House sat mesmerized by the illuminated screen. The boilerplate form that wretched of hospital bureaucracy offered a somewhat attractive font and layout, but its content was as dull as one of Wilson's oncology lectures. He typed a sentence into the computer, but got disgusted with the wording and stopped. He rolled his chair over to the other end of the desk, grabbed his BOUO and started tossing it around. After five minutes that ritual wasn't helping, so he went back and typed another sentence. What a useless waste of my time. He pulled out the ipod, hit the play button, kicked up his feet and leaned back to enjoy.
"I see you will likely be giving reviews through osmosis. Interesting strategy." Wilson said as he walked in.
"This form reeks of red tape and incompetence." House turned off the ipod but stayed in his relaxed position. "I'm supposed to rate progress with skills they had when they started working for me. Their specialty skills were top notch when they joined my team so what needs to be improved? How in the world do I quantify the subjective matter of diagnosis? It is like critiquing art."
"Oh, that will go over well with Cuddy. 'Dr. Cameron is a luminous piece, pristine in her elegance yet prickly in her texture and nature.'" Wilson cheekily observed.
House laughed. "You see, you should be doing these instead of me. Not that this form encourages any type of creativity, and I'm going to have to be very creative to pull this off."
"You'll figure out something. You always do since you have that nice lack of respect for rules going for you. The question is how much can you irk Cuddy in the process?"
"The question is how can I rate individual performances in a subjective field when their accomplishments are as a team? I chose them specifically because of each one of the skills they brought to the table. If any of those elements are missing or lacking, it doesn't work." House was easily frustrated by this forced task.
"Do you have specific examples on when it didn't work?" Wilson asked.
"Not really because they are so good at covering for each other. When one falls behind, another will pick it up."
"Then bring up the weak link that each provide. I'm sure there are plenty of situations where you would have liked to have seen any of them act differently. I wouldn't bring up anything for spite though, even though I'm sure that is taking all of the fun out of the process for you."
House abruptly popped out of his relaxed position and sat behind the desk with an evil smile on his face. "Why Dr. Wilson, how did you get to be so smart? Okay, I have ideas. Get out of here so I don't forget them."
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Cameron and Chase started to administer new meds to their latest patient. Cameron had something on her mind and as usual thought this was the right time to talk. "Chase, how worried are you about the performance reviews?"
"Not worried at all," he replied while still focused on getting the IV ready for the patient.
"Liar. Come on, your future is at stake here."
"I like what I'm doing under House and feel like I'm actually part of something. But if I can't do this anymore, I have plenty of other options."
"Do any of those other options exist back in Australia?"
"No. There is nothing back there for me. I have gotten too comfortable with the American lifestyle. However, if I can't find a suitable position, the INS might have other plans."
"Your status is tied to your employment and not a time frame?"
"Yep."
Cameron stayed silent for a minute and decided to break the mood with something else. "So, do women really glow and men plunder in the land down under?"
"You'll have to go to Australia and find out. I'm not allowed to tell." Chase said with a smile.
"So you're really not worried?"
"Nope."
----------------------------------------------------
"Who's up first?" Wilson asked as he sat in House's office. Today was the first scheduled evaluation.
"Foreman. I figured I'd get the easy one of the way first."
"His was the easiest? Yeah, I guess that makes sense. You can't do Cameron's without stopping yourself from writing comments that will get you in trouble for sexual harassment, and I'm sure all the negative things you have to say about Chase will take a while to write down."
"There, you see, as I told you before, you should have written them. You have my staff figured out better than I do. You probably would be nicer too. Cuddy is risking three careers by forcing me do this."
"I'm sure anything that has your name on it will be taken with a grain of salt." Wilson smiled. "I'm surprised you formally scheduled these sessions though. I figured you would take five minutes in the bathroom."
"Cameron scheduled them. You can't trust secretaries anymore. No worry, her defiance of my wishes will be mentioned in her review."
Foreman walked into House's office.
"You see, right on time. He's trying to make a good impression even though it is too late." House directly looked at Foreman. "I don't recall you bringing me lunch or taking any extra clinic hours this week. Unless you put out like Cameron did, this won't go well."
Foreman gave him a "get real" look and sat down. "I'm ready when you are."
Wilson got up. "I don't want to interrupt quality time with your staff."
