This chapter is a collection of the alternate chapters that accumulated while I was writing "A Whole New World" that didn't quite make the cut, but I thought you folks might be interested in reading for fun. This is sort of a fanfiction version of DVD extra's.
1. Alternate Chapter 1- "A Whole New World" actually started out as a continuation of "My Shadow Is The Only One That Walked Beside Me" and then sort of took on a life of it's own. This was how the first draft of chapter 1 started, back when it was chapter two to another story.
Shawn had cried until his coffee was cold, offered up a silent prayer of thanks that he had the apartment to himself today with Eric visiting Timmy and Jack visiting his step mom, and went out to the main room to pour his cold coffee down the sink, pour himself another cup, and probably end up crying through that one too.
Shawn sighed as the coffee gurgled down the sink, then washed his face in cold water and took deep breaths as he wiped it dry.
"Morning Shawn."
Shawn jumped at the unexpected sound of Eric's voice.
"Sorry to scare you " Eric laughed.
"Oh," Said Shawn, feigning nonchalance as he turned, "Don't worry about it. I just wasn't expecting you back until tommorow" Eric was in his pajamas. When had he gotten home?
"Yeah, well," Eric sighed sadly "It turns out that Timmy's new parents weren't that keen on me staying. So I came back. Can you hand me a mug?"
"Sure" Shawn pulled down a mug from the cupboard and handed it to Eric with a small sniff.
"You okay man?" Eric asked giving him a sidelong look as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
"Oh, yeah. No, I just, you know, got a little cold," Shawn replied. God, that Timmy kid had normal'd Eric out. It hadn't been that long ago he wouldn't have noticed a winged purple rhinocerous square-dancing in the living room, let alone a small sniff.
"Really, Cause you look like you've been crying." Eric said, giving Shawn another look that made him uncomfortable.
"Me? Crying? No. I just got a lash in my eye and then I" But the few tears he hadn't already cried welled up and he stopped. "Look, I had a shitty night, and a shitty morning, and I really don't want to talk about it, Eric" Shawn wiped his cheek with the back of his hand " So just leave me alone for a while okay?"
"I'm sorry about Cory, Shawn. I really am."
Shawn's head snapped up but common sense and the practice of years made him bite back what he had been about to say, and instead forced himself to choke out "Hey, he's your brother, I sorry for you too. This isn't going to be easy for any of us"
"Shawn," Eric said soberly "I know."
Ice slipped down Shawn's back. Then he reminded himself that however much Eric had changed in the last few months, he was still Eric. This had to be just some Eric-esq non sequiter. I know you're hiding a puppy, I know you're stealing my lightbulbs, I know you're actually Canadian.
"About what?" Shawn asked, trying to scratch his stomach calmly, knowing it wouldn't stop the snakes writhing inside.
Eric looked down at his coffee, bit his lip, set the cup on the counter and repeated "I know." Shawn didn't say a word as Eric walked from the kitchen to the living room and turned to face him. "I know about you and Cory. I know you're... together" He shrugged, "I walked in on you two kissing last night Shawn."
Shawn's breath caught in his throat."What?" He faked a laugh, "No, no no, you've got this all wrong. Cory and I weren't kissing, Cory's married, Eric."
"Shawn," Eric said sounding exhasperated, "I shared a room with Cory until I shared an apartment with you. I've been walking in on you two making out since you were 15. I heard you last night. Which by the way is not something a person's brother needs to hear. I've heard Cory talk about you in his sleep. Also something I could have lived without,"
Shawn tried to remember any door's creaking through the years, any beam of light into a dark room, anything.
"You know?" He asked.
"Yeah. What have I just been saying?"
"Who else knows?" Shawn demanded
2. This is another version of Chapter 1 where Eric is less serious and more... Ericy
"I'm sorry about Cory, Shawn. I really am."
Shawn's head snapped up but common sense and the practice of years made him bite back what he had been about to say, and instead forced himself to choke out "Hey, he's your brother, I sorry for you too. This isn't going to be easy for any of us"
"Shawn, we are going to figure something out to keep him here," Eric said forcefully.
"Eric, I'm not in the mood for one of your crazy schemes alright," Shawn sighed.
