A/N: Sorry about the whole ... uh, not Saturday thing. We got back really late on Saturday and then on Sunday I ... uh ... slacked off I suppose :-). New York was fabulous in case anyone is interested. It's my favorite city in the world ... well of all the places I've been to in the world. Call me crazy (I know my family and friends do) but I love it. Anyway, thanks so much for all the reviews that were so nice to come back home to and I once again apologize for the delay. As compensation, I present you with my longest chapter yet absolutely full of Michelle :-)!
Disclaimer: It isn't mine and I'm making no money off of it. Thanks ever so much to those who did think up this wonderful world for us all to play in.
Never Without You
Chapter 7 – Michelle Dessler
7:00 – 8:00 PM
7:03:00
The first thing he noticed about her was how calm and controlled she looked. He knew her too well to be fooled by the appearance, but she seemed to have made everyone else believe.
His first glance at her, with her head held high and walk unfaltering, almost tricked him too. Tricked him into thinking that she had no emotion upon her return to CTU, their own personal hell.
She walked in, eyes straight forward and everything about her professional as her security detail led her over toward the situation room, where he stood with Secretary Heller. Heller seemed to still be puzzling over his reaction to Michelle being the new director, but Tony didn't have time to worry about being fired for personal issues with his new boss. He was a little too focused on his boss herself.
The second change that he noted was her hair. It was straight and perfectly immaculate, like everything else about her. He disliked it immediately. He hated how perfectly broken it made her look. Beautiful to everyone else of course, but she looked so cold to him without her perpetually unmanageable curls. There was more than that though. She simply didn't look like his Michelle.
Which was no doubt the purpose of the change.
It was about then that she reached himself and Secretary Heller. Tony stared at her with horror and awe in his gaze, hating and loving fate at the same time. "Ms Dessler," Heller greeted.
Michelle stared directly at Heller, not sparing a glance for her ex-husband. He would have been amused by the effort if his mind hadn't been in so much turmoil. "Secretary Heller," she replied, shaking his hand. Always professional.
Heller seemed suddenly cautious. "I hear you have already met Tony Almeida." It took those words for Tony to finally and completely see through his former wife's façade. For an instant her barriers dropped and she looked hesitant, nervous, and just as uncertain about all of this as he was. All of that in the instant before their eyes met.
In her gaze, all the times they had fought, when he had gotten drunk or simply not been there, when she had brought him divorce papers, every time they had broken one another's trust, all of it melted away and they were left with what they had had way back at the beginning. Two fractured souls who desperately wanted one another.
Michelle broke it with a professional demeanor that hid her hurt effectively from the rest of the world. "Yes," she said, replying to the Secretary's question but not taking her eyes off Tony. "Agent Almeida." She stretched her hand to bridge the gap between them.
The words shocked him into doing something other than staring at Michelle. They sounded so wrong, wrong in every way. He wanted to mock her, to reply with a sneering, 'Ms. Dessler,' but something came out wrong and his mouth acted without his mind's consent. "Michelle," he savored her name on his tongue.
A flash of something near shame crossed her features and she withdrew the hand that had begged him to pretend nothing had ever happened between them. Too late now. Heller watched them with a hint of nerves in his face. Tony supposed their relationship would make anyone tense.
"Well, let's introduce you to CTU." Heller said, trying to ease some of the tension. And in a way it worked because their gazes dropped and both walked acceptingly out of the hall near the situation room and into the main area of CTU.
He was getting better at reading Michelle very quickly, everything coming back to him, and all it took was a tiny faltered step as she glanced around for him to know that she was hurting just as much as he was.
"For those of you who don't know, this is Michelle Dessler. She'll be taking over as acting Director of CTU effective immediately. Tony, I appreciate you carrying the ball until Michelle got here. Why don't you bring her and everyone else up to speed?" Heller declared to all of CTU. It took Tony a moment to get himself to a professional point where he was fairly sure his voice wasn't going to break like a teenager's.
