A/N: This is my entry for the Naruto100 'Cheesy Pick Up Lines' challenge.
A Trip To The Zoo
Orochimaru had a day off. Such a thing as this did not happen very often. The sannin was determined to enjoy it. However, there was one thing that bothered him about today. He was feeling a little sex-deprived. Kimimaro wasn't any fun anymore, because there was no fun in having hot gay sex with a comatose bedridden person. It just didn't work. Plus Kabuto had said the boy wouldn't get better that way. Poo.
Kabuto was proving hard to catch as well, considering all of his time was being spent in Konoha, masquerading as a leaf ninja. There was no time to do anything there either. Sasuke was perfect, but he hadn't come over to Orochimaru yet. The snake like man shivered in anticipation. However, running your own country had its perks, considering Orochimaru could have his pick of sexual partners. But there were no men suitable, perfect enough for him. Oh, true, there were many beautiful women willing to bed him, but that just didn't do it for the fabled nin. He needed a pretty boy. Preferably a young pretty boy.
So, it was on this bright and sunny Saturday that Orochimaru decided to visit the zoo. He had heard that the snake display had been upgraded (with generous grants from the snake sannin himself, of course). The zoo managers fell over themselves hurrying Orochimaru to the retile exhibit and left him to his own devices, staring delightedly at the albino boa constrictor.
When the announcer came over the intercom to advertise the live snake handly, Orochimaru had a front row seat. Although, as the handler came out, Orochimaru was watching the handsome young man more than the beautiful reptiles. The young man had shoulder length brown hair that looked perfectly tousled. He was lightly muscled, with a delicate face. Good enough.
After the show had ended, Orochimaru hung back until all the snotty brats had filed past to oh and ah at the snake the young man was holding. Orochimaru sauntered up shortly after, turning on all of his considerable sex appeal (tongue included).
"So…" he asked the handler, caressing the head of the exquisite mamba wrapped around the boy's arm. "How big is your snake, exactly?"