"It's not a crazy scheme! Come on! You can get him to stay here!"
Eric suddenly became very serious, he leaned across the kitchen island and said quietly "You're just going to let Topanga drag the love of your life to New York where he's going to be miserable?"
Shawn's breath caught, his heart jumped into his throat "What are you talking about?" Shawn asked trying to stay calm. He reminded himself that however much Eric had changed in the last few months, he was still Eric. He would say something crazy at any moment and prove that he couldn't possibly know what it sounded like he knew.
"I know about you and Cory. I know you're... together" He shrugged, "I walked in on you two kissing last night Shawn."
"What?" He faked a laugh, "Cory and I weren't kissing. We're straight Eric. Cory's married!"
"Shawn," Eric said sounding exhasperated, "I shared a room with Cory until I shared and apartment with you. I've been walking in on you two making out since you were 15, I heard you last night. Which, by the way, is not something a person's brother needs to hear," Eric gave a little shudder and took a drink of his coffee.
Shawn tried to remember any doors creaking through the years, any beam of light into a dark room, anything. He thought they had been so careful!
"You know?" He asked.
"Yeah. What have I just been saying?"
"Does anyone else know?" Shawn demanded.
"I didn't tell anyone but I'm pretty sure my mom knows,"
"What?"
"Yeah. She saw you two kissing in mine and Cory's room one time and asked if I thought anything was going on. I think she convinced herself that it it was just.. experimenting, I mean, you always had a couple girlfriends and Cory always had Topanga. Though I think that may be one of the reasons she really wanted Topanga to go to Yale instead of marrying Cory. But everyone suspects," Eric said, saying the last sentence as though it was good news.
So, there it was. Out in the light. Everyone suspected and Eric and Mrs. Matthews knew.
"Thanks for not telling anyone."
"Oh, wait, I told Jack." Eric said.
So Shawn's entire family knew and half of Cory's did.
"Did you tell anyone else my deepeest darkest secret before you told me that you knew it?" Shawn growled.
"Rachel. I definetly wanted you out of the running with her," Eric's grin withered in Shawn's glare.
"Great! That's just Great," Shawn gasped.
3. This is yet another version of chapter 1, that got ridiculously angsty way to fast and thus was chucked out almost immediately
Shawn had cried until his coffee was cold, offered up a silent prayer of thanks that he had the apartment to himself today with Eric visiting Tommy and Jack visiting his step mom, and went out to the main room to pour his cold coffee down the sink, pour himself another cup, and probably end up crying through that one too.
Shawn sighed as the coffee gurgled down the sink, then washed his face in cold water and took deep breaths as he wiped it dry.
"Morning Shawn."
Shawn jumped at the unexpected sound of Eric's voice.
"Sorry to scare you " Eric laughed.
"Oh," Said Shawn, feigning nonchalance as he turned, "Don't worry about it. I just wasn't expecting you back until tommorow." Eric was in his pajamas. When had he gotten home?
"Yeah, well," Eric sighed sadly, "I decided to come back early," He coughed and rubbed his face "Could you grab me a mug?"
"Sure" Shawn pulled down a mug from the cupboard and handed it to Eric with a small sniff.
"You okay man?" Eric asked, giving him a sidelong look as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
"Oh, yeah, no, I just, you know, got a little cold," Shawn replied. God, that Tommy kid had normal'd Eric out. It hadn't been that long ago he wouldn't have noticed a winged purple rhinocerous square-dancing in the living room, let alone a small sniff.
"Really? Cause you look like you've been crying." Eric said, giving Shawn another look that made him uncomfortable.
"Me? Crying? No. I just got a lash in my eye and then I" He started to invent, but the few tears he hadn't already cried welled up and he stopped. "Look, I had a shitty night, and a shitty morning, and I really don't want to talk about it, Eric" Shawn wiped his cheek with the back of his hand "So just leave me alone for a while okay?"
"I'm sorry about Cory, Shawn. I really am."
Shawn's head snapped up but common sense and the practice of years made him bite back what he had been about to say, and instead forced himself to choke out "Hey, he's your brother, I'm sorry for you too. This isn't going to be easy for any of us"
"Shawn, You can't let him leave," Eric breathed.
