Authors Note- To be honest, I wasn't exactly sure where to go with this chapter. I knew where I wanted to end up, but I didn't know whether or not to touch on what happened with Kenshin following Kaoru's disappearance- or just skip it all together. Deciding that it would flesh him and their relationship out more, I put it in. Hopefully this gives you a better insight into Kenshin. I got a couple of responses wondering how long this will be- I'm thinking 7-8 chapters- but who knows! Also, this chapter was sort of hard to write being that it did a lot of setting up for the future and filling in and stuff.
Also- Please do me a favor- Review! It provides soooo much encouragement.
Rating-"R" … And no, I'm not a pirate.
Oh- and I suppose I should say that I own NONE of these characters.
Things Left Unsaid
Chapter 2
Keeping Secrets
Kenshin stretched languidly underneath cool sheets, a feeling akin to a hangover pounding in his skull. Rubbing his hands against his eyes groggily, he wondered how much alcohol he had consumed in the last twenty four hours. He hadn't felt this hung over in years. Trying to ignore the pounding headache, he kept his eyes closed as sunlight filtered in through the window and across the bed. The sun was not helping his migraine. Kenshin sighed aloud. Not only had he drank way too much, he had slept in. What time was it exactly? Feeling slightly confused, he furrowed his brow in an attempt to remember what exactly had happened last night.
His mind screeched to a halt as images of a very beautiful and very willing Kaoru underneath him slammed into view. Last night came filtering back, and he smiled lazily. Kaoru's supple skin beneath his hands, her long legs, slim waist, and firm breasts pressed up against him as she encouraged him with soft gasps and pleading moans. It had been more amazing than he had ever thought. And she had wanted it, practically begged for it. Not that he needed the encouragement.
The sluggishness in his body intensified, and Kenshin wondered how he managed to feel so shitty following such an amazing experience. He hadn't drank anything, and never felt like this after a night of sex. Rolling toward Kaoru, he smiled at the thought of teasing her about last night. She would undoubtedly blush ten distinct shades of red. And without any clothes, he would finally be able to see just how far her blush spread. Not that he hadn't gotten a pretty good idea last night.
Although he knew it would be to soon for her, he was already counting down the minutes until he could repeat last night's…activities. It was more than he had ever dreamed it could be- and he had dreamed about it a lot. Kenshin smirked even as he reached. He was going to have to tell her that too.
Touching only empty space, he cracked open an eye and was met with the sight of her half of the bed unfilled. Kenshin frowned in puzzlement. Where had she run off to? Shifting his head, he listened for the shower running or any other sort of movement in the house. While she wasn't clumsy, he knew his heightened senses would have picked up her actions when she got up. He had precise senses already, but around her, those senses were magnified a hundred times- there was no way he would have missed her. Pushing up with his hands, he opened both eyes and glanced at the room. Something didn't add up.
Removing the tangled sheets from his legs, he climbed out of the bed and shrugged on a pair of boxers before looking around more closely. Running a hand through his tangled hair, he grabbed a loose binder on the floor and swept the messy locks back- lavender in color, he knew the hair tie was Kaoru's. It was the only thing of hers in the room.
Kenshin's thoughts seemed jumbled inside his mind, and it took him longer than usual to focus. But when his thoughts finally started to assemble, he came to two conclusions immediately. One- He had been drugged in some way- there was no way his mind had gotten this muddled naturally, and Two- Kaoru was not there.
Unsure what to think, Kenshin walked than rushed through the house, running from room to room- not quite able to comprehend what was happening. She wasn't anywhere. Pausing in the hallway, Kenshin took a deep breath. He was overreacting, he had to be. He wasn't sure what was happening, but Kaoru…no he wouldn't try to convince himself. Something was wrong. Walking back to his room, he grabbed the phone off the hook and dialed her cell.
The number was no longer in use.
