Waning Gibbous Moon
Remus's presence was a greater comfort to Tonks than he could ever know. Instead of lying around the house and grieving herself into a well of depression as she had been doing, Tonks found herself with a sense of purpose. She'd managed to buy some groceries and use the crock-pot to make a real meal.
She wasn't too bad at cooking. A crock-pot was easy to use and the microwave wasn't bad either (as long as she remembered not to put metal into it). She was horrible with the stove. She always knocked things over, and she always ended up burning herself when using the oven.
She found cooking to be strangely therapeutic, and she never would've gotten the urge to cook if she hadn't wanted to provide Remus with something to eat other than cold pizza. She was also doing herself a favor since she was able to eat something healthy for once.
Clearly, simply by being in the house, Remus was having a positive affect on her. However, with each day that passed, Remus was getting better.
He was going to leave her again.
All too soon, Remus was able to get around the house without the aid of the cane and while hiding his limp, signaling the end of his stay. Tonks didn't want him to go and she tried to tell him so several times. Yet, each time her nerve failed.
She tried to stall him instead by suggesting that he try walking up and down the stairs just to make sure he really was ready to leave. She was sorely disappointed when he tackled the task with ease. However, Remus had never been upstairs until then so she decided to give him a tour to buy herself some time.
"I want to show you something." She led him into a room at the very end of the hall. "This has been my room since I was little."
Remus's eyes did a slow sweep around. It was said that you could learn a lot about someone by their room, but the room didn't show him anything he didn't already know.
"My parents used this as a guestroom after I moved out." Tonks told him. "But they left everything as it had been in case I would change my mind and come back."
She started rummaging through the closet. "After a while, I guess they started using this for storage as well. I found several of their old things in here."
She pulled out an ocean blue dress that was simple but elegant in its own way. "This was mum's, though I never saw her wear it. She told me I could have it when I moved out. But when I hit 'the terrible teens,' as dad liked to call it, my relationship with mum wasn't so great. I left the day I turned seventeen and went to live with a friend."
She shook her head. "I didn't speak to my parents for a few years, not until I realized how stupid I'd been. I came back here for three weeks to set things straight. That first day all I got from them was a big hug from dad and a stiff 'I'm glad you're back' from mum."
"I sure she was glad to see you." Remus assured her. "It just must have been hard after-"
She cut him off. "I realize that," she nodded. "Now."
She put the dress back in the closet. "What about you, Remus? Did you ever do something stupid like that?"
He shook his head. "Mum died the year I started school, and dad went a year or so after I'd finished."
Tonks was stunned. "I'm sorry."
Remus shrugged as though it didn't really matter. "It was a long time ago."
She wondered what the bloody hell time had to do with anything.
"What's that?" Remus asked curiously, gesturing toward something he hadn't seen earlier.
There was a small round table on the far side of the room. On it sat small porcelain statues of -
Tonks felt the heat rise to her face. "Wolves were my favorite animal . . . when I was little," she added. She knew how that sounded and hoped he didn't look at it that way. "I left them here when I moved out. I guess mum didn't want to put them away."
Having no further desire to show off her room, she took his arm and quickly steered him down the hall. There really wasn't anything else to show. There was a bathroom, her parents' room, and another bedroom that had been a guestroom when Tonks had lived with her parents but was now used for storage.
The room was stuffed with boxes from ceiling to floor, wall to wall. She'd have to go through it all at some point, but she was saving it for a time when she would feel more up to it. Right now, she had no desire to go through her parents' things.
Remus's curiosity got the better of him. He stopped at her parents' former bedroom and stepped inside. It was tidy, but in a way that implied the room was no longer in use. It was completely void of any personality.
"I never got to met your parents," he said.
Tonks wasn't sure if he would've liked them or not. They were good people, but their opinion of Remus hadn't exactly been a positive one. She'd told them about him, and even though she had never said anything negative that she could remember, they'd somehow come out with a bad impression.
Her mother hadn't approved of the thought that her daughter had fallen head over heels for a man that was "so much older" than her. When Tonks had gone to her parents for support after she and Remus had parted ways her father had accused Remus of "stringing her along."
She hadn't told them about his "furry little problem," and maybe she should have. Maybe it would've made things easier. Maybe their opinions would've been different. But she hadn't told them. And it was too late now.
Remus turned when Tonks didn't reply and was surprised to see her standing almost fearfully at the doorway. "Are you alright?"
"I-I can't go in there," she said quietly.
"It happened here, didn't it?" he asked, gesturing around the room. "They died here?"
Tonks nodded. "It's just . . . It's all a bit much." She shook her head. "I see things. The room starts spinning. Everything becomes claustrophobic. I can't breathe . . . "
Remus got a chill. Suddenly, he didn't feel so comfortable. He'd been unnerved to hear that Tonks was living in the house her own parents had been murdered in, but he was standing in the actual room where it had happened!
"I tell myself it's all in my head." Tonks continued.
"Well," he told her slowly. "I feel fine so . . . I guess it must be."
Despite what he'd said, he wanted out of the room as soon as possible. He exited quickly, closed the door behind him, and he and Tonks ventured downstairs.
Tonks didn't know what to do. Remus looked like he was eager to leave and she was out of ideas. She wanted him to stay, needed him to stay. It was now or never.
