New Moon
After Tonks had explained the situation to Kingsley, he used the fireplace to floo to the Ministry to see about setting up a guard for her. He left the other four aurors at the house, and Remus received apologies from three of them for tackling him earlier. Balaquer had only grunted and there had been something about his wide face, crystal blue eyes, and gruff demeanor that had suggested to Remus that the reason he hadn't apologized wasn't because he was the silent type.
"He's very well acquainted with Dolores Umbridge." Tonks explained to him later.
"Oh," said Remus. That certainly explained it. "So, he knows who I am."
"He knows what you are." Tonks corrected. "And that's enough for him. I mean, he doesn't like anyone who's different - including me."
Remus suddenly remembered why he'd initially been attracted to Tonks. Her metamorphic abilities and her rather unusual yet pleasantly unique clothing and hairstyles made her somewhat of an outcast, like himself. Over time, the reasons for why he enjoyed her company had grown, but the basis was always there.
"He's not quick to voice his opinion," she continued, braking into his thoughts. "But if he sees an opening, he'll take it. He likes to wait for the right moment."
Remus wasn't sure he understood completely. "Are you telling me not to give him a reason to single me out?"
Tonks shook her head. "He's already singled you out. I'm telling you not to give him a reason to think he's right because then we'll never hear the end of it."
Molly's head appeared in the fireplace the next morning, having heard about the attack. Tonks assured her that everything was fine and that she was receiving protection. After a short conversation, Molly disappeared again.
Breakfast was hectic . . . at least it was for Tonks. Kingsley had returned and informed her that what she saw was what she got. McDouglas and Shanksfort were going back to the Ministry, but she was stuck with Kingsley and the other "dingbats" - Balaquer and McKinley - as her guard. She complained later to Remus that she'd rather just have Kingsley and let the others go back to the Ministry. Remus argued that three aurors where surely better than one.
"I beg to differ." Tonks told him. She was trying to cook for five people. What was worse, she was trying to use the stove.
"Oh, it's just no use!" she yelled, extremely frustrated.
"You've got to show a little more confidence in yourself." Remus told her.
"Easy for you to say," she shot back as she nearly knocked the frying pan over. "You're not a clumsy freak of nature."
"No," he corrected. "I'm a furry-shaping-sifting-once-every-full-moon freak of nature."
She stiffened. "Remus, I didn't mean-"
"Don't worry about it," he said quickly.
He stepped behind her - a little too close for Tonks's comfort at the moment considering there were hot objects in front of her. Without warning, he slid his hands over her shoulders and down her arms to her wrists. Tonks got chills from his touch and she had to force herself not to tremble in his arms.
He whispered over her shoulder into her ear, his breath hot on her skin. "Us freaks need to stick together."
The spatula hung limply in Tonks's hand. Her heart was pounding like a drum in her chest and she hoped he couldn't feel her pulse beating wildly against his fingers. "What are you doing?" she asked, pleased her voice didn't give away how she felt.
His hand moved to encompass hers, forcing her fingers to close around the rubber handle of the spatula. "Helping you cook." Her self-esteem was low when it came to how clumsy she was and he wanted to help her overcome it.
Tonks didn't understand what he was doing. Whatever it was, it wasn't helping her nerves at all. "Remus-"
He slid his free hand around her waist. "Trust me." Oh, she trusted him. She just didn't know if she could trust herself. "I'll steady you," he promised.
Tonks thought she was better off risking setting herself on fire or burning the house down. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Right." She looked down at the stove. What was she doing again?
There were sausage links in the frying pan on the far burner and she moved to rotate them. As she did so, she nearly knocked over the container she had filled with pancake batter. Remus linked his arm under hers. "Keep your elbows up."
"Right." She reached for the container, stepping to the left and stood on his foot.
"Ow."
"Oh, sorry!" She grabbed the container, stepped to the right and stood on his other foot. She could practically hear him clamping his teeth together to stop himself from saying anything. She swore he wasn't helping her, just making her even clumsier than usual.
"Why are you wearing high heels when you're inside?" he asked her after she'd stepped on him a third time.
"These are new shoes," she told him. "Well, no. Actually, I bought them a long time ago but I've never worn them because I haven't had the time to break them in."
"What do you have to break them in for?" he asked incredulously. "It's not like you really have any place to wear them to. Please, take them off." Before you break in my toes.
She kicked out of the shoes but continued to step on his already sore feet.
"You know what? There is a solution to this."
She gave a cry of surprise as he put his hands on her hips and lifted her a few inches off the ground. He sat her back down on his feet. Her heels were nestled back far enough that it didn't hurt him as much. "Now just stay there," he told her. "And tell me which direction to move in."
She laughed. This was so ridiculous! "A little to the right-no, sorry. Left. I meant left." She felt like a puppet as his legs moved underneath her. She realized however that he was the puppet as soon as she moved her arms. They had to look ludicrous!
"What is so funny?" he asked her. She couldn't stop laughing.
"I don't know," she said. "You're laughing too."
"Only because you are."
"This is so weird."
"Well, it's working, isn't?"
"That's what makes it so funny!"
Kingsley watched them from the table. Oh, my god! Are they flirting with each other? That was certainly what it sounded like. They looked like they were . . . Well, Kingsley wasn't sure what it looked like they were doing. They seemed to be having a good time, though. That he knew for sure.
Balaquer was eyeing them strangely. When it came to harassing people, he never targeted a group. He always singled someone out, holding the person he detested the most above his dislike for the other. And despite his dislike for Tonks, the fact that she was an auror forced him to give her at least some small shade of respect. And to have a werewolf actually flirting with her, a Ministry of Magic official . . .
Kingsley could see where Balaquer's thoughts were headed and he quickly pulled the man into conversation. Whatever Remus and Tonks were actually doing, Kingsley was most definitely not about to let Balaquer step in and ruin the Order's hopes for those two.
Tonks was beside herself with joy. She had actually made breakfast without breaking anything! Or setting anything on fire! Or knocking anything over! And she'd made enough food for five people when she couldn't normally cook for herself! Her archenemy, the stove, had been defeated! She could've kissed Remus, she was so happy.
Remus, however, wasn't so elated. He was glad she was delighted, but if feet were capable of murder, he'd be dead because his would've killed him by now. The things he was willing to do for her. Silently cursing her shoes, he found a spot on the couch and removed his socks. He was going to be feeling the pain tomorrow, he just knew it. He could already see a bruise forming where she'd stepped on him with her bloody high heels. He had just pulled his abused feet up in front of him on the sofa when she appeared next to him.
"Here," she said. "Let me do that."
"No, it's okay. I was just-" In two seconds flat, before he even knew what was happening, he was lying on his back looking up at the ceiling and she was proceeding to give him a foot rub. "O-okay." Clearly, he didn't have a choice.
