AN: You know what you should read? "The Secret to Hell Water" by Raya and "Inconvenient" by, an author's whose name I forgot. Seriously, they're so worth it.

Ethel: (gurgle gurgle gurgle)

Jack noticed a large splash of water and Wesley on the side of the ship pointing downwards. Without even thinking, Jack leapt into the violent ocean to rescue the girl.

PickyReader: Just like that? Without even attaching a rope to himself? He's crazy!

ObsessiveReader: Don't we all know it? He walks like he's drunk all the time!

JackFans: (swoon) (sigh)

Will: (shrieks) No you cannot go down there! You'll get your couture wet! Nooooo!

The wind lashed at the crew's faces and Will's frantic screaming went unheard. They were all busy trying to maintain the ship from capsizing. Just as all hope was lost in Will, Jack's head broke the turbulent surface of the water with an unconscious girl clinging around his neck. Thinking quickly, Will threw down a coil of rope to Jack who immediately grabbed hold of it. Together with Gibbs and 6 other people of the crew who still as of yet have no names, Will hoisted Jack and Ethel to the deck. Spluttering water, Jack looked over to Ethel to see if she was all right. She wasn't breathing.

Nothing seemed to be obstructing her breathing passage so Jack bent over her to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

PickyReader: Er, was mouth-to-mouth resuscitation even developed in the 17th century?

HappyReader: Oh, who cares, this is Pirates of the Caribbean for goodness sakes! There's remaining Cortez treasure in it!

Ethel coughed and spat out the water. Wesley went over to her, looking concerned.

Jack: Thought you'd take a little swim in the ocean there didn't you love?

Author: Again, totally lost the voice for Jack I'm afraid.

CynicalReader: Just add "love" or "savvy" to the end of each sentence and you'll be right.

Ethel gave him an embarrassed smile that evaporated quickly as she remembered the reason why she came out here.

Ethel: You!

Jack: Yes, me.

ObservantReader: Aren't they still in the middle of a violent storm?

CynicalReader: Yes, but when the Mary Sue has an important bit in the storyline, the other things don't matter. Such as the weather, the numerous people around them and sometimes, the laws of physics.

Jack: (looks around for the source of the conversation) Whoever said that was right. We better get you out of this storm love or you'll catch a cold.

And with that, Jack promptly threw a screaming, angry Ethel over his shoulder and carried her back to his cabin.

Ethel: Let me go!

Jack: Okay. (drops Ethel on the ground of his cabin) There, ya happy now?

Ethel: (sulkily) Yes.

Jack: I best be off, I have a crew to prevent from drowning.

Ethel: Wait. Stay. Stay with me.

ObservantReader: Has someone been watching Daredevil lately?

Author: (shifty eyes) No. (shifty eyes)

Ben.Lo Fan: Mmmmm … Ben Affleck.

POTCFans: (grabs pitchforks and torches and chases all annoying Ben Affleck Teeny Mimi Fans out of the story. BATMF all run away screaming)

Jack hesitated as he turned to walk out the door and turned around to face the girl. She looked pitiful in that state. Wet, tired, injured but most of all … desperate for human company. Jack felt that pity ache in his heart. He walked over to Ethel and lifted her up into his arms.

Jack: (whispers) I know who you are love. I've seen your pendant and that man's before.

Before Ethel could even react to this news, Jack leaned in and kissed her.

Dedicated to: Whoever wrote that absolutely hysterical LOTR Mary Sue fanfic here at I'm sorry, but I read it such a long time ago and I forgot your penname. If anyone knows it, I would be ever so happy if you found it. It was about a Mary Sue (whose father was an orc) falling in love with Legolas. Hee!

Fuzzyone – Thanks for your cool review! Mmm, jello (we like to call it jelly here) and Flan. I actually have no idea what Flan is, but it sounds delicious!

Boandpop – Thanks for your review! And I've finally found someone who uses "dude" and "seriously" as well! And aren't all Mary Sue fics comprised of 'large wads of lies and badly thought-out plotlines' anyway? Hee!

…too lazy to log in – Muchos gracias for the review! Yeah, fanfic is so definitely my guilty pleasure.

Ace's Buddy – Did I make an unintentional reference to 50 cent? Oh dear god, if I did, tell me where so I can delete it immediately! Yeah, (raises hand) Buffy nerd here. Is the phrase "pointy contraption" from Buffy too? Because I've been using it for ages and thinking that I was so cool and clever. Huh, guess that that must've seeped into my sub-consciousness!