most people just thought they belonged in the closest mental institution. Sometimes Dean thought he belonged there, too. However rewarding and noble he considered his job, it meant all but virtually sacrificing his own life. And someday, it might just come to that.
Oh, but heaven, no, heaven don't hear me
Oh, sure, Dean wished for things. But it wasn't as if his current job didn't have certain perks. First, there was the constant traveling, a positive and a negative. Dean got to see the greater part of the United States, not that his job allowed much time for sight-seeing. A new city every week also meant a new girl – or three – about as often.
Then there was the weaponry – a total selling point for Dean. Being able to cart around what was essentially a firearms store in his trunk was really cool. Plus, kicking the butts of evil spirits was a total adrenaline high, something Dean Winchester fed off of.
It seemed like every boy's dream until they actually lived it. Friends were very few and even farther between. A real relationship was even rarer, which now that he had met Kylie, was a complete downer. A real job with a real income? Completely out that proverbial window. Scamming on credit cards was illegal, but it paid the bills. And, he and Sam didn't have a jerk of a boss, unless of course you counted their dad, who, by the way, abandoned them.
Oh, yeah, Dean's life was really great. Right about now, Dean was wishing for the one thing he thought he'd spend the rest of his life running from – a real home with one woman. It seemed to Dean, though, he was farther than ever from the fulfillment of this particular fantasy. Heaven certainly hadn't heard him. Or, maybe, God just wasn't granting this wish.
And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
Dean had concluded after a lifetime of experience that everyone was waiting for a hero in their lives. It wasn't surprising, really. Dean was surprised to discover that he was one of those people, one of those waiting people who were bound to be disappointed. The real disappointing fact was discovering he was it. How crazy is that? He was the best hero he was ever going to get. He had to save himself and his family.
Now, Dean was as apt to shrug off responsibility as the next guy, and more than willing to. But, unfortunately, substitution wasn't in the job description. Apparently, heroes can't call in sick, or run late, or take vacations, or just decide not to show up. Heroes can't have a life of their own. No wonder Superman and Spiderman had such major personal issues.
Dean certainly didn't consider himself heroic by any means. Ultimately, he was a simple man. A good lay, some beer, and blaring classic rock music was all he really required to be happy. His conscious wasn't even that active. The whole demon hunting thing was really just an excuse to save his hide and that of his family. But he was impatient. So, standing around and waiting wasn't his thing. Big deal. He did what he could; he lived life. And he tried to keep it that way.
He just wanted a life. And, if he was his own best shot at getting one, Dean wasn't going to argue. He was going to take his chances.
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away
Escape wasn't Dean's best option. Even if they somehow caught and killed this demon that had killed his mom and Jess, it would never really be over. Dean could never live a normal life. He had never been to college, never held down a real job … never been ordinary. This was the one thing Dean knew he was good at.
Someone told me love will all save us
But how could that be, look what love gave us
A world full of killing and blood-spilling
That world never came
Love, like being normal, was, in Dean's mind, highly overrated. Heartache of the emotional sort was the worst pain anyone could endure. Do you know how many angry spirits existed because of some ill-fated, torturous facet of love? Way too many for Dean.
Yeah, sure, people rave about the greatness of love. Supposedly, love is some all-encompassing, redeeming force that, once found, drives your life and propels you toward your best self. Dean had never experienced that kind of love. He had seen the dark side. The side of love that demanded the lover to sacrifice his heart to someone only to have it ripped out and stomped on. That was the sort of love that created those angry spirits Dean dealt with.
Then, he met Kylie. Dean had never been in love before until now. Their relationship was difficult. But, Kylie had made Dean believe in love – the kind that was all-encompassing and redeeming. But, of course, love and pain walk hand-in-hand and Dean was forced to end the relationship. It was heart-breaking, but it was too dangerous for Dean to involve himself too deeply with anyone. He would have killed for Kylie, wouldn't have even thought twice about it, but Dean realized it wasn't fair to put her in a position where that would even be an option. So, he walked away. Dean had just broken his own heart and he finally understood what all the fuss was about. True love never saved you; it saved the one you loved.
And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away
Dean had decided that unconventional described him. True, there were several other words that described him, perhaps, better. Sam was the one who mainly used those though. But, if he was a hero, he was an unconventional one. He had no spandex suit or cape. Dean had ripped jean and a worn leather jacket in their place. No superpowers and no fancy alias. He had, instead, determination and a couple of fake id's that provided enough grounds to arrest him. Dean had no catchy slogan or flashy sidekick. The best he had was a 'let's do this' expression of steel and geek boy Sam.
