Author's Note- Kenshin's back! Again….I'm sorry for the lateness… (hangs head in shame) I know… I am a horrible person….still though, you should review…I'm just saying…I was looking at the past chapters and for some reason I feel like I've written more chapters than I actually have…funny. Also, I simply could not edit this again...so, sorry for any errors in advance!

BTW- Someone mentioned that this reminded them a bit of a story by Ravyn…I didn't intend that in anyway- However, Ravyn is a freak'n awesome writer- and if you enjoy K/K- look the author up! After reading this that is….(and reviewing)

PS BTW- To the reviewer that was hoping for a B-Day present….Happy Belated Birthday! (I hope that this better than nothing…I tried really hard to get this out at at least a half decent date)

A quick note on Kenshin in the beginning of this chapter. He is emotionally broken. Someone that he cared for desperately has been missing from his life for four years. (How would you feel?) Not good, that's how.

Also…I know- this chapter is short.

Disclaimer- Yeah, I own all of it… what, you doubt me?

Rating- R/M- Kenshin this is all your fault- you and your sexy body.

Things Left Unsaid

Chapter 4

Changes

Kenshin rolled his head back against the leather chair he was slouched in. Bringing a hand up to his hair, he pulled his fingers haphazardly through his uncombed locks. A wife beater and black loose pants clung to his unmoving frame, his body sprawled out in dejection. The living room was dark, lights from the street outside casting shadows in the otherwise unlit room. Papers littered the floor, and a half filled bottle of scotch rested near Kenshin's feet. His free hand clutched at a once filled glass. Silence echoed dismally through the otherwise empty house, and his breathing echoed in the messy room. An occasional passing car broke through the stillness, its lights briefly illuminating the scene within. He squinted his eyes and turned his head away from the bright light. Taking in a deep breath, he eyed the barely visible clock on the far mantle.

He only had to suffer for another half hour until this wretched day was over. It only seemed to get harder every year it came. He had tried to divert his mind, practicing and going through his forms for much of the morning- Idly flipping through television channels in the afternoon- and finally succumbing to the call of liquor in the evening. She still weighed heavily on his mind. Rolling his head back, he stared blankly at the ceiling above him. Ignoring it completely, Kenshin's mind skipped and replayed memories chaotically, the taste of scotch still in his mouth. Lifting the glass to his lips, he frowned unconsciously at the now empty container. He couldn't remember drinking it.

Absently rolling his shoulders, he leaned forward cradling his head in his free hand. He could make it these last thirty minutes. He had to. Dropping the empty glass onto the carpeted floor, Kenshin couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of despair that blindly blanketed him. It crawled down his throat and ate away at his insides. Where was she? Was she okay? That thought perpetually rested in the back of his mind. That he would be sitting there in his comfortable living room, while in another place she was miserable and hurt.

Glancing up at the mantle, his eyes stared hard at a photograph that was barely discernable through the dark. Kaoru. He didn't need good light to know what the slightly faded and very worn photograph held. It was one of his favorite photos of her. Dressed in blue, she sat in one of their favorite fast food restaurants, looking too pretty to be real. A soft smile lit up her face, and her windblown hair lay loosely on her shoulders. A large sundae rested in front of her.

"Kenshin, there isn't any way I'm going to be able to eat all of this."

Of course, she had been right- but he had been more than willing to help. Even if more ice cream ended up on her nose than in her mouth with his help. Kenshin smiled at the memory. She was too cute when she pouted. Her voice had been lilting and sweet, both eager and playful. Shutting his eyes, he let himself fall deeper into the memory. She laughed out loud, the sounds of the other customers fading from Kenshin's mind. Her whole body shook slightly with the chuckle, and Kaoru reached across the table, threading her hand in his. The soft smell of jasmine reached his nostrils, and he could see his future reflected back at him in her eyes.

"Kenshin, you shouldn't tease me!"

