Chapter Four: Mr. Crouch Returns

Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling's work.

I Am Not Crazy

Hermione:

Everything was quiet, too quiet. I saw nothing magical really anywhere. My wand was no where to be seen. The last thing I could remember was Lee saying something about funky llamas and then being sucked into some sort of never ending black hole. "Well that certainly was a bad dream!" I mumbled, standing up. "Funky llamas, yeah right," I snickered to myself. I'd just had a horribly bad dream is all.

"Llamas! Llamas! Where? Where are they?" A man from behind me shouted with happiness.

"Aah!" I screamed. I looked around frantically. I wasn't in my room. I was in the middle of a forest. I spotted only Ginny lying nearby and ran over to her. "Ginny, wake up. Wake up already!" I pleaded. I got her to wake up as the man started walking towards us.

"Now where did you say those llamas have gone off to?" He adjusted his glasses. I gave a little shriek and hid behind Ginny. Ginny turned and examined the man. "Mr.…Mr. Crouch!" She exclaimed at once with astonishment in her voice.

"From fourth year?" I asked.

"Yes. Hello again!" He said while rubbing his running nose on his hand and then offering it to us to shake.

"Eww!" I yelled and hit his hand away. I had so many questions for him still though. Why was he here? How was he alive? Where had he been all this time? I wanted to know it all, and now. However, I barely even knew Mr. Crouch and couldn't bring myself to open my mouth and be nosey like I normally am.

"Okay, well then fine. We'll get down to business. You're here to do the quest, as you already know. You summoned me and said the magic words. Speaking of the magic word, that reminds me of llamas. Would you like to see some pictures of my baby llamas? I have so many I could own a llama farm." He chuckled to himself. "Get it, Llama farm! Like the muggles? And their ant farms? But with llamas!" He knew we weren't getting it. Mr. Crouch stopped talking and straightened the suit he was currently wearing. "So shall I go fetch the pictures?" he asked.

"No!" Ginny exclaimed. "Now you said something about a quest? What quest?" she asked confused.

"Oh yes! THAT! If you're quite sure you don't want to see any pictures of llamas then…"

"No. Thanks, but no thanks." Ginny said now getting frustrated. "If you could please just explain what's going on, that'd be great."

Mr. Crouch just rolled his eyes. "Well everyone knows that if you make a sucking time continual space transferor machine that takes you to alternate universes and say llamas of course you have to go on a quest! I mean come on! We all know that. No need to go over it again."

Ginny and I looked at each other in shock. "Anyways, moving on, as you two probably already have noticed, you two are alone. It's very simple. You have to find your eight classmates. AND to make it fun, let's add in a bit of a…scavenger hunt, let's call it. Like the ones muggles have. I need you two to pick up a few items for me…" He stopped. He picked up a big piece of Ginny and my hair and took a long, deep sniff. I was too scared to move and obviously Ginny thought that he had lost his mind.

"Very nice! Yes, very, VERY nice without a doubt. Smells almost as good as those llamas, but back to your quest. Each of you will be finding some people for me as well." He turned to Ginny. "You," he pointed at her, "will be finding a kazoo, a book of mine titled Idiots Guide to Scavenger Hunts, a box of twelve tissues, mind you twelve tissues. No more, no less, and lastly a box of five different colored highlighters. Muggles have some very, very fascinating objects, don't you think?"

He turned to me now. "And you, little lady, will be finding the following items for me: Platform shoes, my blanket named Blankie Wankie. Oh! Be careful though. Sometimes an impersonator named Honky Tonky tries to impersonate her."

"It has a name?" I asked.

"Yes, she does," he said smugly. "Now also I'd like you to find a book called 101 Ways to put on a Ballerina Tutu for me, a rotting pumpkin, and of course, six hairs of a ferret," he said as if nothing out of the ordinary had just came out of his mouth.

This is when Ginny cracked. "Have you lost your bloody mind? You want us to go on a wild goose chase for items that are absolutely useless and find out classmates too!"

"Well don't talk to me like that!" he said with a frown. "You two are the ones that forced me in here in the first place so don't try to blame this thing on me. No way! Now back to the topic. You, I believe you said your name was Hermione when I first met you?" I nodded. "You will be responsible for finding Neville, Lee, Luna, and Malfoy." He looked at Ginny again. "You will be looking for Goyle, Crabbe, Parvati, and Ron." Now he looked as if he was in a hurry.

"Well have fun and here are two Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There-Quick-Machines. Oh, and one of you can find that Potter boy. Harry. Yes him. Find him too. If you find someone, you can send him or her back by hitting him or her with these Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There machine rays. You two may not however leave until all items and people have been returned. If you find an item, hold it above your head and shout 'Llama Idama, Wary Mama come and get this Tama Hama!' And a llama will come immediately to retrieve it from you. Have fun. Tootleloo, and if you ever want to see those pictures let me know!" With that being said, he snapped his fingers and was gone in a puff of smoke.

"I cannot believe this is happening. Hermione, slap me. Bite me. Pinch me. Kick me. Spit! I don't care; just make me wake up from this dream." Thinking it would make her happy; I punched, kicked, slapped, pinched, and spit on her.

"Oww!" she said. "What'd you do that for?" I started to speak. "No! You know what. Never mind. Everything's too messed up already." Ginny paused, looking deep in thought, while rubbing the spot on her ankle that I had just kicked. "You know I might be out of my mind but let's just do this so we can get out of here."

We started walking and came to a crossing. It had two tunnels leading in opposite directions. "See you when this whole thing is over," she mumbled and she started down the right tunnel. I took a big deep breath and started walking, head held high, feeling extremely important. I mean, I was on a mission after all! However as I was walking I noticed I had a big blob of goo on my brand new robes and I walked on, desperately trying to figure out what I could do to get the goo off without actually touching it.

Suddenly, I bumped into something or someone and heard my shriek and someone else's. I looked up and saw Ginny. Ginny's tunnel and mine had collided; we both calmed down and made an apology to each other. We said goodbye again and continued down on our separate paths.