Last Quarter Moon

The doorbell rang.

Marcus greeted Remus and Tonks as he opened the door to let them inside.

"Where's the loo?" Tonks asked after a moment. "Oh, wait. Never mind. I remember." She dashed off.

"I thought you were just coming over to pick up your stuff," said Marcus, wondering why Tonks was here and then wondering why he cared. She was here! That was good enough. He didn't really need to know why.

"I wanted to get her out of the house." Remus explained.

"I don't blame you," Marcus said. "After what happened."

Remus nodded. "The thing is . . . I don't really know where to go from here."

Marcus shrugged. "Take her to a movie or something."

"A movie?" said Remus slowly.

"Or . . ." suggested Marcus, interpreting Remus's thoughts correctly. "If you're afraid that sounds too much like a date, I wouldn't mind taking her."

I'm sure you wouldn't. The thought tugged at him, but why should he care? It was Tonks's decision. She could date whomever she wanted.

"You know, Marcus, that might not be a bad idea."

"Where's Remus?" Tonks asked once she came out of the bathroom.

"He's getting his stuff together." Marcus told her. "Um, Tonks, listen. Remus said he thought it would be a good idea for you to get out of the house for a while and I was wondering . . . maybe you'd like to go to a movie . . . with me."

Tonks sighed. As much as she liked the attention, it wasn't fair to keep Marcus in the dark. It was time she told him what was going on. "Marcus, listen . . ."

Remus went into his room, wondering where he'd left his suitcase. He found it under his bed. He opened the closet and began packing. He had no clue how long he'd be staying with Tonks but he had the feeling it was going to be a while.

He walked over to the dresser and rummaged around in the drawers until he found the small bag of wizard money he'd been hiding from Marcus. He also found what was left of the muggle money he had and stuffed it in his pocket. Once he'd packed up all his belongings (which wasn't much), he left the room-and almost ran headlong into Marcus.

"Whoa!" Marcus held up his hands. "Sorry. My bad. Um, Tonks decided she'd rather stay here instead of going out. I was going to take her to that one movie rental place . . . if you don't mind."

Remus shrugged. "Whatever she wants to do." He could see on Marcus's face that he was celebrating inwardly. Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out the money. "This should cover my share of the rent for the month."

Marcus's face dropped slightly as Remus put the notes in his hand. "Think you'll be gone that long, huh?"

"You never know." Remus told him. "How long do you think you'll be at the movie rental?"

"Oh, I don't know. Half hour at least. Why?"

Remus held up his suitcase. "I was wondering if I had enough time to drop this off at her place and get back here about the same time you would."

"Marcus, are you coming?" called Tonks from the next room.

"Yeah, one moment," Marcus called back. He started for his coat, speaking to Remus as he went. "Well, I don't really know where her house is so I can't really help you with that." He grabbed his coat off the back of the couch. "See you later." He ran off like someone had lit a fire under him.

Remus heard the door shut a second or two later. Marcus's voice carried down the hall, "Do you think I could have your phone number and address? I hate waiting for Remus to call all the time and when he just hung up the other day I really . . ." and out of hearing distance.

Remus shook his head. Marcus didn't have a chance; Tonks could see right through him. Remus did want Tonks to find someone else to fancy so he could stop worrying about the way she felt for him, but he couldn't convince any part of himself to cheer for Marcus. He just wasn't the right guy for her.

But then who was?

And why was he worrying about it? Let Tonks figure that one out.

Remus thought of Marcus's promised thirty minutes, and mentally calculated how long it would take a muggle to get from the apartment to Tonks's place and back. He wasn't sure it was possible to get back at the same time. But then, if he added on the time he thought it would take them to pick out movies . . .

Close enough.

"So," said Marcus as the subway train sped down the tunnel. "You have a thing for Remus?"

"Well, it's more than a thing." Tonks told him.

"But you do fancy him?" Marcus couldn't decide if he was amused or seriously bummed out. Considering Remus's aversion to dating, it was kind of funny that she liked him. But, at the same time, Marcus really wanted Tonks to fancy himself instead.

"Definitely," said Tonks. "But . . ."

"There's a but?" A bubble of hope formed in Marcus's mind.

"Well, there's more to it than that."

"Like?" he urged.