Her voice was mischievous, and Kenshin felt her foot underneath the table slid up then down his leg. Kenshin smirked in the booth, a shiver of pleasure coursing through him. Every touch from her could drive him crazy. He was glad that he had rescheduled his five o'clock meeting to bring her out for dinner. With work being as stressful as it was, he wasn't able to see her nearly enough for his liking. She had been ecstatic when opening the door and seeing him there. He loved being the cause of her happiness.

Bringing a spoonful of ice cream up, he offered it to her, his mind waiting for the perfect opportunity. Giving him a distrustful look, Kaoru brushed her loose hair back and leaned forward, opening her mouth for the sweet confection. She looked delectable, and he had another sort of dessert immediately come to mind. He pushed the fantasy away. Seeing his chance, Kenshin purposely missed, letting the ice cream smear on her lips and cheek.

He watched her eyes open wide as the cool treat touched her skin.

"Kenshin!"

Kaoru's voice was shocked and amused at his antics. She grabbed at a napkin, and Kenshin quickly covered her hand with his. His smirk grew as she blushed and pulled on her hand briefly, before keeping it still. She met his eyes warily, and he mischievously met them back. Leaning toward her, he let his free hand rest on her clean cheek.

"Let me get that for you."

Reaching his body over the table, he dragged her closer to him. Glad that they had chosen a booth near the back, he ignored her startled gasp. Using licks that would be appropriate for an ice cream cone, Kenshin thoroughly cleaned the dessert off of her. She shivered at his touch. Once her cheek was sufficiently washed, he kissed the remaining treat on her lips away. She tasted delicious, and allowing himself the pleasure, he slipped around to her side of the booth.

Pressing her against the back wall, he deepened the kiss and let his tongue tangle with hers. His hands skimmed over her frame as her body twisted gently against his, her hands fisting themselves in his hair. Her moan of pleasure shook Kenshin back into a logical state, and he carefully disengaged himself from her.

He hadn't expected things to go so far. He knew she wasn't ready mentally to take their relationship to the next level, even if physically she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. Baby steps… he had to remember that Kaoru was more than likely confused and filled with conflicting emotions. Not to mention that they were in a public restaurant and he didn't like anyone else seeing her passionate nature. Giving her one last chaste kiss on the lips, he pulled back and let her rest her head on his shoulder. That of course didn't change the fact that as soon as he got home a cold shower would be in order. A very cold shower. Kenshin couldn't wait until she was ready.

He could feel her heavy and rapid breathing on his neck, and her hands clutched at his dark t-shirt. Kenshin couldn't help the surge of male pride at her lingering reaction. Stroking her back through her shirt, he attempted to soothe her tense and sensitive body. He tilted her head so that her eyes met his.

"We should go out for ice cream more often."

Kaoru's blush grew exponentially.

How adorable she had been, how innocent and trusting. He hadn't thought that a woman like her could even exist. But she had existed, and although he had desperately tried to protect her and keep her near him, the best thing that had ever happened to him had slipped through Kenshin's fingers. Where had he put that alcohol again?

Stooping forward, he poured a full glass of the burning liquid. Taking a deep drink, he held the glass loosely. There would never be enough alcohol to drown his need for her. This drink tasted as bitter as she had tasted sweet. Kenshin took another long swallow from the glass, the liquor taking away the raw edge of his emotions. His slight buzz was the only thing keeping him from going out and beating the shit out of some ruffian to calm himself down.

Kenshin gazed at the mantle once again, and wondered where she was at this moment. Was she thinking of him? Did she ever think of him? Or had she moved on? Did she let someone love her as he had loved her? Rage welled up within in, an anger that he didn't try to quell. If someone else was touching her, he would kill them. She wouldn't betray him like that, would she? Then again, she had betrayed him once already. Kaoru had left him to fight his demons alone.