"Yeah, I'll just call him and tell him he can't go," Shawn laughed, but it was just an exhalation, completely mirthless.
Eric suddenly became very serious, he leaned across the kitchen island and said quietly "Your just going to let the love of your life go off to New York?"
"What?" Shawn demanded.
"Shawn, I shared a room with Cory and now I share an apartment with you. I've seen you together," Eric shrugged.
"What?"
"I've walked in on you two making out, fooling around, I swear I've seen you naked as many times as Cory has."
"Oh my God!" Shawn gasped, "Oh my God!"
"Yeah, trust me that is something I could have lived without," Eric sipped his coffee, "You know, in retrospect I should have started knocking."
"Oh my God. I can't believe you know! We were so careful!"
"Shawn, if you had acutally been that careful I wouldn't know you have a birthmark on your-"
"Not the time Eric!" Shawn said lowering his head onto the kitchen island.
"The point is that you can't let Topanga drag Cory to New York," Eric said soberly.
Shawn's head snapped off the counter, "There's nothing I can do Eric!" He shrieked, "This is all my fault! I forced Topanga on him! I'm the reason they went out in the first place, I'm the reason they always got back together! I thought we could be normal! I thought we could be happy. I thought that I could find a girl that would make me feel the way he made me feel, I thought Topanga could replace me for him I thought-" Shawn stopped suddenly when he tasted the tears in his mouth and heard his screaming echoed back to him, " I can't believe I'm talking to you about this."
"Oh come on, Shawn. I'm heterosexual man of the new milenium. I am secure enough in my masculinity to not be threatened by your homosexuality," Eric said proudly.
"Bisexuality" Shawn groaned.
"Wait, so you're actually turned on by all those hot chicks you date and you're still screwing my brother? Loudly? When people who pay rent here are trying to sleep?"
"Shut up, Eric"
"Sorry. Look I don't want Cory to leave anymore than you do. This stupid New York thing is changing everything! Not only are Cory and Topanga leaving, Jack and Rachel are talking about joining the peace core," Eric said seriously.
Shawn's eyes welled with tears again, "It's too late now. He's married. I spent days convincing Angela's father that we should be together, and days making out with her when we did get back together. It's gone to far. Maybe back in highschool when we would have just upset our parents, but now, now we're going to break hearts, ruin lives."
Eric grabbed Shawn by the shoulders and shook him "Hey, Hey, Hey. Don't be so negative. We'll think of something!"
Shawn pushed him off "I don't want to be part of your crazy schemes Eric."
"Right. Right. I heard you and Cory talking. What kind of scheme have you two got? Cory is going to go back and forth between Philidelphia and New York when he can't afford it and will never see his wife? Topanga isn't going to be suspicious when she finds out from Mom and Dad that no one knew where Cory stayed when he was in town because he wasn't at home and he wasn't here, becauase you two were off in the most secluded spot you could find?"
"I'm going to New York." Shawn snarled.
"And how are you going to explain that to Angela? If you dump Angela to follow Cory, how long is it going to be before everyone figures it out?"
"SHUT UP!" Shawn yelled, shoving Eric away from him, "JUST SHUT UP! What do you know Eric? You've never been in love, you've never felt this kind of pain!" Shawn clutched wildly at his shirt.
Eric was maddeningly calm "Shawn, I'm back early because I never went to California to visit Tommy. I really thought I could be his father, Adopting him is the only thing in my life that I ever really really needed to do. I loved him like a son, " his voice was eerily monotonous "but I hit Chicago and realized that if I drove all the way out to California, I might ruin his life. So I have to let him hate me as the guy who didn't want him after all," Eric drew in a reedy breath, and Shawn realized that Eric was crying now too, "Because it's what best. And it's killing me," he paused and his face worked as he took a couple sharp breaths, "and I think you feel the same way. And I guess I feel like I need to help you, because maybe it'll help me. Like helping to ease your pain, will help ease mine."
"What about Topanga and Angela's pain?" Shawn demanded, "What about Alan and Amy? Or Jack?"