She touched an especially sore area. "Ouch." He yanked his foot out of her hands. "You know what? Maybe this isn't-"
"Oh, come here you big baby. There." She tried to be more careful. "Is that better?"
He had to admit that it was.
Her fingers brushed a little too lightly against his skin and his foot twitched. She smiled. "Are you ticklish?"
"Maybe."
She tickled the underside of his foot mercilessly.
"Alright! Yes!" he laughed, trying to pull his foot from her grip. "Stop!"
Content with his answer, she obeyed his wishes and resumed her previous work. "You're not just ticklish," she said. "You're very ticklish."
"Only in that particular spot," he corrected, smiling up at the ceiling in spite of himself.
"Hmm . . ."
"And I probably shouldn't have told you that," he realized a little too late.
She chuckled to herself. He was right. He probably shouldn't have told her. "I want to thank you again."
"You don't have to give me a foot rub, you know."
"Well, since I stepped on you," she reasoned. "It only seems fair. Besides, I don't mind." He had rather attractive feet.
She laughed at the idea. She was being silly. Saying someone had attractive hands was one thing, but attractive feet? How could feet be attractive? And yet, in some strange way, his were.
He heard her laugh and lifted his head to look at her properly. "What?"
She averted her eyes. "Oh, nothing."
He lay his head back against the armrest. He wasn't going to press it. It was kind of nice to be pampered for once. He closed his eyes peacefully.
"Do you mind?"
Remus opened his eyes after what had felt like only seconds later to take in Balaquer's buzz cut blonde head. He gave a grunt.
Remus was in too good a mood at that moment to realize anything other than the fact that there were five people in the house and it wasn't fair for him to be hogging three fourths of the one and only couch. He sat up and removed his feet from Tonks's lap to let Balaquer sit down.
"Remus!" Tonks objected. "I wasn't finished."
Balaquer gave a grunt that clearly said he didn't think she should have started in the first place. He fumbled with the remote. Tonks didn't think he'd ever seen a TV in his life, but he must have seen her turning it on to show Kingsley the news story on Snape yesterday. He got lucky and pressed the right button. The TV turned on . . . but all he got was static.
"Well," said Tonks, clearly happy about this predicament. "That's what happens when you don't pay the cable bill. Come on, Remus. We can finish this upstairs."
Tonks never got to finish that foot rub; Remus had escaped from her clutches. If Balaquer didn't have to be such a prick . . . damn him! She realized suddenly what a hindrance having three other men in the house was going to be. It'd be virtually impossible to get a private moment with Remus. She needed the protection, but that wonderful game of I Never that she and him had played could never be repeated with them in the house. If she could choose, she would make them all go back to the ministry, but Remus would never let her do that.
The doorbell rang. Tonks sighed exasperatedly. She was never going to have moment's peace.
She and Remus came down stairs to see who was at the door, but none of the three aurors had opened it yet. They were all staring at it with their wands drawn.
"Expecting someone?" Kingsley asked.
"Oh, come on." Tonks protested as the doorbell rang again. "Snape's not going to come through the front door."
Kingsley shook his head. "You're an auror, Tonks. You know the possibilities."
Tonks sighed. Yes, she did know. But she also thought this was rather absurd. She walked to the door and peered through the peephole. "It's Marcus."
"Marcus?" Remus repeated. "What's he doing here?"
Kingsley turned. "Who's Marcus?"
"Ask him a question," suggested McKinley. "So you're sure it's him and not Snape in disguise."
Tonks didn't know how Snape could know about Marcus. Still, if he was following her . . .
She opened the door to the horror of her guard. What did they expect me to do? I can't ask him a question and expect him to hear me with the door closed. "Hi, Marcus."
Marcus looked up at her. Judging from her tone, she wasn't happy to see him. The fact was that he was surprised to see her. "Tonks, I . . . I'm sorry. I know you're upset about . . . about when I kissed you but I . . . I tried calling but the phone just kept ringing. I know you probably didn't want to talk to me, but when I tried again this morning and still no one picked up the phone I thought-"
Remus slapped a hand to his forehead. He'd forgotten to plug the phones back in.
Marcus had said that he didn't want to have to fight traffic, so he and Tonks had left the concert early. Snape had probably been setting the fire around the time Marcus had kissed her. So, if Snape really was following her, there was no way he could know about the kiss. "It's him." Tonks assured everyone.
She opened the door wide and Marcus got his first view of the three aurors.
"Bodyguards." Tonks explained quickly, noticing Marcus's bewildered look.
"Bodyguards?" Marcus repeated. "Did something happen?"
This wasn't something that could be explained quickly. Tonks pulled Marcus inside, closed the door, and began ushering him into the kitchen. "You explain to Kingsley," she told Remus. "And I'll work this out." She closed the kitchen door behind her.
Tonks jerked her head in the direction of the table. "Have a seat." Under different circumstances she would have offered Marcus a drink, but the truth was that he'd played her and she wanted him out of here as soon as possible.
"I only came to make sure you were alright," he told her, but he took a seat anyway. "I'm sorry, Tonks," he continued. "I really am. I had thought . . . It was a mistake. I never should have kissed you."
She nodded in agreement. He waited for her to say something, but she didn't seem to have any desire in joining the conversation.
"I had hoped . . ." Marcus stopped. There wasn't any point in saying it. I'd hoped we could still be friends. But he'd said enough. He'd done enough. He could tell when he wasn't wanted. At least he had apologized. "Well . . . I'll show myself out."
He got up to leave but Tonks moved in front of the door. "Who are you, really?"
Marcus stared at her, bewildered. "Pardon?"
"What kind of person are you when you're not stalking women and leading them on falsely with your lies?" she accused angrily.
"Whoa! Hey, now wait a minute!" Marcus was sorely offended. Of all the things he was, he was not a womanizer. "You've got me all wrong!"
Tonks crossed her arms and stared him down. "Do I?"
Yes! He wanted to tell her that he wasn't like that at all, but as he stared at her, he slowly realized her case was the exception. She had mesmerized him and he had pined after her. He would have done anything to get her. And, goddamn it, even now as she stared him down angrily he felt only his attraction for her!
He stammered. He couldn't think of anything to say.
"It was all a lie, wasn't it?" she asked. What had happened after the concert had been partly her fault, but he had been the one playing games through everything else. "All of it? Everything you said to me? Everything you did? Even when I was telling you about Remus and you said . . ."
It sounds to me like he just doesn't think he deserves you. He had been jealous. It had seemed so unfair that she cared for Remus and not for him. Marcus had simply spoken his mind. He doesn't deserve you. He had no idea why Remus turned her attentions away.
"Everything," he told her. "I lied about everything." But I'm not lying now. He wanted to tell her that, but he didn't think it would help.
