It was another day at death-eaters headquarters and Voldemort had called another damned meeting, much to my disgust. I totally don't want to hear his shit again…'I have a plan'…a plan that will never work! He is the almighty lord of the bullshittiest, worst plans that I have ever had to endure listening to. Dumbledore help me, he has cleared his throat, it's about to begin!

"Today my dear minions, we celebrate!" Voldemort started a grin leering on his genetically wrong face, "Draco is DEAD!"

"Noooooo! My only son! My beloved Draco!" wept Narcissa as Lucius fell into a ball crying.

"Morning all, Father, mother, I didn't know you felt that way about me!" Draco exclaimed as he strolled casually into the room and chose a seat far away from the podium.

"WHAT! Why aren't you dead?" Voldemort screamed pointing at Draco as he sat slumped in his chair.

"You lied biatch!" Lucius screamed and pointed at Voldemort almost randomly and immediately ducked behind the chairs.

"Who said that? Do you want to die so soon?" Voldemort continued smiling that twisted smile of his and amazingly there was no finger pointing. So I started pointing.

"IT WAS LUCIUS, MY ALMIGHTY LORD OF DARKNESS!" I shouted and pointed at the cowering Lucius.

"DIE BITCH DIE!" Voldemort death screamed and attacked Lucius with the crucio curse, "I DON'T LIE!"

"I'm sorry Voldemort, my almighty Dark Lord who is incredibly sexy and would make the best wife!" Lucius apologised through the curse.

"Um, Lucius, um, did you know that Voldemort's actually a dude, not a dudette?" I asked as Voldemort's face turned an interesting shad of beetroot red.

"I AM A MAN, BIATCH!" Voldemort bellowed before running out of the auditorium and slamming the door on his way. "I AM A MAN!"

"See what you did Lucius!" I asked accusingly, "You hurt his feelings! Go apologise!" I ordered ruthlessly and pointed forcefully at the door, "NOW!"

"Fine, but I'm not if he doesn't!" Lucius grumbled as he stomped out, following Voldemort, "OH DEAR VOLDIE!"

"I hate you, you fucken arsehole!" we heard Voldemort scream through the door, followed by an almighty bang.

Five minutes later a slug with blonde hair slimed through the door, causing maniacal laughter, before Macnair silenced them with the thudding of his axe. "Told ya he doesn't like being called Voldie."

"Told ya he doesn't like being called Voldie." Lucius mocked as Narcissa got her wand out to change him back.

"Should I, or shouldn't I?" she mused, "Hmmm, such a hard decision."

"Narcissa, if you don't change me back this instant, I'm going….." Lucius threatened as Narcissa raised an eyebrow elegantly, "I'm going to never pleasure you the way that no other can!"

"…" instantly Narcissa changed Lucius back into his human form and smirked, "Come now, you know what I want."

Grinning Lucius followed his wife out of the auditorium, while mouthing to Macnair, 'I'm Sorry!' and made an apologetic face, which really just made him look constipated.

So now Narcissa and Lucius were in their room supposedly making sweet love, I was left with their godly son, Draco. Voldemort was off sulking somewhere, most likely with his stuffed Dora the Explorer doll. Macnair was playing chess on his own, running from seat to seat instead of turning the board around, while Bella was inspecting her pristine nails. She was really quite fussy about them, god help anyone that breaks one of them. Draco was sitting next to me, silently, so me being me, made donkey noises!

Hello, please review this time readers, I really do love REVIEWS! If you like this fic, go read misses-charlie-weasly's and mine new fic as Queens of the Cheesey Cookies, 101 Ways to Annoy Voldie and Snape!

Mwah

Queen of the Scoubies