Dean didn't mind playing the hero. In fact, it gave him the purpose he so desperately longed for. In his mind, if he wasn't needed by someone he was useless. But, he wanted a hero in his own life. His dad had once fit the criteria. John Winchester, however, was no longer even in the race. And Dean had no one else. So the phrase, 'If you want something done right, do it yourself' had become Dean's mantra.
Now that the world isn't ending
It's love that I'm sending to you
It isn't the love of a hero
And that's why I fear it won't do
The next time Dean saw Kylie he was literally saving her from the claws of death. And Dean had been dying inside he wanted her back so badly. But, after that close call, he knew he couldn't risk it. Sure, crisis averted, but it opened his eyes. Dean walked away again. It was easier, it was safer, and he prayed it was the right thing to do. Dean knew no words could repair the rift between the two of them, but he wrote a letter anyway and prayed. Dean knew Kylie deserved the best, but he also knew he was far from it. Maybe someday he'd be worthy enough. Someday he'd be free to love her.
And they say that a hero can save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away
And Sam watched as Dean flung himself headlong into danger. Over and over again. And Sam knew why. Dean knew Kylie deserved the best and he strived to be her hero. Sam knew that Kylie loved him anyway, no matter what. It was something Dean needed to prove though. More to himself than anyone, because, to Sam, Dean had always been a hero. When they were kids, Sam had looked up to Dean and longed to be like him. It was no different now. Dean could be a jerk. Dean could be insensitive. But, Dean could never be uncaring. And Sam still had his hero.
Sam knew he was lucky. Most people looked up to those they'd never meet. Bust Sam, Sam lived with his hero. And that only succeeded in making Dean seem even larger than life. His flaws only made him seem more heroic to Sam. Sam really hated Dean sometimes for that unceasing sarcasm. But he also craved to possess the easy confidence Dean had.
Sam knew Dean didn't have some underlying "hero complex." No, his brother wasn't like that all. Dean did what he did because he could and no one else was going to. Sam would tell Dean one day that he was a real life hero. One day. Even though Dean would laugh at him. Because he was. He was a hero.
And they're watching us
They're watching us
As we all fly away
Not like this, Sam couldn't help but think. Never like this.
Sam was crouched by his brother, holding him. Dean was bleeding. There was so much blood. And Sam knew Dean would never make it to a hospital. But, Sam was pleading for him to hold on anyway.
"You're a fighter! Hang in there! I'll get help." Sam tried.
Dean grabbed his brother's shirt weakly. "Don't … leave … me," he croaked out. "Just know … I love … love you."
"I know. I love you, too. But, you're my hero, Dean." Sam couldn't help but notice Dean's weak smile at that comment. "What am I gonna do without you, huh?"
"If I was … the best you … had …" Dean began.
"Don't do that. Don't you do that! You know she still loves you. If you die, she'll never forgive you."
Dean knew Sam was talking about Kylie. "I've made … myself … worth loving."
Sam shook his head, the tears falling freely.
"You are the best brother anyone could ever want, Dean. You saved a lot of lives. You were everyone's hero …" And Sam felt Dean breathe his last. And he had never felt more lost or alone.
And they're watching us
They're watching us
As we all fly away
Dean knew it was over for him. He was going out the way he had always wanted. He had saved someone. And Sam had told him what he had always wanted to hear. He had mattered. He had achieved it at last, mission accomplished, destiny fulfilled. The unconventional hero died finally understanding that every hero makes the decision to be great. And as far as superheroes go, he was up there with the best of them. Even if he had been sacrificed into the life that defined him.
And they're watching us
They're watching us
As we all fly away
Less than a week later, Kylie and Sam stood in front of a white, marble headstone. The inscription read:
Dean Michael Winchester
April 23, 1979 – October 7, 2012
Brother, Hero, Friend
Here lies a man who lived, loved,
And sacrificed every day of his life
For everyone else.
The gravestone was, of course, mere formality. Dean's corpse had been salted and burned at his request. But, both Sam and Kylie knew Dean would be pleased to see all the familiar faces that stood behind his brother and his lover. Clients from all over the United States had come to pay their respects to the cocky, selfless elder brother at his final resting place. In that moment, Sam realized he had been right. His brother had been a hero. Dean was an unconventional, reluctant, real life hero. But he was a hero none the less.