Chapter 8 – Alone

Harry woke up in his bed, fully dressed in his clothes from the day before. When he looked around the room, he saw that Ron had fallen asleep sitting upright on his bed, leaning against the wall. Hermione had fallen asleep on Ron's shoulder, and Ginny was curled up like a cat at the foot of Ron's bed. Harry crawled out of bed and left the bedroom quietly in search of answers.

Harry walked into the kitchen where Mrs. Weasley and Remus were sitting at the table, hands clasped around their coffee cups. Mrs. Weasley's eyes were glossy and red-rimmed, and worry lines creased her forehead. Remus's face was drawn, and he looked worse off than he did after a full moon.

"What happened?" Harry asked, massaging his forehead as he sat down at the kitchen table.

Remus studied Harry sadly and asked, "What do you remember Harry?"

Harry put his elbows on the table and placed his head in his hands. He struggled to organize the pictures flashing through his head: the delicious breakfast, the pile of presents, the roller coasters, the Ferris Wheel, the fireworks…

Harry's stomach clenched.

"The Dark Mark," Harry said quietly, a feeling of nausea rising from the pit of his stomach. Harry looked up at Remus. "I don't remember anything after that."

Remus nodded slowly. "We weren't sure what you would remember. We couldn't communicate with you at all and then suddenly you fell to the ground, holding your head. We managed to get you to the Portkey location, and when we arrived back here, you had passed out."

Harry swallowed hard; he did not remember anything that Remus had described. "Why don't I remember any of that?"

Remus shrugged sadly. "I'm not sure Harry. If I were to guess, I would say you were in shock. That, and the fact that your head probably felt like it was exploding prevented you from remembering anything."

Harry closed his eyes. Flashes of people running and screaming rushed through his mind. Harry felt the terror that he was sure he had felt the night before spread through him.

"Is everyone okay?" Harry asked, raising his eyes to Remus.

Remus and Mrs. Weasley glanced at each other. Mrs. Weasley's bottom lip quivered as Remus spoke hesitantly.

"We don't have confirmation yet, but we think there may have been some Muggle casualties."

Harry put his head in his hands. His eyes burned as he thought of the hundreds of people that had been out for a day in the park. Innocent and happy people, whose lives would be forever changed. Harry was horrified.

"Do you know who did it?" Harry asked, his voice straining.

Remus shook his head. "No. Whoever it was came and went quickly. Arthur and Moody could find no trace of anyone. The Ministry has taken over the investigation."

Tonks walked into the kitchen carrying several newspapers, oblivious to the strained atmosphere of the room.

"Front page on every one," she said tossing the newspapers on the table. "The Muggle newspapers and the Daily Prophet. The story is everywhere."

Harry moved his eyes to the newspaper on top of the pile. The Daily Prophet had captured the glittering green message. Harry pulled the paper towards him. The caption under the picture read: The Dark Mark Returns: 3 muggles killed, dozens injured.

Harry felt sick.

Tonks put her arm around Harry and gave him a tight squeeze. "All right, Harry?"

Harry knew that the last thing he felt was all right. The gravity of the situation weighed on him and the message in the sky haunted him. If I hadn't been there…

Harry pushed Tonks away and stood up. "I want to be alone."

Tonks flinched slightly and took a step backward in surprise.

Remus stood, his face filled with concern. "Harry?"

Harry's eyes burned and a huge lump formed in his throat. "Just leave me alone."

Harry turned and left the kitchen, leaving Remus, Tonks, and Mrs. Weasley staring silently after him.

Harry returned to his bedroom and found his friends still fast asleep. He felt a pain in his chest when he realized any one of them could have been injured or killed the night before.

Harry threw himself down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. No matter where I go, I put people in danger.

He thought again of the Muggles that were killed and injured as a result of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Harry felt sick as he realized Voldemort did not care who was killed.

Harry pushed himself up on his bed and looked at his friends. As he stared at them he made a vow to himself. I will never put them in danger again.

Harry knew what he had to do. He got off his bed and began gathering his belongings. He moved as quietly as he could, loading his trunk. If his plan was going to work, he would have to distance himself from everyone he cared about.

"Harry?"

Harry threw the pile of clothes he was holding into his trunk and turned around. Ginny had pushed herself up on one arm and was rubbing her eyes with the other.

"Go back to sleep, Ginny," Harry said, turning away from her.

Ginny stood up, walked over to Harry, and put her arms around him. "I'm so glad you're okay. Last night was so scary."

Harry pushed Ginny away forcefully. "Don't worry about me."

Ginny stared at him as her brown eyes filled with hurt and shock.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Ginny asked.

"Oh, I don't know, Ginny," Harry said sarcastically. "I got three Muggles killed as a birthday present from Voldemort. What could be wrong?"

Ginny took a moment to absorb Harry's harsh words. Her eyes shone brightly with tears.