Tonks was silent for a long moment, but she seemed to soften a little. "That's all I wanted to know." She added, "Thank you for being honest with me."
Marcus nodded silently, waiting for her to tell him he could leave.
"I was attacked," she told him.
That caught his attention. "You mean the man on the telly? Snape? Is he the one who . . . who murdered your parents?" he asked tentatively.
"We think so," she said. "There's no real proof, but I know it was him. Anyway, that's why I have the guard."
"Are you alright?" he asked, genuinely concerned.
She nodded slowly. "If Remus hadn't been here . . . He unplugged the phones so we could sort everything out and we forgot about it. I'm sorry you had to worry."
"Well," said Marcus. He wasn't sure how to respond. "As long as you're safe . . ."
She turned to the door, signaling that the conversation was over.
He followed her out. The first person he lay eyes on was Remus, and Marcus felt something ignite inside him. Tonks didn't care for him but she did care for Remus. He would have to get over that fact sooner or later, and he knew that he would. But Remus . . . what possible reason could he have for taking her for granted? She cared so much for him, Marcus had felt it, but Remus seemed content to throw all of that away.
"I don't know what your problem is." Marcus said, going up to Remus and speaking so quietly that only the two of them heard. "But I suggest you get over it."
With that, Marcus showed himself out the door.
Remus stared after him, stunned. He turned to look at Tonks, wondering what she had said to Marcus to make him go off.
"What?" she asked, confused. "What did he say?"
Remus turned to stare at the door again. It was obvious she didn't have a clue what that had been about.
"Remus?"
He didn't hear her. He was thinking back, back to when she'd nearly drowned and he had been wishing for just five more minutes with her. I'll tell her everything. He turned to look at her now and realized that he couldn't do it. He couldn't tell her. Five minutes would be more than enough to say what he wanted to say, but if she knew the truth, she'd never let him go. Harsh as it seemed, it was for the best. The only way he'd ever let her know how he felt would be if she were dying . . . because then there wouldn't be any time left for her to bind herself to him.
Idiot, he heard a voice inside his head say. She's already bound herself to you. Why do you think she's hung on this long? She's not letting you go.
But he was still hoping he could make her see reason or at least shake her off.
"It was nothing," he said. "Nothing important."
The next day, Remus found Tonks rummaging through the unused guestroom and humming contently to herself.
"You seem happy about something."
"I got rid of the television," she said as she struggled with one of the many boxes.
"Let me help you with that." He hurried forward - the box was at least half her size - and grabbed the other end. Together they lifted it off the box that was underneath it. "What is in this?"
"Haven't a clue," she said as they struggled not to drop it. "Merlin's beard, it's heavy. Here - sit it down carefully."
"Watch your fingers," he warned.
She chuckled, remembering breakfast yesterday. "Watch your feet."
"Ha, ha, very funny."
"You're smiling. I know it."
She was right; He was.
They managed to sit the box down without breaking anything.
"Right." Tonks wiped a hand across her forehead as she straightened up. "I think I'll just levitate the rest of them."
"What did you mean," he asked. "You got rid of the television?"
"It's in the garage." She pulled out her wand. "I never liked television." She ran her wand along the tape on the box and it started to come off. "Anyway, while I was in there, I was looking around and I realized there's a ton of stuff stored away that I'll never use. I thought once spring comes I could have a garage sale or something, and then I remembered that I hadn't even gone through this room yet. So, I decided it was about time that I did."
Remus couldn't have been more proud of her. She was thinking of the future even though - and he hated to consider it - there might not be one for her. She was coping with her parents' deaths. She wasn't letting anything stop her from getting what she wanted, which was a life.
"Oh, wow!" She nearly fell into the box with excitement when she finally opened it and saw what was in side.
Remus reached out and grabbed her arm. "Careful."
Tonks reemerged with an old fashioned record player. "I remember this," she said slowly. She was suddenly lost in memory. She was a little girl, singing with her dad as the record player played behind them. She could almost remember the song.
Remus watched her. She had her eyes closed and she was humming a tune that sounded familiar. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, though. She sat the record player down and reached into the box again.
Tonks didn't even have to hunt. She knew exactly what was in here. She reached down and pulled out the first album she touched. She flipped it over to look at the cover and smiled. She straightened. "Look." She showed the album to Remus.
He got this incredible look on his face. "The Beatles? Are you serious?"
Tonks smiled. "My dad loved The Beatles."
"Who doesn't?" he asked dubiously as she dove back into the box to pull out more albums.
"Probably every witch or wizard who had the misfortune of growing up without a muggle or muggle born parent." She resurfaced with her arms full. "There must be every album they ever made in here."
"Put one in," he suggested.
She did as he said and gave the record player a tap with her wand. She took in the song for a few moments and then bounced to the music and sang along. "Love, love me do. You know I love you. I'll always be true."
Remus smiled and he just couldn't help but join in. "So plea-ea-ea-ease, love me do."
They both laughed, and Tonks pointed to the box. "Yeah, I think that's a keeper."
They moved the box aside and stared going through the rest, The Beatles continuing to play as they went. One box was filled with knickknacks that had belonged to Tonks's mother. She picked out a few to keep - those that held special value to her - but the rest were doomed for the sale. Another box contained-
"Junk." Tonks called it. She didn't even know what some of it was. "I don't even think I can sell any of this." They started a "throw away" pile.
"Oh, no." She pulled out a hideous purplish blouse that was covered ridiculously with ribbons and lace from a box of terribly out-dated clothes belonging to the 1950's and 60's. "I know mum did not grow up in the eighteenth century."
Remus gazed into the box decided to refrain from mentioning that he'd worn some of the items in there. "It's not that bad," he said, but he hadn't really looked at the blouse.
"Trust me, Remus. It's bad." She tucked it under her arm. "I'm burning it . . . What is this?" She pulled out an ugly orange looking thing. "Can you even wear this?" She fumbled with the object, looking for arm and head holes. "Is this even in the right box?"
Remus took the questionable object from her but he couldn't make heads or tails of it either. He shrugged.
"Right," she took the orange thing and threw it back into the box. "All of this is going in the 'sale' pile - No, not this. I'm burning this."
Yet another box was filled with books and 8-track tapes. Tonks was considering throwing it all away, but Remus assured her that some people collected 8-track tapes. "And if you don't want the books, I'll be happy to take them."
Where exactly would you put them? She refrained from asking.
She took the books out of the box, deciding that she'd keep them for herself. If bad came to worst, and she never got anywhere with Remus, then at least he could visit her for reading material. The 8-track tapes went into the "sale" pile.
The next box contained photo albums; some of them were pictures she had never seen before. Some of them were charmed to move and others weren't.