He began as his eyes fixed on Michelle's. She was watching him again, face and emotions masked liberally. Hiding everything because she had seen already how easily he could break back in. He began speaking only after another glance at Michelle. "Yes, sir. Less than an hour ago we discovered that the man responsible for planning today's attacks, Habib Marwan, has been a long-term employee of McLennan Forster, the third largest Defense Contractor in the country. Now, we know that Marwan's been using the alias Harris Barnes. What we don't know yet is how he managed to evade their security checks. Marwan knows we're looking for him, so he's probably gone dark, but his association with McLennan Forster has become our primary focus. Jack Bauer and Paul Raines went to the company to inspect his computer files. But as they were doing so, an electro-magnetic pulse bomb was detonated, wiping out the company's entire database."
It was surprisingly easy. Briefing all of CTU was one of those directorial skills that had come back to Tony as though they had never left. It didn't even matter that Michelle was watching him the entire time or that one of the main focal points of the brief was Jack Bauer. It came back quickly and, unlike so many other things today, without any awkward memories.
"It also fried every electrical device within an eight-mile radius. Street lights, computers, cars, cell phones – everything." Sarah continued his brief.
Michelle's voice was braced, level and practiced like everything else about her. "Were Jack and Paul able to find anything before detonation?"
"Yeah, but we haven't been able to contact them since the blast. We have to assume whoever detonated the EMP thinks Jack and Paul found something and wants them eliminated." It shouldn't have surprised anyone that their first true conversation in over six months was at and about CTU. The revelation made him want to run away from the entire situation, flinch away from their voices that mingled in this familiar place.
He didn't of course. Tony Almeida would do this job correctly because he held it above all else. Except maybe Michelle. A taunting voice squirmed into his head to remind him of committing treason.
But Michelle was asking another question and he didn't want to think about anything anymore. "Have rescue teams been sent into the area?" She asked.
Her questions made him admit grudgingly that she was the best person Division could have sent over. She was competent and knew how to handle things at CTU. Not that it was particularly good for him, but at least his former Second-in-Command knew what she was doing.
"Not yet. Once we've confirmed that the effects have subsided, we'll send two teams in with fully functional electronics. The only problem is, until we find Jack and Paul, they're not going to be able to do much." He replied. It was an implied answer to her implied challenge about his abilities in regards to running CTU again.
Her eyes, which had hardly moved from him throughout the briefing so far, moved so that she was focusing on the rest of CTU. "We want to do everything we can to find Jack Bauer and Paul Raines, but the priority is to retrieve any information they found at McLennan Forster. That's all."
It was as she excused them all that Tony felt the first flashes of pain. Michelle Dessler, the woman of his dreams, the love of his life, was so close again that it hurt. So close and yet … she would never be his again. He would never be happy like he had been for those three years they had spent together ever again. And that realization hurt.
He walked away with only the intention of escaping in his mind. Naturally, Michelle demolished any hope of that when she called after him. "Tony." He halted for a fraction of a second to relish his name on her lips, especially after her harsh, 'Agent Almeida' earlier.
He stopped, but didn't say anything. Michelle stopped in front of him, the space between them practically tangible with tension. She stood with a considerable amount of distance between them, something which only served to highlight all those memories of standing just a little closer than was appropriate before and after they got together.
The contrast hurt. "I need the access codes for CTU and Division." She said, all functional professionalism and hidden pain.
Tony pulled them out, the pain at handing over the cards that pronounced him Director of CTU nearly physical. He hadn't even given this job up when he had been shot in the neck eighteen months ago, he hated giving it up now.
He handed her the cards, feeling a momentary realization that there was no one he would rather hand them off to. It was as she touched the other end of the cards that the rush ended. They held on to the cards for an inappropriate moment, savoring the physical connection more than a divorced couple should have. But it was closer than Tony had gotten in over six months and it was enough to convince him that he couldn't handle much more of this.
