Hi de ho all! New chappie! Premium! This one is heaps longer than the last because..well...i just wanted it to be. Hope everyone likes it, cos it's going to be a great next chappie! Habahahahababab! Super-duper-uber love to evryone who is reviewing! i heart you all soooooo much! So please continue, or next chappie you'lll get an unpleasant surprise that may or may not involve a twisted fragile charcter, mind bending drugs and a massacre. (evil laughter) Well, id best be off to bed as i need my beauty sleep to go xmas shopping tomoz! EXCELLENT! bahaha! keep reviewing !

DISCLAIMER! Well, i read this really shocking article the other day in AUSTRALIAN WOMAN'S WEEKLY (shameless endorsement) that JK is oh so sick of Harry that she's just a bout ready to chuck the whole thing in and kill him off. To this i have to say: JK could just sell all her squillions of HP rights to me! cos i currently dont own a jot of Harry and would never in a million years kill him off! I dont believe the article, but, stilll...the offers up, Jo.

Engorge yourselves, my monkies!

An echoey silence prevailed after this peculiar announcement. Then, James burst into peels of feverish laughter. He clutched his sides and fell to his knees, snorting and guffawing into the tight silence.

The girl looked severely upset. She cast a pale, panicky glance at the boy on the ground and brought herself to her feet, her readied wand shaking madly in her hand. James kept his eyes upon her as she rose, tears streaming openly down his face. Sirius and Lily had retreated against the grimy wall, both sharing looks of alarm and a slight shade of scepticism. James' booms of laughter continued to curl around them. Nobody else made the slightest sound.

Then, presently, James abruptly stood up, eyeing the girl with a deadly cold stare. "You think that's funny, do you?" he snarled at her, all traces of mirth twisting into smoke. "I bet Snivellus put you up to this! What a load of dung! How could that boy be my son? " As he said this, he unsheathed his wand from his robes, and pointed it frankly at the girl.

She simply erected her posture and stared him back. The lurking silence spiralled again.

"I...I...I'm not having you on." she stammered, her voice weak and pale. "He is Harry James Potter. Your son." Suddenly, she broke down, slumping unto the floor and moaning piteously. "Oh! This is terrible! Oh, how will he take it? He won't be able to! This last year has been dreadful, and all he needs is this happening! This will destroy him!" she cried into her cupped hands, tears leaking from between her fingers.

Lily made an awkward move forward, paused, then crouched down beside the girl, a comforting hand upon her shoulder. "It's ok." she murmured soothingly, and she looked commandingly over her shoulder to the other two. Sirius hurried forward obediently, a sceptical expression still about his face, but James made no move to help. He simply crossed his arms with cold indifference.

"I can't believe you traitors! She tells a whopper like that and you two run to her side as soon as she starts fake crying! Gits!" he snorted, walking over to the window, away from the crying, commiserating huddle.

"James." Lily spoke softly. "She's not a liar. I can tell."

A small voice reached out from the huddle. "He is your son! I've known him for years. And I know how this will affect him." She shook off Lily and Sirius, got to her feet again and angrily wiped away her tears as if they were indecent. Lily got the impression she didn't often cry that easily. "And I know how you all got here! Through that dratted Time-Keepers portrait! I overheard the Order talking about it the other day. How they had given up trying to use him as he's got grumpy in his old age and regularly sends people to undesired destinations, giving them stupid riddles on how to get back! Seems to think it's funny." She shook Lily's hand from her shoulder in a determined manner and gazed fiercely at them all. "I'll take a bet that's how you all got here. Am I right?"

James made a barley audible noise of assent from the back of his throat. He remained at the window sill, hunched over with some heavy emotion.

"I'm telling the truth...please believe me as we have to do something about you guys before he wakes up!"

"Why?" Lily spoke clearly, though her head was performing tumble turns . "So what if James' son sees his father a bit of a jot younger than he usually is? I mean-" she strengthened her voice. "This is excusable magic! Just a simple apology and we're on our way. Besides, the boy won't even recognise Sirius or me so it won't be that big a shock!"