Cursing, he slammed the phone back on the receiver and spun around. Thoughts of last night drifted back into his mind. He had known something wasn't right- something had been off for a while. She'd been tense, emotional, radiating guilt, and he had ignored it. Despite how strong she was, he had thought it was her trying to figure out how to balance him with family and friends. Kaoru was still very young, and he knew that her first relationship being so serious would take some adjusting. He had thought to give her a little space to think.
When she had finally collapsed against him, he saw just how raw her emotions had become. He hadn't known what to do and relied on instinct. He had planned on bringing it up today over breakfast, last night had drawn them closer than he had ever felt before. But she was no where to be found. He could feel his heart beat speed up, and his breath quicken. An enemy of his hadn't drugged him and kidnapped her, right? No. There was no sign of struggle, no sign of forced entry.
Standing still in his room, he shut his eyes and pushed away the lingering after effects of what ever he had been given. Going over the side effects in his mind, he had a pretty good idea of what drug he had been slipped. But who exactly had given it to him? And where was Kaoru? Why was her cell phone disconnected? If something had happened to her…When his eyes opened, he knew without needing a mirror that they were no longer violet. He was getting upset…very upset. Taking in his room critically, he looked for any discrepancy that hadn't been there before.
There. On his desk. The folders that had been stacked cleanly yesterday were askew. Drawing his lips into a thin line, he approached the desk and moved the folders slowly, wondering who had moved them and why. A wrinkled envelope lay at the bottom of the pile, and Kenshin fingered the lettering on the outside. It was his name in Kaoru's handwriting, stained with water spots. No, not water spots- tears. Feeling something drop in his stomach, he snatched it up and pulled out the letter within. Scanning it quickly, he felt his insides crack, even as he examined it again. Kenshin was sure he had misread it. He must have.
Kenshin-
Thank you for everything. Please don't search for me. Please. You wont see me again.
-Kaoru
This wasn't possible. She had left? But that would mean…she had drugged him. She had planned this. But why? And for how long had she been thinking about it? How long had he been deceived? Did she care for him at all? These last few months hadn't been a lie, had they? Kenshin felt his blood grow slow in his veins. No. Kaoru was innocent and open. She had always been easy to read- from the moment he met her. Last night she had exuded guilt and sadness. She hadn't wanted to leave. He had seen it tear her apart. She cared for him, as much as he cared for her. He had witnessed it last night. She had given herself to him. Every word she spoke while in that blissful daze had been so beautiful and truthful.
"Kenshin, I need you." "Kenshin, never let me go." and so softly he had almost missed it, "I love you." He wondered if she had even been aware of her own spoken thoughts.
So why? Why had she left?
He stomped the questions out. They could wait. He just needed to find her, before she got to far. Picking up the phone he dialed the first person he thought of. In his mind he could feel the list growing of people he would need to contact. What would Kaoru do? How far would she go? She had gotten rid of her cell phone, but what else would she alter?
"Hello."
The person's voice on the other side of the phone was monotone, but Kenshin could still feel the underlying tension. Kenshin never called during the weekend unless it was important.
"I need your help."
Kenshin knew he could find her. In his line of work there was no way she could escape him. And Aoshi was just at good if not better than him at finding things out that a person wanted to keep hidden. It was what the brooding man was known for. Looking over the room again, he took in a breath and found her scent surrounding him. Jasmine. He glanced into a mirror hanging on the far wall, and could see the changes in his reflection. His eyes were hard and glittered gold, his body tense and taut- he was ready for war. And he would fight for her. Grabbing at a pair of pants hanging off one of the chairs, his conversation with Aoshi was quick.
When he found her, he would never let her go again.
4 years later-
"Kia! Where are you?"
A woman rushed through the back of the building towards the voice, the caller's cries mingling with the servers, cooks, managers, guests, and background music of the restaurant. A tinkling sound followed her as she ran, the bells on her outfit a beacon and a nuisance. Avoiding other servers as she went, the woman didn't pause to catch her breath. She hoped she wasn't in trouble. Struggling through the wide double kitchen doors, she checked her costume before facing the manager. The ribbons were still in place, as were the absurd amount of bells attached. The pink ruffles and white petticoats of her skirt hadn't creased, and her tall knee high socks were still up.