4. When the three previous chapters were not making the cut I decided that I should give it another shot from Cory's perspective... which didn't work either.
Cory had gotten back to his and Topanga's apartment before the sun had risen and cried through a long shower swearing to get himself together before Topanga got back in the afternoon. He had known that telling Shawn would be hard, but he hadn't expected it to be that hard. He thought he had actually felt his heart break in his chest when he had told Shawn that he was leaving in three days and Shawn had looked at him like that.
The water was running cold when Cory finally gave up on his shower. He stepped out into the steam, wrapped one of Topanga's thick purple towels around his waist and walked into his and Topanga's room. The sunlight lit up the bright floral bedspread and turquoise walls to an almost blinding intensity. Cory dried himself off, threw the towel on the floor, put on a navy sweater and jeans and started to mess up the sheets on the perfectly made bed. Topanga hated the fact that he never made the bed. Then he went out to the kitchen, dirtied a few dishes and put them in the sink before spreading a few popcorn crumbs in front of the cushion on the couch he usually sat in.
5. So after that I gave up completely on the sequel/continuation idea and started the story as it's own story and ended up with this as a chapter one. After this I thought "what the hell, I might as well try it from Topanga's POV and see what happens" and that became what was originally going to be chapter two, but ended up being split and made into chapters 1 and 3.
"Hey Cory, I brought you a sandwich," Amy said walking into her son's old room where he sat between two messy piles of his own stuff going through the bigger pile and occasionally adding something to the smaller pile. She held the plate out to him.
"Thanks mom," He said gratefully taking a sandwhich half off the plate and taking a big bite out of it. Amy set the plate next to him and sat on the corner of his bed looking around at the room.
"I swear it was only yesterday that you and shawn were up here looking through baseball cards and reading comic books," She sighed heavily. Cory just nodded, his mouth was full and he'd been trying so hard not to think the same thing.
"And now you're married, moving to New York," Amy sighed, "It seems so strange,"
Cory really didn't want to talk about it. He wished people would stop bringing it up. Feeny kept asking him what he was going to study at NYU, his father had been calling him "city boy" since he heard, his mother had been doing variations of "oh it was only yesterday". Even Eric was asking him about it at least once a day. Although at least Eric didn't take it for granted that Cory was thrilled about leaving Philidelphia behind. And Shawn... Shawn couldn't bear to talk about it.
"Yeah," Cory replied, "It does seem strange."
"Do you need any help packing?" Amy asked.
"No, thanks mom. I'm doing fine by myself," Cory asked, trying to politely convey to his mother that he wanted to be left alone.
She ignored him and started going through the smaller pile, his "bring to New York" pile. Before he could stop her she pulled out a carefully folded blanket from the bottom.
"That's where this went!" Amy exclaimed unfolding it, "I made this when I was pregnant with you!" She held it up revealing a couple mangled stitchlines and some sporadic holes, she laughed "Knitting was never really my thing."
Cory very carefully didn't grab for it. Amy sighed again, stood up to fold the blanket and set it by the "going to new york" pile.
"Did you decide what your doing tonight?"
"Yeah, Shawn and I are hanging out at his apartment," Cory said.
"Okay," Amy tried to ruffle his hair, which as usual remained unruffled.
When the door shut Cory took the blanket and carefully folded it the right way, burying his face in it and taking a deep breath. It didn't smell like Shawn any more. It probably hadn't for a while, but the act reminded him of all the times when it had. When he and Shawn had spread it out in the tree house, or in the park or when he and shawn wrapped up in it and fell aleep and Shawn washed it at his house and it still smelled like him when he gave it back to Cory. He hadn't known his mom had made it. Well, at least now he had an excuse to bring it.
He wanted to bring as much of Philidelphia with him as he possibly could.
6. This was originally going to be chapter 2, but it just didn't supply the history I wanted in the way I wanted.
It had worked out perfectly Shawn thought. He and Cory were going to have the whole apartment to themselves. Eric was driving Jack and Rachel to the Boston airport to catch thier flight to Africa and a new life in the peacecorps. Eric had decided to stay in a hotel instead of driving the whole way there and then the whole way back. Angela was in Europe, Topanga was in New York. For the first time ever they were garunteed a risk-free night.