"Remus," she tried. Why was it so hard to ask this? "I was hoping maybe . . . you wouldn't have to go back to your apartment just yet."
He stared at her. "You want me to stay?"
She nodded. And then suddenly she was off, speaking in a mad rush to say everything she'd been holding back. "I think I've been going about this grieving thing all wrong. Before you came here I just sat around the house and felt sorry for myself. I had these thoughts . . . terrible, horrible thoughts."
She was pacing now. "I was so depressed. I put on a fake smile for anyone who came by. I just felt so lost and trapped and . . ." She shook her head. "But now . . . I can't explain it. I feel like I'm getting better. Things are just easier now. I'm finally seeing a bright side. I feel like I have a reason to go on.
"But I didn't feel that way until you arrived. I'm afraid that if you leave, everything will go back the way it was. I can't go back, Remus, I can't. Please, I need your help."
Remus didn't know what to say. He knew how she was feeling, what she was going through. But . . .
After Dumbledore's death, he and Tonks had sat down and had a long talk. All she'd wanted was a chance. Just one chance to let them become more than friends.
He'd given them that chance because a part of him had wanted to try too. But the more time he'd spent with Tonks, the more he'd realized it could never be. He'd had to end it. He'd hurt her, it had nearly killed him to do it, but he'd had to.
And then her parents had been murdered barely a week later.
She hadn't mentioned anything about their "break up" when she'd shown up drunk at his door, and she hadn't said anything about it since he'd shown up at hers. But he wondered if maybe her wish for him to stay had more to do with what she wanted to happen between the two of them and less to do with what had happened with her parents.
"You said," Tonks reminded him, noticing his hesitancy. "That if I ever needed anything . . ."
Yes, he had said that. He was worried about her. He cared about her. He sympathized with her. He wanted to help her, but . . .
She seemed to be getting on well. It didn't make any sense to him why it had to be him. If this wasn't about the two of them, why did he have to stay? Why couldn't someone else help her?
"What if Molly-?" Remus suggested.
Tonks slapped a hand to her face. "Oh, god. No, not Molly."
"Then maybe Kingsley." Remus suggested. "Or-"
"No, Remus." Tonks knew she was losing him. How could she explain it? "I don't know what it is. It's just . . . having you around . . . makes me feel . . . better." Oh, that sounded so lame! But it was the truth.
Remus shook his head. "I'm sorry, Tonks."
He turned away from her, heading for the phone in the kitchen.
"You said I needed protection!" Tonks shouted after him, grabbing at anything to keep him with her.
He spun around. "Not me. You don't need me here. Yes, you need protection. Go into hiding. Or have the Fidelius Charm performed. Or stay at Headquarters. Or if you don't want to leave, at least get some aurors in here. But you don't need me."
She didn't understand. She thought for sure that he'd want to help her. Why was he . . ?
"You think this has to do with us . . . with what I feel for you?" she asked. But he was already walking away. "That's it, isn't it?" she shouted after him. "You think I want you here because I'm a . . . a stalker or something!"
Remus cringed as he picked up the phone. He knew that sounded crazy. She would never stalk him . . . but it didn't make sense why she was convinced he was the only one who could help her through this.
He dialed the number.
There was a soft click on the other end of the line. "Hello?"
"Marcus, it's Remus."
Tonks couldn't believe it. Remus actually thought she asked him to stay because . . . Well, maybe he was right. Maybe her feelings for him were the reason why she felt so much better when he was around. But so what? That didn't change that fact that she felt better.
She wanted help. She'd finally admitted it and he'd turned her away.
Fine. If he didn't want to help, that was fine. She didn't care. She didn't need him. And she was going to prove it.
She opened the door to her parents' room and stood on the threshold. Remus was the only one who could help her. She knew it. But if he didn't want to help, she didn't need him. This was her test and she was going to make sure she passed it. She wasn't going back to the way she'd been before. She was through being depressed. She took a deep breath and stepped inside.
But she found out that her imagination was her own worst enemy.
Remus told Marcus that he was leaving and that he'd be over in a little bit. When he walked back out into the living room, Tonks was no where to be found.
She's probably raving mad at me, he thought.
But he believed he knew what he was doing. This was the right thing to do. Wasn't it? They couldn't be together. No matter how bad she wanted them to be, she had to understand that it couldn't happen. It may be a little harsh but she'd realize that he'd been right in the end.
He sat on the couch and watched the minutes tick by on the clock. He planned on apparating to the apartment building, but he wanted to create the illusion that he had taken a bus or a train to get there for Marcus's benefit.
Once time was up, he went looking for Tonks. He didn't think it would be right for him to leave without saying goodbye. As soon as he reached the top of the stairs, he found her . . .
Splayed face down on the floor of her parents' bedroom.
"Nymphadora!"
He ran to her and turned her over. She was still breathing. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath, but now he let it out in a great sigh of relief. He had to get her out of here.
He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom where he lay her on the bed. God, had he been stupid. She'd told him, hadn't she? She'd felt alone and depressed. Scared, too probably. Heck, she'd gone into a room and had passed out from the emotional strain of her parents' passing. She'd told him that she needed help . . . and he'd turned his head. What kind of friend was he?
