a/n: another chapter again. Boy, it took me a every long time to finish this chapter. Anyway, without further ado, I give you the fourth chapter of SNAKE EYES!

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
I never face retreat,
they don't see the enemies
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Chapter Four: The Great War

Vanity of all vanities, all is vanity.

I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that proved to be meaningless. "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly- my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired. I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work and this was the reward of my labor.

I undertook great projects. I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves in my house. I also owned herds and flocks than anyone in the Fire country before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself and the treasure of kings and countries. I acquired men and women shinobis, and a harem as well- the delights of the heart of men. I became greater by far than anyone in this world before me. In all, this wisdom stayed with me.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands have done and what I toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.

To think that I had wisdom when I am just a mere fool who let his emotion get the better of him. To think myself worthy to be Hokage when I am just a ninja who is living a lie. To think myself of value to the one I love when I let her suffer the pain I caused. What is wrong with me? Could I not do anything that will please the world? Did I have at least do one thing that made me acceptable to their eyes?

All I wanted is to be accepted as who I am. But no matter how hard I try, they always find a fault in me. And when I was doing well, they just have to trip me and push me to the dirty soil. But, over the years I have accepted that; the deaths, calamities and misfortunes I have caused. I have acknowledged it.

I hear whispers again at the back of my head. Is this my conscience? Or is this the voice of someone from my past. "You have done a lot of things," it murmured, "Much more than you knew you did. Do you not remember?"

Surely, a lot of people looked up to me, according to Jiraiya. But, I never did see them as people who appreciated me. You can admire someone's talent, for example. But you don't appreciate his totally. Do you get me? As far as I am concerned, the only thing I did well was during the Great War. I was the one of the major keys in that bloody war. I never will deny that fact. True, it brought about a lot of disputes and deaths. I am proud to be one of the major players of that war, along with Jiraiya and Tsunade, of course.

What I really could forget about that era was the first person I killed, not really the first but the one I never showed mercy. I remember his face clearly. He was a short man with dark caramel hair. His eyes were hazel, I recall, like my father's. He was a chounin from the Hidden Stone Village. I remember that day. It was a rainy dusk on an autumn's day. It was in a meadow, a war torn meadow. The sky itself looked like a pool of blood. I killed about a hundred people that day, but it didn't feel good to me.

I was scouting the battlefield looking for half-dead bodies hoping to rescue them. I was alone. Hakucho was preparing for the next battle so she was not with me. I was standing in a graveyard of Stone and Leaf nins. I wasn't afraid of their coming back to life, (heck, I didn't believe in it) nor was I afraid of stone shinobis being alive. As I have been ordered, I was to take them and they would become prisoners.

I was five hundred meters from the team, I didn't care. And as I looked at the corpse of the ninjas one by one, I found one alive and he wasn't aware of his situation. He was a persistent one, I recall. His eyes, hair, and attitude, I felt, reminded me of someone from my bitter past. Even up to now, I still remember this man I killed. I sometimes see him in my dreams. That scenario plays again and again. Even though I do not want this flashback, that scene is a vital and memorable part of my life.

I know I cannot neglect that moment. That is why I will play it again in my mind like an old movie that was brought to life.

He was already standing when I noticed his presence but I knew that was moving behind me. He threw a kunai straight at me. I was able to dodge it with ease. Two more kunais went flying from my back. After I evaded it, I was hoping make him immobile and knock him unconscious.

"Kanashibari no Jutsu! Body Freezing Skill! " This skill causes an opponent to loose their sense of movement. I was aiming to stop the opponent and create an opening for more powerful jutsu to be performed. I was banking on that and it work. The ninja froze, looking straight in my eyes with no trace of fear. The look, I have to say, resembled the man I feared as a child, the man that killed my mother, a man called my father…

I lost control of my actions. My emotions once again got the better of me. I killed him, not with a simple technique that quickly ended his life but a slow painful suffering with cries of pain. I grabbed a kunai from my pouch and brought myself a few meters from the man. I dug my kunai first through his abdomen. He did not scream, yell or show any signs of pain, just blood dripping from his mouth. I turn the kunai and made it go deeper. He coughed blood, nevertheless showed bravery in his eyes.

Somehow deep inside me, I did not want him to die…yet. I wanted him to suffer more. I wanted him to feel more pain. I reached from two shurikens from my pouch and backed of a few meters from the battered man. I aimed at his chest. I threw my weapons at him. The jutsu was already losing its effect so the stone nin was able to evade one of them. I became a bit irritated and amused. I never realized that it was so much fun to see and man suffer and how looked when his eyes feel like begging for mercy. Believe or not, this was the time I was very engrossed in killing…so engrossed that I forgot that he was only human. I was eager to make suffer, only because he resembled the man that brought about my childhood trauma.