Shawn looked around the empty apartment, unsure of what to do.
Part of him wanted to go all out. He wanted Cory to walk in to see a million candles softly illuminating a million red roses. A perfectly cooked exotic meal. Dark chocolate and silk sheets.
Another part of him wanted to drape black velvet over the windows, smash all the mirrors and lay on the floor in the dark. That seemed more appropriate. Candles and chocolate seemed too romantic, like a honeymoon, like a begginning. But this was the end. After all these years this was really the end.
Shawn had long ago accepted that he couldn't hold on to the people he loved. One after another they had left him. But Cory had promised that he'd never leave. Cory had stood beside him while he watched everyone else leave. Shawn was going to have to stand alone while the only person who had ever kept the promises he made finally broke them.
Unable to decide what mood to set, he hadn't even tried. He hadn't washed the stack of dishes in the sink, or thrown away the pizza box from last night. There were still two stale pieces of pizza slowly rotting inside it. He'd left the whole apartment the way he would've on any other day. He so desperately wanted it to be any other day.
The door creaked open and Cory walked in.
"Hey Shawnie."
"Hey Cor," Shawn answered.
There was an awkwardness in the way Cory walked in at sat down on the couch next to Shawn. Neither knew what to say. "So you're abandoning me" didn't seem right, and neither did "I wish I wasn't leaving."
"So, you get everything packed?" Shawn asked inanely.
"Yeah, pretty much. We just have to haul it all downstairs in the morning. Mom didn't want it sitting in the living room during dinner tommorow,"
"Oh, yeah. You and Topanga's big farewell dinner," Shawn said. His voice was bitter, he couldn't help it. Cory reached his hand out and tryed to curl a lock of Shawn's hair around his finger.
"Yeah," Cory sighed sadly, "Our big farewell dinner." Shawn pressed his cheek into Cory's palm and slid down to sit by him.
"Let's not talk about it," Shawn said with a gravely voice, "Let's not think about it. Let's pretend it's any other night."
"Any other night we'd probably be in the back of your rust heap station wagon," Cory said trying to get Shawn to laugh.
"Or in the park. That was the worst idea you ever had."
"Yeah, Yeah it was. That was a huge dog." Cory laughed.
"Why did we go to the park again?" Shawn said.
"Mom and Dad decided to take down the tree house because they thought no one used it anymore." Cory told him.
"Gosh, the tree house. That seems like forever ago," Shawn sighed.
"Well, we've been together a long time," Cory said with a sad smile. Shawn kissed him.
6. This is a missing scene from chapter 2, continuing after the last line. It was cut because I decided to bring up the argument later.
Cory and Shawn broke the kiss but didn't let go of eachother. Shawn was staring at him intently like he was waiting for something. Cory kissed him again and Shawn pressed his forehead to Cory's.
"What are we going to do?" he asked hoarsely. Cory ran a hand through his hair.
"I don't know. I was thinking we could order chinese, snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie? Take advantage of having the apartment to ourselves for once," Cory said with an infuriating calm.
"Don't Cory," Shawn said gruffly pulling away from Cory "Don't do the thing you do where everything is crumbling around you and you pretend it's all going to be just fine. I know that somehow everything else has worked out, because someone else did something about it, but it isn't going to just work itself out this time. So what are we going to do?"
"There's nothing we can do Shawn. I'm married to Topanga and she's moving to New York. I've got to go with her," Cory said with resignation. Shawn watched him walk across the apartment to the kitchen and grabbed a soda out of the fridge.
"Cory, maybe we should just confess," Shawn said looking down at his shoes, "Just tell everyone. Tell Topanga we've been sneaking around on her for 5 years."
Cory slammed down his soda on the counter, cola shot out of it, "I wanted to confess 5 years ago Shawn!
7. This was going to be chapter 4, because I wanted to switch back from Topanga's plotline, and then decided that anything I could say about Cory and Shawn and that point would end up being redundant.
"This whole thing Cory. You and Topanga are moving to New York," Shawn said stressing every word of the last sentence.