"Is that you?" Remus asked as he looked over her shoulder.
There was a photo of young girl who looked as though she was still losing her baby fat. She wore a white dress with pink ribbons in her hair. She was playing on a playground. It was a little weird seeing her dressed up, all ribbons and curls; Tonks always seemed like more of a tomboy.
"I hated that dress," she informed him as the memory came to her. "I couldn't move right in it, and mum had me under such pressure to keep it clean. I ruined it, needless to say. I fell off the monkey bars and it ripped, not to mention how dirty I got it. Mum wasn't too happy, but dad didn't seem to mind."
She turned the page and came face to face with a moving picture of herself picking her nose. "Oh, no!" She closed the album, but not before Remus saw it. He turned away to hide the fact that he was laughing.
Blushing furiously, Tonks sat the album down and picked up another one. Glancing through it, she saw that it was filled with pictures from when her mother and father had first met. "Oh, look! There's the dress." She pointed with her finger to a photo of her parents. Her mother was wearing the ocean blue dress Tonks had shown to Remus earlier. She couldn't remember ever seeing her mother wearing it, but she obviously had worn it at some point.
She stared at the picture. Her parents looked so happy together. She was suddenly reminded of how much she'd lost. "I miss them," she admitted.
Remus sat down silently on the floor next to her.
"But you were right," she added. "It has gotten easier." She no longer blamed herself for had happened.
Remus nodded. She'd come a long way. The record player was currently playing "Eleanor Rigby."
Tonks felt her feelings warring inside her. She had made a promise, but Snape had killed her parents and every time she thought of him, she wanted him dead for it. It was hard not think of vengeance.
She turned to Remus and asked. "Do you hate him?"
He looked up at her, startled. "You mean Severus?" He had to think for a moment. He remembered when Tonks had left to change into her clothes after the incident in the bathroom and much he had wanted Snape dead at that moment. And yet, despite everything . . . "No, Nymphadora. I don't hate him."
Tonks stared at him, surprised. "You don't? Not after Dumbledore? After everything that's happened since?"
Remus struggled with the right words. "Hate is . . . it's such a strong word."
"Because you have a history?" she asked.
"I guess it's because . . ." he hesitated. This was hard to explain, even to himself. "Because I know where he's coming from. At school," he explained. "Severus wasn't very popular. He never had any real friends that I knew of and he was constantly ridiculed and taunted." He paused. "James was horrible to him. We all were. No one deserves to be treated the way he was. There just wasn't any reason for it at all. Sometimes I think . . ."
He stopped and shook his head. "He was obsessed with the dark arts, even then, but I think it may have been a kind of retreat. I heard things weren't that great at home for him, and he rarely left Hogwarts during the holidays.
"It's no excuse for who he's become, but I sympathize with that boy I remember from school. That could have been me if I hadn't had such good friends to help pull me through the dark times. Severus had no one. Sometimes I think that things could have been different if we had left him alone and if he'd had the chance to make some friends - some good friends.
"But maybe the real reason I can't hate him is because he hated James so much. He carried that grudge with him for so long . . . I've seen what hatred can to do people, Nymphadora." He shook his head. "I'd rather not harbor that emotion toward anyone."
Even if I do want them dead. But, Remus reminded himself, he only wanted Severus dead to make this stop. If it could be ended with out death, he'd gladly take that option. However, he doubted that opportunity would present itself.
Tonks was silent. She turned back to the picture she'd been looking at. She didn't know what she'd do when she ran into Snape or what she'd feel. But at least she was trying to sort it all out.
"Does that help at all?" he asked when she didn't say anything.
She nodded. "A little." She smiled at him encouragingly. She didn't want him to worry about her. "Come on. We've still got a few more boxes to go through."
Downstairs, Balaquer turned to Kingsley questionably. "We all live in a yellow submarine? What in the name of Merlin are they listening to?"
Tonks and Remus discovered that there was actually a bed and a dresser hiding under all the boxes by the time they'd gone through everything. With the boxes put away according to the piles they had been placed in, the room was ready for occupancy. Tonks offered the room to Kingsley (the aurors had been conjuring cots to sleep on in the living room), but he declined. The members of the guard had taken up night shifts, patrolling the house in turns, and Kingsley said that having an actual bed to sleep in would be too tempting.
She left the room vacant.
Remus was making tea the next afternoon for himself, Tonks, and Kingsley. The other aurors were around the house somewhere, and Tonks and Kingsley were chatting at the kitchen table. Remus wasn't listening to their conversation, but pieces of it drifted in his direction.
"Oh, that reminds me." Kingsley said to Tonks. "Have you heard what happened in Hogsmeade?"
The mentioning of Hogsmeade caught Remus's attention. He kept his ears pealed as he poured the tea into three glass cups.
"No," said Tonks curiously. "What happened?"
"Well, it's not official yet, but in just a day or two . . ." he paused. Remus could've sworn he felt Kingsley's eyes on his back. His voice was hushed when he spoke again. "They're placing a ban on werewolves."
Remus froze, but he was afraid they might notice so he tried to make himself busy. He realized Kingsley was just looking out for him, but Remus didn't like being left out of the loop. Besides, he couldn't have stopped listening even if he'd wanted to; Kingsley had caught his full attention and there was no way of getting it back.
"What?" said Tonks. She lowered her voice too. "Why?"
"Well . . ." Kingsley got so quiet that Remus had to strain his ears to hear him. "Two boys were attacked."
At those words, the kitchen fell away and Remus felt himself going back. He remembered suddenly what had happened during his last transformation, the scene replaying before him as though he was living it anew. Never had he remembered the night of a full moon so vividly.
He was running. He could feel the cool night air and the cold ground beneath him. His breath was coming out in white puffs of steam before his mouth. Distorted shapes and colors went by in a blur as his paws thudded on the dirt path. He could see the legs and feet of the boys he chased.
Kingsley's voice continued. "They thought they'd heard shouting or screaming - some kind of commotion. . . ."
He leapt.
"If it wasn't for the boy's jacket . . ."
He sank his claws into the boy's shoulders. The boy cried out and fell back. The other boy appeared, shouting something incoherent as he helped his friend dislodge from the jacket. The world turned yellow as the jacket was torn to shreds, the material flying in all directions. The boys had disappeared. He picked up their scent and gave chase.
"But the other boy . . ."
Remus's hands were shaking, but he didn't notice. He was staring straight ahead at the wall in front of him, his eyes wide, but he wasn't seeing the wall. He was stuck in another time and place, in a nightmare that he wanted desperately to be out of.
He could see them again, the distance between him and the boys closing rapidly. He snapped at their heels. Finally, he caught the boy's foot in his mouth, the taste of rubber on his tongue from the sole of the boy's shoe. The boy screamed into the night air.