"Well, I-" she thought her heart would burst from the truth. She had wanted to scream it off of rooftops for . . . she didn't know how long. One day she'd just woken up and known it. "I can't say."

"Why not?"

"It's just . . . too good to share. You know?"

Marcus shook his head, confused. Why did girls do that? Why did they start thoughts but never finish them. It was like a language only understood by women.

"I'm just waiting for the right time, I guess." She tried to explain. "And it wouldn't be right for me to tell you without telling him first."

"Oh," said Marcus, finally getting the picture. "You mean the 'L' word." His bubble of hope burst.

"Does that bother you?"

"Well," Marcus scratched his head. "I have to admit I am a little disappointed. When I first saw you, I thought . . ." He stopped. Did he really have a chance with her if she'd fallen head over heels for Remus?

"Thought what?" she encouraged.

"I thought . . ." He shrugged. Remus didn't appear to feel about her the same way she felt about him . . . so Marcus had to have some kind of a chance. "What I mean is, I think . . . you're attractive."

She smiled. "Really?"

He nodded, and put on the most charming smile he could muster.

"I wish Remus would say something like that to me every once in a while," she told him.

"He doesn't?"

She shook her head.

Marcus found the words tumbling out of his mouth. "Leave him and go out with me and I'll tell you every day."

She laughed. "Sorry, I'll keep my complicated love life."

"That hooked on him, are you?" he kicked the floor. "Bugger."

"Sorry," she said again.

"Ah, don't worry about it. Plenty of other fish in the sea and all that." He pointed at the door, amazed with the words he'd just pulled out of his ass. "This is our stop."

"You know, I'm happy for Remus." Marcus continued once they were above ground. "I always thought he needed a girl-this way." They started off across the street.

"Why did you think that?" Tonks asked.

"Well, sometimes he's just . . ." Marcus thought for a moment. "He never shows it or anything-it's down this way about a block-you can just sense it about him when he's not in the best mood. He's . . . sad isn't the right word . . . depressed isn't it either . . ."

"Like he's been dragged into something he didn't want to be dragged into-"

"Yeah," Marcus agreed. It was weird. He didn't pretend to be an expert on people, but sometimes there was just this vibe that he got from Remus.

"-But he's known for a long time that it was going to happen. So, even though he's not happy about it, he's going to grin and bare it."

"Only, without the grinning part." Marcus added.

Tonks smiled. "Yeah."

"How did you come up with that?" he asked her. He had never been able to put it into words.

"I've been infatuated with him for a long while; I've had plenty of time to think about it."

"How long?"

Tonks thought for a moment. "God, I can't remember the exact date when it all started . . . at least a year."

"A year?" If Marcus had had Tonks chasing after him for a year, he most definitely would have gone out with her by now. "He knows you're insane about him, right?"

"Of course."

"In here." Marcus said suddenly. He held open the door for her. "You'd think that after a year-"

Tonks tripped and nearly fell head long into a showcase of videos for sale. Marcus caught her, but the store manager happened to be standing not three feet away.

"Do try to be careful." He said.

"Sorry about that." Marcus began pulling Tonks away as quickly as possible. "It's a good thing we're adults because if we were teenagers he'd follow us around until we left."

"Sorry." Tonks said and she really sounded like it.

"Hey, it was an accident."

"No-I mean, yes, it was but-I'm dead clumsy. I do stuff like that all the time."

"It doesn't matter," he said. "Ah! Here we are." The comedy section. "Let's look here first . . . what was I saying before?"

"After a year . . ." Tonks supplied."

"Right . . . you've never dated or anything?"

Tonks shook her head. "We were going out for a while. He might have held my hand from time to time, but sometimes I wonder if he just went out with me because he felt sorry for me."

"Then why, might I ask, are you still hung up on him?"

"Because he's never given me reason not to be," she said simply.

Marcus stammered. That made no sense. "But-but-if-if he's never-" He prayed Tonks wasn't one of those girls who were really pretty but also really stupid at the same time. "I think that would mean he's not interested."