"Yeah. We are," Cory's calm was infuriating.
"Cory-" Shawn started again.
"Don't Shawn," Cory barked, "Just stop it. It's too late now okay. Topanga and I are married. Not "going out" anymore. Not engaged anymore. Married. I'm moving to New York with my wife," Cory walked out of the bathroom and Shawn followed back into the bedroom where he started to gather up his clothes.
"Cory, I'm not denying that it's a bad time to do this, but if we dont' now we may never get another chance!"
"Do what Shawn? What do you think we need to do?"
"Confess. Tell Topanga before you ruin her life even more. Tell everyone that we've been sneaking around since we were 15 tell everyone we've been lying for 5 years!"
"Shawn. I love Topanga. Can you imagine what it would do to her to find out her husband has never been faithful to her?"
"Cause he's gay?" Shawn snarled the word Cory would never use.
8. Alternate Chapter 5, when I again wanted to bring in the fight and didn't. If it's starting to seem as though every chapter originally started with Cory and Shawn fighting, that' s because it did. Shawn and Cory only fought like 3 times in the entire series, so it's always awkward to write, and I have a hard time writing fights because they always sound so melodramatic in my head. Which is why I wrote the fight the way I (eventually) did.
He'd wanted to say it when Cory knocked on his door last night.
He'd wanted to say it before they fell onto his bed.
He'd wanted to say it when they'd woken up in each other's arms for what might be the last time.
But in the dark last night he couldn't bring himself to mention what was going to happen in the morning and he hadn't wanted to wreck anything about last night because it was the last night.
But now, with the warm late morning May sun charging into the tiny bathroom window while he and Cory brushed thier teeth together it had finally truly hit home what was about to happen. He opened his mouth to speak as he reached out and brushed a little bit of soap lather out of Cory's hair that hadn't gotten washed out during thier shower.
"Cor?" Shawn started. Cory grunted, his mouth was still full of toothpaste. Shawn pretended to be readjusting the towel around his waist so he wouldn't see Cory's face when he asked, "What are we going to do?"
Cory spit and rinsed before he answered "We're going to get dressed drive to my house, and eat my mom's lasagna, Shawn."
"Don't Cory," Shawn said , "Don't do the thing you do where everything is crumbling around you and you pretend it's all going to be just fine. It isn't going to just work itself out this time!"
"There's nothing we can do Shawn. I'm married to Topanga and she's moving to New York. I've got to go with her," Cory said with resignation as he wiped his face dry.
"Cory, maybe we should just confess," Shawn said looking at him in the mirror, "Just tell everyone. Tell Topanga we've been sneaking around on her for 5 years."
"It's too late Shawn."
"Cory, we-"
Cory turned around slowly, "No Shawn," he was ridiculously calm, "I'll go to New York, and be with my wife, and you can just wait a year until Angela comes back.That's how everything is going to work out this time."
Shawn bit his lip and looked down at his bare feet
9. This was another attempt at the chapter 5 version of the fight.
Cory and Shawn broke the kiss but didn't let go of eachother. Shawn was staring at him intently like he was waiting for something. Cory kissed him again and Shawn pressed his forehead to Cory's.
"What are we going to do?" he asked hoarsely. Cory ran a hand through his hair.
"I don't know. I was thinking we could order chinese, snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie? Take advantage of having the apartment to ourselves for once," Cory said with an infuriating calm.
"Don't Cory," Shawn said gruffly pulling away from Cory "Don't do the thing you do where everything is crumbling around you and you pretend it's all going to be just fine. I know that somehow everything else has worked out, because someone else did something about it, but it isn't going to just work itself out this time. So what are we going to do?"
"There's nothing we can do Shawn. I'm married to Topanga and she's moving to New York. I've got to go with her," Cory said with resignation. Shawn watched him walk across the apartment to the kitchen and grabbed a soda out of the fridge.
"Cory, maybe we should just confess," Shawn said looking down at his shoes, "Just tell everyone. Tell Topanga we've been sneaking around on her for 5 years."
Cory slammed down his soda on the counter, cola shot out of it, "I wanted to confess 5 years ago Shawn!