It hadn't been about their relationship. Maybe he was the one still stuck on the two of them to think that was the only reason she would want him to stay. Her parents had died. Why on Earth would she be thinking about him during a time like this?
God, Remus, you're a prat. He gave Tonks a gentle shake. "Nymphadora, wake up."
Her eyes opened. She looked up at him, probably wondering how she'd gotten in her room.
"Are you alright?"
She'd scared him, she could see it in his eyes and feel it in the way he kept a grip on her shoulder. She realized that he must have found her in her parents' room and then had brought her here. "Believe me now, do you?" she asked, somewhat bitterly.
"I'm sorry," he told her sincerely. "I had thought. . . What were you doing in there if you knew it bothered you so much?"
"I thought that if you wouldn't help me," she said. "Then I'd have to get through this on my own. I wanted to test myself. Images kept coming at me and I thought if I just waited a little longer, I could throw them off." She shook her head. "I guess not."
"I'm sorry," he said again. "I had thought that you were just . . . Well, it's no excuse, but, in my defense, it's not like you haven't done desperate things before to get my attention."
She sat up. Remus put a hand on her shoulder to get her to lay back down but she pushed his arm away. "In my defense, that was Sirius's idea. I didn't want to do it but him and Molly ganged up on me."
Remus nodded. Of course. "I should've known Sirius had something to do with it."
"But you should know me better than that, Remus." She looked into his eyes. "I would never use something like this to get your pity so you'd stay with me. I hate pity."
He knew that. He hated pity as well. It was something they had in common. That fact alone should have made him realize before that she'd been honest in her request for help.
He hadn't been able to believe Lily and James were gone when he'd been told the story. Only when he saw their house in ruins did it all sink in. He'd fallen to his knees trying to fight off the wave nausea that had over swept him. No one had been there for him during the road to recovery because he'd lost everyone that he normally would've turned to for comfort. All four of his closest friends had been taken from him in a single night.
But Tonks had someone to turn to. How could he turn her down and deny her what he had been deprived of? This wasn't about the two of them. This was about the pain of losing a loved one and the desire to have someone to help with getting through it. He should have realized that earlier.
"Nymphadora," he said. "If you still want me too . . . I'll stay as long as you need."
He didn't find any reaction on her face, but he could tell by her eyes that the wheels were turning in the back of her mind.
"I have one condition," she said plainly.
"What's that?" he asked almost fearfully.
She smiled. "Don't call me 'Nymphadora.'"
He smiled back. "I can't guarantee anything."
"Well, alright then. Fine. Call me by that dreadful name all you want. I've got another one. Just so you won't have any more doubts." She held up her right hand. "I promise not to bring up my feelings for you in any way or have them be the cause of any action while you're here. Does that make you more comfortable?"
He had to admit that it did.
"But," she added. "You're fair game once you leave."
He smiled half-heartedly. "I'm never going to be rid of you, am I?"
She shook her head. "Not in your lifetime."
Remus tried calling Marcus back to let him know that there was a change of plans, but the phone just rang and rang. Remus checked the clock. Marcus usually stayed up till late in the evening. However, it wasn't like Marcus had never gone to bed at this hour. And once he was asleep, a train could run through the building and he wouldn't wake up.
Remus called two more times just to be sure. Then he left a message on the answering machine and hung up.
Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter were sitting in the shade of a beech tree. James was playing with a golden snitch while Peter watched in awe.
There was a flash, and Peter was kneeling in front of Voldemort.
"It has happened my lord. I am the Potters' secret keeper."
Another flash, and Remus and Peter were not quite such innocent bystanders as Sirius and James tormented Severus Snape.
"You-wait." Snape panted. "You-wait."
Flash.
Snape had his wand pointed directly at Dumbledore.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Flash.
"Wait for what?" asked Sirius. "What are you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"
Flash.
Sirius was falling through the veil. But time suddenly slowed, then stopped. Sirius, suspended in an arc, turned his head toward Remus. He looked at Tonks, laying unconscious on one of the stone steps. He then looked back at Remus and winked.
Time returned to its normal speed, and Sirius vanished through the dark curtain.
Flash.
"Leave him alone!" shouted Lily.
"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James.
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."
Flash.
"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"
Lily stumbled from the room. She could hear high-pitched laughter as she ran upstairs to the nursery.
"Not Harry! Not Harry! Please - I'll do anything-!"
"Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!"
Lily screamed as Voldemort raised his wand.
Remus awoke with a gasp as Lily's scream echoed in his ears. Only when he heard a second cry did he realize it might not have an echo he had heard the first time. He leapt from the sofa. When he reached the stairs he heard the scream again.
He scaled the steps as quickly as his leg would allow. Tonks's screams pierced the night air. He'd never heard anyone scream like that before. Each cry sent a chill down his spine so cold he wished she'd stop, but as long as he could hear her he knew that at least she was alive.
At last he flung open the bedroom door. His wand raised, he flipped the light switch. Tonks was sitting up in bed, her eyes fixated on the corner of the room. She continued to scream, oblivious to everything but what her wide eyes saw.
But there was nothing there. The room was empty.
Remus scrambled onto the bed and pulled Tonks to him. Only then did she stop screaming, her cries turning into sobs.