Pushing a stray lock of raven colored hair back into her platinum blond wig, Kaoru laughed inwardly at the ridiculous costume she was in tonight. She had hoped for one a little less… scary. Oh well, at least it wasn't the worst. Biting her lip, she faced her manager with a certain amount of trepidation. She didn't remember doing anything wrong.
"Kia. I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
Gary wasn't her favorite manager, and Kaoru was once again reminded why. He was always asking her to pull an extra shift, or stay late to clean or something. Not that she hated her job. She felt lucky to work in such an upscale, if not slightly strange bar and restaurant. Scratching at her head through the wig, Kaoru flinched inside at how well she responded to 'Kia.' She supposed that being called that for so long would do the same thing to anyone. If someone called her Kaoru today, how would she respond? Would she recognize her own name? Shaking her head free of the thought, she smiled openly at Gary. Kaoru hoped he didn't see through it.
"What kind of favor?"
"I was wondering if you could stay late. Kyo isn't feeling well."
Kaoru looked apologetic, even as her mind screamed. Of course Kyo wasn't feeling well… someone always seemed to not be feeling well, or had car problems, or had visiting relatives.
"I'm sorry, I can't."
And it was true, if she stayed beyond her shift, she was going to be in trouble. She didn't have that kind of money to spend. Things had been tight the last few months. Plus, who knew what he would do if she was late. She hated disappointing him.
"Well, just think about it."
She nodded, knowing already that her final answer was no. He said his thanks before turning to harass another server. Kaoru watched him walk away before getting back to her own duties. Although all her tables were full, most were either just chatting, or sipping at drinks. It made her ecstatic. Not only did she have to do less work, but with all those drinks, their bill would be high- and that hopefully meant a larger tip. She glanced at the watch hidden by her sleeve. Only two more hours. Rolling her shoulders, she pursed her lips, wondering if she would pull in enough money to survive next month. She crossed her fingers, even as someone's hands covered her eyes.
"Guess who!"
The high pitched girly voice met her ears, and Kaoru couldn't help but smile. Grabbing the hands, she spun around and faced her would be attacker. The petite woman smiled up at her had large eyes framed in thick dark hair. Of course, she wouldn't have to wear a wig tonight.
"No fair Misao, it's not fair that I have to wear this scratchy thing, and you don't have to wear one."
The woman smiled mischievously, twisting one of her hands in her outfit. Kaoru eyed the get-up, her aggravation only growing. It was not only simple, but cute and easy to move in.
"So, you get to be a ninja- and I'm stuck being Little Bo Peep! That is not fair!"
Misao giggled, then twisted a long dark strand between her fingers as she eyed Kaoru's bright costume.
"You look…nice."
Kaoru grit her teeth. Misao was wonderful…and aggravating.
"You're not helping."
The shorter server grinned, and Kaoru rolled her eyes. Misao was the first server she had met after starting at the Blue Spot. A sophomore in college, she was two years younger than Kaoru, and full of life. Bright, spunky, and utterly enjoyable- Kaoru had seen something in her that reminded Misao of herself. Before things had changed- when she had still been... Before anything. Kaoru had been reluctant to get close to her, even as she had longed for friendship. Even as she still longed for it. Kaoru worried constantly about exposing something that she shouldn't, even after avoiding him for four years. Sano had warned her, that it only took one slipped word, and he could find out. But she hadn't, she hadn't said anything. And four years later, she was still nobody.
Despite her best efforts, it had only taken a few months for Misao to become her closest friend. If friendship was what you could call it. Outside of work, she still avoided Misao usually- but Misao hadn't pushed too hard for anything more. And Kaoru was glad. Shifting her wig yet again, she crossed her arms.
"What am I going to do with you Misao?"
Misao pursed her lips, before chewing thoughtfully on the end of her braid and shrugging. Kaoru shook her head, she had the oddest habits.
"Well, I'm going to check on my tables."