10. I think I wrote this early on, because in this version Topanga was still at a cousins, and I was going to try and futz with it and make it it's own one shot, but it's just too connected to A Whole New World" now, so I shall put it here.
"Cor!" Amy called. Her son was upstairs in his room boxing up what possessions he'd left there when he'd moved into the Pennbrooke dorms two years ago. Cory appeared in the stairwell.
"Yeah ma?"
"I'm running a few errands. I'll be back in a couple of hours."
"Kay."
"Do you know who all is coming to the dinner tonight?"
"Yeah. Eric, Jack, possibly Rachel, Mr. Feeny, and Topanga is coming straight from her cousin's"
"All right. Oh, and then is it spaghetti or lasagna that Shawn hates?"
Cory bit his lip, "I don't think it's going to matter, Mom."
"What?" Amy asked incredulously "Is Shawn not coming?"
"I don't know" Cory said.
"Why not?" Amy demanded.
"He's not taking the news very well" Cory sighed rubbing his hands against his pant legs.
"Poor Shawn" Amy sighed, "Your all he has. Chet, may he rest in peace, was in and out of his life, and now he's been dead almost a year. Jack is going to Nigeria with the Peace Corps. Angela took off for Europe. I don't know what he's going to do without you."
"Shawn hates spaghetti" Cory said doing his best to keep his voice normal and turning to go back upstairs so that he wouldn't have to continue this conversation.
Amy sighed. Cory was going to be the first of her children to actually leave the nest and with him all the other faces she'd grown so used to seeing over the years may be gone too. She shook her head, grabbed her keys and was heading out the back door when Shawn walked into the kitchen.
"Hey Shawn" she said hugging him
"Hi Mrs. Matthews" he said distractedly.
"I really hope you're coming to dinner tonight."
"I can't promise anything"
"I know this is tough on you," Amy said, holding the side of his face the way she would with her own sons, "Well, I'll make lasagna and just hope you're there to eat it."
"Thanks Mrs. Matthews"
She patted his cheek and went out the door.
Shawn stopped to brace himself, he was about to do something he should have done years ago and he was terrified of what would happen when he did. His attempt to calm down was being alternately thwarted by rushes of hope and jabs of fear.
"Hey Shawn. What are you doing here?" Cory asked coming downstairs and grabbing a soda out of the fridge.
"We need to talk," Shawn said sounding so angry he surprised himself. This was just years of everything coming to a head. Cory shrugged and Shawn didn't wait for him to respond.
"How long do you think this is going to last?" he demanded, "How long?"
"Shawn calm down," Cory said quietly
"Tell me how long Cory!" Cory's calm was enraging.
"Let's at least go upstairs" Cory said in the same quiet calming voice, holding his hands in front of him in a placating gesture.
"No!" Shawn yelled, "Tell me how long!"
Amy climbed into her car, threw her purse into the passengers seat and put her keys in the ignition before realizing she'd left her grocery list on the coffee table in the living room. She sighed, got back out of the car and went to retrieve it. As soon as she walked in the front door she heard Shawn screaming "No! Tell me how long!" Cory answered back, starting to sound angry "How long what Shawn?". "How long before you come running back!" Shawn answered.
Amy grabbed the list and dithered for a moment, debating whether she should go mediate the fight before it escalated and things that couldn't be taken back were said, or whether it would be better to let them work it out themselves, they were adults after all.
She had taken two steps toward the kitchen when she heard Shawn continue "When you and Topanga got married, the night of your bachelor party you swore up and down that was the last time you and I would ever make love," Shawn was screaming. Amy sat down suddenly on the couch, Shawn kept screaming "And three weeks later! Three! You were promising me that we could be still be together if we were careful!"
"Shawn, for God's sake keep your voice down!" Cory hissed taking a step toward him. Shawn spun away to the opposite side of the table and slammed his hands down on it.
"No! No Cory I won't keep my voice down! For those three weeks I was dead and you just came waltzing back into my room! Just acting like you could just turn me on and off like you've always done!"
"Hey don't give me that shit, Hunter. You started this whole goddamn thing. You said we couldn't be together first. You turned me away first," Cory wasn't yelling, but every syllable was trilling with a sad sort of anger.
