Chapter 9 - Blonde Jokes
"Okay," Keely said, taking a sip of her sprite, "I have a blonde joke for you guys."
"Ooh!" Tia and Via shrieked.
"I love blonde jokes!" Tia said.
"Me too!" Via said.
Then all the girls looked at Phil, expecting him to agree. He just looked at them cluelessly.
"What? Oh! Yeah, me too, they're pretty funny."
Tia and Via rolled their eyes and then Tia said, "Okay, shoot."
"Alright. There's a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde that are running away from this guy that's after them, so they hide on a farm," Keely said.
Phil smiled and said, "Oh, I've heard this one."
Keely smiled and went on. "Okay, so the brunette hides in the cow stall, the redhead hides in the doghouse, and the blonde hides in a sack of potatoes. The killer comes to the doghouse first, which is where the redhead is, and he hears, 'Ruff, ruff!' so he figures it's a dog. So now he moves on to the cow stall which is where the brunette is hiding, and he hears 'Moo,' figuring it's a cow. So he moves on to the sack of potatoes and hears the blonde say 'Potato! Potato!'"
Tia and Via cracked up so hard that soda almost came out of their noses. Phil just sat there grinning widely at them while Keely looked at the two. They couldn't stop laughing.
"Oh... that... was... good!" Via said in between laughs.
"Oh my God, yes!" Tia said in agreement.
"Glad you liked it," Keely said, proud of herself.
"Ooh, I have one!" Via said.
"Ooh, yay! Okay, tell us," Keely said.
"Alright, it's not that funny and it's short, but oh well. Okay, so there's a brunette and a blonde walking through the park one day and the brunette sees a dead bird on the sidewalk. So she says, 'Aww, look at the dead bird' to the blonde. The blonde looks up to the sky and says, 'Where?'"
All three of them cracked up. "THAT was FUNNY!" Keely said.
"Yeah, that was pretty funny..." Phil said in agreement. "But now I have one that will surely crack you up."
"Ooh yay!" Keely said, clapping her hands.
"Okay, ready?"
"Yeah," all three of the girls said in unison.
"Okay. So there's a blonde on the computer, and she sees the mailman outside, so she goes outside to her mailbox, checks her mail, and there's nothing there, so she goes back inside. Then she goes back out since he's still out there and there's nothing there again, so she goes back inside. Now by this time the blonde is like fuming mad, and she goes back out again and the mailman finally gets up the courage to ask her why she keeps checking her mail if she doesn't have any. She replies, 'Because! My stupid effing computer keeps telling me I have MAIL! But I think it's full of crap!'"
Keely laughed so hard that she spit out a little bit of her drink onto Phil's chest, who was sitting across from her. This made her laugh even more and her face turned beet red and she pounded on the table to try to contain her laughter a little, but it didn't work. Tia and Via doubled over with laughter, adding onto Keely's laughter even more. Phil couldn't help but laugh out loud, and his face even turned somewhat red.
"Oh... my... God," Keely said in between laughs again. "Phil, you're... so... funny!" she said, her nostrils quivering as she laughed.
Phil flashed her a toothy grin and said, "I know, it's part of what makes me so adorable."
"Ya got that right," Keely said jokingly. Phil smiled.
"Oh my God, I am so screwed," Tia said out of the blue.
"Okay, that was sudden..." Via said.
"Well that's because I just thought about the reason I'm screwed, which is a good enough excuse in my opinion," Tia said.
"Yeah... okay. Sure," Via replied.
"Why are you screwed?" Phil asked, furrowing his brow.
"Because... you know that stupid author research project thing that we have due for Mrs. Collins' ELA class on March 24th?" she said.
"Yeah..." Phil and Via said in unison, awaiting for her continuation.
"Well, I just went to the library today, and I have to have my book read and finished by the due date!" Tia exclaimed.
"Wow... yeah, I'd say you're pretty screwed then," Phil said.
Tia glared at him. "Oh, thanks, Phil... thanks a lot."
"What?" he asked innocently. "You said you were screwed. I'm just agreeing with you."
Tia rolled her eyes, along with Via. "You're not supposed to agree with me on stuff like that. You're supposed to tell me that it'll be okay."
"Oh... well then, it'll be okay," he said, trying to help.
"You're a little la--"
Via cut her off. "Just let it go," she said softly. Tia nodded her head in agreement and took another sip of her drink.
"Well, what are you reading?" Via asked.
"Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech," Tia replied.
"Pfft... that's an easy book to read!" Keely said. "I read that book in fifth grade. I loved it. I finished it in like three or four days."
"Well then, you're a fast reader, unlike me," Tia said.
"Actually, no I'm not. It was just so good that I couldn't put it down," Keely said.
"Oh... well, I haven't exactly started it yet..." she drug out.
"Well you need to if you expect to have it finished by the 24th," Via pointed out.
"No, really?" Tia asked sarcastically. Via shot her a glare. "I just don't understand why we have to do this crap. We alrady know all of it, why learn it again? It's so retarted."
"Well so are you, but we're not complaining," Via said with a grin. Keely and Phil laughed out loud.
"Oh, good one," Tia said sarcastically, ramming Via in the side. She yelped out in pain.
"Oh good, there's our food," Keely pointed out.
"Good, I'm starving," Via said as the food was put down on the table.
"Okay, who had the fish and chips?" the waitress asked.
"That's me," Tia said. The waitress, who happened to be their age, gave her her plate and then passed out the rest of the food, asking who's was who's.
When she got to Phil's, she said, batting her eyelashes and tossing her long blonde hair, "That's really good, you made a great choice," and stole one of his fries and slowly put it in her mouth and walked away. Keely looked after her, glaring like she was about to shoot her.
"Phil, I think the waitress thinks your hot," Tia said.
"She BETTER not," Keely said, turning around and putting a napkin on her lap and picking up one of her fries.
"Down, Keely!" Tia said, grabbing her shoulder.
"That's cuz I am," Phil said with his mischevious grin. Keely looked up at him, smiled, and popped another fry in her mouth.
"Pfft... yeah. Sure," Tia said.
"Hey, he is, okay? Finally one thing he makes sense on," Keely said. Phil shot her a playful glare.
"Do you mind? I'm eating!" Tia said. Via laughed out loud again and Keely and Phil rolled their eyes.
After about thirty minutes, everyone was done and unbuttoning their pants a little.
"Man, I'm stuffed," Keely said, poking her stomach. "Whoa, I'm huge!"
Via, whom had gained a little bit of weight over the past year, said, "Keely, you are NOT fat. If you're fat, then that makes me a whale."
Tia and Phil laughed and Keely shrugged. "You're not fat, though!"
"Yes I am, somewhat, but I'm not concerned about it. Just do me a favor and don't turn into one of those stupid a-hole celebrities that are anorexic drunk freaks, okay?" Via asked, patting her shoulder.
"Oh, I'll never do that!" Keely exclaimed.
"That's what they all say..." Via said, somewhat sarcastically and somewhat seriously. Keely didn't say anything.
"Okay, well let's go," Keely said, grabbing her purse and standing up. Everyone else grabbed their belongings and walked out.
"Well... now what?" Tia asked.
"Let's go see a movie or something," Keely said.
"Keely, I only have so much money, here," Via said.
"Yeah, same here! We're not all made of money like you," Phil said.
Tia raised her hand and said, "Ooh! I am!"
Phil and Via looked at her and both said, in unison, "Not helping, Tia."
"Sheesh... sorry." Keely laughed.
End of Chapter 9
Okay, I thought that this chapter was pretty funny, if I do say so myself. Please review, and tell me your fave part if you would!