"Thank you." She said, quietly. He wondered if she knew how much it hurt to have her as Director. It didn't matter, was his decision on the topic.
"What do you want me to do?" He asked, hating the way his voice came out hoarse.
It was so much a proof of their separate lifestyles over the course of the last year and a half. Tony had given in to his overwhelming emotions and now found himself incapable of Michelle's detachment, whereas Michelle had spent the months teaching herself not to feel the hurt. More importantly, to persuade everyone else she didn't feel the pain. So here she was, too collected and hidden, and there he was, too obviously broken.
"Division's sending over a supplemental list of terrorists who supposedly had contacts with Habib Marwan. I want you to check any names that have been flagged by other agencies, including overseas." It stung, he had to admit. She had just handed him off a job that would have been fit for an entrance level analyst, not for someone who had spent so many years in the upper echelons of CTU.
"Given what's happening right now, it doesn't seem like the best use of my time." He replied passively to the insult. Michelle still took it as a confrontation.
"It has to be done, and I'd like you to do it." She responded, challenging him to fight with her.
"Michelle, Jack and Paul have information that could be vital to ending this crisis. I should be helping to find them." Michelle ignored him and his obvious statement and began walking off. It was because she was walking away that he couldn't stop himself. "Michelle." He grabbed on to her arm and felt alive for the first time in a long time. Just this small touch while they were fighting and he could barely stand to let go.
She whirled around and he knew it was at his touch that she finally snapped. "Last time I saw you," she began, and he knew from her tone that this comment was going to hurt, "you couldn't stay sober long enough to keep a job."
Michelle had known exactly how much pain that comment would cause him and said it anyway. Somehow, that hurt more than even the statement itself. The words were just that despite all the terrible memories they dredged up, but her tone and intention … those cut. "That was six months ago." His voice was rough and face pained.
"This is what I need you to do. If you don't like it, you can resign." Her features remained confident, but Tony could see a flutter of remorse for her stinging words in her eyes.
For a moment, Tony considered what they would do if he did resign. She would continue running CTU without his assistance, whatever little help he could provide. And he would go back to his dump of a house with his girlfriend who wasn't half what Michelle was. He would be unemployed and would probably never see CTU again.
There simply wasn't a choice.
"I'm going to need a security clearance." He said, not overtly declaring his choice, but still making it obvious.
"I'll make sure you get a level three." The words burned because they symbolized the lack of trust she had in him. She didn't trust him enough to give him a security clearance that would allow him to be really involved.
This time, he couldn't hide the break in his voice. "Level three?" He scorned, "I used to have a six."
"Right now, all you need is a three." She replied, efficient and uncaring.
And then she left and he found himself aching more than he had since she left the first time.
7:15:28
Tony would never admit that he spent half of his time, in between the various simple tasks required to monitor his search, watching Michelle. He was merely acclimating himself to her presence again. If he intended to be useful, he couldn't be stumbling around emotional and hurt.
But because he was watching his former wife, he noticed right away when Curtis called her over from a discussion with some minor CTU employee. It only took a moment's debate for Tony to convince himself that he ought to be over there.
There was an overwhelming voice in his head though that wanted to do what Michelle had insinuated when she had handed him a level three security clearance and just stay out of the way.
He couldn't though. He was like Jack in that respect, he couldn't do any less than the best he could because he would feel so incredibly guilty afterward. What if he didn't go over and later on something went wrong that he could have fixed?
So he walked over to the crowd around Sarah's computer in time to hear Curtis talking. "We wouldn't have picked it up if it wasn't for its electronic signature."
Tony glanced over at the screen to see a helicopter flying over the dead zone. At least it was enough to prove that the effects of the EMP were no longer affecting things over there.
He studied the screen as Michelle asked a question. "Where's it going?"
"Straight for McLennan Forster." Curtis replied.
