How to Become a Phantom in Less than 10 Minutes
Chapter 3
Raoul looked to Christine with shrugged shoulders, but her reaction wasn't quite as he suspected. "So THAT'S where my stockings went! They were my Daddy stockings! He purchased them for me on the night he told me he'd send me an angel of jazz!"
"Jazz wasn't invented for another 40 or so years, darling." Raoul informed, lightly patting Christine's leg.
"Stop! You're making me feel stupid! I'm not stupid!" Christine pouted.
All the crickets in the world took this as a grand opportunity to chirp.
"Let's just watch the rest of the tape, shall we?" Raoul skipped to the next scene.
"Alo." Said Madame Giry. "Dis is my tape for Extreme Makover, zee home edition. Az you can zee, ziz apra house neez a makeover. Zee bathroom toiletz zare very clogged thanks to-a Piangi and –"
The camera fizzed again and there was Buquet, standing in a tree house high above the ground. The paint was chipping on the walls, but Raoul and Christine had to admit that the naked statue of Andrew Lloyd Webber added touch.
"Welcome to the Opera Populare tree house. We planted it on top of this nice, nice horsey figure all the way at the top of the Opera House. Thanks to Carlotta and her skill of balancing things," The camera got a shot of Carlotta 'balancing' the Il Muto hat on her head. "It will hold up just fine." Buquet explained. "Now, onto the point."
"We will go over OUR skills learned today. Number One: To be a Phantom, you have to be REALLY whiney. This is a GREAT way to annoy your spouse and at the same time be a sexy Phantom! Number Two: You have to have skills with your very own Punjab lasso! This will require a tad bit of exercising. Now, audience, stand up!"
Raoul stood up and Christine watched, wondering how this would turn out.
"Take your complementary Punjab lasso in hand," Buquet ordered through the television.
"HOLD IT!" Raoul paused the TV just as a spray of spit from Buquet's mouth was about to shower the camera and the poor Daroga behind it. "I didn't get a complementary Punjab lasso!"
"Well, make one yourself." Christine tied the bed sheets together in the form of a rope and handed it to Raoul. "Punjab lassos are not supposed to have flowers on them." Raoul pouted, stomping his foot and taking the 'lasso' from her hand.
"At least you got the whiney part down."
"What did you say, Christine?"
"Nothing!"
"Now take your lasso, and make a little circle with it in the air! There, you've got it!" Buquet said to his 'audience.' "Now swing it behind you and catch your victim!"
Raoul let go of the lasso by accident, and in seconds it tangled with a play-doh Christine figure. It dropped to the floor and shattered into little play-doh pieces.
"RAOUL! You killed me!" Christine ran over to the remains of her little play-doh self.
"Well, she wasn't so pretty in the first place…"
Christine snarled like a dying frog and walked out of the room, nose in air.
"I'm sure that went well..." Buquet mused, looking to Nadir who was squirming on the floor below him, tangled in string. He ran for the camera shouting, "No Darogas were hurt in the creation of this film!"