Breath deep. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
As she exhaled deeply, Dr. Watts returned with a young nurse in tow. Her eyes softened at the sight of Ashley, but she quickly returned to business.
"Ashley, I have to tell you that this process is sometimes uncomfortable." Her voice was steady and even. "Not physically, by any means, but emotionally. The trauma of a rape is sometimes relived during a rape kit. If you feel like you can't handle it at any point in the kit, just say so and we'll stop. Alright?"
"Yea. Alright." Ashley whispered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Good then." Dr. Watts pulled a set of stirrups from beneath the table. "Mrs. Kerwin, you are most welcome to sit beside Ashley." She motioned to a rolling stool in the corner.
Ashley set her heels into the stirrups, staring into the fluorescent lighting of the hospital room. She glanced over at her mother, who had wheeled the stool next to the table. Kate smiled weakly at her daughter, her own worry visible in her eyes.
She reached out a hand, holding Ashley's within her own.
"Breathe, honey. Relax." Kate whispered, her hand aching from Ashley's death grip.
"Your mom's right. You've got to relax, or else it might be uncomfortable." Dr. Watts pulled out a tray full of instruments, most noticeably a speculum. "Just breathe deep."
Ashley took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly.
"Here we go." Dr. Watts picked up the speculum in her gloved hands. "Would you like me to tell you what I'm doing?"
"No." Ashley replied quickly, squeezing Kate's hand again.
Dr. Watts began the procedure, and Ashley began to feel herself rearing up once more. She'd seen on crime shows when the rape victim was devastated by the rape kit; she'd always thought it strange to be upset about something that was for the greater good of the situation.
Now, however, the thought was not so distant. It was real. Happening.
She felt herself seizing up, floating. This time, her ceiling-self's eyes were shut tight, unwilling to watch the scene below as before.
"Ashley?" Dr. Watts voice brought her ceiling-self down again. "Ashley? We're done with that part. I need to examine your face."
As she was brought back to the here-and-now, she failed to notice Kate's tears.
"What?" Ashley asked dazedly, the words fading in and out. "Oh. My face?"
"Yes. Were you assaulted anywhere else?" Dr. Watts calm voice was filtering through.
"I have a cut on my chest." Ashley replied, removing her feet from the stirrups and clamping her legs shut.
Ashley pulled the gown down, showing Dr. Watts the wound. It was red and swollen, small red lines running from it.
"Yep, it's infected." Dr. Watts said, nodding. "I can prescribe the antibiotics that'll clear it up within a week. What was used?"
"What?" Ashley's brow knit in confusion.
"What did he use to cut you? A knife? A razor blade?"
"Oh. A knife."
"Add a tetanus shot to the list." Dr. Watts motioned to the nurse. "And can you clean that up? Some gauze over it would be fine." She turned to Ashley. "I'll be back with the tetanus shot and a shot of ceftriaxone -- for any possible STDs. Mrs. Kerwin, are you alright?"
"Yes," She sniffled. "I'll be fine."
Ashley turned to her mother. Kate's eyes were puffy from crying and her nose was red. She smiled weakly at her daughter.
"I'm fine, honey." She said. "Just a little upset, that's all."
The nurse, who introduced herself as Sara, quickly cleaned Ashley's cut. Ashley hissed as the disinfectant bit into the gash. Sara spread some clinical neosporin over it, then taped it up with gauze. She smiled and left quickly, barely giving Ashley or Kate time to thank her.
When Dr. Watts returned, she carried with her the vaccine and a prescription pad.
"Your arm will be sore for a few days afterwards, but the shot itself is generally painless." Dr. Watts said as she swabbed Ashley's arm with alcohol.
Ashley winced at the initial prick of the needle, but quickly realized it was indeed a nearly painless injection. She smiled at the sight of the Sesame Street bandaid Dr. Watts put over it. Dr. Watts moved to her other arm, and quickly injected the ceftriaxone. The needle entry was painless, but the actual injection left a biting ache in her arm.
"Now, I'm going to prescribe Plan B. It's an emergency contraceptive. There are two pills, and you can take both of them at once." She paused, glancing from Kate to Ashley. "As long as you take it within the 120 hour window after unprotected intercourse, you should be fine."
She scribbled something on a notepad.
"You can pick it up at your pharmacy. And I'm also prescribing some Keflex -- this is for the infection in the cut on your chest. Take the pills once a day before you go to sleep. Don't take it on an empty stomach or I promise you will throw up. You'll also need two metronidazole -- also for STDs. Take both pills at once. Doxycycline is another one; take it twice a day for a week." She paused, making sure Ashley and Kate had got all that. "An empty stomach is most definitely a no-no for at least a week."
She ripped the slip of paper from the pad and handed it to Kate.
"So I guess we're done here." She smiled broadly. "Ashley, come back in two weeks for a follow up." She looked to Kate. "You can schedule an appointment on your way out."
"Thanks." Kate smiled, wiping her eyes. "Thanks a lot."
"Don't worry. You two have a good day." Dr. Watts exited quickly.
"Dr. Watts?" Ashley called.
"Yes?" Dr. Watts poked her head back in the door.
"I'd like to report it."
Dr. Watts smiled.
"I'll be glad to give the police a heads up." She stepped inside. "I'll have a nurse draw up the necessary paperwork saying that you want to report it. They should call you in for an interview within the next few days. Sound good?"
Ashley nodded, staring at the floor once more. A nagging fear clawed at her heart, making her cold to her very core.
She wondered what would happen if Mouse wasn't kidding. What if he got to her before the cops got to him? Her mind reeled as she trudged from the hospital to the car.
The car ride home was a blur; she found herself muttering monosyllabic words in response to her mother's chatter. Nervous chatter. In her mind, Ashley scoffed. After all, what did Kate have to be nervous about?
Ashley remembered the retelling of Paige's rape trial. Maybe she could call Paige and get some advice about the entire thing. On second thought, Paige wasn't exactly the person you would tell your secrets to.
Her thoughts came to a halt as the night went on. She spent the evening lying on her bed in a daze, the flicker of the lightbulb the only changing presence. As the evening turned into early morning, she found that her eyes had never closed.
She turned to glance at the digital clock at her bedside: four twenty nine. She picked up her phone, quickly dialing the number.
She had never expected anyone to answer, anyway.
The midafternoon sun was high above the Isaacs-Kerwin household before Ashley had stirred from her sound but terrifying sleep. Her dreams were wrought with images of a scalpel wielding drag queen singing along to old Bowie tunes.
She awoke with an incessant voice chiming in her head.
K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K makes good things come your way!
The little rhyme looped continuously.
She remembered a drugged out club kid gyrating to some deejay's mix shouting it out at the top of his lungs.
Riley had pulled her aside and drunkenly pointed him out.
"That," He slurred, "Is Liam. Having the time of his bloody life, he is."