Remus let out a sigh of relief. She'd only been dreaming. The whole time he'd thought . . .
"You're going to give me a heart attack before I'm forty."
That got a laugh out of her.
He rubbed her back. "What were you dreaming about?"
She shook her head. "He was here." She pulled away from him. "Right there in the corner. I didn't see him at first-"
"Who?" asked Remus. "Who did you see?"
"Snape."
Remus blinked. "W-what?"
"He just came out of the shadows . . . scared me half to death."
"You weren't dreaming?" asked Remus horrorstricken and looking around the room. He was suddenly very, very uncomfortable. He felt like someone was watching them. "He was here? Severus Snape was actually here?"
"He must have heard you coming." Tonks told him. "He just vanished - what are you doing?"
Remus was peering into her closet, his wand raised as he searched.
"You don't think he's still here?" she asked, alarmed.
Remus grabbed her hand. "Come on."
He didn't think Severus would really stick around if he had in fact been here (the idea was mind boggling), but he still had the feeling that someone was watching them. If it meant searching the house from top to bottom until he felt safer, so be it.
Remus went from room to room switching on every light and keeping Tonks close by.
"No, Remus, don't go in there."
Tonks pulled on his arm when he reached her parents' room.
"I'll only be a minute."
"Remus, don't. Please."
He pulled lose from her grip and stepped across the threshold. He flipped the light switch and then, even though he knew it was absurd, checked under the bed to be sure.
"Remus, come on." Tonks begged. "There's no one in here." She was terrified standing out in the hallway. She had the feeling that anything could appear from the shadows and grab her. But she was scared more so for Remus. Why, she wasn't sure.
He ignored her, walking to the door to the master bathroom and going inside.
She couldn't see him anymore. Her heart was pounding in her chest. "Remus?"
Unconsciously, she took a step inside. She didn't want to be out there alone and she wasn't keen on the idea of Remus being by himself either, though she was sure he was more than capable of taking care of himself. It just made her uncomfortable that she could no longer see him. The room seemed to twist, but she willed herself to focus only on the bathroom door where Remus had vanished. The floor underneath her feet seemed to move like a fun house, but she kept her eyes fixed straight ahead. Everything started to close in around her. The room pitched and spun dangerously. She fell to all fours but kept crawling.
"Remus."
Images pelted her. The hooded figure was gone. In its place stood Snape, towering over her parents. The spell's incantation rang in her ears and green light obstructed her vision. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move.
The next thing she knew, a strong arm suddenly wrapped itself around her and swiftly pulled her from the room.
"Nymphadora. Nymphadora, look at me. Come on."
Tonks found her vision clearing. "Remus?"
"Are you alright? What on earth possessed you to-? You should stay out of there. Stop scaring me like that."
"I-I was worried you-"
"Don't worry about me, take care of yourself. Are you sure you're all right? Can you stand?"
"I-I think so."
Remus pulled her to her feet. Then he raised his wand. A great silver creature erupted from it. Someone from the Order was bound to get the message.
Ten minutes after all the lights in the house had been turned on, and every room had been searched to Remus's satisfaction, nearly everyone from the Order had arrived.
It seemed as though Remus and Tonks had told the story to each and every single person before the end of the night. And everyone appeared insistent on doing their own search.
"Well," Kingsley told Remus two or three hours later. "If Snape was here earlier, he's gone now."
Remus turned, searching for Tonks. She was talking with Mrs. Weasley. "I'm not sure he was ever really here."
"You think she dreamt it all?"
Remus ran a hand through his hair. He was tired and emotionally spent. "I don't know, Kingsley. She's been depressed and stressed. She passed out earlier today . . . or was it yesterday by now? Maybe I'm just tired but it's hard to fathom. I mean, if Severus really was here and was going to . . . kill her . . . why not just do it and get it over with? Why hide in the shadows?"
Kingsley shrugged. "Maybe he wanted to freak her out."
"I mean, what would he want with her anyway?"
"Why would any of the Death Eaters be after her?" asked Kingsley, going back to the question they'd heard time and time again.
Remus nodded. "I suppose you're right." There was no proof that the Death Eaters were after her, yet they were all sure that they were. Remus shook his head. "It's too late to think clearly."
Kingsley raised his eyebrows pointedly. Remus turned to find Tonks coming toward him. He put a comforting arm around her. "Are you okay?"
She nodded silently.
"We've got this place charmed." Kingsley told her. "No one can apparate or disapparate on your property."
"Thanks," she said shortly. Her eyes were unfocused. She looked like she wasn't with them at all. Both Kingsley and Remus stared at her.
"I'm sorry," she said, putting her face in her hands. "I'm just really tired."
"I think we all are." Kingsley said.
Tonks simply yawned, unable to reply.
Once everyone had left, Remus and Tonks began turning off all the lights.
"Are you going to be alright?" Remus asked once they'd reached her room.
She assured him that she would be, but once she was in her bed she didn't feel as safe as she had earlier. "Remus?"
"Hmm?" He turned in the doorway.
"Do you think . . . just for tonight . . . if you wouldn't mind . . . maybe you could . . ."
She didn't seem to be able to finish her sentence, but he knew what she was asking and he wasn't too keen on the idea.
