Disclaimer: Don't own anything. POTC belongs to Disney.
An hour later, the monkey and Ethel were sitting in the girl's room, discussing exactly why the monkey was there.
Ethel: So let me get this straight. You've been sent here to help me find my long lost uncle's second cousin's step-father's dog walker's neighbour who had an affair with that guy who was THE Ronald McDonald at McDonald's' crazy fan's sister's niece twice removed on her mother's side's treasure?
The monkey, whose name was Wesley, sat on top of the wardrobe, dressed in women's garb, looked comfortable where he was.
Wesley: Uh huh. Wait! This is a pirate story right? So – aye!
Ethel: So where is this treasure?
Wesley: (looks uncomfortable) That's where we reach a little snag you see. The only one who has the map leading to the treasure is a pirate. His name is –
Any Reader: 3 guesses who!
Wesley: Captain Jack Sparrow.
Ethel: (hysterically) How did he get it? How come he hasn't already gone for it? How do I know that he hasn't already claimed it all? How do I find him? How am I going to get the map off him if he's a pirate? How do I get him to fall madly in love with him? When am I going to have hot monkey sex with him? Do you think I'd look better as a brunette? Or maybe as a redhead? Yeah…I was thinking of getting bangs………
She continued in this vein for quite some time, making the monkey look for a shovel to hit her across the face with it. After about half an hour when his search turned fruitless, Wesley came back in the room to find Ethel still gibbering like an idiot.
Ethel: And how come its always so dark at night time? It's like the sun is gone or something! Crazy isn't it? Where is my Pokemon card collection now I wonder? I always liked Pikachu, cute little thing he was…….
Wesley: SHUT UP!
AllReaders: Hear hear!
Wesley: I'm only going to answer the first couple of questions you asked, because they are the ones that have anything remotely related to the story. As far as I know, Sparrow obtained the map from a cereal box. He hasn't gone for it because that would mean a plothole is filled, and that's not how we do things here. You know he hasn't claimed it all because I know, and I know all. You won't find him, he'll find you, usually in a badly contrived situation wherein you are drunk off you ass and he has to help you. And finally how you get the map off him is explained in the next chapter.
Ethel: (blank look) Right. Well, I have to get my sleep. It has been a very trying day for me. Can you make sure to lock the door for me please?
Wesley: Sure
Wesley went to lock the door, breathing a sigh of relief and wondering how long it'd take them to get this done and if he should carry a shovel with him at all times.
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