Chapter 38
Over the next few days, a terrible blizzard hit the area. After the storm ended, Inuyasha took a walk in the quiet afterglow of the snowstorm, needing to get some fresh air. After Yoshi's death, the quiet in the house had been unbearable. Only getting out to feed the animals wasn't enough. Kagome tried to act normally, but Inuyasha knew that his murderous rampage had affected her. She kept insisting that "he had every right to do what he did.", but she was still quiet more often. He had seen this before, on their travels, when he killed a human. It was something he tried to change about his ways since he met her, but there were times when the old Inuyasha surfaced. He knew he had other options besides killing the man, but his demon side reacted first to the perceived threat. Now he just needed to get Kagome to talk and apologize for his behavior.
Leaning against the pasture fence, he gazed at the horses playing in the snow. The other animals preferred to stay inside during the frigid weather, but the horses always pawed the ground wanting out. Especially after spending days inside during the storm. He sensed a presence beside him, as Yasha climbed up on the fence to join him.
"Hey, papa. Whatcha eatin'?"
"Something your mother calls 'granola'. Want some?", Inuyasha said, as he held out his hand for Yasha to take some.
"Didja do your chores, Yasha?"
"Yea, papa. I fed and watered the horses, cattle, sheep, and goats. Kaori fed the chickens, geese, ducks and pigs. Hiroshi gathered the eggs. And I broke the ice on Mama's koi pond and the pond for the ducks and geese.", Yasha said, listing everything on his fingers.
"Good. So your free for the rest of the day. Whaddya plan on doin'?"
Yasha shrugged and said, "I dunno." and then, "Papa? Can I ask you somethin'?"
Inuyasha grunted an agreement as Yasha continued, "Why didja kill that man? Mama says I'm 100 times stronger than any human and that you're even stronger 'cause you're all grown. She said you could have just beaten him up and left him be, that you didn't need to kill him."
'So she's been talking to Yasha instead of to me.', Inuyasha thought, upset at the idea of his wife confiding her pain to their son instead of to him. Maybe this was something he could use to get her to start talking to him.
"Papa?", Yasha queried, breaking through Inuyasha's thoughts.
"Your mother is from a different time. A different place altogether. She tries to understand all the death that surrounds us, but she still yearns for peace. I'm used to death. Just to stay alive, I've killed humans and demons alike. It was kill or be killed. Until your mother came into my life, I was alone. Humans and demons despised me and wanted me dead. What happened the other day was the curse of a half-demon. The demon in me reacted, as demons do. Demons kill for no reason. But, as a half-demon, I also have a human conscience, and now, I live with my conscience for what I did. I'm not proud of what happened, but it happened, and there's nothing I can do to change that now.", then looking at his son, Inuyasha continued,
"Yasha, you're lucky. You haven't experienced death and the wars like I have and even your mother has. It's peaceful here. I'm used to seeing death and destruction. When your mother and I traveled together and we'd come across a battlefield, I'd ignore it. It was just another battlefield in all the battlefields I had seen. But your mother would throw up from the sight. No matter how many battlefields she saw, her reaction was always the same - intense sickness. I use to laugh at her reactions because I was dead inside to it all. But my human side wanted to protect her from the death and the war and I couldn't and I knew I couldn't. How your mother stuck beside all of us, I'll never know. Shippou, Miroku, Sango, ... we were all hardened by what we had lived through. I would go through the well to your mother's world ... not just because I missed her, but because I knew I was safe there. No wars. No destruction. No death.", Inuyasha grew quiet for a moment before taking his son's hands in his and saying,
"I'm sorry for what I did and that you witnessed it. Your mama's right, I had other choices. But, as you get older, and you start feeling the demon inside of you, you'll understand how I was overcome with my demon reaction. That's the only way I can explain it."
Yasha could sense the sadness in his father and he quickly hugged his father and whispered, "Don't worry about it, I understand."
Yasha jumped down form the fence and he and his father walked into the house together. Later that night, probably due to a talk with Yasha, Kagome sat and talked at length with Inuyasha about what happened. The talk healed the rift that had formed between them and they made love for the first time since the incident on the warm bearskin rug in front of the roaring fire. Inuyasha hated having Kagome upset with him and knowing she had forgiven him yet again relieved him. He finally felt that they had moved past this ugly period in their relationship and that they were ready to face other challenges. He just hoped the challenges would wait for a while.
That night, as they made love, he knew they would soon be bringing a new pup into the world. Kagome liked to have some time between pups and with Kohana barely 7 months old, the youngest pup would barely be weaned when the new one arrived. At that moment, however, he didn't care. His wife was back in his arms, purring her affections to him and there was no way he would, or could, resist her. Fertile or not. Kagome would just have to live with her new pregnancy. Not that she would hate being pregnant, he just knew she would jump on him for not controlling himself when she was fertile. Oh well, he'd cross that bridge when he got to it.