Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural. (sigh!)

Secret of the Son

When Dean was four he learned about secrets

Dean Winchester had a Secret. He'd kept the secret since he was four years old. A secret he shared with no one. The only other person who knew about it was gone. She died over 20 years ago. He couldn't tell his father. He couldn't tell his brother. They would hate him if they knew.

When Dean was four he learned there was evil in the world. He learned when someone dies they don't come back, ever.

Twenty two years had passed but he could still remember the horrible things he said to her that day. He had wanted ice cream and she said no. He was angry and he told her he hated her. But he didn't, not really, he loved her. He told her he wanted her gone, but he didn't want her to go. He never wanted her to go. But it heard what he said and it took her away. He wanted her back, but she didn't come back.

When Dean was four he learned that words could hurt. He learned that once you said something you could never take it back, ever.

Dean stopped talking that day because words can hurt. He didn't speak again until he learned to bury his emotions, because emotions could hurt. They could make you say things you didn't really want to say.

When Dean was four he learned that love could hurt. He learned that when you lost love you couldn't be happy, ever.

Dean loved his father. He would die for him. He tried so hard to be a good son. He did as he was told. He learned what he taught. He worked hard to make his father happy. But he was never happy. No matter how hard Dean tried. Only Mommy could make him happy and she was gone.

Dean grew up. He learned to be brave. He learned to hunt. He learned to kill. He learned to have fun. But most important of all he learned to not to love.

Dean had loved his mother. He was only four when she died. He remembered that day like it was yesterday, because it was his fault she had died. He knew it then and he knew it now. It was his secret. One he could never tell. How could he tell his brother and his father that the demon came because it heard his words and felt his emotions? How could he tell them that it was his fault that she was dead?

When Dean was four he learned to hate ice cream.

A/N Please review and let me know what you think.