Smashville High School!
Chapter 10: Spiritual Cleansing pt. 1
Disclaimer: I don't own, I rent. So all stupidity that you claim is mine is actually the stupidity I'm borrowing from someone else… such as you…
Reviews: If you reviewed then I hate you and your children!
Gold stars:
If you reviewed: 1
If you liked it: 2
If you know my life history: 3
If you can guess in your review how many times I've bashed my head into something: 55
Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)
1 period Geometry
2 period Biology
3 period English
4 period Gym
5 period World Civ.
6 period Comp. Tech.
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors
8 Teacher's Assistant
I blame politics for the downfall of puppet shows! I LIKED PUPPET SHOWS! HOW DARE THEY TAKE AWAY MY PUPPETS!1
REEL BIG FISH!
Everything was going as normal as possible at Smashville High School this morning… everything but one person. Ok maybe it was two people… OK fine… things weren't going very normally this morning.
Pit and Roy were looking at everything dramatically and animeally… they had just discovered truth, this truth was a truth that was so truthful that it couldn't be not true… it was just that true…
"WE HAVE FOUND THE TRUTH!" Roy and Pit yelled together as they stood there…in a way… that was… umm… original…
"What are you idiots talking about now?" Ness asked.
"Shut up you nonbeliever!" Roy yelled.
"Yeah you infidel!" Pit screamed.
"Doubter!" Roy bellowed.
"Antagonist!" Pit hollered.
"Cynical freak!' Roy clarified.
"Why the hell did you CLARIFY that to me?" Ness asked.
Roy and Pit glared at Ness angrily and left, taking the book that had somehow not been mentioned until now with them.
"They had a book?" Ness asked himself like the PATHETIC LOSER his is.
So the bell rang for fifth period and everyone went there five seconds late.
"You're late!" Mr. Wire Frame screamed pointing at Ness with accusation.
"So was everyone else!" Ness responded.
"If everyone else went to school would you do that too? HUH? What if everyone else set out to save the world from the ultimate evil? WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Mr. Wire Frame screamed with his mouth shut. So no one could hear what he was saying and everyone ignored him.
"I'm giving you a U, Ness. Starting now, anyone that hits you during class will get an H." said that teacher guy that was made out of wires.
"That isn't…" Ness started but wasn't able to finish. Everyone else had started bashing random objects into Ness's head. Meta Knight had at first not attacked Ness, as he thought S would be the perfect 'normal' grade, but when he noticed that everyone else was doing it he figured he might as well too.
So when everyone was back in his or her or its seat and Ness was knocked out cold Mr. Wire Frame started his lesson.
BORING ALERT!
"So when the general Asian population realized that the British weren't actually Asians they got pretty pissed off. They soon realized that trading gold for lice wasn't exactly a very fair deal either. So the general Asian population called upon the Japanese to push the foreigners back. Japanese were so smart and cool and sexy and awesome and good at fighting and wonderful and better than any other race, so this was possible. The Japanese fought the Americans first. They soon realized that dramatic poses were useless in the face of heavy machine guns and cannons. So, like the amazing and cool people they were compared to the horrible and evil Americans, Japan made it's own cannons. Japan then told America politely to leave. America politely left. This amazing strategy used by the Japanese is now called the 'please stop it' technique and has been used by France many times. Because the French aren't as cool or sexy or awesome as the Japanese it has never worked for them. The general Asian population soon got pissed off at Japan because Japan never actually opposed British power and soon started conquering the rest of Asia. So they got the power of Indiana Jones and went to war. Sadly, Indiana Jones wasn't an Asian, and so he wasn't cool enough to beat the Japanese. This is when America invented a strategy that could be used to defeat Japans awesomeness and coolness and sexiness, anime clubs. With the anime clubs Americans could throw enough zit infested high pitched squealing freaks at Japan, successfully scaring them away from any form of western culture. The world was saved, for now.
END BORING ALERT!
Mr. Wire Fame woke the class up with a flamethrower. Or at least he tried to wake them up with a flamethrower. He just ended up setting the knocked out Ness on fire. Ness melted. Ness was dead now. Finally.
Mr. Wire Frame then tried to wake the class up by stabbing Bowser in the face. Bowser just started bleeding and died.
"DAMNIT! WAKE UP!" Mr. Wire Frame screamed. Sadly, his lesson had been so boring that his class couldn't wake up.
The bell rang.
The class woke up and left.
"You've got to be kidding me…" Mr. Wire Frame cried and ran to hide in his corner to start cutting himself in shame.
In the halls Roy and Pit started preaching about the greatness of the Kazzjaffian religion.
"Mewtwo! Join the light!" Roy and Pit yelled as he passed by.
"Sorry, but I have a black market to run…" Mewtwo said.