Hearing a sharp noise, he looked down at his hand clutching the glass. The cup had cracks in it from being held so tightly. Feeling disgusted with himself, he threw the glass against the wall. It shattered, shards of glass and scotch falling onto the pristine carpet. He left it. Kenshin felt fury boil up inside of him. What the fuck had she been thinking? He loved her, needed her! She kept him sane, and had finally given him a purpose. And then she had left? Without a word, without a phone call… she was gone! Why? Didn't she realize that it was his job to protect her? Didn't she need him? The anger suddenly dissipated, leaving him feeling empty and despondent. How could she have done it? Didn't she love him?

"Kaoru."

His voice sounded in the still night, caressing the name as one would a lover. He truly was a broken man. What he would do to hear her voice again, to run his fingers through her soft hair, to feel her skin pressed against his. Shuffling up, he walked stiffly to the mantle, clutching at the photograph on it. Kaoru smiled up at him, and he ran his fingers over her face. He realized the truth, recognized it for what it was, and didn't hide from it. He loved her, he needed her, and he wouldn't be whole again until she was by his side.

"Happy Birthday Kaoru."

Bringing the photo up to his face, he gently kissed the image of her. He felt as if he could cry, but he had shed all those tears long ago. Turning the photo over, he pulled out a piece of paper inside the envelope taped to the back. Gently clasping the worn paper, he gazed at the handwriting. The words had almost completely deteriorated away. The letters were soft and curvy, the total opposite of the cutting sentences that they formed. Bringing the letter closer to his face, he breathed in her scent. Jasmine. It still clung to the letter, and for that he was glad.

Putting the letter back, he returned the photo to the mantle. He needed to get some sleep.

Stepping into the hall, he entered the bathroom without bothering to turn on the light. Opening the bottom drawer, he pulled out a hair tie. He didn't need the light to know what hair tie it was either. Lavender in color, it was a good luck charm that he would rather cut off his own arm than lose. The fact that a light purple hair tie was worn by one of the most influential men in the nation during every business deal was never mentioned after the first time. That man had been cleaning urinals for six months. Securing his hair, Kenshin stepped into his bedroom. Shrugging out of the shirt, he left it on the floor. Dropping into the unmade bed, he turned onto his side. Shutting his eyes, a vision of Kaoru danced behind his eyelids.

Kenshin slipped into a light sleep, his mind racing off into full fledged fantasy. Images of the night he and Kaoru had spent together so long ago replayed themselves in his mind, the feelings vivid. Kaoru writhed beneath him, her sweat soaked body brushing up against his, her harsh breath sweet music to his ears. Her hair spread itself over his pillow, a dark curtain of silk, and her body arched gracefully brushing up against his. The diamond around her neck winked playfully in the dim light, proclaiming her his. He smirked even as she gasped than moaned in pleasure, her hands intertwining themselves in his hair as he-

He stirred out of his fitful sleep quickly, staring up at the ceiling through the dark. Covered in sweat, he took deep breaths in an effort to calm his body. He missed her more than he thought bearable. And that night had haunted more dreams than he could recall. It was both the one thing keeping him sane, and the one thing slowly driving him into madness. The phone rang loudly, and Kenshin cursed. That was what had disturbed him. He didn't bother to move, letting it ring again and again. Who would call him today of all days? Everyone that knew anything about him, knew not to call today. Today was the one day he allowed himself to sink into self destructive despair. The obnoxious noise sounded again, and he clutched his pillow, furious at the intrusion. Today was their day. He didn't want to deal with anyone else but her memory! Couldn't he at least have that peace? It rang again, and Kenshin growled low in his throat.

Throwing the blankets from the bed, he stomped over to the phone. Ripping it up, he didn't bother to disguise his anger.

"What!"

"It's me."

Kenshin recognized the voice on the other end immediately. But why the fuck was Aoshi calling him today at this time? Aoshi knew better than anyone that today was not the day for house calls or any other obnoxious shit. If there was some sort of problem, Keshin didn't care what Aoshi did, as long as he took care of it. Kenshin undoubtedly was aware that Aoshi hated seeing him so depressed, so Kenshin had sent him away for awhile. His girlfriend lived in Chicago, and Kenshin had business there that needed to get done. It had seemed like a perfect project for Aoshi. So why was he calling?