"Is it possible that it could be some sort of corporate rescue chopper?" Sarah said, conjecturing and hoping that it wasn't what they all knew it probably was.
Curtis responded negatively, "No, they would have given the police their call sign."
"No, it's on a search and destroy mission. A chopper that size carries 20 men, fully armed." Tony spoke what at least he and Michelle had guessed.
"Who would have sent it?" Sarah wondered.
Tony managed to keep most of the sarcasm out of his voice as he answered the question that seemed obvious to his mind. "Whoever set off the EMP. They're going after Jack and Paul. McLennan Forster's been training mercenaries for years."
He didn't have to look over at Michelle to know she was giving him a masked glare for interceding in her authority. Tony decided not to push his luck by ordering them around. Luckily, Michelle knew what had to be done just as well as he did. "Contact our field teams in the air. Let them know about the intruding chopper."
It was odd to see how well he and Michelle worked together despite everything. Even though he barely had a security clearance high enough to even be here and she had just taken his position, they still worked as though they were one unit in decisions like this.
"You got it." Curtis said, walking off. Tony watched him leave and then turned his gaze to Michelle. Their eyes locked for an instant before Tony broke it off and turned to go back to his workstation, determined to stop looking over at Michelle.
7:30:58
Tony had known something might happen ever since he had watched Sarah and Michelle fight earlier. He watched Sarah be escorted out of the building by security without any regret about losing her, only hope that Michelle had made the right decision. Sarah was juggling active protocols and she could hardly stretch that over the few people they had left that could do it.
But that didn't mean he wasn't surprised when he heard Michelle's voice echo over the intercom, "Agent Almeida, please come to station six."
He turned his chair around to see Michelle watching him dubiously. He got up and walked over reluctantly, as though he had something better to do. Nerves didn't affect him, even when he saw Curtis and Edgar looking over at him on top of Michelle's cool gaze. "Yeah?" He asked.
"You'll be working with agents Stiles and Manning for the rest of the day. Edgar, I need you to call up Sarah's protocols, check the configuration, make sure their accurate." For the first time since he had seen Michelle again, a smile nudged the surface layer of his emotions. It wasn't an outright declaration that she still trusted him, but it did mean that Michelle trusted him more than Sarah Gavin.
"Okay," Edgar acquiesced and Tony walked over with Edgar to a computer right by Curtis and Michelle, savoring every step. So it wasn't director, but it was better than the entry-level analyst Michelle had been treating him like.
He started paying attention to Curtis and Michelle's conversation again when he realized that Curtis was updating Michelle. "The zone's still pretty quite, except for emergency vehicle chatter. There is no sign of Jack or Paul. CTU tac teams are standing-by, but the best we can do is to spread them around the perimeter and wait for some sign of Jack."
Tony's mind automatically raced through the plan, checking for any flaws based on what he knew of crisis situations and Jack Bauer. His idea came to him quickly and the fact that Michelle wasn't going to go along with it followed just as easily. He still had to bring it up though. "I think that's a mistake. We should consolidate our teams, be ready to meet strength with strength."
Curtis looked skeptical. "And where would you place them?" He asked.
"At the McLennan Forster building. Jack won't be far from there." His eyes were focused on Michelle's distrusting gaze, "Look, he knows we won't be able to find him without help. He's going to help us by starting a firefight. I know the way he thinks. Now, the hostiles would have to break radio silence when they attack. When they do, we can follow the signal straight to where he is." He hoped that Michelle trusted him enough to do this. He knew Jack. Knew him better than anyone else and that was what he would do because it was the best chance he had.
"He's going to engage an entire team of commandos?" Curtis asked doubting. Tony ignored the man briefly and concentrated on Michelle. She knew Jack too. It wasn't crazy in Jack's mind to attack an entire commando team alone.
"It's the most efficient way to be found, and he's going to expect us to be ready for it." He said, sure of himself.
