Smashville High School!
Chapter 11: Spiritual Cleansing pt. 2
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing… (laughs because what I just said was really witty and cool)
Reviews: REVIEW THIS! NOW!
Gold stars:
If you reviewed: 1
If you liked it: 2
If you go to school: 3
If you get good grades: 0 (I HATE EVERYONE AT MY SCHOOL THAT GETS A 4.0 BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT MAKES THEM SOMEHOW BETTER THAN ME! The funny thing is they don't know I get a 4.0 there… they think I'm just some idiot who wouldn't know anything)
If you go to school during the summer: 33 because I feel your pain…
If you like Reel Big Fish: 999 becuz j00 r the kewlz! No really… you are…
Remember the schedule: (and also remember… it's A/B schedule… so they go to half of the classes each day)
1 period Geometry
2 period Biology
3 period English
4 period Gym
5 period World Civ.
6 period Comp. Tech.
7 period AP Commercial Art 2 honors
8 Teacher's Assistant
Pee Wee Herman is the next big thing! Even though he's been off air for years now! He's still the next big thing!
REEL BIG FISH! ICP! MAD CADDIES! BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER!
As lunch ended everyone went to go to his or her or its next class, AP Commercial Art 2 honours.
"Welcome to class today! We found that that bum was way to offensive and harsh, so today I will be your teacher! My name is Mr. Sandbag and today we will draw what it looks like to get hit in the face with a shovel!" Sandbag said wiggling around in an attempt to be funny. Captain Falcon laughed, proving how pathetic he is… especially since C. Falcon is dead and so we don't really know how he was laughing.
So everyone spent an hour drawing. Then they handed in their works of art.
Pit tried to draw a dramatic mongoose getting eaten by a horrifying and evil turtle in order to depict the sadness of our times. What ended up happening on paper was a couple of ink splats and scribbles.
"Well done Pit… that was very dramatic and sad… it tells a lot about today" Mr. Sandbag said.
Wario drew a big zit.
Zero Suit Samus drew a typical 1950s family at home around the dinner table with the mom cooking and the dad having come back from work. The ACLU, GU, KKK, NYPD, and various other legal groups soon sued her.
"You're such a bigot Samus!" Mr. Sandbag yelled trying to point but just ripping off a piece of his skin in the attempt.
Dr. Mario drew a person getting hit in the face with a shovel.
"You idiot! True artists never draw anything that resembles what they were trying to draw in ANY way!" Mr. Sandbag said nonchalantly and then giggled to himself for knowing what nonchalantly means.
Gannondorf drew a stick figure with the word 'LINK' over it getting stabbed with scribbles going through it and various things like 'haha', 'ooh who's the hero of time now?', and 'I liek piez' written off to the side.
Falco drew a bird.
Fox drew a plane.
Popo drew superman!
Mewtwo laughed at the superman joke.
"Where's your artwork?" Mr. Sandbag asked nicely.
"I laughed at the superman joke… that's about all I've been doing this hour…" Mewtwo said looking sideways in shame.
Mr. Sandbag pulled out a baseball bat and broke Mewtwo's neck with it, laughing inconsistently the whole time.
Roy wrote KAZZJAFF in big letters.
"Roy… you don't just write something… you DRAW something!" Mr. Sandbag said.
With this Roy jumped on top of his desk and pointed at Mr. Sandbag.
"Kazzjaff is more than JUST writing! HE IS THE GREAT AND ANCIENT GOD THAT WE ALL MUST WORSHIP!" Roy yelled pointing at everyone with a glare of "you better be listening to what I'm saying because if you aren't then I wasted $50 dollars on this suit" in his toenail.
Class ended and everyone started going to 8th period, Teachers Assistant. Roy and Pit decided that now would be a good time to get their next follower, Popo.
Roy and Pit cornered Popo, despite the fact that Smashville High School was too small of a school to HAVE corners. Then they began doing… stuff…
"Join us Popo" Roy said pulling out his sword.
"The great Kazzjaff calls you…" Pit said getting INSIDE of Popo's face.
Popo started to cry.
"Kazzjaff will give you blessings!" Roy said.
"Get baptised and join our ways!" Pit said.
So Popo, deciding that it would be best to go along with these scary people, and deciding that he needed to take a bath anyway, got baptised right there in the hall using the drinking fountain and some helper squirrels.