Kenshin didn't bother saying anything. If it was important enough to call, Aoshi would get the hint and either spew his guts or hang up. He felt a slight hesitation from the other man, and frowned. Aoshi was not a tentative man when it came to speech. He would either say something, or wouldn't. It would always be plain and straight to the point. He didn't hide behind flowery words and long speeches. It was one of the reasons they got along so well.

"I found her."

The words came out in a tightly controlled voice, the tension obvious in each syllable. Kenshin felt the words rush over him, a sort of surreal reality taking over. He found her? Was it…could it be…it couldn't be… His heart beat sped up quickly, blood rushing to his head, and he fought the sudden dizziness. Aoshi wouldn't joke about this sort of thing…would he? No, Aoshi wasn't a sadistic bastard. It wasn't like Kenshin was searching for anyone else. And if this was a joke, Aoshi would be in trouble. More trouble than even he could handle.

A dream? Was this whole scenario a cruel joke employed by his sick and twisted mind? Kenshin bit the inside of his lip- hard. Tasting blood, he dismissed the idea.

"Kenshin?"

The voice sounded far away. He thought of another person saying his name. How personal and right she could make it sound. Kenshin.

"KENSHIN?"

Aoshi's voice had gotten louder than he had heard it in years. Shaking his head, Kenshin attempted to clear his suddenly fragile mind. Steeling himself internally, he pushed away the urge to kill someone.

"Tell me."

His voice came out even and clear, but Kenshin could detect many things in it. Anger, pain, grief….hope- Kenshin hadn't felt that last one for a very long time.

Thankfully, Aoshi cut right to the point.

"She lives in Chicago and is working as a waitress at a restaurant called The Blue Spot. She has been living in Chicago for just over two years. I don't know where she was before taking up residence there. She is in relatively good health and goes by the name Kia. Give me an hour and I will have specifics."

Kenshin's mind spun into overdrive. Kaoru. He glanced at the picture on the mantle, and felt more of his strength returning. No longer did he have to sit idly by, fruitlessly searching and wondering. No, he knew where she was and now all he had to do was go get her. And he wouldn't find rest until rest she was safe with him. Until she was his again.

"I'll be on a plane in less than an hour. When I arrive in Chicago, I want you there. Fax me any and all information you can get before I arrive."

Aoshi made a sound of agreement on the other end of the line, and Kenshin registered a shower in the background. A woman's singing voice was barely discernable. It must be the famous girlfriend.

Dismissing the noise, Kenshin began to mentally make lists of everything that needed to be done before he left. Realizing that Aoshi was still on the phone, Kenshin stopped his tasking.

"Anything else Aoshi?"

"Well…" Kenshin couldn't believe it. Aoshi sounded more than tentative, he sounded genuinely worried, "There is something else… That is, Kaoru isn't living by herself."

Kenshin's blood ran cold, and he felt a murderous rage surge forward. He would kill the bastard. Break each bone individually until he begged for release. His screams would be a symphony to him. How dare anyone touch her. She was his.

"Kenshin… Kaoru has a son."

The words hung in the air, and Kenshin felt his stomach drop.

"What?"

His voice sounded odd to his ears. Strained and empty.

"I think it's yours."

A heaviness settled onto Kenshin's chest. He dropped the phone.

Kaoru rolled over, the sheets on her bed bunching tightly around her legs. The fabric clung possessively to her form like a lover, every movement entrenching her deeper into it. Ignoring the scratchy material, she pulled at her equally bunched up tank top. Resting her hand lightly on her stomach she turned onto her back. Drawing circles around her belly button, she let her hand trail up her body and to her neck, unconsciously touching a piece of jewelry she rarely removed. The lone diamond twinkled in the morning light, casting bright colors on the ceiling and walls. Scrunching her nose she blew at a piece of hair that rested annoyingly on her cheek. It didn't move, and Kaoru tilted her head in an effort to make it shift.