Blood dripped everywhere. The grass sipped the blood of this man. I was beginning to smell the district odor of blood. Finally, after a minute of evading my punches, kicks, and weapons, his body gave up and he lied helplessly on the ground. I stood above him with eyes colder than ice. I put one of my feet on his wounded abdomen. I stepped on it harder. He coughed more blood. I grabbed again a kunai from my pouch. I led the blade of that kunai to the man's throat. And without hesitation, I cut of the man's throat and heard his pain. And for the first time, I smiled a smile I always put on every now and then. It was a smile, I would say that smile that showed satisfaction, but it was the smile Hakucho never got to see…

That man died before other Konoha ninjas arrived. Yes, that man died without me knowing his name and with out me thinking about his family. How would his children or his wife feel if they find out that their father or husband is dead? They would definitely scorn the person who did that. They might grow up and hunt down the man who killed their father…

Up to this day, that moment in my life still haunts me. Sometimes as I walk down the corridors of my headquarters, I was afraid to look around because I might see that man standing a few meters from me drenched in blood. But I was always thankful that every time I looked at my back, I do not see him. Nevertheless, some days during dusk when the sky was as red as blood as fateful day, I would still hear his finally cry before I cut his throat with my kunai. It still gives me the chills…

I was sent on many missions during the Great War. Most I do not remember at all. But probably, one of which I remembered most, aside from my first kill, was when Anko and I was visiting nearby villages of Konoha in the hope to retrieve more troops.

Anko, I would say, is a very bright student. Though she was still naïve during those times, she was already a ninja with a lot of potential. She was the only student I taught and I bestowed upon her with my techniques. She was a light-hearted woman with fire in her. But, I knew she was not like me.

She accompanied me in most of my missions. And one of these missions was the mission that led me back to my home village. I ordered her to survey the pier while I look around the small huts. She was eager to do it, as I expected. My motive was to visit my humble little home where I use to live. I wondered. Would my home still look like how I left it? Would my father be there? If so, will he recognize me?

I slowly took my steps to that old house made of teak. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. No one answered. I knocked again. None. Then, an old man came.

"What do you want?" he asked. "Nobody lives there anymore."

"What do you mean?" I answered the old man with another question. "What happened to the brown-haired fisherman that lives here?"

"He died half a year ago."

"I beg your pardon." It was all I could say.

"You are a ninja, right? Let us sit down for a while."

I obeyed what the old man said and listened to his story.

"He was once a rich fisherman." He began. "But he wasted his money on wine and gambling after he got married."

"Why?"

"His wife, they got married because the girl's parents wanted to. No, it is not an arrange marriage. She became pregnant with his son. And as an old saying goes, a dog cannot bite the bone without getting saliva on it."

"What became of their family?"

"The man hated his family. Nevertheless, he provided them with adequate food. Sadly, he killed his wife one day when he was drinking. I do not know why though. The man grew more addicted to wine and gambling. Soon, his want could not be supplied by his income. He began to turn to dynamite fishing. And recently, just a few months ago, a stick of dynamite exploded on his hands. All that was left of him was an exploded body washed away to the shore."

"What became of his son?"

"Nobody really knows. Some say he died with his mother. Others say he ran away. But, I think he was taken away from this wretched place."

"What makes you say that?" I pretended not to know what happened to that boy.

"Years ago some ninja came here and they adopted a lot of children. Of course, that is just my speculation."

"Thank you very much for your time, sir." I bowed and left.

Of course, I didn't bother to listen to the story. I immediately stood up and decided to visit the tomb of my father. I figured that it would right to give my respects to the man. I did not care what he did to me. In truth is, I wanted to thank him for bringing me into this world because if I was not born I would not have met Hakucho. I went to the hill where the old man told me where my father's body rested.

When I arrived there, I saw a people. One was a male who was old (but not really old. I would say around his fifties). He had brown hair and eyes similar to my father's. And beside him was a woman about his age with curly brown hair. I approached them.

"What is your relationship with the man?" I asked pretending to do my business as a ninja.

"He is my brother."

I smiled and told them condolence. I walked away immediately knowing that he might ask my some questions. I left that village and never came back; not with a heavy heart but a contented heart for I knew who I really was. Everything that happened during my childhood made sense; my mother's sadness, my father's hatred for me, and the sin that couple made. Even though I never returned to that and never will, I will always give that village a special place in my heart. And though it only craved sadness in my heart, it will always remain a precious to my memories, the little village not far from Konoha.

I fought a lot of battles afterwards. Some I lost. Most I won. Many names were written in the book of great warriors, but a lot have been craved in mossy gray tombstones. And these names, a few are remembered and most are forgotten. Me? After all the works I have done, after all the blood shed I caused, will I be remembered? Or will I be forgotten along with the many causalities of the wars?

I don't know.

But, it is not important to win every battle because some battles are petty and not worth fighting for. Some battles are meant to be lost to win something. Remember, it is not important to win the battle, what is important is to win the war.

a/n: hehehe…that was the fourth chapter…I hope you guys enjoyed it! By the way, thanks for the review I really appreciated it. Please do review. It inspires me to write when people review my fan fiction. I don't care if it is a criticism. I want to improve my fic. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys that the meaning of Orochimaru's lover, Hakucho means swan. Well, that's all for this chapter. 'til next time, bye!