You've made that mistake once already, he told himself. This wasn't about the two of them. She was scared and had every right to be. She didn't want to be alone and when it came down to it, he didn't want to leave her alone. It was the perfect solution to their dilemma. There was no reason for him to shy away from it.
Besides, she'd made a promise.
"Alright," he said a little reluctantly. He closed the door, turned off the light, and Tonks felt rather than saw him get into bed next to her.
There was about an arm's length between them, and even though his presence was a comfort, she needed more than that tonight. She knew he must be uncomfortable at least a little, but she moved closer to him.
Remus could do nothing but stay completely still as Tonks closed the gap between them. In no time at all, she'd moved back so far that they were touching and he could feel the warmth from her body. Although she might feel more comfortable, this was doing the exact opposite for him.
His arm was caught between them and he pulled it free as gently as he could so as not to disturb her. She was turned away from him, but in their current position the only comfortable place to put his arm was where she lay. He placed his hand hesitantly on her shoulder. She grabbed him by the wrist and pulled until his arm was wrapped securely around her and she was snuggled closely against his chest.
Remus stared, perplexed. How had this happened?
"Goodnight." Tonks said.
Remus knew he was stuck. There was no getting out of this now.
"Goodnight," he said.
Remus awoke with his arm around thin air. He rolled over, glanced at the clock and jumped. Eleven thirty? That couldn't be right. He grabbed the clock and shook it, but the time didn't change. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd slept in that late. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so peacefully either . . .
Tonks was nowhere to be found when Remus ventured downstairs. She wasn't in the kitchen or the living room.
"Nymphadora?" He called for her up and down the house but she didn't appear to be in it.
He looked for a note, but there didn't seem to be one. Remus stopped in his tracks and thought for a moment. She was safe, he was almost certain of it. If anything had happened to her, she'd be dead and he'd know about it. Where the bloody hell had she gone?
Remus stepped to the fireplace. He grabbed a handful of floo power and threw it on the logs. "The Burrow." Emerald flames leapt into the air. Remus got down on his hands and knees and put his head through.
"Molly?"
A pair of legs came from around a table. Molly's face came into view a moment later as she knelt down. "Remus, what are you-?"
"Do you have any idea where Tonks might have gone?"
"Sorry? Isn't she with you?"
"Well, she should be, but she's not here."
"She's gone?" Molly got a fearful look on her face. "You don't think-?"
Remus cut her off. "You were talking with her last night. Did she say anything that might have-?"
"No," said Mrs. Weasley, thinking hard. She thought for a long moment. "I don't think so. I-" She clapped a hand to her mouth. "Oh, Remus, I know where she is! She's at the Ministry!"
"Oh, hi, Arthur," said Kingsley, turning in his chair. "What I can-?"
"Have you seen Tonks?"
"What? How could I have-?"
"Molly said she's here."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but how would Molly know if she was here or not."
Mr. Weasley sighed. "I just received an urgent owl from Molly. Tonks isn't at her house. Remus was looking for her and he contacted Molly. Apparently, Tonks said something to her last night, I haven't got a clue what, but she's certain Tonks is here."
Kingsley raised his hands. The whole thing sounded crazy. Tonks was on leave; she shouldn't be here. He didn't understand why she would be. "I've been here all day and I haven't seen her. She hasn't been to her desk, I know that for sure. I don't know where else she would've gone-" Kingsley stopped, the pieces coming together. He rose from his chair.
"Where are you-?" asked Mr. Weasley.
"I know where she is. Tell Molly and Remus not to worry. I'll get her."
Tonks looked through the jacket of files in her hand. Wrong one. She put it back on the shelf. She walked further down the row and pulled out another jacket. The contents had looked promising at first, but in the end it wasn't what she was looking for. She pointed her wand at the top shelf.
"Accio!" Another jacket came flying into her arms. She looked through it. Yes, this was the one.
She returned to the corner of the room that she'd set up as her own private workstation. She didn't want anyone to know she was here: They'd surely send her home.
"Doing your own personal investigation?"
Tonks jumped. Kingsley was coming toward her. Damn.
"I can't just sit at home," she said. "I want to do something."
"You're not supposed to be here," he told her, picking up a jacket from the floor. "Go home. We'll handle this."
"Oh, yeah, sure." She seized the jacket from his hands. "You'll handle it. Everyone told me I was in danger. Everyone said someone was after me. But as soon as I say Severus Snape showed up in my bedroom-" Tonks shivered. "No one believes me. Nobody did!" Tonks shouted as Kingsley opened his mouth to protest. "Don't think I didn't hear what everyone was whispering behind my back. I dreamt it - bullocks! If Remus hadn't been there to back me up, I don't think anyone would have-"
"Remus isn't sure Snape was there either-" Kingsley froze and cursed himself.
Tonks looked hurt. "He - he doesn't believe-"
"I - what I meant was - I didn't mean . . ." He cursed again. He realized way too late that he'd said the wrong thing. Try as he might to take it back, there was nothing he could do. "It was late. We were all tired. No one really thinks that Severus wasn't-"
"He doesn't believe me," said Tonks, not listening. "He really doesn't believe me."
"Tonks, I-" He reached out a hand.