"No you don't! Ness is gone dude, you don't need to pretend anymore." Roy said.
"Ok fine… I've been getting all my supplies at Wal-Mart… just… OK whatever I'll join!" Mewtwo said and was baptized right there in the hall.
"THIS IS GREAT! WE NEED TO CONVERT EVERYONE!" Pit screamed and they ran off to find more people.
The bell for eighth period rang, even though it was time for sixth period instead. Then Master Hand came on the announcement thing.
"Sorry kids… we're having a problem… please go to your sixth period" Master Hand said.
So the kids all went to eighth period.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GO TO SIXTH PERIOD!" Master Hand screamed and slapped Meta Knight out of the room. He let everyone else stay.
"Must… look normal…" Meta Knight screamed and ran back into the room.
"Hey! Meta Knight! Join the church of the Kazzjaff or go to hell and burn and die!" Roy said.
"How many members do you have?" Meta Knight asked.
"Three!" Roy replied.
"Screw that! I'm sticking to agnostic! Everyone knows the in thing is hating all religion!" Meta Knight crenulated.
"What the hell did you just do?" Roy asked, freaked out. "And besides, everyone knows me and Pit are the in things… so doing whatever we tell you to do would be a good idea!"
Meta Knight kept up his crenulations until Doctor Mario could find a dictionary and see what the hell it was he was doing.
"Sorry Doctor Mario… this is a school… there aren't any dictionaries" Master Hand said.
This continued until Meta Knight crenulated himself to near death. His last words were, "please, tell me that they like me." And he died.
People started crying. Roy and Pit claimed they were going to have a burial for their departed friend and that the Kazzjaff blessing would be there so everyone should go. As everyone sat around Meta Knights dead body crying Doctor Mario piped up.
"A-HA! I found it! Crenulate… or crenulated… adjective… Having a margin with very small, low, rounded teeth… a crenulate leaf." Doctor Mario squealed.
"Stop squealing… you sound gay!" Pit said as everyone immediately thought that the word 'gay' coming out of Pit's mouth was a confession.
"Shut up! You're gay! You wear a dress!" Doctor Mario shouted.
"Guys! Shut up! Let the religion of Kazzjaff defeat all hatred… and how the hell does someone small teeth themselves to death?" Roy asked.
Everyone shuddered, or at least attempted to shudder. Some of them ended up shivering instead. There were even some that quivered.
So Master Hand finally managed to get everyone out of his classroom with a blowtorch and a small puppy. They all went to Sixth period, which was almost over.
"OK CLASS! You have a test! What is a Goatherd?" said the teacher who was just a black space also known as Mr. Plot Hole Man.
Everyone took the test and then the class was over. So they went to lunch.
"Why have we never gone to lunch before?" Popo asked.
"Oh… you guys have been going to lunch… it's just that usually the food is from Mexico… with all the news attention on illegal immigration we've been forced to get our food from Wal-Mart instead. So now the food tastes worse… but at least you don't end up peeing out blood for several hours and forgetting everything that's been going on!" Master Hand explained.
"So THAT'S why I always felt so bad during seventh period!" Falco said in amazement.
"No… you feel bad seventh period because there was a naked bum in that class." Master Hand explained some more.
All this explanation caused Mr. Plot Hole Man to explode in a fiery ball of death and rabies.
Everyone started eating at his or her or its own tables.
"You know… Kazzjaff hasn't been catching on as much as I had hoped" Pit said to Roy while guzzling down seven live pigs.
"Yeah… we need to step it up a notch next period…" Roy said to Marth… who was being served as part of the lunch.
"That's nasty!" Zero Suit Samus said. She then realized no one wanted to talk to her and walked away to her own corner crying.
"STUPID EMO! YOU JUST WANT ATTENTION DON'T YOU!" Roy yelled pointing at Zero Suit Samus in anger… he then went back to listening to his hardcore My Chemical Romance and slitting his wrists.
"Anyway… how do you think we should convert people?" Pit asked.
"We should start randomly quoting from the Great Book of the Kazzjaff!" Roy said with a stroke of genius, this soon changed to a full time stroke and Roy ended up puking out Marth's liver onto Pit.
"This is a stupid eating sequence…" Pit said.
Roy agreed and everything stopped.
YAY!
And shut up… If you review me… I want it to be a completely blank review with ABSOLUTELY no words in it… punctuation is fine though…
Stay tuned! Next time there will be ACTUAL religious stuff instead of just mentioning Kazzjaff like crazy…
Don't be offended… if you are it's just because you're too stupid to do anything else…
Seriously though… I don't blame you if you don't like this chapter… I don't blame you if you hate ME or anything I do actually… but if you're a bitch about it then yes… I do blame you…
R&R!… Read and Rip-off!