For a moment, Tony was almost sure that Michelle was going to go along with his expertise. Then she seemed to snap out of it and look to Curtis, her official Second-in-Command. "Stick to the original plan. Cover the perimeter." She ordered.
Even though he should have expected it, the move still stung. "Michelle," he began, imploring her to pay attention to what she knew of Jack and himself.
"If we send all our teams to one location and you're wrong, Jack and Paul won't survive an attack. But if we cover the perimeter, we may have a chance to save them. Do it." He couldn't contest her anymore. At least he knew she wasn't just doing this to spite his judgment. It still hurt that she thought he was wrong after all the time he had spent directing this place, but it didn't matter in the end.
Still, he couldn't squash the voice in the back of his head that said, But I'm not wrong.
7:33:39
Tony was checking up on something, actually proud of himself for evading discussing anything with Michelle since they had disagreed over Jack's situation. He turned around to study the main room, only to see Michelle talking to Audrey. Michelle looked uncomfortable.
He looked down at the binder he was studying just as Michelle flicked her eyes up to look at him.
Tony managed to keep his attention on his work for the longest span he had gone through without looking up at Michelle after watching her talking to Audrey. In fact, he was just about to begin applauding his self-control when Michelle herself approached him.
Professional. He whispered the word in his head as he turned to speak to her. "I got those perimeter teams you asked me for ready to go." Only traces of bitterness could be found in his words, nothing obvious that he thought the perimeter teams were a bad idea. Michelle didn't need obvious though.
"Thanks," she said. Tony began paying even more attention to her when he noticed the discomfort in her voice. Nothing that made Michelle uncomfortable when she was talking to him could possibly be good for him. "Tony, look, I just want you to know that just because I overruled you a few minutes ago doesn't mean that I don't value your input."
Value my input? What happened to 'last time I saw you, you couldn't stay sober long enough to keep a job'? It took only a brief memory of her conversation with Audrey to guess some of the basic details. Enough details at least for Tony to let out a scoffing mockery of a laugh and a sneer.
"Don't patronize me, Michelle." But he could see a slight change in Michelle. Rather than her perfect professional persona, she seemed sincere this once.
"I'm not." She replied with just a hint of desperation in her voice. It confused him. "Look, you ran CTU for three years. Anything that you have to say, I will consider seriously." Yeah, like she had considered his idea about the perimeter teams seriously.
He wondered momentarily why she was telling him this. She knew him. Tony Almeida wasn't the type to be shut up by his former wife refusing his ideas once. He decided it didn't matter and chose to ease her tension. "Don't worry. I'm going to tell you what I think whether you want to hear it or not. All right?" It wasn't until he finished his pronouncement that he realized how close they were standing.
Their eyes locked for an instant in a way that was all too familiar and Tony turned away from her, still close but at least the eye contact wasn't there to taunt him anymore.
Michelle seemed caught off guard by the entire conversation. She breathed deeply watched him for a moment before deciding on a pathetic response to his final question. "Good." Her voice was slightly breathy, something that he noted with relish. It was proof that her cold act toward him was just an act.
When she left the awkward situation, Tony managed to hold out all of three seconds. He focused on his computer screen for those three and pretended that talking to her hadn't fazed him as much as it had bothered her. But after those seconds he couldn't resist. He looked up and watched her walk back to whatever she had been doing prior to coming over to his workstation.
Despite all his claims to the contrary, it was a fact that he was changed by her presence and that as he had stood there, too close, his heart rate had sped.
How are we going to get through this? We're too close and yet much too far apart
7:43:49
It shouldn't have surprised him that shortly thereafter he was interrupted by another woman, though this one wasn't quite as controversial in his mind as Michelle was. "Tony. Michelle just said that you were doing a search on possible ties to Marwan. May I help?" Audrey asked politely.
Well, she certainly was less difficult to work with at the moment than Michelle was, and she seemed to trust him to some extent seeing as she appeared to have spoken to Michelle about him. "Do you have a sign on for the server?" He asked, gesturing towards his computer, which was open to a log in screen.