Roy and Pit then set their sights on their next target, Falco.
"Join us!" Pit said pulling out a harp.
"Join the Kazzjaff!" Roy said pulling out some lip-gloss.
Pit grabbed Falco by the beak and slammed him up against the wall. This got brown sticky stuff all over Pit's hand.
"EWW! Haven't you taken a proper shower since the beginning of the school year?" Pit asked, disgusted. Falco simply blushed.
With this Roy and Pit forced Falco to get baptised… if only just to get him to clean his beak.
Roy and Pit then went for Fox.
Fox joined.
Everyone laughed at the comedic way in which Fox was forced to join.
Gannondorf joined for the tax benefits.
Dr. Mario was busy popping some pills when Roy and Pit came up to him.
"Umm… Join us…" Pit said.
"AHHHH! THE GREEN THINGS ARE COMING!" Doctor Mario screamed and took out a surgical knife. He sliced away at the imaginary green things until he saw Gannondorf walk by.
"AHHHH! THE LEADER OF THE GREEN THINGS!" Doctor Mario screamed and started bashing Gannondorf's head against the wall. Then he jabbed Gannondorf's eyes out with the surgical knife. Then he ripped off both of Gannondorf's legs and started beating him with them. Then he forced three tons of gummy bears down Gannondorf's mouth. Gannondorf cried in the horrifying and yet tasty sensation. Gannondorf was still alive and participating in class activities though.
"There are no class activities to participate in! We aren't in class!" Roy screamed and cut off Gannondorf's big toe for the mistake. This killed our poor evil king.
"YAY! THE GREEN THINGS ARE GONE! I'LL JOIN YOUR CULT!" Doctor Mario said and baptised himself with his new, baptism pills.
Wario joined just because he thought it would be a cool way to meet new people.
Zero Suit Samus condemned Roy and Pit for making a cult when there are already enough cults on this earth that struggle to live and they should just join one of those cults instead of making another one that might not even last a day. Pit shoved his harp down her throat for this. She now had a musical voice. The problem is she couldn't make actual words come out… just musical notes…
Everyone went to eighth period.
"Good morning guys… today I would like you to steal the Mona Lisa and hang it up in this room!" Master Hand said and then left.
…
…
"So…" Popo said.
"SHUT UP! YOU AREN'T THE LEADER! I SMELL REBELLION! NO!" Roy said dramatically as he gazed at the stars with wonder.
"CALM DOWN ROY! WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!" Pit said dramatically crying as the stars gazed at him with wonder/horror/we have nothing better to do with our time.
With this everyone calmed down and simply stole the Mona Lisa in a comical way involving some cameo appearances from My Chemical Romance and Fairly Odd Parents. Everyone laughed at the hilarity of it all.
Everyone then looked evilly at Zero Suit Samus.
"Why aren't YOU part of our cult?" they asked together in confusion at the fact that they had all said the same thing perfectly.
Perfect B flat major in alto clef Zero Suit Samus yelled at everyone.
Roy and Pit started to cry. Everyone understood the meaning of the Kazzjaff being just a snore reduction pill and decided a cult about snoring maybe wasn't the best idea.
"We're sowwy" Roy and Pit said with their heads down and tears flowing out of their fingernails.
Zero Suit Samus tried to reply, but one of the harp's strings broke. This caused a chain reaction in her body, which led to her exploding in a massive ball of fire and water and wind and earth and heart.
"How the hell is heart in any way related to those other things?" Fox asked.
Then Captain Planet flew up.
"Remember kids! Don't throw your garbage on the ground! And soon global warming will come and kill you all for your sinful ways!" Captain Planet said before exploding into five different rings, each of which got accidentally flushed down the toilet within five minutes.
"Oops! We killed Captain Planet!" Falco said.
Everyone laughed a typical laugh as the screen faded away.
YAY!
I have a slight suspicion that the majority of people that read/write fanfictions in the SSBM section are staying away from my stories…
Oh well…
For those of you that have stayed! HERE'S A TRINKET THAT I FOUND IN THE GARBAGE LAST WEEK!
Yes... this is the end of the religious parody... only one more annoying chapter and this story is over!
R&U! Read and Usurp!