Throwing a hand across her eyes, she tried to shut out the light streaming in through the window. The heaviness of sleep still clung stubbornly to her body, and she stretched out in an attempt to combat the lethargic feeling. Turning away from the window, Kaoru snuggled deeper into her pillow, clutching at the fleeting feeling of detached bliss. She needed more mornings like this. Too bad she rarely allowed herself the pleasure of a natural awakening.

A shadow fell over her face, followed by a soft giggle. Kaoru smiled inwardly, and pretended not to notice the intruder. She supposed it was about time to get up. The edge of her bed dipped, and she felt a slight weight settle next to her. A small hand pushed gently against her shoulder, followed by another less subdued laugh. The figure burrowed at her side, this time tugging gently at her hair.

"Mom?"

Kenji's voice was soft.

"Mom, are you awake?"

Kaoru kept her eyes shut, acting as if she were still deeply asleep. She felt Kenji settle next to her, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Mom?"

Kenji's voice sounded directly next to her ear. Feigning sleep, she rolled in his direction, catching his small body beneath her own. Opening her eyes, she stared down at the young boy, her dark hair creating a curtain around their two faces. He was still clad in the dark blue sailboat pajamas she had gotten him last Christmas. Kenji looked darling, his hair frizzy and tangled from a night of sleeping. His eyes squinted at her, the young boy obviously deep in thought.

"You were pretending weren't you!"

His voice was indignant and loud in her still close ear. Kaoru winked down at her son before pulling herself into a seated position next to him. She watched him sit up and cross his arms, a childish expression of anger on his face. Smiling at her son, she swooped her arms out and pulled him to her body.

"Don't frown Kenji!"

She cooed loudly into his ear, unable to be unhappy with her son so bright and wonderful. Holding him tightly to her, she hummed under her breath and rocked him in his arms. He squirmed against her, and she changed tactics. Kaoru set him back onto her unmade bed, and let her fingers find his most ticklish spots. He giggled, then laughed, his entire face flushing and lighting up the room with its glow. She couldn't help but smile back at his excited expression and half hearted attempts to escape his mother. Ceasing her attack, she helped her son into a sitting position.

"Alright Kenji, go into the kitchen and decide what we're going to have for breakfast."

She patted his head affectionately. The red haired boy nodded vigorously in agreement before scampering off the bed and out of the small room. She could hear him opening up the lower cabinets, searching for the box he knew was essential in the production of pancakes. She never claimed to be a great cook, indeed, Kaoru never even claimed to be fit enough to wash dishes- However, through necessity even she had been able to pick up the basics. The last thing she wanted was her son only eating fast food and microwave meals. Not that they never did, and not that she never burned the things she made. But unlike before, only fifty percent of the food she made ended up inedible these days.

Kaoru pulled herself up off the single bed, and let her hands travel through her long hair. Stretching her hands up over her head, she arched her back and felt a satisfying crack. She moved to the small slightly battered looking dresser and picked up a worn looking brush set haphazardly on it. Bringing it through her raven locks, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror above. Wearing only a tank top and underwear, she leaned forward to examine the dark blue circles beneath her eyes.

A light suddenly flashed, and Kaoru glanced down at the source, her eyes freezing. The diamond around her neck shown brightly in the sunrise, instantaneously bringing memories to her mind. The chain felt warm on her neck as if a part of her body and the stone rested snugly on her collarbone. She brought a hand up to the jewel, her fingers caressing the diamond with unspoken love. Kaoru had never attempted to rid herself of the stone, not even in her most desperate times. It was her piece of him. And in some part of her mind, she felt that as long as she still wore the necklace, she was still under his care. He was still thinking of her, still loving and protecting her. Kaoru knew the idea was foolish. Bringing her hand away from the necklace, she took a deep calming breath and met her eyes in the mirror.

"This is my life."

She spoke resolutely to her own reflection.

"This is what it is. So just accept it. Things are not going to change just because you want them to."

Kaoru would live for her son. She would never fall in love again. After all, one couldn't give one's heart away when it belonged to someone else already.

