DISCLAIMER: POTC belongs to Disney; the Funny belongs to Erin from TWoP.

Jack left quickly leaving Ethel and Wesley to stew in what was indeed their own mess in the Captain's Quarters.

Ethel: Now what do we do?

Wesley: (exasperated sigh) My word, you are missing a couple of crayons from the box aren't you?

Ethel: (blank stare) …

Wesley: Don't you remember anything about what I said on the first night I met you?

Ethel: (blank stare) …

Wesley: What about that pendant? Anything there?

Ethel: (blank stare) … Pen-dant? Oh! You mean that shiny thing hanging from my … my … thing that connects head to body?

Wesley: Yes that's right! That's the key to the treasure that Sparrow has the map to!

Ethel: Trea-sure?

Wesley: Oh sweet mother of mercy!

Wesley went on to summarise the first couple of chapters explaining the plot. He stopped, then realised that he hadn't got the right story up, but some Mary Sue fic. He thought about closing it and getting the right one but then realised that the plots were exactly the same. Ethel nodded and blinked a couple of times.

(An hour later)

Wesley: Now do you understand what we have to do?

Ethel: (blank stare) …

Wesley: (cries)

Another hour passed and Ethel finally understood what they had to do.

Ethel: So I have to work with Captain Jack Sparrow to get the treasure right?

Wesley: YES!

BoredReader: Good, I was getting bored of that whole bit.

Wesley: Now the next plan of action is to persuade Jack to let us work on the ship as one of the crew, reveal our "key", take a look at the map, find the treasure and get him to fall in love with us – I mean, you.

Ethel: How?

Wesley: Well, what is the one thing that you can always trust a pirate to have?

SmartReader: Bad use of personal pronouns!

CynicalReader: Bad teeth!

Wesley: No! An obsession with treasure! Now together with your "stunningly good looks" I think we have a pretty good chance of pulling this off.

Ethel: You seem to have done this before.

Wesley: (narrows eyes in suspicion) That's very shrewd of you. I think you may need to read this. (hands over book) Just to put you on the right track.

(The book reads "The Dummies guide to being a Dumb Mary Sue")

Ethel: (blank look) Read?

Wesley: (takes back book, relieved) Or maybe not.

Ethel walked out onto the deck and surveyed the scene. She saw the crew working hard around her and Jack at the helm.

PickyReader: Hold the phone! How is it, that none of the crew realise that some blonde chicky just walked out of the Captain's Quarters?

Author: Because as I said before, they're "working hard", and besides who would really think twice about some blonde chicky walking out of Captain Jack Sparrow's Quarters.

PickyReader: Too right, carry on.

The wind tugged Ethel's golden locks as the –

CynicalReader: Here it comes, another craptastic description of how "dazzling the sparkles of the sun are that are reflected from the still surface of the sea" or how "the salty scent of the wind delighted Ethel and stirred something deep in her memory". I betcha the author has been nowhere near the ocean; let alone sailing on a boat.

Author: OK, one more peep from you missy, and you're out! You're stealing all of my "good storylines" and "plot twists!" And I have so been sailing! Wait, do school sailing lessons on the river count?

AllReaders: (shake head in unison)

HappyReader: Cool … air quotes.

- sun reflected off the still surface of the sea in dazzling sparkles. The salty scent of the wind delighted Ethel and stirred something deep in her memory. She wondered at it and was called back from her reverie when a voice sounded close to her ear.

ExpectantReader: This is the part where Jack rabbles on about the Black Pearl and freedom.

ObservantReader: Isn't that the same drunken conversation he had with Elizabeth in the movie?

ExpectantReader: Yeah, but the author couldn't think up of anything creative to fill in the moment.

PickyReader: How the hell did he get so close without Wesley noticing?

Wesley: (offstage and in a directors chair eating a bagel) Hey! I can't be everywhere you know!

Jack: Rabble, rabble, freedom, rabble, rabble, the Black Pearl, rabble, rabble, my mother used to dress me up in pink dresses, rabble, rabble.

Wesley: Pink dresses? Seriously dude?

Just then, Will walked over -

WillFans: (drool)

JackFans: (gag)

Will: Did someone say pink dresses? Pink dresses are so last season. Everybody knows now that coral is the new pink. Coral peoples!

Will, a young man with a dashing smile and blah blah blah blah and we all know what Orlando Bloom looks like mmmkay?

Will: Jack darling! Introduce me to this friend of yours!

Jack: (busy staring into Ethel's eyes which were indeed, the colour of the sea, startled) Huh? Wha? Er…Will Turner, Ethel …

Ethel: Moonshine.

Jack: Right, Will Turner, Ethel Moonshine and Mr. Wesley. Ethel Moonshine, Will Turner. Mr. Wesley, Will Turner.

Wesley: Oooh, "Mr" I could get used to that!

With the greetings over, Gibbs came over and the whole thing started again.

Jack: Ethel Moonshine, Mr. Gibbs. Mr. Wesley, Mr. Gibbs. Mr. Gibbs, Ethel Moonshine. Mr. Gibbs, Mr. Wesley.

When those greeting were over, Norrington came over and the whole thing started again. Again.

Jack: Ethel Moonshine, James Norrington. Mr. Wesley, James Norrington.

By this time, the entire crew came over, but Jack was too lazy for individual introductions.

MeanReader: More like the author was too lazy.

Author: Meany!

Jack: Everyone, this is Ethel Moonshine and Mr Wesley. Please make them feel as welcome as possible.

Satisfied, everyone went back to work. Jack instructed AnaMaria to show Ethel where she would be sleeping. Wesley slipped off her shoulder to hide behind a barrel and listen to in on Jack and Mr. Gibbs's conversation.

CynicalReader: If he starts going on about bad luck I will –

Gibbs: It's bad luck to have women aboard Jack.

CynicalReader: If he says it'll be worse luck, I swear, I will –

Jack: It'll be worse if we don't.

CynicalReader: …

HappyReader: Will what?

CynicalReader: (trying to think up a good threat) Stop reading this fic?

HappyReader: Bwah! As if you can!

CynicalReader: Touché.

REVIEW ME! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOO! ESPECIALLY THE ANONYMOUS ONES BECAUSE THEY CAN NOW!