"But see, that's just the thing." Tonks pulled a movie off the shelf and looked on the back to read what it was about. "He's never told me that he doesn't feel anything for me. If he would just say 'I'm sorry, Tonks, but I don't feel that way about you' then that would be the end of it. I mean, he can't help how he doesn't feel. But he's never said anything like that. Oh, if I only knew-"

"What has he said?" asked Marcus, seriously intrigued now. This was all much more complicated than he had thought.

"That he's too old for me, too poor-" Tonks had to stop herself from adding too dangerous as well. "And also that I deserve someone young and whole."

Marcus picked up a movie and pretended to read the back, miming Tonks. None of what she had just said made any sense to him. All that he could see was that her attentions were being wasted on a man who simply didn't want anything do with her beyond having her as a friend.

"It sounds to me." He said slowly. "Like he just doesn't deserve you."

"What?"

"I mean," he corrected quickly. "Like he doesn't think he deserves you."

Remus apparated and walked the rest of the distance to Tonks's house. He had decided a few days ago that he couldn't stay on the couch any longer. He needed to be closer to Tonks in case something happened, and the only available room was the one that had belonged to her parents.

He entered the room, dropped the suitcase on the bed, and began unpacking. He remembered the chills he'd gotten earlier from being in here, but they were gone now. He'd realized that nowhere was safe. They were in the middle of a war. It didn't matter whose house you were in, what room you slept in, or whether or not someone had died there. He could be attacked in this room or the next, die today or fifty years from now. And the same went for Tonks.

This room was no different from any other. Tonks had realized that too, to some degree. She'd chosen to stay in this house, even though her parents had died here. She knew that the only way she'd ever truly be safe was with the Fidelius Charm-and even that wasn't foolproof. But what kind of life would that be other than one of hiding and waiting? She didn't want that. She chose to stay here, unsafe but with room enough to live life like every other day.

She didn't want to go the safest route, and he admired her for that.

Because it was the opposite of what he was doing.

Tonks sat between the two men on the couch as they watched movies. She couldn't pay attention no matter how hard she tried, though she laughed whenever Marcus or Remus did. He doesn't think he deserves you. The words rang in her ears. The whole time she'd thought Remus acted the way he did because of the whole werewolf thing, but maybe there was more to it than that. There was more to it, she was sure, something bigger and deeper, something that affected Remus every day.

She was going to find out what it was.

They watched movies until late into the night. Remus had fallen asleep during one of them and when he woke up he saw that Marcus and Tonks had as well. It was still late. He knew it even though he couldn't see the clock. The movie was still playing. Remus felt around for the remote and turned the power off.

Marcus had fallen asleep using the armrest as a pillow, and Tonks . . . had her head on his shoulder. For once, he didn't mind. He turned slightly and wrapped an arm around her. She curled into him, her head now resting on his chest. No, tonight he didn't mind because tonight, and only for tonight, he would pretend that she was his.

It snowed on Tuesday, and snowed, and snowed, and snowed some more. It was sickening. Yes, snow happened in October but not like this. It just never let up, soft white flakes falling out of the sky until everything was white.

"Close the curtain." Tonks demanded when Remus pulled it back for the hundredth time to look outside. "It's depressing."

He did as he was told. "If it keeps up like this," he said, unsure if he was being serious or sarcastic. "We'll have six feet of snow and won't be able to open the door."

"You might be right," she said as she set down two good-sized bottles of straight tequila on the ottoman.

"What's that for?"

"I thought we'd play a game," she said, straightening up and gesturing to the window. "You know, it's not like we have anything better to do."

"What kind of game?"

She put her hands together. "Have you ever played I Never?"

He hesitated. "Um . . ."

"You might as well say 'yes.'"

"What makes you so sure I've played it?"

She smiled. "Because you were friends with Sirius."

He nodded. "Good point."

She waited.

"Oh, okay, I have played it . . . once or twice."

She fixed him with a look.

"On occasion." He corrected. "Seventh year."

"What kind of occasion?" she asked.

"Whenever Sirius and James were bored." And Severus wasn't around for them to torment, he thought. But that wasn't what he said. "And they had nothing better to do."

"Which was how often?"

Remus stared. She just wouldn't give up. "Almost every weekend."

She laughed and sat down on the sofa. "So are you gonna play or not?"

He sighed, then shrugged. "I've got nothing to hide. Why not?"

"Should I charm it so we know we're telling the truth or can I trust you?"

