Chapter Two: Surprises, Just around the corner!

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Conker: I'ma backa!

Mario: No! Just no!

Zelda/Link: Don't be a baby your lucky you're in it.

Conker: They gots a point!

Peach: Do I smell fanboyism?

Conker: Dur; that's why it's in the Zelda section on FF. net.

Link: HAH! We have the author on our side.

Conker: Well I'm listening to Weird Al Yankovic.

Zelda: Anything else weird?

Conker: Yeah… Taking back Sunday, JKR Parodies, Offspring, The unseen-

Zelda: You ARE weird! And why was 'are' italic?

Conker: I like teasing myself. Yeah… I know I'm weird"…

Mario: Riiight well say that god dammed disclaimer and get on with the story!

Conker: Nah, I gave up on it"…

Mario/Peach/Zelda/Link: WHAT!

Conker: Nah… anyway, I don't own the SMB characters, LoZ, and so forth, I own 1337 5p34k 'conker' 'C0nker' and yada yada yah.

Mario: Why isn't it detailed like the last one?

Conker: Look, These people who have no lives whatsoever are reading this and it's almost a page long in word!"

All: Okay.

Conker: Well sorry for all that now to the story!

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BOOM! The gong went to say it was time to head back. What I didn't tell 'em is that I was going to sleep at their castle, alternating. Today, it was 'team 2's' (un)lucky night. Tomorrow however is going to be team 1's worst nightmare.

Creeeek the door went as I pushed open the door, I told you I had bad manners… hell I didn't even knock! "HELLO! I DIDN'T TELL YOU FOR A SURPRISE THAT IM ALTERNATING LIVING IN EACH CASTLE FOR THAT DAY! TONIGHT AND ALL DAY TOMORROW UNTILL LIGHTS OUT!" I exclaimed hearing my voice bounce off the cement walls made me shudder. As I designed the castle(s) I pretty much know my way around. As I never saw 'inside' the castle I made it to my own content. I walked to the guest room and threw myself onto the bed. I was surprised that there was a bed. I just gave them the 'shell'. They did a lot considering it has only been 6hours.

--Team 1's(Hyrule) side--

"I wonder what their doing" Link asked. They had already done the castle now they were onto the market. They had just finished Bazaar when they heard the gong.

"Damn it!" Zelda exclaimed

"Shut up down there!" a town's folk said

"Quiet! Obey her majesty!"

"Well might as well head back eh Zel?"

"Yeah"… with that they headed back after heading back.

--Team 2(Shroom kingdom) --

"God damn it! My back hurts!" Mario exclaimed placing the last block in place for the day.

"Come on Mario!" Peach said heading back to the castle

"YEAH WOMAN I'M COMING!" Mario exclaimed.

Creeeeeaaaaak the door went 'woosh' something went past.

"Thanks E-Man"

"No prob Conk."

"What in the (breeep) are you doing here?" Mario asked

"Right well I'm gonna piss off both teams by them accommodating me on their 'land' each day. You have to look after me until tomorrow night, right, g'night." With that I got up and went to the guest room.

"Well… that was weird"… Mario pointed out to Peach.

"Yeah"…

.:.Team 1(Hyrule).:.

"Alright night Zel"

"Night Link"

DREAM START-ZELDA

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Zelda's POV

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LINK! LINK! I exclaimed Somehow Gannondorf and something… dare I say… uglier than the Evil King himself was kidnapping Peach. "What should we do with them Gannon?" The thing asked the 'King'

"Hmm… ya' know that fat thing in her castle Bowser?"

"Yeah"…

"Does he have the habit of killing you when you do something you're proud of?"

"Since 1895 I think"

"Great! We'll 'princess nap' them and wait for them to come and get-"

"What do you mean by 'them'?"

"Did you see that muscular kid sleeping next to this princess?"

"Yeah"…

"He's the Hero of Time, He killed me back in 1998/99/2003 an other incarnations of him killed me in 1899 I think to 2003, all seem to succeed"…

"Ah, but why-"

"Was he sleeping with the princess? They're in a relationship."

"Okay. Come on!" with that they ran off with me and Peach."

DREAM END!

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"Zelda!" Link Exclaimed in an attempt to wake her up, she was rolling and sweating violently trough out the night,

"ZELDA! Wake up!" Link exclaimed again, no avail (Not sure if that's the right word.)

"ARGH! Get off me Gannon!" She shot a ball of air right at Link.

"AH!" It hit him. He ran to the bathroom and he threw up blood twice. He came back out and said,

"Goddesses woman, what's got-" He was cut off, the world growing grey, then black.

"Link!" She exclaimed running towards him. But instead she went to the bathroom to see what he did. She looked into the sink, there it was, blood stains on the sides, "Holy shit." Was all she said looking back at Link; Still passed out she noticed a blood stream out of the side of his mouth.

"Goddesses; did I just do that?" She ran up to his unconscious body and placed it onto the soft bed. All she could do is wait. But she ran to me at the gong about to symbolise the start of the day and exclaimed "Conker! Not yet! Link passed out!"

"Zelda what the fuck happened?"

"I… I had a nightmare and I thought Gannon"…

"Was"… I replied to continue the sentence,

"Going to kidnap me; and (beep can't say it or else it won't be T, Think along the lines of rake and change one of the letters to 'p'.) me."