"Three Muggles were killed?" Ginny whispered. She put her hand on Harry's arm. "But Harry, it's not your fault."

Harry shrugged her hand off his arm. "If I hadn't been there, they wouldn't have been killed."

Ginny shook her head, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "No, Harry. Don't blame yourself."

"Don't tell me what to do," Harry said quietly, turning his back on her again. Ginny stood frozen, shocked from the previous night's events, and now, by Harry's coldness.

Harry continued packing his things. With a stab of guilt, he picked up the pile of birthday presents from the foot of his bed. He paused to look down at the picture Ginny had given him. His eyes began to burn and his throat tightened as he watched Sirius's smiling face. I'm not going to give any one else to Voldemort, Harry told himself resolutely. No matter what I have to do. He placed the presents in his trunk and closed the lid.

Ron stirred slightly, causing Hermione to wake up. She blinked her eyes several times, trying to get the room into focus. She looked at Harry, who was pulling his trunk towards the door, and then noticed Ginny's tear-stained face.

"What's going on?" Hermione asked, sitting up straight.

Ginny stood staring at the floor as Harry continued pulling his trunk to the door.

Hermione stood up. "Where are you going, Harry?"

He dropped the end of the trunk to the floor and glared at Hermione. "You've got to get your nose into everything, don't you?" he spat.

Hermione looked as though she had been kicked in the stomach. She looked at Harry confusedly, her eyes shining brightly.

Harry swallowed hard, fighting to ignore his feelings of guilt as well as the pain in Hermione's eyes.

"If you must know," he muttered, "I'm moving into Sirius's old bedroom."

Hermione stared at him. "Why?"

Ron stirred again on his bed.

"To get away from you," Harry snapped. He then nodded his head toward Ginny and Ron. "I'm sick of being coddled by all of you. I just want to be left alone," Harry said, picking up the end of his trunk.

"But Harry --" Hermione began, taking a step toward Harry.

"Shut up, Hermione! Can't you ever just shut up?" Harry yelled, his eyes flashing.

Hermione's mouth fell open. Tears began streaming down her cheeks.

Ron yawned widely. "Who's yelling?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

Harry scowled, pulled his trunk through the doorway, and slammed the door.

Ron stared open-mouthed at the closed door, as Hermione and Ginny stood still, crying silently.

Three days went by filled with strained silences and angry outbursts. Harry spent his days and nights in his new bedroom, shutting out the world and attacking anyone who dared venture in.

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had tried to visit Harry on several occasions. At times, they just attempted to make small talk; at others, they pleaded with him to talk to them. On every occasion, Harry had yelled and insulted them.

Remus had made several attempts to talk to Harry as well. He had tried to both comfort Harry and admonish him for his behaviour, but Harry had pushed him even farther away, feeling unworthy of the care that Remus was showing him, and guilty for the pain he was causing Remus. Each time, however, Harry reassured himself that he was doing the right thing.

When he wasn't hurting the people he cared about, Harry tortured himself with his thoughts. If I hadn't gone, no one would have been hurt…It could have been Remus, or Tonks, or my friends…It should have been me, not innocent Muggles…No one is safe if they're with me…I'm the one he wants…I fell into the trap that killed Sirius…Why was I so stupid to think I could have a normal day…It's better when I'm alone…No one can get hurt if I'm alone…

Harry was lying on his bed, trying to convince himself that the words he had lashed at Remus that morning were justified, when there was a knock on the door.

"Go away!" Harry growled.

To his annoyance, he heard the doorknob turn. He sat up on his bed and scowled at the door.

Hermione pushed the door open, followed by Ginny and Ron, each carrying a tray of sandwiches and a pitcher of pumpkin juice and drinking glasses.

"We thought we would have lunch with you, Harry," Hermione said, forcing her voice to sound cheerful as she walked across the room to a table to the left of Harry's bed.

Harry glared at them. "Well, you thought wrong," Harry snarled, crossing his arms across his chest.

Hermione's eyes flickered slightly, but then she continued, pretending she hadn't heard him. "Come on, Harry. You must be hungry."

Harry's eyes flashed dangerously. "Get out," he said quietly.

Hermione stood with her hands on her hips and stared at Harry. Then she turned, took the tray from Ginny's hands, and placed the sandwiches on the table. "Ron, can you please put the juice on the table here?" Hermione continued.

Ron hesitated, looking from Harry to Hermione.

Harry stood up, glaring furiously at Hermione. "I asked you to leave."

Ron looked from Harry to Hermione again, and then set the tray on the table. He took a few steps toward Harry, and crossed his arms. "We're not leaving."

Harry began shaking as the anger welled up inside him. "I don't want you here!" he yelled. "Get out and leave me alone!"

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny stood still, standing their ground.