But it was like he wasn't even there. She walked right passed him at a mad stomp to the door, muttering angrily under her breath.
Kingsley slapped a hand to his forehead. "Shit." And he had just landed Remus in a large pile of it. Tonks was not happy. Still, the bright side was that at least she going home. "Remus is going to kill me."
"Where have you been? I thought you were coming back?"
"I was." Remus explained to Marcus over the phone. "But some things came up and-"
"What kind of things?"
Remus paused. He was used to excluding Marcus from what was going on, but he wasn't sure if that was the best policy to follow in this situation.
Marcus took Remus's silence for bad news. "Is Tonks okay? What happened? Is she-?"
"She's fine." Remus interrupted.
"Then what happened? Why didn't you call to-?"
"I did call. You didn't answer the phone. I thought you were asleep."
"What time did you call?"
"A little after nine."
"Nine?" said Marcus. "Last night? I was up at least till midnight."
"Well, I called about four times. I even left a message."
"Did you? Oh, yeah . . . it's blinking."
"Yeah, blinking means there's a message, Marcus."
"Hey, you know I'm horrible about checking these things. Hold on."
Remus heard his own voice coming from the other end of the line. "Believe me now?"
"Yeah . . . that's weird though. Hmm. I must have had the TV up or something."
"Or something." Remus agreed.
"So . . . what were these things that came up?"
"Well . . ." Remus hesitated.
"Something did happen to Tonks!" Marcus shouted so loudly that Remus had to hold the phone at arm's length. "I knew it! What happened? Tell me, Remus! She's my friend too!"
"You only met her for ten minutes-!" Remus shouted so Marcus could hear him.
"Remus - tell me!"
Remus brought the phone back to his ear. He didn't know what else to say. "Whoever murdered Tonks's parents . . . came after her last night."
"What!" Remus pulled the phone away to stop his ear from exploding. "You said she was fine!"
"She is fine!" His head was starting to hurt from the yelling.
"After being attacked!"
"She wasn't hurt or anything!"
"I want to talk to her!"
"She not here right now!"
"Where is she?"
Remus tried to invent something but he couldn't. "I-I don't know!"
"You don't know! She was attacked last night and you don't know where she is!"
Remus stuttered. What was he supposed to say?
BANG!
Remus jumped, pulling the phone to him.
"What was that?" asked Marcus.
Remus peered around the wall. Tonks had stormed in through the door.
BANG!
"What's was that?"
Tonks had slammed the door shut.
"Marcus," Remus spoke into the receiver. "I'll call you back."
"What's going on-?"
Remus hung up the phone. He entered the living room and Tonks came straight at him.
"Get out!" she ordered, pointing to the door. "I want you out!" She had him backed up against the wall in no time.
Remus held up his hands. "I-"
"OUT!" she screamed. "JUST GET OUT! I never want to see you again!"
"Wh-what did I-?"
"If you think I'm delusional, than you can just LEAVE!"
Remus was flabbergasted. "When did I say-?"
"YOU TOLD KINGSLEY YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE-" Her voice broke. She hadn't been expecting it. "You didn't believe Snape was ever really here." She turned away from him. She couldn't cry. That wasn't the image she wanted to portray right now, but the tears came anyway. It hurt that he didn't believe her, but she fought them back.
Remus was stunned. "I did say that . . . didn't I?" But he hadn't meant it.
"If you don't believe me." Tonks said coolly. "Then I want you to leave."
"Nymphadora, it was late. I was tired. I-"
"I WAS NEARLY ATTACKED!" She whirled around to face him. "I don't have any proof, but I know he killed my parents! I know he came after me last night! I didn't dream it! He was here! He's been after me from the start! He killed them both because he was really after me! I'm the one in danger, and if you don't believe me - you can wipe that smile off you face this minute!"
Remus tried, but he couldn't.
Tonks slapped him.
"Ow!" He brought his hand to his face.
"What the bloody hell do you have to smile about?" She was still screaming at him.
Remus rubbed the spot where she'd hit him. It really hurt. "You've just admitted what everyone in the Order has been trying to get you to realize since your parents died."
Tonks blinked. She had, hadn't she? She opened her mouth to yell at him some more, but her anger had suddenly died off. She closed her mouth. Mad that she couldn't be mad at him anymore, she turned and sat down on the sofa.
Remus chuckled to himself. That look on her face had been priceless.
"Shut up, or I'll hit you again."
Neither of them spoke for a while.
Remus finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have said that to Kingsley - or anyone for that matter. I wasn't thinking clearly. And I guess at the time . . . it was easier to think it had just been a dream . . . instead of believing someone was actually trying . . . trying to hurt you."
Tonks didn't say anything.
Remus sighed. "And to think I told you to watch what you say." He shook his head. "I know Severus was here. I believe you completely. Last night was just a mistake. I'm sorry," he repeated. "But if you still want me to go-"
"No," she said shortly. "I don't."
Remus let out a sigh of relief. Despite his previous feelings, he wanted to be here. He wanted to watch over her and make sure she stayed stafe.
"Then you should call Marcus back," He suggested. He'd rather have her do it. He'd been yelled at enough today.
Tonks was nowhere to be found the next morning. Remus cursed to himself. He thought they'd fixed this. But then, she hadn't gone to the Ministry because she'd been angry with him, she'd come back because she'd been angry.