He smiled. "You can trust me."

"Good." She took a bottle and unscrewed the top. "You go first."

He thought for a moment. "I never . . . slept with a man."

She hit him. "Remus!"

He chuckled. "I'm just making sure you'll answer truthfully."

She took a drink and retorted. "I never slept with a woman."

He took a drink also.

"Now be serious this time," she told him.

Remus thought, his memories carrying him back.

"I never . . ." said Peter, thinking hard. "Saw Lily's underwear."

James took a drink. "On accident," he explained. "Her trunk fell open."

"Thirsty, Padfoot?" Remus asked Sirius because he had taken a drink as well.

"Nope," he said. "I've seen them."

"How have you seen them?" asked James accusingly.

Sirius reached into his pocket. "Because," He pulled out a pair of black laced panties and swung them around on his finger. "I have them right here."

"Where did you get those?" demanded James, reaching for them, but Sirius held them out of reach. "Give them to me!"

Remus and Peter howled as James chased Sirius around the room, fighting in vain for the lingerie.

"I nicked them for you, mate," said Sirius as he finally tossed them to James. "Out of the laundry."

"What were you doing going through the laundry?" asked Remus, but he was ignored.

"How do you know they're hers?" James asked, looking at them.

"Look at the tag."

James found the initials LE written on it. "Why would she write her initials in her underwear?"

Sirius shrugged. "Girls."

"I've never been in love." Remus said at last.

She blinked. "Never?"

He shook his head. "I thought I was once. But I was young. I didn't really know what love was."

Tonks considered her bottle. She'd never been in love, but in the present tense she was. She knew it was real this time because in the past she'd learned what love wasn't. But did that count since it wasn't past tense? She smiled at him and took a small sip just to be sure.

"Your turn," he said.

She thought for a moment. "I never had a one night stand."

"Oh, great."

She noticed a flush in his cheeks as he went for the bottle. He took at large gulp and coughed.

"Careful," she told him.

"I have to drink for every one, right?" he sat the bottle back down and refused to look at her.

She didn't care what he'd done in the past. His love life was none of her business. The only time it had been her business was when they had been going out, but that was over now. Besides, people got lonely every now and then. Since Remus refused to get into any kind of a long-term relationship . . . well, it wasn't a pleasant thought but she understood somewhat. And it really wasn't her business.

"Your turn," she said.

He still wouldn't look at her.

"I never watched the portrait of that naked couple we found in the hidden passageway," he said, curious as to whether anyone had.

Sirius and Peter took a drink.

"How did you end up watching?" James asked Peter.

"I was coming back from the kitchens and I saw Filch on the map so I ducked in the passageway to hide and . . ." Peter shivered. "I think he might have heard me because he was out there pacing around the exit for ever."

Everyone laughed but Peter.

"I never watched porn." Remus said.

"Oh, you can't be serious!"

To Remus's utter amazement she took a drink.

"My muggle boyfriend who used to live down the street." She covered her eyes with her hands and shook her head. "He had a whole box! I only watched one though, I swear!"

Remus suppressed a laugh. "I guess we both did some stupid stuff when we were younger."

"Urgh!" she shook her head again. "Tell me about it!"

Time wore on. They drank and swapped stories, learning more about each other that afternoon than they had in the past year. Molly's head appeared in the fireplace at one point, but they were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice her. She quickly assessed the situation and withdrew.

After a while, Tonks's cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, but she wasn't ready to end their game. "I have a confession to make," she said, not one hundred percent sober but not at all drunk yet. "I never had sex in the back seat of a car, though I've always wanted to try it."

Remus laughed and put his face in his hands.

"Oh, don't tell me you have!"

He took a drink and nearly choked on it.

"Oh, my god! When? Where? With who? How was it?"

"Nymphadora, please." He was laughing from embarrassment.

"If you hadn't called me by that name, I'd lay off. Too late! Details!"

"It was all stupid Sirius's idea!"

Maybe they both were a little drunk.

"Remus, come on." She tapped him on the shoulder.

He had his face in his hands and hadn't said a word in the last fifteen seconds. He held up a finger, asking her to give a minute while he tried to gain control of himself.