The girl gave a teary chuckle from Lily's shoulder, still wiping furiously at her shining brown eyes. " Lily..." She cocked her head slightly to the side and surveyed Lily gently. "You're his mother."

At this, James whipped around.

Lily tittered nonchalantly, wrapping her arms around the girl again as if she were a whimsical three-year-old. "I'm sure!" she laughed, trying to ignore a niggle of fright twisting around her insides.

Sirius barked with glee. "Oh! So she's suddenly a liar again, eh Evans?"

James stood completely still, a statuette of startled hope.

Lily looked down at the girl she had her arm around. She still looked teary, although evidently amused. Lily ripped her arm off the girl's shoulder and backed away, her heart drumming a frantic tattoo in her chest.

"You mean he's my...I am his...James is my...So, James and me had...we...had to of...to have a baby, we...gosh!" Lily clutched both her head and stomach as the room gave a sickening lurch and began spinning. She heard alarmed voices, but her eyes were chocked with tears as a dizzy nausea smothered her. After a minuet or two of swirling queasiness, Lily found herself prostate upon the dusty floor, James, Sirius and the girl swimming back into focus, crowded around her all looking extremely worried.

"Evans! Speak to me! Can't we do anything?" James looked over his shoulder at Sirius, his face rigid and pale. "Lily! Merlin, what if she's dead! What will we do? What will I do? I -" For Sirius had tapped him upon the shoulder, and pointed to the alert Lily. James slowly turned his head back around and grinned sheepishly at her.

Lily stumbled to her feet, her sudden nausea evaporating slowly. She didn't dare to look at the boy still unconscious upon the ground. She found she would not be able to handle any upsurge of feelings she may encounter now with the knowledge that he was her son.

"So where are we and who are you?" she muttered to the girl, collapsing in a splintered silky-oak chair.

The girl took a steadying breath and began: "My name is Ginny. We are in 12 Grimauld place, and the year is 1997, just for the record."

"1997?" said James. His face had become a white sketch of fright and pain. "You cannot be serious? Have we been missing all these years? Where are...-" he petered out, sweat shining suddenly upon his taunt face. "My parents! Where are my parents? Are they ok? Do you know?"

"I'm, I'm sorry! I don't!" stammered the girl called Ginny, twisting her long red hair nervously.

Lily looked quickly at James. Selfish, she thought. They were here because of her father, and all he can think about are his parents! James' shoulders were squared defiantly and his face a mask. "Guys." he said quietly. "I've got to go to them. My father. I need to know."

"Wait! James, I'll come with you." said Lilly, taking herself by surprise. She rose reluctantly from the chair. Her legs shook weakly and her hands still tingled unpleasantly with icy pins and needles.

"Same" said Sirius. He wore a slightly amused expression and grinned knowingly at Lily. She ignored him and turned to the girl.

"What about you?" she asked. The girl crossed the room and peered down the stairs. Lily could now distinguish the happy voices of well-fed laughing people drifting up . "It's ok for now." she said upon re-entering the room. "He isn't here yet. But Harry needs to meet him. I'll go with you, then we can figure out how to get Harry up and moving again for his meeting."

Lily waited, but the girl didn't elaborate.

"Can you Apparate " she asked kindly. Noticing her patronising tone, Ginny's eyes narrowed . "No." she replied stiffly, walking away from Lily. "But I can Side-Along with Sirius here.!" Lily looked the girl over. She must only be about 14 or 15, but she had an air of dazzling self-assurance about her. She was one you couldn't help noticing. Lily's eyes flickered to the boy upon the floor, and back to the girl, now clutching Sirius' arm with a rough determination, her face set. She could see why her son liked her. Lily scrunched up her eyes and scraped her fingers through her hair. Did she really just think that? This must be a dream. She would surely wake up at any moment and recount it to her friends while bursting with laughter at the absurdity of it all. James' voice hacked callously into her confused thoughts. "28 Ivyton street, London! Let's go!"