Kaoru put a hand to her head at the sight her friend made, and spun on her heel. Hearing her good natured laugh, Kaoru spent the next two hours trying to keep her customers happy. She did her best to ignore the bells on her outfit, the teasing inflicted on her by Misao, and the tightness that started in her shoulders and ran down to her knees. When her last table left, and her shift work was done, Kaoru heaved a sigh of relief.
Stepping into the worker's room, she hung up the hideous outfit- shelving it beside a cowboy costume. Rolling her shoulders, she was glad to be back in comfortable jeans and a sweater. Pulling out the hair pins that kept her raven locks hidden, she sighed in contentment as her hair was freed from its prison. Brushing through the long locks with her fingers, she gently massaged her scalp. Throwing on her coat she kept her hair down to give her head some rest. Wearing wigs was horribly uncomfortable.
Turning to the dirty mirror that hung on the far wall, she rubbed off the bright pink blush and eye shadow. Seeing her face back to normal, she took a moment to examine herself. Tired eyes stared at her, and a mouth that was set in a hard line frowned under scrutiny. Grabbing at her loose hair she inwardly groaned. It was already past her shoulders again. She would have to cut it. Zipping up her coat, Kaoru glanced at her watch and headed back into the heart of the restaurant. She smiled at her luck. Working fast on her back of the house duties, Kaoru was leaving a half hour earlier than she had thought- hopefully she wouldn't see Gary on her way out.
Weaving through the half filled restaurant she paused as Misao darted in front of her.
"I can't believe you get to go home already!"
Misao pouted, and Kaoru couldn't help but raise her eyebrows.
"Yeah, but I was also wearing the ugliest costume ever."
The younger girl chewed on her braid again, and Kaoru fought the urge to scold her like a child. It was funny how much a person could adapt and change over four years. She truly had fulfilled a role that hadn't been a part of her only a short while ago.
"Hey Kaoru? Guess what I just found out!"
Misao's high voice broke through Kaoru's thought, and Kaoru smirked at the child like quality that entered Misao's voice.
"What?"
"You know that guy I was telling you about? The incredibly perfect one?"
Kaoru chewed on her lip and thought back. Misao talked so much that at times Kaoru tuned her out. And she was always changing subjects. But, yes, she did remember the mentioning of a guy. Where had she met him again? Oh yes, he had stopped in here a night she hadn't been working. Misao had described him as- tall, gorgeous, and…stoic? For some reason Kaoru couldn't imagine Misao with anyone calm.
"He's in town on business! He's coming by tomorrow after my shift to pick me up!"
"Okay."
Kaoru laughed inwardly at the girls rampant enthusiasm. She was practically bouncing off the walls.
"I want to introduce you to him!"
Misao ignored a customer trying to get her attention and pulled pleadingly at Kaoru's hand. Kaoru gave the customers an apologetic glance. What did it matter if she met him? Misao was probably just trying to show him off. She was so silly like that. Groaning at the doe eyed look Misao batted at her, Kaoru shook her head.
"Fine, just…go help them."
The girl beamed before scampering off, singing softly under her breath. She gave the customer a dazzling smile, and he grinned back. Shaking her head at the younger girl's antics, Kaoru pulled open the door and stepped out into the night. The brisk air bit at her skin and she pulled her coat closer, walking hurriedly down the familiar street. Passing under a street light, she fixed the bag on her shoulder and continued. Although dark out, the stylish area was filled with people milling about. Passing by a club entrance, she recognized the song pounding out of the front doors. Pushing away the memories that seemed to be calling at her, she turned and headed down to a residential area.
Setting a brisk pace, Kaoru walked with familiarity deeper into the neighborhood. It wasn't the best neighborhood, but the area was safer than many others. Chicago. She had always wanted to visit the place when younger. Something about the old musical that seemed to give the city a magical gleam. After living in Florida for two years, she'd been sick of sun, the heat, and the bugs. She thought that they both had to be. Sano had warned her not to stay in one place for to long, so she'd picked up and moved to Chicago. Of course, starting again was hard- but she had managed to save up a little. And of course Chicago wasn't all that she had wanted it to be. No place seemed to be anymore.