"You don't think that kills me everyday!" Shawn's voice was reverberating with rage " I didn't have a choice! When they thought I was normal no one wanted me! My parents abandoned me more times than I care to count. Do you think they would have come back for me at all if they'd known the truth? Would your parents have taken me in for even as long as they did if they'd known? Would Turner have taken in the troubled gay kid? No one ever wanted me! Was I supposed to make it harder?"
Amy teared up at the hysteria in Shawn's raw voice. The poor kid! How couldn't he know he was practically a son to her and Allen! Did he really think they would've turned him out on the streets?
"I wanted you and you set me up with Topanga!" Cory spit back.
"And you loved her! Never once did you ever think about choosing me over her! You were perfectly happy with your little pretend love affair. You jumped on the guy who kissed her the first time you broke up, you followed her to Florida you married her!"
"You didn't choose to come after me either." Cory was starting to get hysterical too as Amy gave up on her errands and settled back into the couch to eavesdrop "You were too busy steadily working your way through every girl in high school!"
"I don't even remember the names of most of those girls, and if you remember I dumped the bitch who tried to keep me away from you!"
"So what? You never tried to come back to me!"
Shawn and Cory were standing on opposite sides of the kitchen table, both crying, shaking, red in the face with their hands splayed on the table top.
"I tried! when Topanga moved. The sparrow sisters? The whole point of that was to prove to you that you couldn't like another girl with one sister and make you jealous with the other. Do you have any idea what it did to me when I saw Topanga on that couch when I came back?"
"Do you have any idea what it did to me to see you making out with that British girl when Topanga was out of the picture?"
"And there went out last chance in high school," Shawn croaked.
They didn't look at each other. They stood in silence for a very long time, both staring at the empty table between their hands, both haunted by their own regrets, rueing their own days.
Shawn let out a long rattling breath and looked up at Cory, still hunched over the table. He walked around to Cory's side, grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled the curly haired boy's forehead to his own. "Please, please Cor. I'm begging you. Don't go to New York," he rasped in a desperate whisper. A tear from Cory's face fell onto his and he shivered. This was all he could do. What if it wasn't enough to make Cory stay? "Don't leave me."
Cory didn't answer for a painfully long time. Shawn and Amy both held their breath.
"It's too late Shawny. After everything I've put her through. I can't divorce Topanga,"
Shawn took this information like a bullet to the heart, gulped back the first of the many sobs he was going to try not to cry and pushed Cory away. Not angrily, but deliberately, coldly even. Then without a word he walked out of the kitchen, into the living room and closed the door behind him. He saw Amy crying on the couch, nodded to her and walked to the front door. He grabbed the handle and then turned back to face Amy "I'm not going to be able to make it to dinner Mrs. Matthews," He whispered hoarsely, "Thanks anyway."
And he left.
Cory stood in the kitchen utterly stunned. So much light had just been shed on the most incomprehensible years of his life he felt like it was going to blind him. So Shawn had always loved him. He'd been wrong all the times he thought he was nursing an unrequited love for his best friend. But he couldn't just... just...
End his sham marriage? Get out of a relationship he wasn't happy in? Stop before he had kids to worry about? Give Topanga her life back? Get out of moving to New York when he desperately didn't want to?
What had he just done?
He ran into the living room and out the front door into the yard to see that the beat up station wagon Shawn drove was already to far down the street to run after.
"Cory!" his mother called running outside after him. He jumped. He hadn't seen her and didn't know she'd over heard the entire conversation.
"Mom!" He exclaimed "Give me your keys!"
"What happened- where-"
"There's no time. I'm in love with Shawn, I'm not going to new York and I need the damn keys!"
She handed them over and Cory ran for the car. As he zoomed down the street after Shawn Eric pulled into the driveway.
"Hey Mom. How's it going?"
"I just found out that Cory and Shawn have been in love for years" Amy told her oldest son.
"Well duh. That surprises you?" Eric asked skeptically.
"No. Not really," She admitted.
I hope you enjoyed the "Special Features" Chapter to A Whole New World and that you check out some of my other stories
Love,
oncethrown