The cup Remus had been holding fell to the floor and shattered, tea spilling over the floor, but he didn't notice nor did he care. The boy's cry echoed in his ears and the horror of what he'd done ripped through him. But he had to be sure, he had to hear Kingsley confirm it, and that was the only thing in the world that mattered.
Kingsley and Tonks turned at the sound of the glass breaking.
"Remus?" Tonks had never seen him like this. He looked pale - no white. He was as white as a sheet and shaking from head to toe. He stepped toward Kingsley, taking no notice of the mess on the floor. He nearly impaled his foot on the broken glass. "Remus, watch-"
"Are they alright?" he asked Kingsley, dreading the answer he knew he'd receive. He choked on the words. "Those boys, are they okay?"
Kingsley was too stunned to speak. "I . . ." Like Tonks, he had never seen Remus like this. He hadn't thought Remus was listening to their conversation - obviously he'd been wrong - but Remus's reaction was far greater than what Kingsley had feared it would be.
"Kingsley-"
The rest of the guard came rushing into the room, startled by the sound of breaking glass; They weren't taking any chances. Kingsley turned to tell them everything was fine, but Remus was unable to stand the tension any longer. He seized Kingsley by his robes, pulling him out of his seat. "Damn it, Kingsley, tell me!"
Balaquer immediately jumped into action. He whipped his wand out of his pocket, but Tonks was quicker. "Expelliarmus!"
Kingsley stared at him for a moment, feeling as shaken as Remus looked. "The-they're fine," he said at last. "They're both fine."
Remus hesitated, completely oblivious to the two confused aurors standing in the doorway. "They . . . they weren't . . . they're . . ."
Kingsley finally put two and two together, the truth hitting him in a sudden revelation. "Neither of them were harmed, Remus. They had a terrible fright, but-"
"They weren't-?"
"They weren't bitten, no."
Remus released him in a daze. "They weren't . . ." He'd almost . . . it had been so close . . . He closed his eyes in a silent prayer of thanks. He felt dizzy with relief and he sank to his knees, putting his face in his hands as he took a shaken breath.
The boy fell forward, but he twisted around, franticly pulling at his foot. The shoe slipped off and the boy got up and hurried on. He grabbed his friend - who had started to double back - by the arm and they kept running. They'd gotten away. They'd made it. They were safe.
"Remus," Tonks reached for his hand but he jerked away from her. She tried again, placing a comforting hand on his back. "It's okay. Come on." She helped him into a chair. He ironed is face with his hands.
"It was you, wasn't it?" asked Kingsley slowly.
Remus nodded silently. Tonks could sense the pain it cost him to admit it and she rubbed his back encouragingly. It's alright.
"I thought it was just a coincidence it had happened in Hogsmeade. I was sure that you couldn't have . . ." Kingsley paused. "Why weren't you in the Shrieking Shack?"
Remus shook his head, "I don't know." As he said the same words he had said to Tonks weeks ago, he realized that something was wrong. "I-" He stopped, looking over Kingsley's shoulder.
Kingsley turned to the aurors behind him and dismissed them but neither of them seemed too keen on leaving. They appeared to be intensely interested in what was going on. Kingsley told them again to leave and they did as they were ordered, albeit grudgingly.
"You don't know?" Kingsley asked incredulously as he turned back to Remus. It seemed impossible that he wouldn't know.
Remus shook his head again, thinking hard. His mind kept coming up blank. . . . Oh god, why hadn't he seen it before?
"It's been . . . what?" asked Kingsley. "Two weeks since the full moon, right? At least. And it never worried you that you can't remember half of what had happened that night?"
Tonks remembered asking Remus the same question. That doesn't worry you? He'd told her he would remember once he'd had time to think about it. Well, time had passed and Remus still didn't remember.
"So much has happened," Remus told them. Blank. Blank. That's all his mind was coming up with. He searched for a memory of something: a sight, a sound, or a smell. Nothing. There was nothing, and it only confirmed his fears. "I haven't had the opportunity to think about it." Before, he'd had no reason to suspect . . . but now that he had finally found the opportunity, and considering everything that had happened recently, it did worry him. A lot.
"What can you remember?" Kingsley asked.
Remus closed his eyes, as though hoping it would conjure up an image. "I remember . . . transforming . . . the boys . . . running . . ." Bits and pieces flashed before him. That part of his memory seemed to be intact at least.
"And before you transformed?"
Again, Remus raked his mind. "I stopped at the Hog's Head."
"And after that?"
Nothing. Remus opened his eyes and shook his head.
There was the sound of clinking glass, and all three of them turned to see Balaquer bent over a newly repaired cup.
"Do-you-mind?" Tonks hissed irritably, rising out of her chair. Remus put a hand on her shoulder, forcing her back down.
Balaquer left without a word.
"What do you remember at the Hog's Head?" asked Kingsley, as if the conversation had never been interrupted. "Do you remember leaving?"
It struck Remus as strange question. Of course, he'd left. He . . . "No," he said quietly, wondering why he hadn't noticed this oddity before. He knew he had left, but he couldn't remember doing it. "I had a few drinks and . . ." And nothing. . . . Oh, but there had to be something! Yet, no matter how hard he tried, there seemed to be a gap. It was almost as though it had all been . . . erased.
"What about your injuries?" Tonks asked before he could dwell on this horrible thought.
Remus thought for moment. She watched him. He stared straight head, his eyes slightly crossed from concentration. His hands clenched and unclenched and she didn't think he even knew he was doing it. He looked like he was going through an invisible filing cabinet, searching carefully for the one file that held all the answers. Instinctively, she reached forward and slipped her hand into his. He grasped it tightly.
He lowered his eyes, and the gravity of what he was about to say hit him hard. "I had them before I transformed."
"What?" asked Tonks and Kingsley together.
Tonks stared at him. "Are you sure?"
He nodded. "It was after I left the Hog's Head, but before I had-"
"But you don't remember getting them," Tonks interrupted. "You just know that it had to have happened at that time."
Remus nodded.
"Do you remember anything that happened from the time you were at the Hog's Head to the time you transformed?" Kingsley pressed.
There was . . . something. "There was a man at the pub," he said slowly. "O-or it could have been a woman, I guess." He was trying not to make assumptions. "I'm not sure." He looked up at the two of them. "They were hooded and cloaked. I didn't see their face. They sat in the far corner, as far from everyone as they could get." Remus shook his head. "I didn't think it was strange at the time - I mean, you get a lot of strange characters at the Hog's Head, but-"
Tonks turned to Kingsley. She'd clearly come to terms with what Remus didn't want to believe. "Do we have access to Dumbledore's pensieve?"
Kingsley looked surprised then thoughtful. "We might have to-"
"Get it," she ordered. "Whatever you have to do, just get it and bring it back here."