"You are a doctor, you are supposed to stomach carnage. Wimp!" House shouted as Wilson left the room.
"Come on House, I expect to take the full hour. I have questions." Foreman was eager to get started.
"Okay, here is the way it works. I hand you the review, you read it in its entirety while I sit here and watch you wince and squirm. After you are done, you can ask your questions and start your derogatory comments."
Foreman took the review from House and started reading. As he read through the pages he showed many faces. When he agreed he nodded and when he didn't he would mutter "what the…" under his breath in disgust. Somewhere around page three Foreman asked "What does this…"
"Nope." House stopped him. "Please hold all questions until after the tour."
After more reading, nodding, and cursing, Foreman finally finished. "The review sucks."
"Sucks? Wow, what a clever analysis. I would have said something a little wordier like, "It seems that your choice of comments does not agree with my personal viewpoint…"
"House, I am an excellent doctor. That review does not say that."
"I believe it says you are top notch neurologist. Were you looking for more than that?"
"Your criticisms have nothing to do with my abilities as a doctor. You blasted how I worked with the team and questioned some of my people skills. If that isn't the pot calling the kettle…"
"Black?" House jumped in finishing his sentence. "There you go using the race card again. Look, diagnosis isn't just about how you fix the problem. Anything is possible. You need your team to guide your decisions. That requires skills far beyond medical knowledge. You have to know what resources are available to you and how best to use them."
"I have consistently showed caring and compassion for the patients. I usually get great patient feedback..."
"People skills do not mean saying nice things and making everyone all comfy." House interrupted. "With diagnosis, people skills means that you have to know how to manipulate others into getting what you want without being all pig headed and defiant. When you have decided you are absolutely right, any possibilities at manipulation are gone."
"Unlike you, I have respect for rules. I thought you liked it when I challenged you." Foreman replied defiantly.
"This isn't about me. The boundaries you have created through rules is one of the reasons why you were hired. Your stubborn behavior though causes you to not see the full value brought by the other people on your team. Face it you have done some pretty crappy things to both Cameron and Chase. I'm surprised that they try to cover your back at all, but they do."
"How have I been crappy to them? I'm constantly bailing them out of situations."
"I'm so glad you understand my point." House sarcastically countered. "Thinking like that is what gets you into trouble. It isn't about you and how good you are. It is about how far you are willing to work the fine line of healing the patient and respecting your boundaries. That is where your team comes in. Someone on your team should be able to step in and cover your blind spots. You have yet to use Cameron and Chase in that capacity."
"How have I not?"
"You have worked with Chase for over a year. Why do you still believe he had a cushy upbringing? Have you actually talked with him? Do you still confuse his passive nature for laziness? Have you ever noticed that he has a deeply intuitive understanding of human behavior and motivation? Children of alcoholics usually do. Oops, did I say that?" House insincerely put his fingers up to his lips after blurting the last comment.
Foreman at first was surprised, but then remembered his conversation with Chase while searching Lucy's house. "I just saw that 'Eureka' moment in your eyes," continued House. "Why didn't you try to process that sooner?"
"Okay, I agree I don't have much respect for Chase, but Cam and I are good now."
"You actually think that? You stole her paper, tried to infect her with the same disease you had and you don't see that she still might resent that a bit?"
"She was there with me when I was dying."
"She's a doctor. It was her job. Do you know where Chase was? In the chapel consoling your father."
Foreman was silent and surprised to hear that. He looked down slightly ashamed of his comments.
"Get over yourself. Chase would have done that for anybody's father, not just yours. Cameron would have been by the side of any patient close to death, not just you. If you form such misconceptions and not really know the true nature and motivations of the people on your team, how in the world are you going to know it in a patient? That is the world of diagnostics right there. You need to look outside of what is obvious."
"So you wait until a forced performance review to share these shortcomings?" Foreman snapped back.
"You should be smart enough through experience to figure these things out on your own. That is how I judge your abilities. You don't need me to tell you. You see and keep trying to improve your actions with each case. The only reason you are hearing it now is because I had to do this."
"Yeah, well thank Cuddy for that." Foreman was rather livid now.
"Your job is to know the truth. You have to learn to stretch yourself further and where you can't stretch then someone on your team does. Once you get that, then you can have your perfect review. Any more questions?"
"What must I do next?"
"Sign here,"
Foreman signed his review, got his copy and left still furious.