Chapter One

Today I have once again done what I have been doing for the past five to six months. I broke up with him again. Yes again! We have been on and off sense November and it is now June 1st and two days left of school. I thought I felt the way I said but once again I didn't. Another heart broken and it wasn't just his. I am a heart breaker. A player. That is what I am. I am meant to have an impact on people then let them go. I'm not meant to have a relationship I'm 15 years old and I am going around hurting guys! What am I thinking! I'm not ready for this! Any of it! I can barely handle school let alone guys! I no I have said this before but now its sticking. No more dating till I feel ready and it feels right! I'm not going to date someone if were only going to date for two weeks or less! Being a girl sucks more than guys no! They don't know the pressure. They just don't know or understand they never will! There just not meant to they cant handle it! They can barley handle us when they date us. Most guys my age are so immature. There not serious about anything. All they want o do is go down your pants. Which wont happen with me I'm NOT other girls! I want a relationship a real one not based on sex! I wont have that. Not at my age so ill just have to wait. I wont wait forever but if I don't find that relationship I am not have a relationship with a guy like that. ill be fine without one. I don't need a guy I can hangout with my friends and family. I wont base my life on guys. Life isn't all about them. I cant. I can be independent. I am my own person. No guy can change that no matter what. I would have never said that in August. If you cant tell already I am a very emotional and dramatic person. And anyone who tells you other wise is lying threw there teeth. I am one of those people who realize on other to make my self feel better but not in the bulling way. I could never do that. I help people with problems and in turn they help me with my own I remember the advice I gave them. I must say do as I say not as I do. I say to most of the girl that I have had a on and off relationship with a guy three strikes your out. Well not with me. I keep on going till I get hurt. Its my curse. I tend to fall back to the same guy. . .A LOT! That's why I am choosing to stay way from those kinds of relationships right now because if I don't ill hurt more and so will other people.