A/N: Wow, after eons, an update! I looked at this poor little story and realized I needed to get my butt in gear and start working on it again. Now up, we have "Emotions," a spoof of "Passions," which takes place in Peacefulness, a spoof of Harmony. This will feature Raoul as the evil Alistair Crane, Erik and Christine as "star-crossed lovers" Luis and Sheridan, Mme. Giry as the witch Tabitha and Meg as her daughter Endora. Also featuring the hunkified Richard/Moncharmin, Firmin/Andre- managers- whoever the hell they are- as Miguel and Fox, with Carlotta as Kay and the OC, Signal, as Siren, the mermaid…. This is why I don't like "Passions." It's a mermaid.

Anyway, no offense meant to any race, religious group, sex, etc., that may read this and think "OMG shes totally dissing us s." I'm not; simply spoofing the manner in which each soap opera handles each social issue/race/religion, etc.

Disclaimer: Neither "Phantom" nor "Passions" are mine.

Emotions

Raoul laughed, his voice full of evil glee. "Ha! And again, Ha! Now that I have the special chalice, I will have the power of GOD! Forget that I may be offending the viewers and potentially getting this show put off the air! Forget the Jews! Forget the Muslims! Forget the atheists! I WILL BE GOD ONCE I USE THIS CHALICE TO REVEAL THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE TO ME, AND ME ALONE!"

Christine whispered to Erik, "When did Raoul borrow Harry Potter's 'Capslock of DOOM?'"

He replied, "I don't know, but we must stop him. We must give the chalice back to the blind monks and the nuns." He began to shout, "Raoul, you… evil… person! You can't do this!"

Raoul grinned maniacally. "Oh, yes, I most certainly can."

Erik and Christine worriedly looked at each other as Raoul kept smiling… and smiling… and waiting for the camera to cut to another story line… and waiting for the overdramatic music to stop.

In the meantime, Erik sighed. "Oh, Christine, we used to be the center of this show-"

"Hence the title, 'The Phantom of the Opera,'" she interrupted.

"-But now, we've lost almost all of our airtime to newbies who can't act!"

"I know, honey. I know."

---

In the meantime, Richard/Firmin and Moncharmin/Andre- who'd had a little work done to achieve beautifully sculpted pecs and abs- stood in Carlotta's dressing room, only dressed in boxer shorts. Carlotta and the new addition to the opera house chorus (who couldn't act, sing, or dance to save her life, but was only there because of her stunning beauty,) Signal, were there.

"Wow-a, manager-as, you must have-a had a big-a decrease in-a laundry," Carlotta said.

"Why do you think that?" Moncharmin/Andre asked.

"Cause-a you-a never-a wear-a-you shirts no more!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, yes," Richard/Firmin said. "The writers made it a standard wardrobe procedure, to attract more viewers in the 12-19 demographic."

Carlotta nodded.

"Oh-a, I don't-a know who I love-a more-a!" she then pronounced.

Signal smiled. "Let me make it easier for you, then," she said. "I'll take these two hunks for myself, and you can go back to Piangi."

"Oh-a, sure," Carlotta replied icily. "Take-a the two hunk-as for youself."

Signal changed her expression to what looked like a futile attempt to look enticing and charmingly sensual. "Oh, boys…"

Richard/Firmin and Moncharmin/Andre started running.

--

Madame Giry tried looking into her magic bowl, which allowed her to look upon all of the residents of Peacefulness; however, today, the water was cloudy. She sighed. "Damn tap water."

Meg whined, "Jeez, mom, why can't I ever look into the magic bowl? I could look at Richard/Firmin and Moncharmin/Andre all day!"

Madame Giry rolled her eyes. Teenagers.