But she had more than many other people did. Although she had lost so much, she was still blessed. And she thanked God for that. Turning the last corner, she stepped up the apartment complex's stairs and stepped out of the cool night. At this time, the building was fairly quiet, the sounds of her neighbors punching through the thin walls quietly. Stopping in front of her door, she straightened the number 107 on the outside. The door was chipped and the wood stain old and fading. The light of the hallway pulsed irregularly, and Kaoru wondered how long it would last.
Pushing open the door, she walked through the kitchen and stepped into the living room. Slightly peeling wallpaper clung to the walls, and an old couch sat against the far wall. Toys littered a corner of the room, and a lamp shed light on pictures taped close to the bottom of the wall. Setting down her bag, she was happy to be home.
A small bundle of energy tore through the hallway and latched tightly to her leg before she could blink. Reaching down, she picked him up and held him close. He smelled like soap and bubblegum.
"Guess what I did today Mommy?"
Kenji's voice was clear and pure as a bell. Looking down at his pajama clad form, she brushed her fingures through his soft red hair. Intelligent eyes looked curiously into hers, and Kaoru pulled him even closer. His was just as beautiful as his father.
"What did you do?"
The tightness in her back and fatigue in her muscles seemed to lessen with him so close.
"Mary and I fingerpainted, and then she read me a story, and then I got a cookie, and then she told me another story! The stories were really good, and I painted a picture for you."
His eyes glittered, and Kaoru grinned at her son. He pulled gently at her hair, and rubbed his cheek affectionately against hers. Setting him down gently, she tugged gently on his nose.
"Kenji, you know that you should be in bed, right?"
He nodded, twisting his fingers in his pajama shirt.
"I wanted to see you before I went to bed. Did you work hard? You look tired."
She watched him as he fidgeted. Kaoru had gone to the doctor weeks after disappearing, a bad case of the flu behind the visit. Florida was hot and humid, and she was sure the change of climate had caused the illness. The clinic had been small and set up for low income families. She had never expected anything. Never expected to find herself pregnant. To say that she had been shocked would be an understatement. Kaoru had been so distraught the doctor had given her something to calm her nerves. He had suggested an abortion, telling her that it was safe and more common than people thought.
She abhorred the idea. No way could she destroy something that the two of them had created. This child was meant to be treasured and cared for. It was a part of her, a part of Kenshin. For weeks after she debated telling him. Kenshin should know, Kenshin needed to know. As her stomach stretched and the small body within her developed, Kaoru fought violently against herself. If she told him- wouldn't it get worse? He would willingly destroy himself for her- but for a child? Kaoru thought back to the incident that still left a small scar on her shoulder and shuddered. She would protect him, even if it was from himself.
So never told him.
A week before her due date she finally broke down and told her family. Calling from a pay phone, she spoke so quickly and quietly that her brother Yahiko could only listen. She hadn't spoken to him since she left, and broke down sobbing. That time had been the most terrifying in her life. The call only lasted a couple of minutes, but it was one of the happiest memories she had. The day she gave birth to Kenji, her brother held her hand.
"You can do it Kaoru- push!"
She'd met with him twice more over the next few years, Sano tagging along the last time.Yahiko made a great uncle and Kaoru thanked God for him. Kenji loved him to death.
During the visits Yahiko repeatedly pestered her on why she wouldn't just come home, but she had kept silent. At his last visit, he'd finally gotten the hint. With time passing, she wasn't sure if she became more or less comfortable with him visiting. Kaoru was still spooked that Kenshin would figure out where she was.
"Alright Kenji, I'm home now- go get to bed, I'll tuck you in after I say goodnight to Mary."
He scampered to his room, and Kaoru watched him go. The babysitter Mary emerged from his room, pulling on her coat as she walked. Mary was a wonderful girl. A junior in high school, she lived down the hall and loved kids. She didn't charge too much, and Kenji liked her. Pulling out her purse, she grabbed fifteen dollars.
"Thank you so much for tonight, he wasn't a problem was he?"