"In Washington?" She asked, all business.
"Yeah." He replied, "It would save me time if I could use it on the search."
"Yeah," Audrey said, leaning over to tap in a user name and password on his computer. "There you go."
Tony watched, wondering absently if he should bring Michelle up. The upside being that he would probably get more information to sate the curiosity Audrey's conversation with Michelle had brought up, but the downside was that any exchanging of words that contained himself and Michelle was bound to be difficult.
"Thanks," Tony said, leaning over his screen and deciding firmly that he was not going to bring up Michelle. Of course, Audrey ended up foiling his plans.
"Anything else?" She asked, charitably.
Not much of course, but it didn't seem like Audrey had much to do right now and it was always better to keep busy when loved ones were out in the field, something he knew from experience. "Well, it should kick off a few names. You can help me write them down once it's done searching." He offered.
"Okay, great." She said.
However, having her sitting there with him, Tony couldn't resist asking about Michelle. "So … um, did you tell Michelle what happened today?" He knew that something had to have changed some of her perceptions of him.
Audrey looked at him and he was grateful for the lack of pity in her eyes. She replied, if anything, defensively. "I said that Jack called you." That explained some of it. If Michelle knew that Jack trusted him, well, Michelle trusted Jack's judgment. Sometimes even more than he did in fact, all of which would account for the increased respect for his opinion.
"Anything else?" He asked, basing his question on the defensive tone in Audrey's voice. Maybe he had been interrogating suspects for too long.
"Well, I didn't say that you were living with anyone, if that's what you mean." So much for the dancing around topics he and Michelle had been doing. That hadn't been exactly what he had been expecting Audrey to reply with, but couldn't help the tiny slip of relief he felt.
Still, the overwhelming part of him was amused by the answer. He let out another mock laugh and smiled bitterly. "I'm sure she already knows." He began, not doubting that she had checked up on him once or twice after the divorce. The thought had never made him feel quite so guilty though. "And I'm sure she couldn't care less." It was a painful fact, but one that he had to push in his own face before he went and experienced the hurt of losing Michelle again.
Changing the subject seemed like the best tactic. "So how are you and Jack faring with him in the field today?" Fieldwork had always been his and Michelle's downfalls in their relationship at work. They could nearly always handle the directing CTU part, but when necessity called one of them into the field it was always tense.
"It's different. A lot different than Washington." Was her brief answer.
"Yeah, it is different." Tony decided to be blunt with Audrey regarding Jack like she had been to him regarding Michelle. "To tell you the truth," he started, "I couldn't believe it when I heard Jack had taken a desk job at DC."
Audrey's response was defensive, "He said he was happier this way."
The chief thought going through his mind was, yeah right. As if Jack Bauer could ever be truly happy without his fieldwork. There was a special breed of people who could simply live in this environment, who thrived in it really. Himself, Michelle, Jack … there were a limited number of people who could hardly live without the thrills this life provided.
His reply was curious. "Well, you've gotten a chance to see him in both worlds today. Do you think he'll go back to wearing a suit?"
It was in no way unexpected that she was shocked by the very question. "After the hell Jack's been through today, you think he'll want to come back to this?" She was incredulous and unbelieving.
Tony wondered why Jack never picked out women who understood his lifestyle. Michelle and he … part of the reason why they had been so perfect was because they always understood the job. Always knew that it was going to be a huge part of their lives. That their honeymoon would be interrupted by an emergency crisis situation and overnights would mean early wake-ups by Chappelle. That … god he missed her, missed this.
His answer was quiet, indicative of all the thoughts that had been running through his head. "Some people are more comfortable in hell." It was the only way he could explain why it was so amazing to be back at CTU, a place he considered hell. It was why a part of him had been waiting for Jack to call him back in to this world ever since he had left it. It was why he had proposed here after the romantic dinner he had planned had been ruined by another attempt to destroy America. Because this place, this hellish place, was more of a home than anywhere else.