She span around tightly and a moment later a cool early morning breeze was caressing her face. She opened her eyes. They were all standing in the middle of a road lined with ostentatious, large sweeping Victorians and towering laurel trees. Every house bragged elaborative manicured gardens, rolling emerald lawns that rippled in the morning breeze, and intricately wrought high iron security fences.

A clinging smell of old money hung snobbishly around the affluent houses: in the sculptured hedges bordering every house, in the expensive cars that graced every drive-way, even in the lamp-posts that sported their own curling iron garland, which hung just below the street-light. Golden sunlight dappled in through the laurel's leafy canopy overhead. Appropriate colour, though Lily, regarding the posh houses scornfully. A street of snobbery and poodles.

"You live here?" Lily could not help the derision from creeping into her voice. James noticed her tone and frowned. "Well, as a matter of fact, Evans, I do... I did."

"I thought your parents were pure-blood wizards. What's with the Muggle residency?"

"Mum loved this Muggle suburb and bullied Dad into buying here. Simple." He caught Lily's eyes and smiled.

Remembering what James had let slip about his parents, Lily looked away, embarrassed.

"My house is...here." James had walked a short distance away, coming to a stop out side one of the largest houses. It was a sprawling stone mansion, towering above then laurel trees even. Its innumerable windows glinted majestically in the early morning sun. Lily was sure it was one of those houses that, even if you just kept walking, you could never find the end of. She even noted the pointed roof of the small cylindrical structure above the two engraved oak front doors as a deliberate mimicry of a turret. How snobbishly rude and superficial, she huffed to herself.

James smiled wistfully at it. "Home sweet home." he murmured.

Ginny's jaw had involuntarily dropped. "Your house looks as if it should have it's own moat." she whispered, her eyes obscenely round.

"Well, Dad was thinking of getting one, but he thought perhaps the alligators would scare the neighbours kids. I'm joking, I'm joking! he said quickly to the look of disgusted incredulity upon Ginny's face. Lily regarded the mansion too. No. This had to be a dream . Never in her lifetime, or her next, could she see herself calling this snotty superficial display of the Potter's wealth and superiority home.

"So." said Sirius, who seemed neither impressed nor disdainful of this blatant exhibit of riches. "How do we get in to see if your parents are ok?" he looked around at hem all. "Any ideas?"

Everyone fell silent, shifting slightly in the cool wind that succeeds sunrise. All except James, who had walked up to the tall imposing gate that shielded the Potter Mansion and had looped his arms through the bars, slumping against them.

Suddenly, a cry rent the crisp morning air. "Harry? OH! Harry! I knew you would be back here one day!" And with that an old lady came shuffling out of one of the neighbouring houses. She hobbled excitedly up to a bewildered James and thrust herself upon him in a bone-crunching hug.

"Ow." moaned James. Lily could tell just by the expression upon his face he had no idea who this old lady was. She stepped back from him, her eyes glittering with tears and they all got a good look at her. She was dressed peculiarly for so early in the morning. She was wearing a fox-fur scarf, a long floaty dress and sparkling high heels. To accessorise this dazzling outfit, she sported many glittering jewellery, mist-blue eye shadow, and fire-engine red lipstick. Her strangely pink-tinged hair was drawn back into an elegant bun and secured with a jewelled hair clasp. Lily gaped. Never in her life had she seen an old-woman dress more dashingly...or insanely.

"My darling!" she trilled regally, catching James' hands in hers. "You look ever so much like your father! Oh, do come into my house children! We shall enjoy a spot of tea, and I can take you all through your father's past, dear!" She turned sharply away and marched back to her own house, as if she was just expecting them all to follow. James and Sirius followed her clicking high-heels at once, but the others held back.