Hermione took a step towards Harry, and then stopped. "Harry, we're your friends. We care about you. We can't stand to see you hurting like this. We want to help you," Hermione pleaded, her eyes shining brightly.

"I don't need any help," Harry snarled. "When will you get it through your thick heads that I don't want you here? I DON'T NEED YOU!"

Harry stood glaring at his friends, clenching his fists in anger. Suddenly, Ginny marched over and slapped Harry hard across the face.

Harry stared at her in shock and raised his hand to his stinging cheek.

"Stop being so selfish!" Ginny yelled, her face bright red and her eyes flashing.

Harry stared at her, his mouth gaping. "Selfish?"

"Have you ever stopped to consider what we need, Harry?" Ginny retorted. "You may not need us, but we need you," she continued quietly.

Harry scoffed. "You don't need me. You're better off without me."

"We know what you're trying to do, Harry," Ginny began, her voice growing stronger as she spoke. "You're pushing us away. You think we'll be safer from You-Know-Who if you're not friends with us anymore. You feel guilty for everything he does. But Harry, he is the one having people killed, not you. Don't be so arrogant to think that you are his only target, Harry."

Ginny's words stung Harry, causing his anger to rise. He fought hard to keep his voice steady. "I'm not being arrogant, Ginny. Voldemort wants me dead. Don't talk about things you don't understand."

Ginny was taken aback. She swallowed hard, fighting back tears. "Well, let me tell you what I do understand, Harry," she said quietly. "I know that you are in danger. I know that we put ourselves in danger by being your friend, and I know you only want to protect us. You can act like you don't care, you can push us away, but we're not going to leave you, Harry. You're stuck with us whether you like it or not. Now, you can keep fighting us, or you can let us in. You have yelled at us and insulted us, but we're still here. We care about you, Harry, and we will do anything for you."

Harry stared at Ginny as a single tear rolled down her cheek. His heart felt like it was breaking and his throat tightened as he looked at Ron and Hermione, their faces filled with the pain he knew he had caused them.

He stared at the floor and cleared his throat. "I can't let you risk your lives for me again."

"You don't have a choice," Ginny said strongly.

Harry looked into Ginny's eyes and saw her determination.

Hermione walked over and slipped her hand into Harry's. "Like Ginny said, you're stuck with us, Harry."

Harry looked at Ron, hoping to reason with him. However, Ron cleared his throat and said determinedly, "We've been through too much together, mate. We're not going to let you push us away. We will always be by your side, through everything."

Harry felt himself losing control of the situation. He sensed he was beginning to lose the battle. He shook his head. "No…I can't ask you to do that," he said staring at the floor.

Ginny placed her hand on Harry's arm. "You're not asking us to do anything…we're telling you how it is."

Harry pulled himself free from both girls and sat on the edge of his bed. He rested his head in his hands as he leaned his elbows on his knees.

"Why?" Harry asked, his voice cracking slightly. "Why would you still want to be my friend?"

Hermione sat on the bed beside him, resting her hand on Harry's back as she spoke. "You're a good person, Harry. You don't give yourself enough credit. We're proud to be your friends. Nothing will ever change that."

Harry shook his head in his hands. "But I was so awful." Harry raised his eyes to look at Hermione. "How could you ever forgive me for the things I said to you?"

Hermione frowned at Harry. "I won't lie to you, Harry. You really hurt me. But I know you did it because you wanted to protect me. You thought if you hurt me badly enough, I would leave you alone and hate you. Then, in your mind, I would be safe." She paused and shook her head. "Terrible reasoning if you ask me."

Harry took Hermione's hand and squeezed it. "I am really sorry, Hermione. You should hate me," Harry said quietly. Then he smiled slightly. "But I'm really glad you don't."

Hermione burst into tears and threw her arms around Harry. "Harry, I could never hate you!"

Harry hugged his friend, thankful despite himself to have her back. As Hermione released him, Harry turned to Ron and Ginny.

"I owe both of you an apology as well," Harry said standing up. "I'm sorry for being such an idiot."

Ron shrugged. "Well, at least you'll admit it." Harry grinned.

Ginny walked over and gave Harry a quick hug. She moved her hands to either side of his head and tilted his head down so that they were nearly nose to nose.

Ginny stared into Harry's eyes. "I swear, Harry, if you do this again, I'll hex you so bad that St. Mungo's will never get you right again."

Harry stared into her eyes and grinned. "I have no doubt that you could and would."

Ginny smiled and dropped her hands down to her side. "Sorry I slapped you. Too bad I didn't have my wand on me this time."

Harry laughed. "I'm glad you didn't. You can save your Bat Bogey Hex for Malfoy."

"That was really brilliant, but can we eat now? I'm starving!" Ron whined.

Harry laughed as Hermione and Ginny rolled their eyes and walked over to the table. He sat down with his friends, grabbed a sandwich, and wondered how he ever thought life would be better without them.