"There was this girl," he said finally, putting his hands down. "I'd been attracted to her for years, but I was shy and never said anything. She lived near me, and Sirius came over for a visit one summer and decided to hook us up. But I'd get so nervous I'd start shaking and Sirius thought a great way to break the tension . . . god, how did he ever talk me into that?" He thought for a moment but couldn't remember. "Anyway, she'd done it before so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal for her . . ."

Tonks spoke slowly. "You lost your virginity in the back seat of a car to a girl you'd never even dated before?"

He turned, finally looking her in the eyes. "What a wonderful way to break the ice, don't you think?"

She shrugged. "Did it work?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah, it worked." He put his face back in hands and shook his head. "Oh, god."

"Whose car was it?"

He was blushing through his fingers. "Her father's." There was a moment, and then he was off laughing again.

"What was her name?" she asked once he'd gained control once more.

He sighed. "Do I have to?"

He was blushing still and he just looked so darn cute that she wanted to drag him outside to her father's car (her father had had a thing for muggle cars) that was still parked in the garage and make his old memory into a new one, but she contained herself. "Give me her name and I'll leave you alone."

"Gracey-I mean, Grace."

"But you called her Gracey, didn't you?"

"Nymphadora."

"Alright, alright," she said. "I'm done." She thought for a moment. "I don't think I can top that."

"I would hope not," he said, shaking his head.

"I bet that has a great big golden star under your 'Most Stupid Things I've Ever Done' list."

"Huge," he told her.

"You know," she said. "Maybe I can top that."

"What?"

"I think it all depends on perspective, but try and guess. It's your turn."

"I never had sex," said James.

Sirius raised his drink. "Only because you're waiting for Lily."

James rolled his eyes and caught Remus taking a drink. "Since when?"

Sirius smiled.

"Padfoot, don't." Remus blushed.

"I never had sex last summer with Grace Hart in the back seat of her dad's car!"

Remus wouldn't have done it, but the game was charmed and his hand brought his drink to his lip.

James, Sirius, and Peter cheered.

"I never had my parents or my partner's parents walk in on us having sex."

Tonks broke into a fit of giggles. "You guessed it!" She took a drink once she'd calmed down.

"Whose parents?" Remus asked.

Tonks giggled again. "Both!"

"You're kidding!"

She shook her head. "I can't even remember why they were here, but his parents and my parents were down here talking and we'd gone up to my room. And when it was time for dinner they all came up and-" She laughed. "It's so funny now, but, god, I swear I thought I was dead."

He laughed too. "I don't know if that topped mine but I bet that has a great big golden star-"

"Yeah," she nodded. "It does."

They smiled at each other. The atmosphere had changed. They felt more comfortable around each other now that they'd shared their darkest secrets.

"I never had a girlfriend." Tonks said.

Remus took a drink.

"I'm jealous," she told him.

"I was still in school," he explained. "Before life hit and reality reared its ugly head."

"Grace?"

He nodded.

"You mean that actually went somewhere? That's great! I guess that makes the act a little more tolerable."

He shook his head. "Not really," he said with conviction.

"I never made out with Grace," said Peter, deliberately targeting Remus.

"He's done a lot more than make out with her," interjected Sirius.

But Remus wasn't listening, lost in an extremely happy memory of just before he'd gotten here when he'd met with Grace under the beech tree. They'd kissed each other senseless, the light of the waxing moon shining on both of them.

"I never had a snogging session under a full moon," he said.

She took a drink.

"You have?" He was the one who was jealous now.

"It's kind of romantic," she said, remembering.

He nodded. There were a lot of things he hadn't done under a full moon and wished he had, and there were a lot of things he had done under a full moon and wished he hadn't. There was nothing he could do about it now, but still . . .

She looked up at him, breaking away from her memory. He just looked so . . . sad. She grasped his hand. He looked up at her and she smiled at him. "A waxing moon is just as good."

He nodded again and forced a smile but he wasn't sure he believed her.

"I have an I Never," she said, reaching for her drink. "If someone had told me yesterday that I'd be sitting here and having this conversation with you, I never would have believed them."

He didn't drink.

They smiled at each other.

She raised her bottle. "To sharing secrets."

"With the right person," he added, raising his.

Their bottles came together in a soft clink, and they both drank for the last time.