"C'mon! She'll tell me what happened to my parents!" James hissed over his shoulder at them. Lily and Ginny swapped exasperated looks but followed reluctantly. Mrs.Castaweller (as she introduced herself the moment they were all comfortably seated in her luxurious living room, tentatively sipping tea) told them all that she was an old neighbour of the Potter's but never really liked the young family (here James made an affronted noise but muffled it into his china cup) until she had got to know their son James and his wife Lily, more so when they had their son Harry, all this whilst scratching the ear of a grumpy old diamante-collared cat.

"You were such a delightful child! You still are! I've seen ever so many photos of you in the paper, I knew you from the second I saw you! Splitting image of James! It's uncanny!" she trilled, staring in open adoration at an uncomfortable James. "My sister Arabella and I got to mind you once a week! Your parents were the loveliest people ever..." she drifted away, looking dreamily over their heads. Ginny, who had the most peculiar look upon her face, hastily changed the subject. "So, are Harry's grandparents still there? He knows nothing of his father's family after all..."

Mrs. Castaweller's eyes came abruptly back into focus, and immediately rather bright. "No. I'm awfully sorry, child. Your grandparents were taken months before you were born."

James had turned a nasty green colour. "What do you mean taken?" he said, his hands nervously rattling his china cup.

"Oh, taken dear." Mrs. Castaweller leaned in towards James kindly, squashing her cat in the process, and took his hand taking hers. "Taken. By You-know-who's followers. There was a Dark Mark above the Potter Mansion and all. The Magical Law Enforcement Patrol were working well into the next day, modifying all those Muggles memories that caught a glance of it. Well, there was an uproar in the muggle community, I can tell you! A double murder on Ivyton street! Such a thing had never even been supposed before! But it wasn't though everyone really felt sorry for your grandparents. Not very social or pleasant people. Most unlike your parents! I never really forgave them for the hard time they put your father through when he wanted to marry your mother-"

At that, James stood up abruptly and excused himself in a stiff voice. After he gave the rest of them a significant glace, they all murmured their apologies and followed suit, leaving the old lady and her slightly-squashed cat behind. Once out in the street, James immediately Disapperated without so such as a word of warning. Lily sighed and began to as well, Ginny choosing this time to let her accompany her.

When she opened her eyes again, they were outside Sirius' house, which looked even more decrepit and forlorn in the early sunrise as it did 20 years ago...Lily noticed James hunched over on the crumbling sidewalk. She and Sirius both walked over and put an arm each around him. But Ginny was staring, apparently horror-struck, at the rusted gate entrance to Grimauld Place. Lily looked over and saw a procession of Ministry cars winding their way into the complex.

"Oh, frizzle!" exclaimed Ginny, and she raced over to the others, and pushed them all over to the newly-materialised front door of Number 12. "In! In!" she hissed, and once they all were, she slammed the door with a breathless feverishness, and began badgering them up the stairs.

"Is that you, Ginny dear?" came a woman's voice from the basement kitchen, where the loud happy talking was still taking place. "We have all been waiting for you and Harry for over half an hour! Hurry up!"

When, at last they were all safely back in the Time-Keeper's room, Ginny turned breathlessly to a silent James and spoke in an urgent whisper: "Someone really important is going to be here in mere seconds to see your son. Harry is-" she glanced hopelessly at the still-prostrate boy. "-in an unfortunate condition-"

"No! Wait! I can fix him!" Sirius crouched down , whipped out his wand and tapped the boy's chest, muttering "Enervate." He stood back impressively, waiting. Nothing happened. The boy remained as solidly unconscious as ever.

"-In an unfortunate condition." continued Ginny as though there had been no interruption. "This is really important. Can you pretend to be Harry, just for tonight?"

Dum dum duuuuuumm! (over-dramactically) Yes. This is it. What will happen next? Will James stuff it up and reveal his true identity? Will Ginny be able to not make out witrh her bf's dad agian? Will Sirius ever have more than two lines in the entire fic? And will Lily disclose her unplesant secret...that she's really a man?( Erm...no. I dont think i'll take that path) Well, that's it for now, filthy monkies! Tune in next time! now where's my cookie dough...xoxoxoxo