Mary laughed, her short hair bobbing as she did so.
"Kenji? No, he was an angel like always."
"You can still come tomorrow?"
Kaoru's work schedule was hectic. It seemed next to impossible to make enough money to survive on. But she would provide for Kenji, and so she did the impossible. Mary was the standard babysitter, and Kaoru tried her best to make sure that Kenji was left with someone she trusted.
"Yeah, no problem. See you later Miss Kia."
Locking the door as soon as Mary left, Kaoru made her way to Kenji's room. Hand drawings covered the wall, small photos of the two of them taped haphazardly in any open space. He lay in his bed, the covers pulled up tightly to his chin and followed her through half closed eyes.
"Hey there little man."
She sat on the edge of his bed, and stroked at Kenji's hair.
"Hey Mom?"
Kenji's voice was soft with sleep. Leaning forward, she kissed his cheek.
"Yeah?"
"Tomorrow can we eat dinner together?"
Kaoru bit at the inside of her cheek. His voice was soft and pleading. Putting a hand to his shoulder, she rubbed it soothingly.
"How about we eat lunch together, and you can eat dinner with Mary again?"
He pouted and clutched his stuffed animal tigertighter.
"I guess."
Tucking the covers around his small body, she turned on the nightlight on his bedside table.
"You know Mommy has to work."
Kenji nodded, and Kaoru watched as tears started to collect in the corner of his eyes.
"I tell you what, how about on Saturday I take you to the zoo?"
"Okay."
His eyes bore into her and Kaoru saw intelligence in them beyond his years. Even though she shielded him as best she could, he still had seen too much in his short life.
"Alright, Saturday you and I will check out the tigers."
Kissing him again on the cheek, Kaoru stood up slowly and walked to the door. Turning off the overhead light she pulled his door mostly closed. Leaning against the wall she listened for his breathing to even out. Once she was certain he was asleep, she trudged across the hallway to the kitchen. Sitting at the table she pulled out her tips and counted them. Reaching behind her into one of the kitchen drawers, she rifled through the stack of bills within and sorted them out. Looking through them, she mentally organized where her money needed to go, and by when. Setting down the last bill, she rubbed her temples and let out a sigh.
She had enough for this month. Kaoru glanced at the clock. It was past one. Leaning in the chair, she cracked her back. With the money not needed for bills, she'd have enough to buy Kenji that new pair of jeans he needed. She'd also be able to get his favorite groceries. Of course, she wouldn't be able to get herself anything really. Not that it really bothered her. Nothing could bother her. She was a mother now, and needed to keep in mind that everything was for him.
Kaoru glanced at the calendar hanging on the fridge. Her mind seemed to slow down, and she shut her eyes. How could she forget what tomorrow was? Scratch that, being that it was one in the morning, what today was. Memories hung at the corner of her mind, and she allowed them to creep in. Wrapping her arms around herself, she could almost feel Kenshin's arms around her.
"Happy Birthday Kaoru."
Why was it so hard for her move on? Why was it that whenever she shut her eyes a pair of soft violet eyes glowing with traces of amber would be staring back at her? Why was a day that was supposed to be a celebration, felt like a funeral each time it passed? It was the day he entered her life, the day her world was totally and completely changed. Today. Taking a deep breath, she bit at her lip and took a shaky breath. She'd gotten through it before, it was just a day, she could do it again.
His voice warm and caring would be soft next to her ear. She could practically hear the love in his voice. Kenshin's arms would hold her tightly but gently, clutching her to him until she was happy. She missed it, missed being loved and taken care of by him. It was hard to take care of someone on your own. To be completely unattached and independent. To have someone depend on you for everything. Of course, she loved Kenji. She adored him, and wouldn't ever wish him away. But Kaoru had never expected this, for some reason the noble reason for her living a life of struggle fell short at times when she was thinking.
She hated her birthday. Hated the way so many others could celebrate theirs', when to her all it did was emphasis the fact that she was alone. Kaoru didn't stop the tears that fell down her cheeks. She couldn't wait for today to be over.