"I don't know if-"
Tonks grabbed him. This was serious. They didn't have time for excuses. "You know what this could mean, don't you?"
Kingsley tried to rationalize, but then he nodded, defeated. "You're right." He looked at the both of them. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He got out of his chair and walked to the door. "And I'm locking this behind me." Tonks couldn't have felt more grateful to him. They didn't need McKinley or - more importantly - Balaquer barging in on them. "The others will stay here while I'm gone." He left.
Tonks turned to Remus. She wanted to say something to him, but she didn't know what. After a long silence, she got up to finish making the tea he had started.
"My memory's been erased," he said slowly once she came back to the table. The words sounded foreign to him, like someone else had said them.
She pushed the cup of tea wordlessly into his hands.
"And the man at the pub-" he continued.
"We don't know anything for sure yet," she interjected.
"Nymphadora," he looked up at her. "My memory's been erased." He put a lot of emphasis on the last word. "Someone didn't want-"
"You're jumping to conclusions," she said. Although, he was probably right.
"I gave them information on you-"
Tonks slammed her cup down on the table. It cracked. She didn't seem to notice. "Remus, stop it!" She feared that he was right, but she didn't want him beating himself up about it like she knew he would. Already he was beginning to. "You don't know anything yet - And even if you're right," she continued as he opened his mouth to protest. "It doesn't matter. It happened, alright? You can't change it." She paused. "I wouldn't blame you," she said gently. "Everything that's happened . . . I know you wouldn't intentionally harm me, Remus. No matter what happened, none of this is your fault."
He was silent for a long time, but she knew that look on his face. He blamed himself . . . and they didn't even know for sure what had happened yet.
It was hours before Kingsley returned with the pensieve. Remus deposited his memory inside it, feeling that this was pointless. He was sure he already knew what had happened, including who had administered the Memory Charm, though he hadn't told Tonks yet. She took his hand and they ventured inside together.
They appeared on a side street in front of the Hog's Head. Tonks turned just in time to see Remus - from over two weeks ago - walking up the street. He was wearing the dirtiest and most tattered robes she had ever seen. Of course, when you're about to transform into a were-beast, you don't exactly dress up for the occasion.
"Come on," Remus pulled her into the pub after himself.
Tonks had never been in here; She preferred the comfortable feeling of the Three Broomsticks. The bar was a small, dingy, dirty room. The place was so filthy! She knew if her mother could've seen it, she would have thrown a hissy-fit. She also would have insisted on tiding up the place.
"You come here why?" she whispered to Remus, forgetting that she was in a memory and couldn't be heard by the people around them.
He shrugged. "Familiarity and . . . well, with the prospect of a horrific transformation ahead," he grinned sadly. "I wasn't exactly looking for a place with a cheerful setting."
"You wanted somewhere to sulk." Tonks nodded. "Gotcha." She looked over to watch as Remus's past self sat down at the bar ordered a drink.
"Over there." Remus pointed, touching her shoulder to further get her attention.
Tonks followed his gaze to where a man sat in the corner, heavily hooded in a dark cloak. "That's him?" she asked.
"That's the one."
Time passed slowly and at first it didn't seem like anything was out of the ordinary. That is, until she noticed that the shady character sitting in the corner was staring intently at Remus's past self. At least, she thought that's what he was doing. It was hard to tell considering that the heavily cloaked wizard kept his hood up and made minimal movement.
The Remus Lupin sitting at the bar turned around to look to behind him, his eyes landing on the hooded man, who didn't make the slightest movement. Remus shiffed nervously and turned back to his drink.
"I remember feeling like he was staring at me." Remus said from beside her. "I thought I could feel his eyes on my back, but then once I turned around . . . well, its hard to tell, isn't it? I mean, it just looks like he's sitting there."
The Remus at the bar looked up from his drink to get the bartender's attention.
"I'm asking him if he knows who the shady character is." Remus told her.
The bartender shrugged and shook his head. Remus turned to look back at the heavily cloaked man.
Tonks and Remus watched this charade continue for what seemed like hours, Remus's past self turning around now and then in his seat to glance at the figure in the corner who seemed to be doing nothing but sitting there. Then, at one moment, something seemed to register because Remus suddenly paused with is drink halfway to his lips. Slowly, he sat his drink down. Then, just as slowly, he reached into his pocket and deposited some money on the counter. Remus then turned and stood from his seat, presumably to confront the heavily clocked wizard.
BANG!
Without warning, a fight broke out. Two middle-aged wizards drew their wands and commenced dueling. They had Tonks's full attention until Remus shouted, "Look!" She turned just in time to the see the cloaked figure quietly inching away from the scene, completely unnoticed except by Remus's past self who was following the figure's progress.
Then everything went black.
"What?" Tonks wheeled around. A light mist was trolling at her feet but that was all. Everything had disappeared. "What happened?" But she knew what had happened. This was the part of Remus's memory that was missing.
"He left." Remus told her. "I don't remember him leaving, but . . . I just know that's what he did. And I . . . I followed."
"You're sure?" she asked.
Remus nodded. He was positive. He remembered now how confient he had felt in the identiy of the wizard. He most definitely would have followed him. However, he realized now that he shouldn't have done so. The man had led him right into a trap, and he'd leapt without even looking. He wasn't sure if he had realized it before, but it seemed as though the cloaked wizard had started the fight himself (via the Imperious Curse, maybe).
Before he could mention this to Tonks, the ground came up to meet them. They were on the outskirts of the village. A stile was raised before them and beyond that was the mountain that shadowed Hogsmeade during the day.
Tonks gasped. Remus's past self lay wounded and bloodied at the foot of the mountain. The hooded man stood on an oversized rock above him with his wand drawn. A battle may have broken out and it was just as likely that Remus had fallen down the rocky slope. They wouldn't know since his memory had indeed been erased, nor was there any way to tell if he'd given out any important information. But at least they now knew how he'd gotten his injuries.
Voices were carried to Tonks's ears and she turned, peering down the road to spot two boys, looking very small in the distance. She realized that these were the ones who had been attacked.
The hooded wizard standing over Remus turned swiftly, his cloak billowing over Remus like a dark blanket. Remus alighted from Tonks's side, hurrying after the wizard. He was sure he knew his identity but there couldn't be any room for doubt. He had to be sure.
Tonks started after him when a cry hit the air. To her left, Remus was scrambling up the slope after the dark wizard, seemingly oblivious to his past self, suffering at the base of the mountain under the beams of the full moon.
Tonks froze, unable to move as she watched him cry out in agony. His body twisted, stretched, contorted, and she couldn't look away. She'd never witnessed anything as horrible as this. She was lucky that during her years as an auror she hadn't encountered the Cruciatus Curse yet, but it couldn't be much worse than what she was watching Remus's past self go through now.