Audrey seemed to pick up on at least some of his thoughts. "Are you talking about Jack or yourself?"
"I think we found them. See all those signals on the ground? Each one's a radio, all using the same frequency." Edgar's voice broke the sudden tension between them. They both walked over to Edgar's computer to be met by Michelle and Curtis.
For once, even the small victory he felt at being right wasn't enough. "That's because they're planning an attack." He said impatient. No one contested him.
"They converge on their location on Flower and Third, about a quarter mile from McLennan Forster." Edgar continued informing them
Curtis appeared shocked. "You were right." He said to Tony, "He's actually drawing them in."
It was automatic for his eyes to find Michelle's who had looked up at him too. His eyes yelled out what he didn't say, I told you so. And she broke the gaze only after a long moment when he could see the apology in her eyes.
There was a flurry of motion afterwards as Michelle handed out orders. "Curtis, call up the perimeter teams. I want them there as fast as possible." But there wasn't much more they could do but sit and watch waiting for the teams to get there.
Curtis came back over a short while after the gunshots started. They all watched the gunfight on Edgar's screen as Audrey asked tensely, "How long until our teams get there?"
"At least five or six minutes." He replied. Tony looked at Audrey, empathizing with the pain she must be going through right now and feeling the same guilt that they all felt.
It was minutes later, but not enough time for the perimeter teams to have reached Jack and Paul, that Edgar said, "The gunfire stopped."
Curtis came around to look at the screen more closely. "Are the teams on site?" He asked, but Edgar shook his head in a negative reply.
"McLennan Forster commandos could have taken over the location." Curtis said, assessing the situation as though Jack Bauer was just another field agent. Tony watched them all, wondering if anyone other than Michelle had allowed the notion that Jack might have won.
"Which means they might have taken the information back from Jack and Paul." Michelle said. Tony was grateful for the 'might.' Because Michelle knew as well as he did that with Jack Bauer, nothing was certain.
"I'll get in touch with our teams." Curtis responded.
Michelle, Tony knew, was delegated the wonderful task of alerting their superiors. At least Chappelle was gone, Tony immediately felt guilty for the thought. "I'll update division." She said.
"If McLennan Forster won the firefight, what about Jack and Paul?" Audrey asked Tony desperately.
"There's no way to tell." He replied, deciding that was kinder than just outright telling her what they both knew. If McLennan Forster had won, Jack and Paul were probably dead.
7:52:27
Castle's voice rung through the speakerphone as Tony, Michelle, Curtis, Edgar, and Audrey turned alertly to the noise that told them the perimeter teams were finally there. "CTU, this is Castle. We're about to engage." Castle's voice was slightly crackly, but Tony had communicated over worse static.
"How many hostiles have been sighted?" Curtis asked.
"Six down outside, unknown number inside." Castle answered sounding too efficient and uncaring about Jack and Paul's lives for Tony's peace of mind.
So he swung the speaker consul around and spoke to Lee himself, "Lee, it's Tony. Are Jack and Paul still alive?"
"Unknown at this point."
"All right, look, the hostiles cannot be allowed to leave the area with the information Jack took from McLennan Forster, do you understand?" The fact was that no matter how much he hoped Jack was going to make it out of this situation, his information was more important.
"We'll do the best we can." Castle said, sounding a little edgy about Tony's intensity.
Tony wasn't satisfied with that though. "No, Lee, listen to me." He demanded, "Failure is not an option. That information is what this whole thing's about." And if they didn't get it, all of this would be for nothing and they would lose their only lead.
It was only after Castle said, "Roger that," that Tony realized that what he had just done could be considered insubordination. He just hoped she wouldn't pull a Chappelle on him and punish him for doing something that could have helped the mission.