Grabbing a binder, she pulled her hair into a messy braid. On the bright side of things, at least it was no longer her birthday. Another day like that would have killed her. She had tossed and turned most of the night, visions of a red haired man with a wicked smile, a soft laugh, beautiful eyes, and gentle yet strong hands that knew exactly how she liked to be touched running rampant in her mind.

Not bothering to put anything else on, Kaoru went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and slid on a pair of shabby black slippers. Stepping out into the kitchen, she caught sight of her son deep within one of the cabinets. Brushing aside her unsettling thoughts, she turned to one of the drawers and pulled out an apron. She slipped it on over her makeshift pajamas.

"Kenji, did you find the pancake mix?"

The boy scurried backwards out of the cabinet, clutching a box in his hand.

"I found it!"

He thrust it toward her, and she took the dry mix from his hands.

"Good job!"

She patted his head and ruffled his hair.

Reading the back, she gathered a large mixing bowl, measuring cups, and whisk. She observed Kenji from the corner of her eye as he opened the fridge and struggled with a carton of milk. Plucking it from his fingers, she poured him a tippy cup, and handed it to him.

Picking him up, she carried him over to the couch in what passed as the living room. Turning on the small television, Kaoru flipped to his favorite morning cartoon. Adjusting the antennae on top, the picture came clearly into focus. He was instantly enthralled.

"Kenji, why don't you go watch your show while I whip us up some breakfast."

Although she loved spending time with her son, she knew that trying to cook while keeping a close eye on him would be impossible. He nodded at her, and she smiled at his dazed unfocused expression. Walking back into the kitchen, Kaoru flexed her fingers and started measuring.

Whisking the batter, Kaoru set the bowl down to find a frying pan. Going through the kitchen cabinets, she sneezed as dust rose up in the usually untouched shelf. Pulling out the seemingly forgotten pan, she rinsed it in the sink then dried it.

A knock sounded at the door, and Kaoru briefly started at the sound. Shaking her head at her own silliness, she turned the stove on low. Leaving the batter on the counter, she wiped her hands clean on her apron and made her way to the door. Mary had said she might stop by today to see when Kaoru wanted her to work next week, but Kaoru hadn't expected her so early.

Yawning slightly, she undid the deadbolt and smoothed back a loose hair. Mary knew that Kaoru wasn't a morning person, she would hopefully forgive Kaoru's untidy appearance. Swinging open the door, Kaoru wondered if Mary might want to stay for breakfast.

"Mary you sure are-"

Kaoru couldn't help the gasp that cut off her sentence.

A man slightly taller than herself with bright red hair swept up into a high ponytail stood at her doorway. Golden eyes with barely there flecks of violet assessed her beneath thick bangs. Wearing a black nondescript long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans, the man's expression was neutral with an underlying sense of power. His facial features were etched on her heart, and Kaoru took in the subtle changes that time had brought to his features. He was still perfect.

She felt her palms clench and unclench in apprehension, and her heart hammer painfully against her ribs. Kaoru's breath turned ragged, and she was oddly aware that her mouth was still half open. It open and closed like a fish struggling for breath out of water as she fought to find her bearings. This was not happening. The strong scent of ginger reached her, and she felt her eyes grow watery with emotion. What should she do? His presence was overpowering, and Kaoru couldn't decide whether she wanted to take a step forward or back.

"Kaoru."

His voice wrapped itself around her name, sinking down into her bones. It soothed at her sore muscles and made her ache for his touch. Kaoru hadn't realized how much she'd missed his voice, how much she'd missed his presence… missed the way he said her name.

Feeling the blood rush to her head, she didn't fight her sudden urge to faint.

AN- Alright, if you're reading this…then you might as well review…I'm just saying the button is right there…just do it…you know you want to. Next time- What do you say to someone you haven't seen in four years that you left but still love? Oh, the drama.

Also- this was kind of weird when I uploaded it- if there are any format problems, please let me know! Thanks!