She wanted it to end, wanted it to stop. She would give anything to spare him from having to go through this. His pain seemed to last an entirety and then, all at once, it ended. But Remus was gone; a wolf had taken his place. The wolf got to its feet, sniffed the air . . . and looked right at her.
She didn't move. The wolf charged but she was frozen to the spot. She brought her hands up, shielding herself. The moment came and she felt the memory pass through her. She turned around to see the wolf bounding down the road after the two boys.
She simply stood there gazing down the street, phased by what she'd just witnessed. She didn't know what finally snapped her out of it, but she turned and hastened up the rocky slope after Remus.
The cloaked wizard was moving slowly, taking his time. Remus was swiftly gaining on him. He reached the wizard but kept going, heading for higher ground so he could get a better look. At last he turned, and gazed down at the cloaked figure.
The wind blew the hood back from his face, and Tonks gasped. Then she realized that it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise, really. A part of her had expected this.
Severus Snape continued forward, walking right through Remus. Remus spun around, waiting to see where Severus would go. Then, suddenly, he knew exactly where he was going. "Son of a bitch!"
"Remus!" Tonks stared. She couldn't have heard correctly. He never said things like that. At least, not in front of her.
Remus couldn't restrain himself, not this time around. Certainly not as he thought about Severus's unrelenting hold on his grudge toward Sirius. He was sure Snape was enjoying this. He picked up a rock and lobbed it at Severus's head, forgetting to reminded himself that a) it was a very childish to do and b) he was in a memory and it unfortunately didn't have any affect."That fucking bastard!"
"Remus Jonathan Lupin!" Tonks shouted, more amused and amazed than offended.
Before she could say anything else, Remus turned back to her and took her arm. They were leaving.
Remus couldn't help but give some random object a good kick as soon as they were back in the kitchen. "God, damn it!" It wasn't just about Sirius. It was more about the knowledge that he had given Snape information. He was sure of it now. What else would Severus have wanted from him?
"Remus, calm down." Tonks said, only half chiding him.
He took a deep breath and turned to Kingsley. "It's Snape," he said shortly. "He's hiding in Sirius's cave." With that, he stormed out of the room and up the stairs.
Tonks and Kingsley exchanged glances.
"Give him a minute." Kingsley advised.
Tonks nodded.
He turned to the others in the room. "Right," he said, immediately stepping into action. "McKinley, stay guard here. Balaquer, come with me." He turned to leave.
"We're just going to go on what the werewolf said?"
Kingsley froze. Tonks turned to the one who had spoken. "You-!"
"Yes!" Kingsley shouted, turning. "Balaquer, that's exactly what we're going to do! And if you have a problem with that, you shouldn't have a problem following orders!"
The two men glared at each other. Then Kingsley turned and walked out the door, leaving Balaquer, McKinley, and Tonks behind. Balaquer hesitated, then pulled out his wand and followed. Tonks knew exactly what he was thinking. The only reason he was going was because he hoped to find more things to use against Remus.
Tonks picked up the phone to call Marcus. Despite everything, he was in this with the rest of them. He deserved to know what was happening.
She got the answering machine. "Marcus? It's Tonks. I-I just thought you should know . . . we think we know where he's hiding. Snape, I mean. They've gone to bring him in now. I'll keep you posted . . . bye."
Tonks knocked on the door to Remus's room.
"Come in."
She opened the door. Remus was sitting on the bed, looking up at her.
"Are you alright?"
He nodded. Then shook his head. "No."
She wanted to come in, but hesitated on the threshold.
"Oh," he said, remembering that she had trouble with the room. "Wait. I'll . . . I'll come out there."
She was surprised but glad that he was willing to talk with her. They sat out in the hallway, their backs against the wall. She had thought he was crazy for wanting to stay in what used to be her parents' room, but it was a comfort to her at night knowing that he was just a door away.
"I'm sorry about . . . my language," he said. "That was inappropriate."
"It didn't bother me," she told him honestly. "It's nice to know that even Always-Perfectly-Calm Remus Lupin can lose control."
He let out a soft laugh. "Am I really like that?"
She nodded. "Yeah, you are."
"I bet that gets annoying," he said somewhat dully.
"Sometimes." She would have laughed but he seemed detached from the conversation somehow. "So," she asked, unsure about whether she should. "Do you hate him now?"
Remus hesitated. "Ask me that again when I'm feeling better."
"Right."
Silence. She couldn't help but feel as though he was holding something off.
"It's John, by the way," he said finally.
"What?"
"Back in the pensieve, when you used my middle name," he explained. "Mum used to do that whenever I did something wrong. She'd use the name Jonathan, and I always told her that it said John on my birth certificate." He smiled. "She didn't like that."
"I can imagine." Remus John Lupin, she'd remember that next time "I like it," she told him. "John."
He shrugged. "It's boring."
"Better than Nymphadora," she pointed out.
"I think it's a beautiful name." He paused. She guessed he hadn't meant to say that.
"I'm leaving," he announced, catching her off guard.
"What? Why?"
"You've been doing great," he told her. "You've come to terms that you're in danger, you have protection now, you've finally gotten around to cleaning out that extra room . . ." He paused. "You don't need me here anymore."
Yes, I do, she wanted to tell him. But she couldn't come up with a good reason why. "This is about the pensieve, right? Because you think you gave Snape information on me. You think you've placed me in danger, so now you've decided that you need to leave."
He didn't say anything, but he didn't really need to.
"Remus, I told you. Whatever you said - if you even said anything at all, I don't-" She told him he was being stupid. There was no way he could have given Snape any important information. She just couldn't see how he could have said anything of value when Snape had already known where to find her. And there wasn't any evidence that he'd said anything at all! But he'd made his decision and there was no talking him out of it.
"When they return," he said calmly. "I'm leaving."
Remus searched through the dresser drawers to check that he hadn't missed anything. He was leaving, and with a little luck he wouldn't be coming back. Tonks didn't want him to go, but he had to. He'd been looking for a reason to leave ever since she'd nearly drowned. The incident had made him realize that he cared for her a whole lot more than he wanted to admit.
Something shinny caught his eye. He reached into the drawer . . . and pulled out the badge he had been forced to wear at the Ministry of Magic.
Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Sight Seeing.
He stared at the object. When he left tonight, he would tell himself that he was leaving to protect her. But the real reason he had to leave was sitting in his hand. Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Sight Seeing.
He grasped the badge tightly . . . then flung it with all his might into the trash bin.
"Well?" Tonks asked hours later.
Kingsley shook his head. Tonks felt herself deflate. "Someone had definitely been there, but they must have left shortly before we arrived," he told her. "We waited for hours and no one showed. We handed it over to other officials but . . . I think he's abandoned it." He added, "Sorry."