7:53:14
Audrey and he watched as Curtis answered a call that could only have been Castle. Finally, he turned to them and updated them on the situation. "Jack's okay. The team secured the store."
Tony let out a breath of relief that he hadn't known he had been holding in and heard Audrey do the same to his side. "What about Paul?" She asked, anxious again for a second.
"Yeah, he's with him." Curtis reassured.
Tony focused back on the objective now that they knew everyone was all right. "Did Jack get anything from McLennan Forster?"
"We don't know yet. They're still cleaning up the area." Tony left as soon as Curtis was finished with that part of his talking. After Michelle had fired Sarah, there was no real Second-in-Command here besides Curtis who was preoccupied with the field teams. So he saw that it fell to him to update Michelle.
Walking up those stairs to the director's office didn't feel nearly as odd now that he had done it so many times today. What was strange was seeing Michelle in his office. Of course, she had taken over for him before, but not while he was right here fully functional.
He came into the room, quickly hiding all traces of discontent. He watched her for a moment as she hung up the phone and looked at him expectantly.
"Jack and Paul are okay." He said used to all of this being the other way around, her updating him.
"What about the information?" She asked, concentrating on the goal although he could tell she was relieved.
"We don't know if Jack has it yet, but even if he does, we don't know that it's going to bring us closer to finding Marwan." He said rather pessimistically.
Michelle frowned and replied, "Well, we know that McLennan Forster's involved. That should yield some leads."
Tony was still unsure, and another thought was growing on him. "Well, that's going to have to be worked up here because McLennan Forster's computers were all knocked up by the EMP."
He should have been honored by her show of trust when she said, "You want to head that up?" But instead he was consumed by uncertainty again. It was cemented by how secure Michelle looked here in his office, apparently unaffected by his presence at all.
And he was torn apart by just being near her. "No, you know what? You should probably let Curtis handle that." He wasn't planning on making Curtis dislike him anymore than he already did.
"All right, I will." She said. There was an awkward silence in the room after they were done talking business. Both knew they needed to talk and neither wanted to be part of the conversation they had to have. Michelle finally seemed to reach a compromise because she began speaking. "I shouldn't have said that earlier about your drinking. That was out of line. I'm sorry."
But accurate … a small voice in his head teased. Tony could barely restrain a wince and couldn't keep the words from pouring out. "You don't owe me an apology. My life right now… let's just say that I've been better and, uh… quite frankly, seeing you here today has only made things worse."
Michelle looked mildly hurt by his words, but Tony knew they were correct. Seeing her again was a reminder of what he could never have again. A reminder of lost perfection.
All of today had been a reminder of lost perfection. So Tony continued, "Uh… Look, I'm going to leave, get out of here and let you do your job, all right?"
He reached for the door handle, entirely intending to leave again forever when Michelle called out to him, "No!" There was more than a hint of desperation in her voice and it was enough to make Tony look back at her, hoping that he hadn't imagined an echo of his pain in her voice.
"We can't afford to lose you. Not today." She said, trying to rationalize calling him back so urgently.
Tony searched her eyes for honesty. "You're sure?" He asked, begging her to say yes with his eyes.
"Yes. Yes, I'm sure." She replied, their eyes locked and silent promises to talk were exchanged without words.
"All right." Tony said and left the office. But now he had no intention of leaving CTU. Because when she had told him that he couldn't leave, not today, he had understood what she was really trying to say.
I can't afford to lose you. Not again.
8:00:00
A/N: I really like that ending. In fact, I really like this whole episode. I think it may be one of my favorites (meaning the entire episode because I really like the one in season two when they have their first kiss, but the whole Jack being tortured thing that's going on at the same time sort of ruins it and I also like the one in season three when Michelle tells Tony she doesn't have the virus, but that gets a little screwed by the ending where she gets kidnapped and Tony commits treason and ... I'm going to stop now) Reviews are my only payment and they'll help me get the next chapter up faster!