(Spoilers) (One-Shot) Something I just had to write after watching 'Advent Children' for the first time. I just sat down with a pencil and wrote, and that's more or less what the finished thing is. I actually wrote it weeks ago but never got the courage to post it. Constructive criticism is welcome, but please no flaming. Basically just a one-shot of Kadaj's thoughts as he dies at the end of the film. That scene had me in tears. :-(
But anyways, hope you enjoy it :-)
Disclaimer: all characters mentioned are property of Square Enix, along with everything else that's inspired this. Hell, I wish it were mine, but you can't have everything.
He fell to the ground, and a bitterness filled his mouth. It was the taste of blood, and stale air, and failure. An intense weariness seeped through his bones. His plans, hopes, dreams… all had failed. He had failed. His wonderful Reunion – dust and ashes. He would never be what he was meant to be. Every single thing that his very existence was for had vanished, in the blink of a blue eye. He was alone.
And it was all because of the blonde-haired man standing a few paces in front of him.
He felt a surge of hatred, and tried to stand. His legs wouldn't – couldn't support him. They crumpled like paper and he gasped in pain as more blood rose in his mouth.
He tried again and half-rose, stumbling towards his downfall. Revenge sparked suddenly in his dull eyes, and for a moment all pain was forgotten as he fixed his gaze on the figure of the man ahead.
Yet after only a few steps, he felt a renewed stab of pain and gasped again, almost whimpering in hatred.
He fell, expecting the hard ground to meet his back unforgivingly. He braced himself for the pain. There was no-one there to catch him – no-one there to watch his back. His brothers were gone… for this, he was on his own.
But instead of stone, strong arms stopped his fall and with an effort he shifted his eyes upward. Blonde hair and strong blue eyes met his gaze.
That was when he realised.
The fundamental truth of his being – of his entire life. He had always been a pawn… nothing more. All those grand dreams of Reunion… they had never been for him. His complete existence was just a façade – a sham designed only to bring him back. The nightmare. Sephiroth. He had been right. Mother did love Sephiroth more than…
He was nothing but a pawn of Jenova. And he had never been anything different. That was the fundamental, terrible truth. And the man holding him as he rattled in gulps of air – the man whom he now realised that he knew like the back of his hand… down to every last spiky strand of hair, every single scar that he himself had inflicted… completely, honestly, truthfully… he was no different. Two sides of the same coin. And he knew now who had chosen the better path.
'Brother…'
He searched the face above for a sign of forgiveness, of understanding… And he found it. Buried deep in the piercing blue eyes… a spark of pity. He sighed. Forgiveness.
It began to rain. He felt the cool water splashing his skin and... it didn't hurt. His breathing eased. The world seemed to grow blurred, and yet strangely more defined as if a veil had lifted in front of his eyes. From a distance, a voice called his name.
'You don't have to hang on any longer…'
The words seemed to flow through his veins, lifting his heart, leaving him calm, relaxed. The need for revenge seeped out of him, joining the rain in little rivulets on the ground, dripping down onto the heads below. He was free. A sense of peace entered him and he sighed softly. Memories of a time long ago filtered into his brain, unlocked by the voice… memories of a time when he and his brothers would play together, the thought of their mother so far from their minds as they drew in each others presence with every laughing breath… needing nothing else.
The bitter taste left his mouth, and he suddenly smelt flowers, and tasted air so pure it almost took his remaining breath away. A tear slipped down his cheek.
'Mother… is that…'
His words faded into the rain.
The musical voice answered, the bell-like words of laughter landing gently in his brain.
'Everyone's waiting, if you're ready…'
Everyone's waiting… A sudden image of his brothers floated in front of his eyes. They were smiling, and he felt a sudden urge to be with them again, to be back playing amongst the flowers… The two people who had always been there for him, who had looked up to him. The two people to whom he had never been a pawn.
If you're ready. A complete serenity flooded his mind, and he felt strangely disconnected from the world… the rain… he was behind a glass window gazing out over something that he had no relation to. The city rose up before him… the Meteor Monument, crushed and burning… an airship hovering overhead… tiny people gazing up in wonder… the blonde-haired man holding him in his arms… None of these things touched him. And he could touch none of them. Out of reach.
Space. It was so simple. No Jenova, no more Sephiroth, no more fighting. He didn't have to hang on any longer. All he had to do… was choose what he wanted. What he wanted.
He decided, and the walls of glass faded, leaving him in the rain, blood rising in his throat, his hand lying limply in a pool of water by his side.
No more hanging on.
Slowly, he reached a hand out into the rain, and as droplets of water landed gently onto his fingertips, he sighed softly. The pain was gone.
His body felt as light as air. No more hanging on. He was ready.
He smiled, gently.
Kadaj melted into the lifestream.
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Love forever (xDelusionalxDotx)