She shrugged, not knowing what else to do.
Balaquer gave a grunt, and Tonks felt herself bristle with irritation. "And just what are you grunting about?"
He turned to her and said gruffly. "Your werewolf sent us on a wild goose chase."
Tonks was going to speak but Kingsley stepped in, afraid she might blow something - or rather someone - up. "Balaquer, you know someone was using that cave. The evidence was there."
"How do you know the werewolf didn't set that up?" Balaquer demanded.
Tonks's hand twitched as she reached for her wand. The werewolf? "He has a name-"
"How do you know this isn't all an act?" he continued. "The werewolf wants us to think he's on our side so he can send the enemy information!"
"And exactly what would be the point of that?" asked Kingsley hotly.
Balaquer pointed at Tonks. "So he can finish her the first chance he gets."
"He's had plenty of chances-!"
"If he'd wanted to kill her," Kingsley interrupted Tonks. "He could've done it a long time ago."
"How am I supposed to understand the mind of a werewolf?" he asked. "They're not human."
Tonks strode forward. Kingsley stepped in front of her, fighting to keep the peace. "Balaquer, I'm warning you-"
"Maybe," he continued. "He's waiting for the full moon. He's planning something, Kingsley. He's-"
"You don't know what you're talking about." Kingsley told him.
"He's wants us to think he's tame." He spat out the word as though he believed werewolves would always be animals. "And then, when the full moon gets here . . ." He pointed at Tonks again. "He'll bite her the first chance he gets!"
WHAM!
Tonks stepped around Kingsley, her wand forgotten, and drove her fist into Balaquer's fleshy nose with a sickening crunch. It hurt, but judging by his cry of pain it had hurt him a whole lot more. He had a hand pressed to his face, blood spilling between his fingers. She pulled her arm back and hit him again, but this time a sharp pain flashed through her hand. She pulled back again, hesitated. Then she decided it'd be worth it to hit him once more.
Two strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her away. She flailed her fists, wanting to get just one more hit in as Kingsley moved towards Balaquer. Her fist hit the wall as she was pulled through the doorway. She gave a cry and pulled her hand back, pained tears immediately springing to her eyes.
"Calm down before you hurt yourself even more."
It was Remus. He pulled her into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. She sat down moodily in a chair while he grabbed a pack of ice and wrapped it in a dishtowel.
"Ow!" He'd placed the ice pack a little too hard on her hand.
"Sorry-Here. No-Just hold still." He cradled her hand in both of his, the ice pack in between. She glared at him, upset that he had stopped her from giving Balaquer his just reward. He glared back at her, upset that she'd gotten into something he obviously thought she shouldn't have gotten into. "You shouldn't have done that."
"He deserved it," she said shortly.
He lifted the pack of ice to assess the damage. Her two middle knuckles were black and blue, bruising continuing up her hand a little ways. Her middle finger looked slightly out of place, probably because everything around it was swollen. Nothing appeared to be broken.
"After everything," said Remus, shaking his head and placing the ice back on her hand. "He's the one who comes off easy."
"If you'd heard him-" The thought that Balaquer had the nerve to suggest that Remus would actually plan to bite someone . . .
"I heard everything he said."
Tonks blinked. "Y-you did?"
He nodded. "And I stayed out of it - like you should have done. Look at this." He raised the ice pack again. "They can fix Balaquer's nose in a second, but you . . ." He pressed the ice to her hand. Magic had its limits. "I've told you not to stick up for me."
She snapped. "Not everything is about you, Remus!" she shouted. "Balaquer just happens to piss me off every time I go into the office! I've been looking for an excuse to squash his ugly face in since day one! I did it for myself! Not for you! So, just get off your damn pedestal!"
She stared at him with cold determination in her eyes. Go head, she was saying. Tell me again that I shouldn't have done it. Lily had worn that look once, and he faltered under it now as he had done before. The women were very different from each other, but he could see Lily's strength in her. That was something he would always admire.
Tonks swore she could see the hint of a smile on his face. They stared at each other for a while, a silent understanding between them. She was going to stick up for him and the next time it happened, he wouldn't mind so much. She felt like she had finally gotten through to him . . . at least a little.
"Half-bred, shape-shifting freak!" Balaquer shouted, shattering the moment. "Umph!" He'd fallen over something.
Remus whipped out his wand and muttered a hurried charm so Balaquer couldn't open the door. He turned back to Tonks and grinned. "Think he's talking about me or you?"
There were the sounds of the others pulling Balaquer away from the door. "I'm going to get that bitch!"
Tonks smiled. "Me."
The object Balaquer had tripped on turned out to be Remus's suitcase. He was still leaving, and Tonks couldn't stop him (not that she hadn't tried).
"Do I at least get a hug?" she asked as he placed his hand on the doorknob.
He hesitated, then turned to her and asked, "Do you want one?"
She nodded sadly. Oh, if only she could find a way to keep him here!
He put the suitcase down, walked over to her and put his arms around her. She held him tightly. "Please don't leave me here with these people."
He laughed. "One more minute and I think I'll go insane." Balaquer was staying, though Kingsley was keeping a close eye on him. "Take care of yourself. Be safe."
She nodded. "You too."
He let go and she did also.
He turned from her, walked to the door, grabbed his suitcase, and walked outside. Tonks moved to the doorway and watched him leave. He walked down the sidewalk . . . and then disappeared entirely.
That was it. He'd left her again. But she'd get through it just like she had gotten through everything else.
"I'm going to bed," she announced as she closed the door.
She turned around only to find Balaquer staring at her. The look on his face couldn't have been clearer. Good riddance. She wanted to punch him again, but her hand gave a painful twinge as if in warning. At least Kingsley had promised to curse Balaguer's mouth off his face if he opened it again.
Tonks went upstairs and paused at Remus's room. This always happened. She always got her hopes up, and he crushed them every time. He didn't want to hurt her, didn't mean to. She knew that. But it still hurt.
She wondered when this game of Tug-of-War was going to come to an end. One of them was going to give up eventually. They couldn't keep going on like this forever.
She took a step into the room. The floor seemed to tilt beneath her, but she kept going. Another step and then another. The room started spinning. She closed her eyes, but kept moving straight ahead. A scream echoed in her mind and she swore she saw a flash of green behind her eyelids. She felt lightheaded and she fell forward.
Her hands grasped something soft and warm. The most wonderful scent filled the air. It was a scent she associated with Remus, and she buried her face in it. The room seemed to right itself and she opened her eyes. She was lying across the bed, her face buried in the sheets.
She crawled under the covers, and even though he was gone, Tonks felt as though Remus was with her. She was safe and warm and comfortable in the bed he'd slept in. She closed her eyes and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.