Remus crossed to the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder. This time he'd bring her back himself.
Remus stepped out of the fireplace and into the atrium of the Ministry of Magic. It was a beautiful hall but he wasn't here to sight see. He headed for the golden gates at the other end. He was so intent on his target that he didn't notice someone was calling his name.
A hand grabbed his shoulder. "Remus Lupin. What a surprise!"
Remus turned, finding the last person he'd wanted to run into. "Hello, Scrimgeour."
"Doing a little sight seeing, are we?"
"No, I-"
"You don't have a visitor's badge, I see."
"I didn't come through the visitor's entrance," said Remus, hiding his annoyance.
"Ah, well, no problem." Scrimgeour produced his wand and conjured a silver badge out of thin air.
He handed it to Remus who stared at it, unable to hide his shock.
Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Sight Seeing.
Remus swallowed. He took a slow, deep breath. You're just here to get Nymphadora, he reminded himself. Just get her and get out.
"New policy," explained Scrimgeour. "And you do have to wear it, I'm a afraid."
Remus pinned it to his chest. It didn't bother him so much that people knew what he was. He just hated being a walking billboard sign. Why couldn't he just shout, "I'm a werewolf!" at the top of his lungs and get it over with?
"Do you know you have an auror here who's supposed to be on leave?" Remus asked.
"Oh, you mean Tonks?" said Scrimgeour.
Remus had to stop himself from bawling his hands into fists. The bastard knew and he wasn't doing anything.
"Yes, she was here yesterday, wasn't she? Well, what can you do? I can't force her to leave if she doesn't want to. I ask you, how would that look?"
Remus thought of everything he had ever wanted to say to the man in front of him and opened his mouth.
"Right," he said. He turned and headed for the gates.
"Oh, and make sure you turn your wand in at the security desk."
Remus didn't say anything, but he changed his direction toward the desk. The wizard there eyed Remus's badge. He then pulled out a long golden rod and passed it over Remus's front and back. Satisfied, he put the rod away and pulled out a lunar chart.
Oh, for love of- Remus had to fight hard not to roll his eyes. "The full moon's three weeks away."
"Have to be certain," said the wizard, putting the chart back in the desk. "Wand."
Remus handed it over. The wizard put it onto a brass instrument, read off a piece of parchment that the instrument produced and asked Remus if it was correct. Remus said it was.
"I keep this," said the wizard. He impaled the piece of parchment on a brass spike and stored Remus's wand away.
"Excuse me?" asked Remus. He'd been expecting to get his wand back.
The wizard looked fearful that Remus might attack him. "P-policy."
Remus waned to ask, "Since when?" but the answer was pinned to his chest.
He shook his head. He didn't have time for this.
"You can have it back upon your departure," said the wizard.
I would certainly hope so, Remus thought.
At last he made it through the golden gates. Everyone there stared at him as they waited for the elevator. He ignored them. At length, the golden grille slid back and Remus was able to get inside the lift. No one got on with him. He was alone except for a stout man in sapphire robes who had been unable to read Remus's badge because the box he was carrying was much too large for him.
The grilles slid shut and the elevator ascended. "Level seven," rang a voice. The doors opened. A few memos flew inside. An extremely tall wizard in forest green robes followed. He caught sight of Remus's badge and turned to leave, but the doors shut in his face. He then took extreme interest in the memos flying around his head and moved to the far side of the lift.
"Level six."
The doors opened. A witch in magenta robes was about to step inside, then changed her mind once she saw Remus. "I'll just get the next one," she smiled. The doors closed.
By this time, the stout wizard with the big box was beginning to realize something was amiss and acquired to the tall wizard as to what the bloody hell was going on. The tall wizard told him and the stout wizard jumped, nearly dropping his box.
Level five was a repeat of level six.
Remus laughed. There just aren't enough floors in the building. He found this thought to be hysterically funny and succeeded in scaring the living daylights out his companions from laughing so hard.
"Level four."
The tall wizard quickly exited, nearly running into Kingsley who was standing on the other side of the doors. He froze at the sight of Remus, but it was the badge that made him step inside before the lift continued its assent.
"Wow," he said quietly. "Someone told me they were going to start doing that but I never actually thought . . ."
"Yeah, well . . ." Remus took the badge off and put it in his pocket.
"Sorry," said Kingsley.
"It's not your fault."
"I mean about Tonks. I was just trying to get her to calm down and . . . well, I messed up."
"Don't worry about it." Remus told him.
"I figured she'd give you hell."
"It wasn't that bad," said Remus, touching the spot on his face where she'd slapped him.
"Level three."
"Damn it." Kingsley reached for the doors to stop them from closing. "She's at her desk today. You shouldn't have to go looking for her. I'll be up in a minute if you need anything. I've got some things to take care of first. Good luck."
"Thanks."
Kingsley disappeared behind the doors, and the lift continued going up.
The stout wizard moved a little closer to Remus, shifting his box to get a better look at him. "Hi," he said.
Remus nodded in greeting.
"Level two."
Remus exited, leaving the stout wizard to face the floor above. He turned a corner and walked though a pair of heavy oak doors. The area was divided into cubicles. Now all he had to do was find out which one belonged to Tonks.