"Never know what might come upon these keystrokes."

"Conker are you thinking about what I don't want you to think about?"

"Never mind, Show him to me."

"Okay." With that we walked to the castle up to the master bedroom, Link was there eyes awake in shock,

"Zelda… you're… you're… e-e-evil"…

"Link, what did she do to you?" I asked,

"I… I… I woke… h-her u-up be-because she was sc-screaming and… sh-she threw air at m-me at the speed o-of ss-sou-sound. I… w-went t-to th-the b-b-b-bathroom and I threw up blood… tw-tw-twice."

"Zelda my friend, you've lost it. Today will be a free day. I will inform the other team. I'll be back ASAP." I got up and left

"Link… I- I'm sorry."

"ARGH!" Link screamed at the top of his lungs "GET AWAY FROM ME!" Link shouted. I heard this as I exited the castle "Shit, She's good." I said to myself to tell the others.

The day was slow, Link was in shock about his fiancée that went mad; yes, they were planned to be married until I sucked them into my world to play 'Kingdom Blitz' I didn't even tell 'em.

"L-Link?" Zelda asked knocking, Link was on the balcony ready to jump into the courtyard "GOOD-BYE CRUEL WORLD!" Link exclaimed, he jumped… into water? For some reason my weird brain decided to do this. As soon as he got to the surface it all tuned to grass except a small circle around him. He could be on the verge of death… or could he be? Zelda opened the door to find a note.

Dear, evil fiancée,

I, Link Hero of time, Holder of the Triforce of guts has decided to commit suicide on his fiancée's choice to turn to Gannon's side. I have already jumped of the balcony by the time you've read this.

No hope for the future, the one still on the Goddesses side,

Link, 28/6/2006

"LINK!" Zelda exclaimed running toward the balcony. There she saw, her boyfriend, prince-to-be/husband-to-be; dead, in the pool of water. She jumped off; not in a swan dive but in a normal jump, she landed perfectly, apart from the bit of wobbling because of the dress. She ran towards him. She checked for a pulse, No avail (Still dunno) "OH FUCK!" Zelda exclaimed I, walking toward the master bedroom to check up on him heard this and broke into a dash. I opened the door to find a letter, the letter that Zelda read. "Fuck, this wasn't meant to happen." I too jumped off the balcony to see Zelda crying, I made an approach.

"PISS OFF! You made him like this… YOU were the author!"

"Zelda please."

"No Conker. PISS OFF!"

Zelda sat there sobbing on his limp body,

"I need to tell you something"…

"WHAT!"

"It's that he's on the verge of death. He'll Be back in 3 hours or so. Trust me, I'll make sure he won't remember the day. Okay?"

"(sniff) O…Okay."

"C'mon, you can bring him up… bridal style"

"He he… Okay."

Zelda brought him to the bed. She sat there stroking his sandy blonde hair for three hours.

"You really love him don't you?"

"Yes… yes I do."

"Oh… ohhh… what happened and where am I?" Link woke up

"Told ya he wouldn't remember."

"Thanks Conker."

"My pleasure."

"E-MAN!"

"Yeah conker?"

"Get 'em a drink"

"Zelda, Link what would you like?" E-Man asked,

"Champagne and two glasses thanks." Link replied

"Here ya go. Conker you want anything?"

"Just a coke thanks."

"Here."

"I'm spending the night and rest of tomorrow until lights out just so ya know."

"Okay." Zelda said taking a sip.

"Night you guys." Link said.

"Night and have lots of fun with her if ya know what I mean, hint, hint."

"Oh I will"

"See Zelda I even got you a goal. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Oh and Conker;"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks again."

"No problem."

Okay... I sorta like removed that sentence cause its a bit strong... like...errr umm... eh... The next morning they were laughing and I turned E-Man on.

"Bzrrt buzz BRING! Oh morning Conker. Who's laughing?"

"How much alcohol percentage was in that champagne?"

"'Bout 60 why?"

"They were having pleasant dreams if you know what I mean…"

"Eww"

"Yeah… now breakfast thanks."

"Egg and bacon?"

"With toast."

"Yep"

"Thanks"

TEAM 2(Shroom)/

"Hear that Link committed suicide"

"REALLY!"

"But Conker only put him on the verge of death."

"No death?"

"Nope,"

"Damn it!"

"Why do you want him dead anyway Mario?"

"I'M the hero of Nintendo!"

"Hmm… that intro at the beginning of the chapter said differently."

"(sigh) I know… but-"

"No buts. Sure that Link guy and Zelda princess my be more popular and all but-"

"BUT DID I GET ONE OF THE 4 PERFECTS ON GAMESPOT? NO! DID THEY? YEAH! AND NINTENDO'S GOING FOR ANOTHER!"

"You got a 9.9 I think"

"Pffft… accept it Peach, they stole the spotlight (sigh)"

"No!"

"Look, their bad guy actually has a human form… ours is a… a… a turtle!"

"But theirs is also a Pig."

"But it has two swords"…

"Wow"…

And that's that! Logest chapter I've written : and so you know those conversations at the beginning of the chaps are gonna continue. I know my humor is shit, but I'm not a comedian.

USER: RESPONSE:
yuko6754Thanks, I'm reading through "OoT my way".

And for you slobs who didnt review, I'll hire an emo ninja to kill you with it's 'emoness'! >:-D.