He went from cubicle to cubicle, peering into each one and trying not to bring too much attention to himself. He was just starting to think that maybe Kingsley had been wrong when he found her.
"Nymphadora?"
Tonks jumped. Only one person called her by that name anymore. She quickly tried to hide the jackets in her desk, but Remus was too quick.
He looked through the files. She'd pulled out absolutely anything and everything she could find on Severus Snape. He looked up at her. "Nymphadora, what are you doing?"
"He killed them, Remus." Tonks said simply, snatching back the jacket. "I'm going to find him." She moved to put the jacket away.
Remus grabbed it, stopping her. "You think you can find him better than anyone else here?" he asked. "Let them do their jobs."
"It's my job!" she protested.
"Yes, it's your job, but not this." He waved the jacket at her. "Not Snape." He took a file out that had Severus's picture on it, and showed it to her. "This is an obsession."
She snatched the picture from him and turned away. "You don't know anything about it."
"Oh, I don't know anything about it, do I?" he asked. "Have you forgotten I've lost someone too?"
Tonks spoke as though it didn't have anything to do the current situation. "Lily and James-"
"Were murdered." Remus interjected. "By Voldemort. Do you think I didn't try to track him down?"
Tonks was silent.
"Well, I did. I grabbed anything I could get my hands on, anything I could find, any kind of a lead because I didn't believe that he was finished like everyone else. And you want to know something? It was foolish. Do you know how long I spent trying to hunt him down? How many years I wasted? I didn't have the kind of resources you do." He waved around the room and suddenly noticed that things had gotten quieter. He had the feeling their conversation was being listened in on. He and Kingsley weren't the only ones who had tried to get Tonks to go home.
"But none of it matters," he continued. "Because what are you going to do when you find him? Killing him won't make the pain go away. It won't make them come back. It took me years to figure that out, and now I'm giving you a chance to realize it as well."
He placed his hand on hers. She turned to him, tears in her eyes. "Leave this and come back with me."
She shook her head. "I can't. I have to do this."
"No, you don't."
She shook her head and put her face in her hands. "You don't understand."
He moved closer to her. "Then tell me."
She shook her head again.
"Tell me, Nymphadora."
The name was what set her off, knowing her parents would never use it again. "I was there!" she cried, tears rolling swiftly down her cheeks. "I'd gone to stay with them f-for a few days because-" She wiped at her face, but the tears kept flowing. "Because you said it was over between us and I just wanted a little support!" She sobbed. "And I left! I left and then that night, that very same night, they were-!" She uttered a cry and threw herself into his arms.
He held her tightly. She cried into his shirt, her pain overflowing and he felt it. He felt it to the point he thought his heart would shatter. "Nymphadora," he said slowly. "I am so sorry."
"It's-not-your-fault."
"It's not yours either."
"If I'd just-" she sobbed. "Stayed - a little longer - just a few - more hours-"
"You'd probably be dead too."
She shook her head. She could've saved them. If she only she hadn't left, if only she had stayed.
"Nymphadora, look at me." He gently pulled her from him. "I'm sure your parents, wherever they are, are glad you were able to get away. You don't have to do this." He waved at her desk. "Come back with me. I'll help you get through this. I promised I would. But I can't help you if you're stuck on vengeance."
Slowly she turned from him. She carefully took the jackets out of her desk and stared at them for a full minute. Then she silently slid them into the trash bin.
"There you go," he said. "Now promise me-" He turned her face to his. "Promise me you won't blame yourself for what happened. It's no one's fault but his, and there was nothing you could do."
She was silent for a long moment, but the she nodded. "I promise."
"And promise me one more thing. That when you find him," He had no doubt that she would. "It won't be about what he did to you, but about stopping him from doing it to others. Do you understand?"
It was hard, watching her go through what he had, and seeing her trying to learn in a minute what had taken him years to discover. Even if she walked out of here still blaming herself and still seeking revenge, he still wanted her word. Because it meant that she would be thinking about what he'd said, and maybe by the end she would have rid herself of her blame and hatred.
She nodded again, her eyes still teary. "I promise, Remus."
"Okay," he said, satisfied. "Are you ready to go back?"
She nodded. He offered his hand and helped her from the chair. As they turned to leave, she hugged him. He was shocked for a moment, but then he put his arms around her. There were a lot of eyes on them at that moment but he doubted she had any clue.
Feeling extremely self-conscious, he waved to one of the witches staring at the two of them. She smiled toothily and waved back as though this was the best day of her life. Remus wondered if Tonks had told her colleagues about him.
"Thanks," she whispered when she finally let go after what had felt like a full five minutes later. She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.
"No problem."
As they left the cubicle, applause started up. It grew louder and louder until it reached its full climax once they'd made it to the elevator. Remus didn't know any of them, and none of them knew him except that he was the one who had talked Tonks into going back home.
Kingsley came out of the elevator as they reached it. He flashed Remus a thumbs up.
The applause only died with the closing of the lift doors. Remus silently wondered if they would've clapped if he'd still had the badge on.
I would just like to say that in spite of HBP, I think that Snape is still Dumbledore's man. However, my story needed a villain and, in light of HBP, Snape makes a pretty good one.